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Name: Mr. T
Codename: Clubber Lang
Ultimate Badass Movie: Rocky III (1982) |
You have to have Mr. T. Sure, almost everyone on this team could kick insane Nazi ass, but once the ass-kicking is done, who's going to do the insane ass-throwing, helluva far? So you need Mr. T if for no other reason than to clear a path through the Nazi-littered ground, so the pain can continue. Also, between battles, the guys will probably get pretty lonely, and Mr. T's gold chains could easily pay for 40,000 whores, if it came down to that. And Bruce Willis alone needs at least half that many. |
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Name: Jean Claude Van Dame
Codename: Frank Dux
Ultimate Badass Movie: Bloodsport (1988) |
Okay, I'd have a lot more nice things to say about this guy if it wasn't for Street Fighter, but he does do some pretty cool flying roundhouse kicks, and he can do them blind. That's got to come in handy at least once. |
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Name: Charles Bronson
Codname: Paul Kersey
Ultimate Badass Movie: Death Wish (1974) |
Every team of nearly super-heroic soldiers needs an old man to give them guidance and direction. A rag-tag team of misfits and convicts doesn't become the ultimate Nazi-killing machine by itself. Charles Bronson could be the father figure Mad Max never had. Plus, he already has experience being a part of the Dirty Dozen, as he was still a badass way back in 1968. |
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Name: Bruce Willis
Codename: Det. John McClane
Ultimate Badass Movie: Die Hard (1988)
| Okay, he might not be as tough as say, Rambo, and he doesn't say nearly as many cool things as Snake Plissken or Dirty Harry, but what if the Nazis somehow invented an airplane? Who else is going to destroy it from the ground using only his razor-sharp wits and his trusty .9mm? Only John "The Human Anti-Aircraft Detective" McCline is proven to be up to the task. |
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Name: Kurt Russell
Codename: Snake Plissken
Ultimate Badass Movie: Escape From New York (1981) |
Every team needs a guy who's just pissed the hell off all the time. Otherwise, no one learns the true meaning of friendship at the end. At some point in the Dirty Dozen remake, someone, I'm not saying it has to be Dolph Lundgen, but someone, needs to get wounded and fall into Snake's arms.
Dolph- (breathing heavily) "They got me pretty bad, Snake, you better just leave me here. Go on, I'm done for."
Snake- (camera slowly goes into a closup of his face) "Hey... hey now, don't talk like that. It's gonna be okay buddy. Cm'on, I'll get you outta here. You're gonna be fine."
Dolph- "Goodbye, Commrade, it was... really... something... wasn't it, unnnngh..." (dies in Snake's arms)
Snake- "No... NO! You killed Dolph you midievil dickweeds!" |
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Name: Bruce Campbell
Codename: Ash J. Williams
Ultimate Badass Movie: Evil Dead II: Dead By Dawn (1987) |
Now, I've read enough comic books about Dubya Dubya II to know that the Nazi's didn't just fight with human soldiers, they fought with zombies and terrible monsters created by science gone bad. So the team is going to need an expert at fighting the evil creations of mad Nazi scientists, and the walking undead. Someone who knows how to fight... the Evil and the Dead. |
