FATAL THINGS TO SAY IF YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT

• I finished the Oreo's.
• Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds.
• Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby!
• I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!
• Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl.
• Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprisevisit from that Richard Simmons fella.
• Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt.
• Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!
• I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?
• Are your ankles supposed to look like that?
• Get your *own* ice cream.
• Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today.
• Got milk ?
• Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney?
• Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!
• Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water...
• Your stomach sticks out almost as much as your ass!
• You don't have the guts to pull that trigger...