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 This page is devoted to the discussion of classic cinema and television. And by "discussion" I mean drinking games and barely coherent reviews written right after I played the drinking games. And by "classic cinema" I mean mostly John Carpenter/Kurt Russel movies and old cartoons. And while I'm admitting things, by "devoted" I mean I'll probably just put whatever I want on this page with little to no thought given to continuity. And last time I was at your house I stole $20 from your mom's purse. And also I'm your father. Sorry you had to find out this way, kiddo. WARNING: You should not play any of these drinking games. They're just supposed to be funny. They may kill you if you actually play them. Don't actually play them. Don't even drink. If you think you might be overcome by the urge to actually play them if you read them, turn back. Don't read them. Let's just consider this page off-limits. Unless you're legal drinking age, don't even finish reading the warning, just go do something else. Learn a trade. I'm sorry we don't live in a world where people are held responsible for their behavior to the point where a stupid internet comedian has to put disclaimers on jokes to prevent the parents of dead morons from suing him, but that's life. I apologize to any non-morons who had to sit through this, who wouldn't do something to kill themselves just because their computer told them a joke about it. |
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A long time ago, cops used to be kindly Irish guys who walked down the street whistling and helping little girls find their mommies. Then in the sixties, Joe Friday invented tough guy cops, paving the way for the police-brutality antics of Dirty Harry in the seventies. Support the corrosion of justice and the tightening of the police state noose by having a little drink-a-long time with this bad cop/bad cop classic. (Note-- I don't know what I'm talking about) | ... | |
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They said it couldn't happen. I proved them wrong. Here's the evidence: A full-fledged, feature length, tour-de-force drinking game, for use in the watching and playing of the National Passtime. So just put that in your pipe and smoke it, assuming it hasn't already shoved your pipe up your ass and started flogging you with it's own coolness. Also, if you'd like to read a feature on Baseball, you can do so here. If you just want to turn on the game and start drinking, click here. |
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Chunk. Data. Mikey. Mouth. Brand. Sloth. Two girls. They're all here, and they're all ready for action. Binge drinking action. If you're in trouble, if now one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you should call on Goonies! Also note the review of this one of a kind classic is augmented with a special guest star/drinking game specialist. Meaning that for your $0.00 you now get double the vision-blurring action! |
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The Foxy Mouse proudly presents a drinking game of epic proportions: the film that basically drew the line in the sand between the backward-ass days of long ago and the modern age of unmitigated coolness, Seven Samurai is rendered here complete with insight, wit, charts, and seven drinkable rules to further your enjoyment of this classic badass film. (NOTE- that is the longest sentence I've ever written.) |
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Now you can binge (UPDATE- and purge!) along with all five Rocky movies, thanks to the Foxy Mouse. That's right, for the low low cost of nothing, you can enjoy the wacky adventures of Rocky, Adrian, Pauly, Micky, Apollo and all their zany friends, right from the comfort of your living room! It's so easy, even you could do it, slob! And while you're here, ask yourself the question, "Is it madness to enjoy Rocky films?" To which I reply, "No." "But," you begin again, "is it madness to enjoy them all in a row while slamming beers for twelve hours?" Read the log account of the time me and my friends did just that, and you be the judge. -- Rocky 1, Rocky 2, Rocky 3, Rocky 4, Rocky 5 |
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| Here you can learn how to kick ass, Brad Pitt style. Or even Edward Norton style, if you want. But most importantly, this page will help you make a new friend: Alcoholism, the friend who's always there for you, as long as you have money. And if you don't have money, there's always begging. So go panhandle ten bucks, buy yourself a pint of Gordon's Vodka and rent Fight Club, and settle in for a night of rediscovering yourself, your best friend Alcoholism, and the Emergency Room. | |||
 The 21st Century Dirty Dozen |
The Ultimate Dirty Dozen is the ideal team of yesterday's action mega-stars I'd send into the depths of Nazi Germany to take on evil in it's purest form. And Dolph Lundgren. As He-Man. Villainy, prepare your ass for a new atmosphere. An atmosphere of kicking! The Dirty Dozen of the 21st Century represents the best defense Hollywood currently has against the possibility of a new generation of Nazis, or possibly an undead version of the original generation of Nazis. Could they save us? |
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On this page I talk about the lack of Dirty Dozen remakes in the world, as well as the lack of action stars to act in them. I also talk a bit about the current war on terrorism (even if you read this in 2025, it will still probably be the "current war on terrorism") and address other issues both social and political, here and abroad, with both insight and blinding stupidity. And as a bonus, I mention Escape from New York. | ||
| This page is devoted getting drunk while watching the inspired film series that introduced the world to Aussie Paul Hogan... I mean Aussie Mel Gibson. And where would we be without him. Imagine a world with no Beyond Thunderdome, Lethal Weapon, or Crocodile Dundee in LA. It's almost as terrifying as the post-apocolypse outback of Mad Max and Road Warrior. I don't even want to think about it. In fact, I don't want to think about anything, so I'm going to play the Mad Max drinking game! | |||
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Here's a page where you can learn to drink along with Kurt Russel, plus John Carpenter, plus 10,000,000 Ninjas in the classic, Big Trouble in Little China. "How'd they fit such a large trouble into that tiny little China," you ask? Well, "it's all in the reflexes, bitch!" |
