Jerk..bastard..ass..Gosh what have I done. to myself. I know this is pathetic..but yeah because of a guy I let got what I believe. It's the past but of course there are some things that cannot be change and I still hold my grudges ..till when? I dont know.  Anyway when I involved with this jerk..I start to indulge myself to the unthinkable. I never ever see myself like that but I did. I know this sounds vague but I wanna keep it vague. The jerk was from another culture and etc and it's damn hard to keep things up with him. But I think I did try to work things out with him but in return he left me. After all..I gave..F*&$@ off.!

Anyway..after  that..it took me a while to recover. Mourning period..and all and yeah I think I had become a devil after that. Things that I shouldnt do..I did it. I drank alcohol which is against my religion and believes. Yeah I drank vodka..margarita..well..the unthinkable... Not only that...I smoke ..What a bitch I had become. I went to a club in LA. And I was dancing like crazy like I have forgotten the whole world. I was dancing on the stage. Yeah I know nothing wrong with that.. but I never imagine myself..would do things like that..I ve seen it , but now its me on the stage. If my mom and dad know this..gosh what a disgrace I had been. Anyway that was the past....of cos Im fine now..but yeah I still hold my grudge.. Anyway..now..just one..word..dont mess around with me. I would never ever let a guy degrade or put me down in any way. "Hey calm down girl..at least now u are happy...u have good friends and uve made a progress to yourself".