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You might be a ...
You might be a Minnesotan if ...
l. You consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through l8 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping the food will swim by.
2. You are proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation.
3. You have ever refused to buy something because it's too "spendy."
4. You think a basketall team consists of twelve white boys.
5. You're a card-carrying member of both the NRA and the ACLU.
6. Your local Dairy Queen is closed from December through February.
7. You instinctively walk like a penguin for three months out of the year.
8. Someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there.
9. Your dad's sun tan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead.
l0. You have ever apologized to a telemarketer.
ll. You may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Lutefisk.
l2. You have ever worn shorts and a parka at the same time.
l3. You have either a pet or a child named "Kirby."
l4. Your town has an equal number of bars and churches.
l5. You have ever had an entire telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number.
l6. You know how to say Wayzata, Mahtomedi, and Shakopee.
l7. You grew up thinking rice was only for dessert.
l8. You think that ketchup is a little too spicy.
l9. Your daily meals are breakfast, dinner, and supper.
20. Every January, from age 2 to l3, you let your older siblings talk you into putting your tongue on a steel post.
2l. You consider Lime Jell-O a highly versatile food: a breakfast dish when it is filled with fruit, a salad when it has shredded carrots and a dab of mayonnaise, and a dessert when topped with Dreamwhip.
22. You never had to rewind any part of "Fargo" because you missed some of the dialogue.
23. You always believed that vacation meant "going up north."
24. Your town has an annual festival honoring a fruit, vegetable, or ethnic food.
25. The first time you saw "Grumpy Old Men," you thought it was a documentary.
26. You can recite, from memory, more than a half-dozen "Ole and Lena" jokes.
27. Every time you see moonlight on a lake, you think of a dancing bear, and sing, gently, "From the land of sky-blue waters...Hamm's--the beer refreshing..."
28. Your dog dies, your spouse leaves you, you lose your job, and your car breaks down, all on the same day, and your first thought is,"It could be worse."
29. You Measure The Distance In Minutes
30. Weather Is 80% Of Your Conversation
31. Down South To You Means Iowa
32. You Call Highways Freeways
33. Snow Tires Came Standard On Your Car
34. You Have No Concept Of Public Transportation
35. 75% Of Your Graduating Class Went To The University Of Minnesota
36. You Know More Than One Person That Has Hit A Deer
37. People From Others States Love To Hear You Say Words With O’s In Them
38. You Know What And Where Dinkytown Is
39. Perkins Was A Popular Hangout In Highschool
40. You Have No Problem Saying Or Spelling Minneapolis
41. You Can List All The Dales
42. You Hate Fargo But Realize That A Lot Of Your Family Has That Accent
43. You Get Mad At People Who Think Fargo Is In Minnesota
44. Your School Classes Have Been Cancelled Because Of Snow Or Cold
45. You Know What Mille Lacs Is And How To Spell It
46. You Assume When You Say “The Cities” People Know Where You Are Referring To
47. You Know What The Numbers 694, 494, I-94, And 394 Mean
48. You Have Tried Boiled Fish In Lye At Christmas
49. You Know The 2 Sports-Related Reasons Why We Hate Dallas
50. Nothing Gets You Madder Than Seeing A Green Bay Sticker On A Mn Car
51. You Know What Uff-Da Means And How To Use It Properly
52. You Can Spot The 3 Second Cameo Appearance By The Artist Formerly Known AsPrince In Fargo
53. You’re A Loyal Target Shopper
54. You’ve Licked Frozen Metal
55. The Only Reason You Go To Wisconsin Is To, Fish, Get Fireworks Or Buy BeerOn Sundays
56. You Own An Ice-House, A Snowmobile And A 4 Wheel Drive Vehicle
57. You Wear Shorts When It’s 50 Degrees In March, But Bundle Up And Bitch In August When It Goes Below 60 Degrees
58. You Know People That Have More Fishing Poles Than Teeth
59. You Remember Wlol And Wdgy
60. It Feels Like The Mississippi Is Everywhere You Go
61. When You Talk About The Opener You Are Not Talking About Cans
62. You Have Gone Trick Or Treating In 3 Feet Of Snow
63. You Know That When It Comes To Am, There Is Only Wcco, Besides, What ElseDo You Need
64. You Know What The Word Spam Stands For (In More Ways Than One)
65. You Carry Jumper Cables In Your Car
66. You Drink Pop, Not Soda
67. In A Conversation You Heard Someone Say “Yah, Sure, You Betcha” And You Didn’t Laugh
68. Everyone You Know Has A Cabin
69. You Know That Lake Wobegon Isn’t Real And You Know Who Made It Up
70. Voted For A Pro Wrestler For Governor... And He Won
And some dialouge that only us Minnesootins understand...
Ven Two Minnesootins Meet Oop Nort On Da Lake Fichen!
“Haydair.”
“Lobuddy”
“Benearlong?”
“Coplhours.”
“Crieps, cetchenenny?”
“Yepgoddafew”
“Vairdaybittn?”
“Oberdair”
“Kindarday?”
“Valleyeennordern.”
“Ennysiztooum?”
“Cuplapowns.”
“Oofda, bittenard?”
“yanohowdeyar.”
“Vahchaoozin? Dalindyrik?”
“Ohyeahdonchano.”
“Fichenondaboddum?”
“Rydoopneardaboddum.”
“Howdeeperya?”
“Bouttvenyfeet.”
“Oh, Vachadrinkin?”
“Hadacouplabeers.”
“Velligoddago.”
“Tubad.”
"Seeyaround.”
“Yeahtakideeze.”
“Guluk.”
“Yoobetcha.”
Now for a short joke...
Three guys, an Iowan, a Wisconsinite and a Minnesotan are out walking along the beach together one day.
They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie.
The Iowan says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Iowa."
With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'FOOM' the land in Iowa was forever made fertile for farming.
The Wisconsinite was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Wisconsin, so that no one can come into our precious state."
Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Wisconsin.
The Minnesotan asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out."
The Minnesotan says, "Fill it up with water."
And another...
Ole & Sven died and went to hell.
The devil walked by and they were sitting there with their winter coats still on. The devil asked, "Aren't you hot?"
Ole replied, "Nah, you need to remember dat we is from Minnesota where it is very cold, this feels very gute to us."
This infuriated the devil and he turned the heat up 200 degrees!
The next day the devil again passed by and there were Ole and Sven with their winter coats still on! The devil again asked, "Aren't you hot?"
Sven replied, "Nah, you need to remember dat we is from Minnesota where it is very very cold, the heat is good for our muscles and soothes da aches and pains."
This infuriated the devil even more and he turned the heat up to the maximum temperature!
When the devil walked past Ole and Sven the next day, there they were, their winter coats were now unzipped, but still on! The devil screamed at them, "Aren't you hot with your winter coats on?"
Both Ole and Sven replied, "Nah, you need to remember dat we is from Minnesota where it is always very cold, this is very nice for us."
The devil was determined to make them suffer. He decided to punish Ole and Sven by making hell colder than Minnesota. He turned the furnaces of hell completely off and it became very very cold. Ice hung from the caverns of hell, frost was everywhere.
When the devil approached Ole and Sven they could be seen jumping up and down and cheering and giving each other high five's. The devil could not believe this. He asked them, "Now it is colder than Minnesota - how can you be happy?
Ole and Sven replied, "We were always told dat when hell freezes over, da Vikings would win da super bowl!"