Combination of marijuana and ecstasy reveals all the secrets of the world

BOULDER, CO-

A local youth discovered the true meaning of existence this week, while "totally partying" on a combination of marijuana and ecstasy.
Brian Pavelovsky, 21, was at a party on Euclid and 10th street, at the home of the Beta Sigma Iotta Fraternity, when the revelation occured.

"Yeah, like, things are jammin pretty good right now," said BSF brother Matt Erment, on the night of the incident. "I'd just like to say that the [BSF] brothers throw a rockin party, and there are like, mad hoochies here, and, oh yeah, Paul Wriggle got his dick sucked by a guy! Dude cause he's gay! And also, some hippie fell in the hottub with his clothes on and now he's totally freaking out."
"Maybe he should go lick Wriggles nuts to calm down, ahhhhht!" added party goer Rod Howell.
It was after falling into the hottub while intoxicated, an experience Pavelovsky described as "like... so, totatlly, weird, like... you know, when you get it all of a sudden. Kind of like sex but like, not with a girl," that the young man had the realization that philosophers have been searching for since the earliest days of civilization.
"I like, saw, in my mind, this tower. It was like this floating tower, and it was getting higher and higher in the sky. And I was getting higher and higher from the buds, and I was just like 'yeah, I get it now!'"
When reporters asked for a more specific description of the meaning of life, Pavelovsky said, "I realized that like, okay, say the world is like this ball floating in space, and all of us are like ants floating on the ball, and then there's these actual ants floating below us, and then other little crap floating below them, then like, where does it all end, right? I know where. I know where."
When pressed to tell just exactly "where it ends", Pavelovsky told reporters, "what? Oh yeah, it's like... out there. Way out there."
The assembled reporters then collectively took a step back, amazed by the discoveries of the brave young drug user, and one even began muttering the word "heavy", over and over again, until two frat brothers accidentally poured beer all over him, and then asked him if he wanted to "suck on Wriggle's wang, cause he's like, totally a homo."

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