But of course, I am the guy who's already admitted to watching "Behind the Music" today, doing my part to make the problem worse, so here's what I have to say for myself: "zombie brain-washing conspiracy." Yeah, you guessed it, zombies are once again at the heart of the problem. Think about it- Eddie Vedder wants to be rich and famous, so he makes a record that people will like, people like it and pay eighteen bucks or so to own it, Eddie gets his cut of the money and becomes rich and famous, then -here's the part to keep your eye on- he bitches about it. Sounds like somebody has a bad case of Little Girl Syndrome. Does Eddie ever mention his big problem with fame to the guy who changes the oil in his Mercedes every few months? I bet that guy might have had some disillusioning experiences in his life too, only his experiences didn't involve huge piles of cash or owning a Mercedes.
Of all the rock stars featured on BTM (abreviations make you cool), Creed were easily the biggest fucking vaginas. Actually, they might be the biggest pussies I've ever heard of, with the possible exception of Walt Disney. Through Behind the Music's network of smut-gathering informers we learn that, as a teen, the singer from Creed ran away from home... for a month. While in college he had sex with... a girl. He got kicked out of college for using... marijuana. This is the kind of kindergarten shit Tommy Lee is only involved in when he has nightmares about being a pussey. Come on, Creed, even Jesus fucked a prostitute. Get off your goddamn god-rocker asses and go commit some fucking crimes! Get some 14 year old groupie to give you a blow job on an airplane... right in front of everyone. Go back to your old college... and burn it down in a coke-fueled frenzy. Buy some marijuana... and give it away to Jr High kids at your shows. Or else just get your asses (or as you might know them, the flabby things that other guys balls slap against) off the damn t.v. and make way for some serious morons. Like Heart. Or Ozzy. Or Lita Ford. Even John Tesh makes you guys look a little pansyish.
Where's the fucking justice? I realize "Lame Internet Homepage Comedian" isn't exactly the most important role to be filled, but at least it's not the most bafflingly, irritatingly ridiculous. His job is "Get Free Money, Fuck Hot Chicks."