Foxy_Mouse_Updates

Tuesday June 18 2002- In case either of you had wondered where I've been for the last month and a half, I've been working on a new site. I've been busy taking all of the least shitty stuff from this place and rewriting it (and spell checking it), and moving it to the new URL, which should be up within the week. At that point, I'll be getting rid of most of this garbage and changing the main pages to insta-links to the new site. In case you're curious, the URL will be www.oocities.org/sports_and_leisure, and it will be way less bad than what I've been doing for the last six months on the Foxy Mouse. See you in a week or so.

Friday May 3 2002- The site may be down this weekend so GeoCities can do whatever it is they do for a living. If you have trouble accessing anything you might be better off just trying back on Monday, they won't let me Update anymore until then anyway.

In other news, I'll be attending the premier of "Spider-Man: the Movie", this weekend, as well as finishing up fixing my computer, meaning that you, even though you don't even almost deserve it, and even though if my life has one single purpose, it's hating you, your family, and your affiliates, will soon be able to read regular (as in, "he regularly rubs his wife's face into her dinner") Updates on this site, now fueled by my untamed love of Spider-Man, and also possibly his Amazing Friends. Until next time, True Believers!

Wednesday May 1 2002- Today had more nutty news stories than any day I can remember. Fortunately for you, the Never-Ending Rant was there to scoop them all up and compile them for easy digestion.
Also new on the Articles Page, another Headline. It's the kind of thing Something Awful would call "Area man does something downright wacky!" humor, but with an area woman doing something pretty normal and irritating instead.

In my fucking computer is broken news, I'm enlisting some help as we speak, and it should be up and running by tommorrow night, meaning that the bigger updates will begin happening soon. Until then, I bid you farewell.

Tuesday April 30 2002- My computer puked it's guts out a little bit the other day, which is why there haven't been any updates, and also why this update is so small. Things should be back in order in the next couple days, though, at which time (or shortly after), a super-brand-new-happy-fun-time Comic will be up. But for now, there are two new Headlines on the Articles Page. In the first one I use my lame comedy skills to attack other people with lame comedy skills, sitcom writers (who unlike me, get paid for this kind of stupid shit). The second one is about mechanics. Evil mechanics. Peace-out, ho's.

Wednesday April 24 2002- Wa-BAM! I just put up three new HEADLINES on the Articles Page. One is about a high school kid and his janitor dad, one is about a man suing the world, and the other is called "Perfect Opportunity to Trash Starbucks Marred by Peace Protest". And as an added bonus, I've written them all in English! Enjoy, my English speaking friends!

Tuesday April 23 2002- Another classic action film becomes an unwitting stooge in my plans for world domination! Domination in the form of rammbling incessently about sub-retarded nonsense! This time, I've set my sights squarely on the original badass movie, Dirty Harry, and I've written a new drinking game, plus an article on the importance of democracy in the criminal underworld, hidden in the guise of a review. "Now, I know what you're thinking: Did I fire six shots, or only five? Well to tell you the truth, in all this confusion I kind of forgot myself. But considering that this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun on Earth, I guess you have to ask yourself one question, 'Do I feel lucky?'. Well, do you, punk?

Friday April 19 2002- Big Fat Update
There's now a new addition to the Rant, a page and game on the film Road Warrior, a sorely needed redesign of the Mad Max page/game, and and and a new Baseball Drinking Game! Oh my god, that's a lot of new shit. I rule.

Monday April 15 2002- Two nights of drinking have birthed a labor of love. On the all new Comics Page you can check out the first in a series of mis-adventures starring the lovable Mexicans, the Mijos! Well, I'm exhausted from the opening game of the Colorado Drunken Baseball League of America season, so I'm going now, but there should be a small flurry of updates coming in the next two or three days. For now, enjoy the Mijos.

Friday April 12 2002-Welcome to a new age of online-excitement! It's gone Goonies, Goonies, Goonies today on the site, with a huge new review of the classic adventure film, tons (a couple) of exclusive screen shots, and two, count them, TWO drinking games, one written by me, and another written by special guest star, Holly Peterson! Yeah, I'm watching out for you.

Wednesday April 10 2002- There's a bunch of new articles up! First, there are two new headlines about drugs and bags. Then, the Never-Ending Rant lives up to it's name, by not ending. And finally, to prove my commitment to quality, Clarissa has been brought back again, this time to explain the Enron scandal. Have fun reading, and also have fun pulling my foot out of your ass when you're done.

Sunday April 7 2002- If you've ever been watching a Japanese movie and thought to yourself, "this is pretty cool, but I prefer movies with less rape", then today's update is for you! On the newly redone Film and Television Page there is a review and drinking game for the pinacle of Japanese film-making, Seven Samurai.

Friday April 5 2002- You lucky bastards. I just put up two new "Headlines", another installment of the "Rant", and, dum-da-dum-daaa... another "Clarissa Explains" feature! And guess what? You can find them all on the newly redesigned Articles Page! Let's just call it a little down payment on your heart.

Wednesday April 3 2002- New on the Articles Page, Headlines. Fake news stories written like newspaper articles about things that didn't happen, and, as if that weren't enough, they're also really short! So enjoy. I'm in the process of redesigning the site again, but there should still be updates throughout the week.

Tuesday April 2 2002- More of the Never-Ending Rant!

Friday March 29 2002- 5 DAYS OF ROCKY MADNESS, DAY 5
Sadly, it's over. Rocky V completes our little odyssey into madness. But fret not, my children, for tomorrow is another day, and as long as we've got each other, we've got the world spinning right in our hands, baby, rain or shine, all the time, we got each other, sharing the laughter and love. Sharing the laughter and love.

Thursday March 28 2002- 5 DAYS OF ROCKY MADNESS, DAY 3 AND 4
Okay, I don't really know what the hell happened. But I'm back today with two new Rocky reviews, III and IV. Also, the Never Ending Rant strikes again! And if that wasn't enough to appease you bastards, I've also, in an attempt to get the "stupid" content of my site down to sub-dangerous levels, gone through the Articles Page with my editor, Lil' Birthday Boy, and we've rewritten the Soul Patch Article, and the first page of the Boulder, CO Article. Plus I fixed the numerous spelling errors in the Zombie Rockers Article. I'll be turning my cold, hard scalpel to the Movies Page, soon, to trim some of the fat off that sum-bitch as well.

Tuesday March 26 2002- 5 DAYS OF ROCKY MADNESS, DAY 2
As promised, Rocky II, is up, with a special bonus treat: my take on a sixth installment to the Rocky series, Rocky-O: Story of Rocky! Stay tuned for more 5DORM excitement.

Monday March 25 2002- 5 DAYS OF ROCKY MADNESS, DAY 1
I survived watching the Rocky series and playing all five drinking games yesterday, and because it took 12 full hours to get through and required the help, laser-vision, and freeze breath of my Super-Pal Sara, I have not yet been able to completely type up all of the log entries. Therefore, we'll begin the 5DORM week right where we probably should, with Rocky I. Enjoy.
The log should be up tomorrow, along with the review and drinking game for Rocky II

Saturday March 23 2002- Here's a nice big update for yall! It took forever, but there is now a "Clarissa Explains It All" Comic up, complete with zombie mayhem, and the word "Ferg" combined with many other words, such as "bait". Also the Gay Secret Page is now officially useless as I've put all of it's contents in new places and removed all of the links to it besides that one right there. So now there's a Site Map you can get to from the Main Page, a companion piece to the Golden Girls Comic, the Golden Girls Quote Factory, and (more Clarissa stuff? Jesus.) a companion piece to the Clarissa Explains: Daterape Article, Spider-Man and the Power Pack Explain: Daterape.
Holy shit that's a lot of new stuff! And here's the big news: tomorrow, I will be watching all 5 Rocky films and playing all five Rocky Drinking Games IN A ROW. What does this mean for you? It means that beginning on Monday there will be a log of my experiences getting alcohol poisoning while watching Sylvester Stallone get pittied by Mr. T, and a new review/drinking game of a Rocky movie posted every week day on the Film and TV Page! It's called Five Days of Rocky Madness. Get ready for it.

Thursday March 21 2002- Sometimes, it's the little things that make the big thing great. Today's updates (the little things) make me (the big thing) THE GREATEST LIVING MAN! I've officially beat-out Bill Murray for GLM status. Now I just have to wait for him to mount a comeback, but don't worry- I've got him right where I want him.
Oh yeah, since this is the Updates Page I'll tell you the Updates now. The Articles Page has been ever-so-slightly tinkered with, and I fixed the problem with the pictures on the second page of the George Washington Zombie Article. And then I accidently deleted the first page. Don't worry, I'll be putting it back up as soon as I get home from work. (Update 12:30AM- It's up!)I also renovated the Family Ties Comic, removing all the Page-Builder shit and making it look better. The other thing I did was made a new little mouse rollover effect for the navigator icons.
So you see, I didn't do anything big, and while I was doing it I accidently fucked something up, and yet, still great. The GREATEST, in fact.

Tuesday March 19 2002- The Never Ending Rant continues! Read about the exciting possibility that you can sue your parents for giving birth to you, and also learn more about the end of the world than you probably want to know!

Monday March 18 2002- You've been waiting for it, now it's here: the opinions of a character from a 1990's cable kid's show regarding the most serious and frightening events of our time, Clarissa Explains: War. More new stuff should be up tommorrow, and I've officially declared the SECRET PAGE too gay too worry about anymore (note, when I say "gay", I don't mean "homosexual", as I believe in a person's right to do whatever they want with their genitals as long as their genitals aren't razor sharp ninja-stars and as long as they don't throw their killer genitals at me while I'm sleeping, I just mean, "bad"), so if you find it, great, you're a genius, if you don't, it doesn't matter because all of the content on that page is going to find it's way into the site soon enough. As if anyone cared.

Sunday March 17 2002- The Boulder Article now has two new pages, dealing with the extrodinary events that befell my pal Sara this weekend. Read along, and it will be like we hung out together! Pretend we are friends who were simultaniously forced to ask ourselves the question:

Does Phish = ><> ?

Friday March 15 2002- New on the Film and TV Page, Fight Club and The Ultimate Dirty Dozen Part 2, the Dirty Dozen of the 21st Century. Now your weekend won't suck afterall!
As for the SECRET PAGE, the whole idea was kind of retarded, but here's your hint: Clarissa Explains: Date Rape, and The Golden Girls Comic. See if you can find it. Challenge your friends! You don't have friends? I'll be your friend! Go fix me some lunch, friend!

Wednesday March 13 2002- There's a new feature on the Articles Page, The Never-Ending Rant. It just sort of a running commentary on the daily news, because there isn't enough obvious pseudo topical humor out there. Also, all of the Main Pages have a new logo thingy on them that I made, and the Easter Egg Hunt for the SECRET PAGE continues.

Sunday March 10 2002- Both the Golden Girls Comic and the Mr. T vs Mad Max Comic have been redone but are still basically the same. In more exciting news, the Easter Season has begun, and call me a sucker for the holidays, but I've initiated the first annual Foxy Mouse Easter Hunt. I've created a SECRET PAGE, with links to it hidden a few places around the site. The page contains companion pieces to some of the other things on the site and more goodies will be added to it soon. Also, I'll be dropping hints in the coming days about how to find the page. Good luck!

Saturday March 9 2002- My ever-expanding quest for the 2002 Winter Olympic Gold Medal in Narcissism continues, this time with an Article entirely About me. My plans for the article to be entirely self-glorifying were dashed, however, when the whole thing was hijacked by my arch-nemesis and favorite cuddly competitor, Bad Batz Maru, who gave me the tongue-lashing I truly deserved.

Friday March 8 2002- The Links Page has been redone and new links have been added. There's just nothing at all funny about that. And I'm not even going to try to pretend there is. I've decided.

Thursday March 7 2002- I've updated the Zombie Rockers Article using only my wits and my fists, and it looks prettier now and has 5% more humor and 100% more pictures of Beast-Man.

Wednesday March 6 2002- I'm back from my birthday break and I've got some new stuff. There's an Article about Baseball up, featuring my opinions and other gay things about about a variety of unrelated topics, as well as the sport itself. Then, when you've had so much Baseball hilarity you can't possibly imagine laughing any more without having an accident, I come along and cover you in piss with the revised Boulder, CO Page. It's a new update of my first article from the old Zombies Page, featuring a whole new page of good shit. How's all that sound?

Friday March 1 2002- Okay mas new shit is up. First, my half-assed rant that began on the Escape From New York Page has become a full-blown Carnival of Lame, in the form a two-part Ultimate Dirty Dozen extravaganza! Also, there's a new Article up, detailing my never-ending quest against Soul Patches, the Mullets of a new generation. Stay tuned for more stuff, chillins'.

Wednesday February 27 2002- I've redone the old Big Trouble in Little China Page It still sounds like something Louis Black might write if he caught Retarded and then suffered a head wound, but it looks better now, and it's longer. I also fixed the Film and Television Page, so give me a smiley face and let me have two desserts.

Tuesday February 26 2002- There's a new review/drinking game up on the Film and TV Page, starring the Kurt Russell/John Carpenter classic, Escape from New York. To be honest, it's fairly incoherent, and I end up talking about a lot of reasonably unrelated bullshit most of the time, but hell, it's still free.

Monday February 25 2002- As you probably noticed, the new Main Page is up. Fresh Articles, Comics, and Reviews will be up shortly, and I'll also keep updating the old stuff, putting it into the new format. But for now, you can just sit and marvel at the Main Page some more. Ahhh, that's nice.

Saturday February 23 2002- Massive renovation is happening at the Foxy Mouse. After three months of looking like complete hell, many of the pages have been redone and almost everything has been reorganized. The About Page should help you to find everything. There will be a new Main Page up in a week or less. I'm going to try to make it look real nice for y'all. So anyway, I hope you enjoy the new look of the pages. Various renovations will be happening throughout the next few weeks as well as some new content. Check back for updates.

Friday February 22 2002- Both the Mail Page and this page have been redone using my own burgeoning HTML skills. Also there's a new letter from a psycho. Soon enough the whole muthafucka be in my own HTML. Who cares!

Thursday February 21 2002- There are now two new dealies on the Features Page. One is a lesson in date rape from yesteryear's hit sensation, Clarissa Darling. The other is an in depth look at the devil. And it just might feature a couple of pics of superstar entertaintress, Elizebeth Hurley!

Tuesday February 19 2002- Just in time for his birthday, I've put up a new Zombie Article on George Washington. The article features the newest member of the Foxy Mouse family, Flash and Sizzle Jem_TM. You can learn more about her and the rest of the Foxy Mouse reporters on the new Get to Know the Foxy Mouse Reporters Page! And to celebrate the fact that I'm learning an actual skill, the whole two-part story was done in HTML! Instead of this pussy-ass Page Builder shit! The wonders never fucking cease around here!

Sunday February 17 2002- CAVE IN DISASTER!- Due to a sudden cave in at the door of my apartment, I was trapped inside all weekend with nothing to do but "work"! The result: A four page "Family Ties" comic has been added to the Comics Page.

Friday February 15 2002- Okay, for the benefit of both of my loyal readers, Amanda and Timmy (right), I have finally updated again. A whole grip of Haikus have been added to the Kung-Fu Haiku Page, due to the fact that I have nothing to do on Valentine's Day besides host my weekly Anthony Michael Hall Fan Club meeting. Also, the Mr. T vs. Mad Max comic you've both been so excited about is finished, and it's located on both the Mad Max Page, because it features Mad Max, and on the Comics Page, because I arbitrarily inserted zombies into the story in keeping with my gimmick. In an effort to kiss ass I've also done away with the Fiction Page in favor of the new Links Page. Rock, Titty, rock!

Timmy Van Keegle - Fifth Grade - William Henry Harrison Elementary, Holden, UT. He likes this site because we have the same first name. Go Timmy! Yeah, go!

Amanda Mapleton - Fourth Grade - Roberto Clemente Elementery, Doyle's Town, NJ. Hobbies: Eating cake, preparing to become a brooding goth kid in Jr. High.

Sunday January 6 2002- The holidays are finally over and I can get back to work. There's now a Mad Max page up in the Features section, complete with Mr. T vs. Mad Max comic, because that's what the world needs most right now.

Thursday December 27 2001- Okay, I didn't get as much done as I would have if I weren't a sack of shit, but the rock stars article on the Articles Page is now complete, with new zombie head pictures. Also, the Reader Mail page has a bitchin email on it from some guy named "R. R." More good shit on the way!

Sunday December 23 2001- A new article is up on the Zombie Page, a warning against the undead forces of whiny rock stars. I'm visiting my parents (or "'rents" for those of you Seventeen readers out there) for the holidays, however, and so there won't be any pictures on the new page until I can get back to the awesome zombie-head-picture-editing computing power of my personal computer.

Tuesday December 19 2001- The first Zombie Comic is up! Look for additions to the Features Page and maybe also the Zombie Articles page later this week. And maybe also another Zombie Comic if I start feeling industrious. The Fiction Page is still probably going to be empty for a while, as it's just a little bit more fun to crudely attach zombie heads to pictures of celebrities than to fix up a story and put it on here.

Monday December 18 2001- The site is up and everything is new! On the Articles Page there is a Zombie Article, on the Features Page there is a "Big Trouble in Little China" section and a few Kung-Fu Haikus and Limmericks, and you can learn about the site in the About This Site section. Enjoy! There isn't anything in the Fiction section yet, also there are no Zombie Comics yet, but more things will be up as the week goes on.