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Gatsby Looking Down At His funeral... |
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I
can’t believe it. One
minute I’m relaxing in my pool, the next, my body is in a casket waiting
to be put underground for eternity. It’s
funny how things work out sometimes, you know?
I was just beginning to realize that maybe Daisy and I would never
work out. She was already married to Tom, I guess she didn’t love me
enough to leave him and try to rekindle the flame that had grown between
us. Or maybe that flame was
extinguished a while ago and I was so caught up in her that I didn’t
understand that times had changed – she had changed – and she had
moved on without me. Either
way, she shouldn’t have led me on like that, making me think that there
was still a spark between us. I
was willing to do so much for her…I even took the blame for Myrtles
death! I don’t know what I
feel for her anymore. Rumor
has it that she just left with Tom; she didn’t even send that message I
had been waiting for all night. If
I really loved her, I should have told her.
I should have told her I was sorry for putting her in the mist of
the conflict between Tom and I, especially the night at the hotel.
Maybe she really did love Tom after all.
Looking back on the events
that have unfolded over the past few weeks, I feel terrible for putting
Nick in the situation that I did. He
didn’t deserve to be stuck between Daisy and I…although I am very
grateful to him for helping set up the reunion meeting with Daisy.
Even from the moment I met him, I felt I ought to have been less
secret about myself…I invited him to one of my parties and didn’t even
introduce myself. Some host I
am! He must not know what to
think of me. Wolfshiem can be
a secretive character once and a while…I hope Nick didn’t get
suspicious like everyone else; I hope his view of me wasn’t scratched
because of that. Come to
think of it, that is why I felt so drawn to Nick.
He is unlike anyone else I had ever met. Sometimes
it gets old living a posh lifestyle, there is so much gossip going around,
people making assumptions and all that.
Nick never did that, and for that I am thankful.
It is such a shame that I will never be able to tell that to him,
that he can never know what his company meant to me.
I cannot begin to explain the
abnormal experience that I am partaking in right now.
It’s a funny thing, watching your own funeral.
I should be seeing all my friends, all the people that I have
encountered over the years, and my family.
I don’t understand. Why
didn’t anyone come to say a last goodbye to me?
I threw parties for them, made them feel like royalty for at least
one night, and this is what happens.
At least my father came, and Nick too. In the end – this is about as close to “the end” as I am going to come – I don’t regret much of what I have done. I still wish Daisy had chosen me, I still love her…and will always, but maybe in some odd way it is better like this. At least that is what I have been telling myself. I don’t know what the future will bring for any of my acquaintances, but regardless of how they have treated, hurt, or helped me, I hope everything turns out all right in the end.
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