ROCKY IV
The ROCKY IV Drinking Game

General "Rocky" Movie Rules:
  • As always, anytime anyone playing thinks that a character says something badass, everyone playing should drink.
  • Anytime anyone is punching in slow motion, take a drink.
  • At the beginning and end of training scenes, take a drink, plus one extra drink if the training involves Rocky running up the big steps.
  • Don't let Pauly drink alone! Take a drink each time he is drinking.
  • The only way to make Rocky's jokes seem funny is to drink each time he tells one.
    Heavyweight Alcoholic Rule- Everytime the "Theme from Rocky" is played, drink.
    Heavyweight Alcoholic Rule- (for use when watching multiple movies in a row) Rocky has pets in some movies, but not in others. Also, he shouldn't fight in "Rocky II" because of his bad eye, but it's no big deal after that. His son's god damn name changes between the fourth and fifth movies. Anytime you notice a continuity error or anything weird like that, take a drink.
    Special Rules for "Rocky IV"
  • Whenever the screen is full of U.S. flags, take a drink. NOTE- when I was playing all the games in a row, this is the one that almost killed me, be careful with it, and modify it for your level of ability, this should just be a game, not a suicide attempt, you crazy fuck.
  • Whenever the screen is full of U.S.S.R. flags, take a drink.
  • Whenever there's a shitty robot on the screen, take a drink.
  • Whenever you see someone in uniform, take a drink.
    Some examples of lines you should drink for in "Rocky IV"-
    Drago: If he dies, he dies.

    Drago: I will break you.

    Rocky: I see three of him out there!
    Pauly: Hit the one in the middle.
    		• The full name of this movie should have been “Rocky IV: Rocky Buys A Fucking Robot”, because when they were working on the screenplay, some Sylvester Stallone Handler forgot to tell him that it was a stupid idea to have Rocky buy a fucking robot, leading to a scene in “Rocky IV” where Rocky buys a fucking robot! It’s probably the dumbest thing that’s ever happened, including that time when a bunch of wealthy Germans thought it was a good idea to fly around the air in a vehicle made almost entirely of hydrogen gas, and then that time when the damn thing exploded and everyone was totally shocked. But the robot thing does serve to set up both of the major themes of the movie. Theme One (or, if you prefer, Theme A)- Rocky buys a robot: robots are stupid: Dolph Lundgren is kind of like a robot, in that he can’t act and totally sucks: therefore, Dolph Lundgren is stupid. Theme Two (or, if you prefer, Theme 2)- Rocky buys a robot: robots are stupid: the people of the Soviet Union are kind of like robots, in that no one can understand what they’re saying and they might not even really exist: therefore, the people of the Soviet Union are stupid. So while “Rocky IV” losses some points for having Rocky buy a fucking robot, it gets some points back for being the truest movie ever filmed.
    The first theme is pretty obvious, anyone who’s ever seen Dolph Lundgren on screen long enough to choke out a line or two knows he’s a waste of the steel they used to build him, but the second theme deserves a closer look. The movie seems to be saying that, though the USSR was a technologically superior country of almost limitless wealth, power, discipline, and steroids, they were no match for the incongruous American combination of old-fashioned ingenuity and Vegas-style panache. It’s like Russia was the Empire- faceless robotic killing machines, and the sturdy, cave-dwelling fuzzballs of America were the Ewoks. It’s as though America won the Cold War in spite of it’s meager resources and lack of formal training by holding high it’s honorary degree from the School of Hard Knocks as it road into battle atop an elephant riding another elephant named “Showmanship the Amazing Elephant”.
    And yeah, I’d say that basically describes the Cold War, or more accurately, it describes the Cold War that never took place on the planet “Neverhappened B-17” on the other, non-existent end of the universe. But not so much the Cold War we had here. The Cold War here was really nothing like “Rocky IV”. But Dolph Lundgren does eat ass, and that’s probably the more important lesson taught to us by the movie. And one out of two ain’t bad in my book.














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