Random Rants
This is the page where I completely go off on random things that piss me off. You may not think these rants make sense, or even to follow a coherent train of thought.... but luckily what you think about my rants doesn't matter.
Feb '05.) Fast Food order(er)s that piss me off (that's right I'm taking the high and mighty "food service" road)
1.) The Substitute.
This is the person that comes in and orders something that has multiple parts to
it, then through the
science of substitution transforms it into something completely different.
Customer: "Hi I'd like to
order a grilled chicken sandwich w/cheese combo platter... but instead of the
chicken I'd like a hamburger patty, and hold the cheese... and can I get onion
rings instead
of the fries that come with that?"
Me: [to customer] "sure no
problem" [to kitchen] "dipstick here wants a burger and onion rings"
2.) The Minimalist.
This is the person that sees the special of the day and immediately falls in
love with it, even though
they don't like half of the stuff on it. They then try to still get the
special, without offending their delicate
taste buds.
Customer:
"Hi I'd like the sautéed mushroom onion pepper cheddar bacon burger special to
go. Can I get
that with no peppers onions or mushrooms? and american instead of cheddar
cheese?
Me: "Coming right up"
*wraps a $3.00 cheese burger in a foil wrapper and marks it the $5.60 special*
3.) The Smart* One.
*may
be denser** than uranium
**may be an art major
The ingenious customer than plans their order out to the T before stepping up to
the counter, and
has that order burned into their minds like a cattle brand.
Customer:
"HiI'dlikeacheeseburgerwithfriesandsomemozzarellasticksplease"
Me: "You want regular or
seasoned fries?"
Customer: "Uhhhhh......"
Me: *points to the case of
fries approximately 4 inches to my right*
Customer: "Seasoned*"
*while pointing to the regulars
Me: "Those are regular"
Customer: "Regular"
Me: "alright, large or small"
Customer: [you guessed
it] "Uhhhhh...."
Me: "Laaaaaarge *holding hands
far apart* .... or Smaaaalllllll *holding hands close together*
"
Customer: "Regular"
Me: "Ok get your paint set off
my counter, take this dark shirt, put it on, and go sit in the road.
I'm sure a bus will be along shortly to run you over"
4.) The Funny one.
Customer: [grinning like an idiot] "Can I get a veggie burger with bacon?"
Me: "Go stand outside"
5.) The one denser than #3
Text really doesn't to this one justice, I only wish I had the art skills [read:
no I don't] to draw
a comic representing it or something. Instead i'll spend 3 minutes with
Google and Paintshop
to throw together something vaguely similar.... yeah that'll do it
Jan '05.) Complete and total technological ineptitude in mass media.
I recently watched "Anacondas II, Hunt for the blood orchid" (yeah that's almost enough to start a rant about but my beef is more specific). I don't really have to summarize the plot for you because, well, it sucked anyway. But at one point in time a research team in a very shoddy old boat goes over a waterfall. The boat is completely destroyed and team + gear is dumped into the river to wash up ashore several hundred feet down stream. (if you care to watch this you may note that the waterfall DRASTICALLY changes size between various scenes, like from 7 feet tall to 50 feet tall in a matter of seconds.) you may ask when I'll be getting to my specific rant, and in doing so you may interrupt me so stuff a sock in it while I'm typing! Now where was I before you so rudely interrupted me... ah yes, the team is washed up ashore taking inventory of what survived the crash. I hear one of the characters say "the hard drive's ruined" and even before the camera moves I'm thinking [well this ought to be interesting, maybe they can explain why they had a full ATX case on an unpowered boat in the middle of some rainforest while they're at it]. But alas I was even more disappointed to see said character BLATANTLY flash an Asus internal ~52x CD-ROM drive, face forward no less, clearly displaying the brand, eject button, volume control, headphones plug, and CD tray. Not only this but in their effort to look more "techy" they seem to have electrical taped a flashlight to it.
Now we've all heard the expression "bad things happen to good people"; my question is why can't bad things happen to THESE people. If whoever came up with that little jewel of ignorance were to be run over by a cement truck tomorrow, the world at large would feel no loss whatsoever.