Today was so overwhelming and conflicting.  Jay, Tom, Nick, Jordan and I all went downtown and we were in a hotel room.  There was a huge fight and Jay wanted me to tell Tom that I never loved him. It wasn't true, and I couldn't figure out why it would be so hard to say until I realized that it wasn't true.  I sure hope that Jay is okay.  You know, it wouldn't have hurt him to just stay out of our lives. It's his own fault if he got hurt.  He obviously knew beforehand that I was married, and even though Tom and I were having problems, this just complicates the entire situation.  Maybe he should go away for a while, like on a vacation. I don't know, but it's his own fault and I'm sure that he's man enough to deal with it on his own.  I sure didn't force him to come along and waltz back into my life. It's his problem, not mine. He can deal with it alone, because Tom and I decided to take Pammy and go off to New Orleans, to get away from everything.

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