There are two kinds of movies out there, movies about a bunch of boring crap and monkeys getting loose in fancy hotels and fish-out-of-water hijinks and Glenn Close and other shit you don't want to see, and then there's Mad Max. Well, really the whole Mad Max trilogy is God, but this page is devoted to the o.g. of Road Warrior mayhem, Mad Max I.

The film tells the story of Max Rocketansky (ROCKETANSKY!!!), a cop in the post-apocolyptic future awaiting us all "a few years from now...." Although technically, I'm not sure if it can be considered a "story," in that the whole thing is mostly just random disconnected violence, interspersed with random scenes of creepy birds flying around. If I were a dirty fuck piece of hippy shit, I might tell you that the movie was "ON ACID!!! HA HA HA!!!" Of course, if I were a hippy, I'd probably never even have seen the movie, as it would have caused my frail Phish following pudwacker ass to poop out a little cement statue of Jim Morrison, who would then scold me for being such a waste of skin. Because this movie is that awesome. Cement poop = awesome.

In fact, the movie originally featured, in addition to Mad Max and his bitchin Camero, Mr. T, the Ramones and 200 ninjas, but all that had to be cut, as it made the movie so cool only Andre the Giant could watch it without it destroying him. So now its just Mad Max. Or at least, after his wife and infant child are crushed under the wheels of futuristic Australian Hell's Angels, and after his dog is killed by a crossbow-toting maniac, and after his strong inclination towards police brutality and raining holy hell down on people who drive too fast forces him to quite his cop-of-the-future job, its just Mad Max. Note- when you're a cop and you like to kick ass so much that you step over the line and have to leave your job with the "Maximum Force Patrol," for Christ's sake, you know you're probably a reasonably hard ass son of a bitch, along the lines of Robocop or Sataan. Oh yeah, lots of guys talk about using "Maximum Force," but how many of them are really willing to chain a suspect to a wrecked truck that's about to explode, and then suggest he can go free if he saws off his own ankle. That's the kind of Joe Friday-style police work you just don't see anymore.

But what can one lowly guy like myself really say about this movie. See it, drink to it, allow it to molest you like a mormon kid at a family reunion and make you like it, you sick piece of shit.

Max's car go 'vroom! vroom!'
This guy is so fucked.
Max can't walk a straight line, and you shouldn't be able to either. So here is the Mad Max: Maximum Beligerency Patrol Drinking Game. Warning: Don't kill yourself while playing this drinking game, you cockeyed bastard.
Rules:
1. Anytime there is an explosion, take a drink.
2. Anytime there is a car wreck, take a drink.
3. Anytime there is a car chase, take one drink for every car or motorcycle involved in the chase.
4. Anytime Mad Max kills anyone, take a drink.
Example: if Mad Max kills someone by wrecking their car and causing it to explode during a car chase involving two cars and a motorcycle (and God knows he will), take six drinks. Oh yeah Sister, welcome the pain!
5. Anytime anyone says anything ridiculously Australian or just really damn stupid, take a drink. As always, if anyone involved in the game thinks that something qualifies, everybody drinks. (Note: this rule works best if you watch the non-dubbed version of the movie.)
6. Anytime a weird bird appears randomly and it doesn't make any damn sense, take a drink.
7. As in any good drinking game, anytime anyone is naked, you have yourself a drink. And one topless person plus one bottomless person equals a whole naked person.
Click here to go back to the Movies Page
Unless you're Andre the Giant, don't click on the above picture to see the Mr. T/Mad Max Comic, as it might kill you, and it will definately make you eat things that it found on the floor in the lunch room.