ALL NEW!!
Hiya folks, and welcome to the very first edition of "you hypocritical asshat" (pronounced ass-hat), where we take a look at some hypocritical asshat as he or she appears in the media. As this is the first edition I will be setting the rules and guidelines as I go (don't expect much from either department).
5/23/05 - Today's hypocritical asshat is a lawyer (please hold your judgment until he opens his trap) who lectures about video game violence and how it corrupts our nations youth more than sex, drugs, alcohol, Martians, and spoiled mayonnaise combined. What follows will be a short interview between an impartial (seriously, he shows incredible restraint) interviewer and the lawyer. The bold text represents questions asked, the lightface text represents the lawyer's answers, and the red text will be comments expressing my humble opinion. In the interest of not offending my ENTIRE audience (both of them) in the first issue, I'll try to keep things PG-13.
But first we'll hear from
Jack Thompson, a
Miami attorney and video game regulation advocate.
Jack has been one of the most outspoken and visible critics of "violent
entertainment." He has represented victims of "video game-related violence" and
in 1992, the American Civil Liberties Union named him one of its "top ten"
censors of the year. (now there's an honor... hi
again folks, just letting you know what my comments will look like. ya
know, incase you forgot already... or are "special")
What constitutes violence in video games?
There's no real debate over that (then why are you here).
Any M-rated game has violence levels unacceptable and definitionally harmful to
anyone under 17 (good thing you become immune to
suggestion at the age of 18). The industry will rue the day it accepted
this labeled scheme (they're shaking already, really).
What percentage of all games made would you say are violent, based upon your
previous definition of violence in video games?
This gets to a fundamental lie being propagated by the video game industry.
(convenient)
GTA [Grand Theft Auto series] has sold 30 million units, with San Andreas
expected to hit 20 million on its own. It's the #1 seller in the world right
now. That fact alone does not square with ISA and ESRB's dodge that "the
majority of games are not violent or M-rated." What matters is how many units
delivered are violent, and to whom they are being delivered.
(so... you don't know?)
How many hate or violent crimes would you say are linked to or directly
related to violence in video games?
I have no earthly idea, and no one can guess at that
(again... then why are you running your mouth). I can tell you that some
crimes would not occur but for the violent entertainment
(some crimes would not occur but for the invention of the spork, you got
something against the spork?). For the families of the deceased, that is
the only statistic that matters.
Does age or sex play a factor in violent, aggressive behavior?
Sure, the sex and violence centers of the brain overlay one another
(so THAT's why ninja chicks are so hot!), which is
why the increasing mix of sex and violence is troubling. Armies have been known
to go on rape rampages after battles because the violence stimulates sexual
aggression. How lovely that GTA weds sex and violence in the same game
(it also teaches good financial book keeping though, you get your money back if
you run the hooker over after you.... wait did I say I would keep this PG-13?).
We are training a generation of teens to combine sex with violence, just what
America needs (he's absolutely right, America needs more
lawyers instead, someone has to fight for the rights of idiots that spill coffee
on themselves).
Is there a correlation between playing violent video games and acting in a
violent manner?
Of course. Every parent who is paying attention knows that it is garbage in,
garbage out with kids (I think he just lost his 5 - 18
year old demograph fan base).
The heads of six major health care organizations testified before Congress that
there are "hundreds" of studies that prove the link. All the video game industry
has are studies paid for by them (sounds kinda like they
have LAWYERS working for them as well, asshat), which are geared to find
the opposite result (no shit? they hire people to
try to defend them? those bastards). Lawyers call such experts
"whores." (and that makes you.....?)
Is gaming escapism?
Yes, just as Ted Bundy escaped into pornography (entirely
relevant to the topic at hand). It is not a release of aggression. It is
training for aggression (exactly, we all remember the
tragic goomba slaughter following the release of the Mario games).
Do you think the interactivity of game violence makes it different than
violence on television, which is passive?
Of course, as you actually grow neural pathways called dendrites
(ok that IS the name of a cell structure responsible for carrying electronic
signals through your nervous system) that enable you to perform more
easily the physical acts of violence (um... no.
I'm sorry [no I'm not] but that is complete and utter bullshit). Plus,
from a psychological perspective, to act out of virtual violence in a virtual
setting is far more damaging than just viewing it. You enter into the violence,
you become the protagonist.
Different mediums, as they've come along, have had their share of
controversy. From pulp horror and graphic novels, to movies, music and
television; is this part of a cycle?
Yes, it is the last cycle (how prophetic). These
are murder simulators. Manhunt has been called the video game equivalent of a
snuff film. I am working with an Oakland, CA prosecutor
(read: they wouldn't give this guy a whole case to handle by him self)
in a murder trial in which the older gang members used GTA 3 to train
teens to do carjackings and murders (would you rather they
take practice runs on the street?). The Army uses these games to break
down the inhibition to kill of new recruits (the army uses
all means necessary to turn intelligent young men into spirit broken, slogan
spewing, order following, patriotic meat shields).
Look at the Institute for Creative Technologies created by DOD to create these
killing games. Tax dollars paid to the industry to create the games to suppress
the inhibition to kill, and then the industry turns around and sells these games
to kids (might has well make back some of the cash they
lost). One instance is Pandemic Studio's Full Spectrum Warrior. If it
works for soldiers, of course it works for teens (because
all teenagers are soldiers). The video game industry has absolutely no
rebuttal to that argument (hmm, funny that you forgot to
mention the video game industry in the series of events above....). NONE.
Is the self-imposed rating system for video games enough? Is the ESRB
working? What is the relevance of a rating system for video games if the powers
that be will black-list certain games because of their graphic content?
No, of course it's not working (if there wasn't at least a
shadow of a doubt, this greasy asshat couldn't get his foot in the door). Senator Lieberman and Dr. Walsh just had their
latest "Video Game Report Card" news conference. Underage kids can buy the most
violent games half the time. I just successfully sued Best Buy
(congratulations, you picked off an independent third
party distribution agent while COMPLETELY missing the target of your own god
damn rambling speech!) and compelled them to institute a new nationwide
policy. They will now ID anyone appearing to be 21 or younger to make sure no
one under 17 buys M-rated games. This is a huge development. You really need to
report that. (Read: I've been eating dog food meals
and need publicity to get another case) It is an industry first.
(you call what you do an industry?)
How does free speech factor in?
There is no right of children to buy adult entertainment. None.
(sounds kinda like you're relying on the rating system you
JUST attacked, asshat)
Are parents paying attention to what their kids play?
Nope. (not a one, this guy just lost the rest of his fan
base)
Do you think that video games are similar to sports? There are much-touted
statistics that link aggression levels to video game playing, but isn't that
precisely what happens in any kind of competition?
I'm sorry, but a basketball games goal is to score more points, not maim the
other player. That is where sportsmanship comes in. There is no sportsmanship in
any GTA game. None. (I'm guessing he's never seen Hockey
or Boxing)
According to the Center for Child Death Review, 1,242 kids were murdered with
guns and 174 children died from accidental firearm-related injuries in 2000.
Aside from stories that get covered in the news [like Columbine], there are few,
if any, actual statistics that show how many children's deaths are directly
linked to video games. Do the facts speak for themselves? Or is it just that
nobody is really keeping tabs?
The federal government found that in the school year 2003, there were 48 school
killings. The year before that there were 16, and the year before that 17.
Something is going on (look! numbers!). I
submit that the video game generation is coming of age (I
submit that you are an asshat).
Where does the accountability lie? Are parents responsible for their
children's behavior? Society?
There is plenty of blame to go around (and plenty of
lawyers to profit from it). The parents must do a better job
(exactly, the solution is to be so oppressive about your
kid's every action that they forget all about video games and resort to drugs
and alcohol as an escape instead), but you know what? When we were on 60
Minutes the Sunday after Columbine (we predicted Columbine on NBC's Today
(by saying something along the lines of "somewhere
sometime a kid is going to shoot someone") eight days before it happened
(I'm predicting that an earthquake will strike California
sometime in the next 20 years... I can feel it)) with the parents in
Paducah, Ed Bradley asked Joe James "Isn't this a parent's responsibility?" Joe
said "Ed, I'm trying to figure out what I did wrong. I had my daughter in school
and in a pre-school prayer meeting where she was shot and killed. If I hadn't
raised her right, she'd be alive today." (... I'm just
going to side step that one...)
You see, the industry is selling these games to kids whose parents are reckless
(there ya go, insult the parents again). How is
that Joe Jame's fault? We need to punish (ahem, lawsuit
happy are we?) the industry and the parents who are putting innocent
people in harm's way.
You just watch. There is going to be a Columbine-times-10 incident
(another one of his famous predictions, let me clear my
calendar for the next 20 years), and everyone will finally get it. Either
that, or some video gamer is going to go Columbine at some video game exec's
expense or at E3 (bit surprising how such conventions as
E3, with the largest concentration of 16 - 24 year old gamers in one place in
the world never has any violence problems isn't it? mebbe there aren't
enough lawyers around to catch it), and then the industry will begin to
realize that there is no place to hide, that it has trained a nation of
Manchurian Children (and then 20th Century FOX will make a
bad movie about it).
Kids took guns to school for 200 years in this country
(you sir, are an asshat) without turning them on one another. President
Clinton understood that if we want to do something about gun violence, we need
also to look at the stimuli to use those guns. 3000 gun laws on the books. Not a
single law on the books to stop the sale of murder simulators to kids
(except the rating system....). Idiotic. (i was
just thinking that)
Carl Sandberg, Lincoln's great biographer, defined freedom as "moving easy in
harness." The selfish, childish video game industry accepts no harness. Their
freedom is pure license. (by gum you're right, what are we
doing to our beloved country by allowing capitalism and free market to run
rampant!? we should take a lesson from our good friends, Soviet-era Russia
and regulate trade to such a standstill that our populace starves in their
protective shackles. BRILLIANT!)
They are about to pay a wicked price, and I aim to make sure they pay it
(with a sizeable commission of course).
**at this point he ran out of hot air and fell off of his soap box, thus ending the interview**
Well folks, there you have it. The very first issue of "you hypocritical asshat". I hope you enjoyed it, and if not I hope you write me a long, heavily opinionated letter about it.... I can always use more content.