My condition changes from day to day, sometimes even hour to hour. Today I may be able to walk to the mailbox, tomorrow I may not be able to get out of bed. This week I feel good. Next week I may feel terrible. I want to do all the things I used to; go to the mall for the day, work in my flower bed, keep my house in order, but I may not be capable of it.
If I say not today, or I can't come, please understand and accept this for what it is, which is not an excuse. It is a reason. I don't enjoy my limitations, I hate it. I may be able to do today what you want me to do, but if I know without a doubt, I will suffer an incredible amount of pain later,I must say no. I am not lazy, I just hurt.
I don't feel sorry for myself, why should I? Things don't always work out the way you'd like them to...this is one of those times. I can live with who I am now. I may not enjoy each day as much as I used to, but I still live for each day and embrace whatever I can get out of life. Pain is my companion, but pain is not me.
The hard part is if you cannot accept me for who I am now, I am sorry for you. I won't waste time chasing after your approval, love or understanding. To preserve myself and state-of-mind, I have to be selfish. If you cannot accept that I may not call you everyday or go places with you, then do me a favor and let's part ways quietly with no ill feelings. My life is going in a new direction and for me that might not be a bad thing. If the changes I have gone through disturb you, hold your criticism. I don't need it. I don't want it.
Life deals us all a bad hand occasionally. This is the hand I have been dealt and I intend to play it out.
It happened...I accepted...I hope you can to....
