Valentine's Sorrow

Response to Valentine’s Day Challenge. Criteria: Heart shaped box of chocolates, gold in any form, white lace, a cat, a bottle of Picard wine, and a drunken man in Beverly’s bed.

Beverly stood on the balcony of her apartment, looking out at the lights of San Francisco. She breathed deeply, enjoying the cool breeze coming off of the bay, shivering slightly in anticipation. He would be home soon. Her beloved Jean-Luc was coming home from his latest mission aboard the Stargazer. She had missed him terribly and couldn’t wait to be in his arms once again. Her heart pounded in her chest at the thought of seeing him again. She had wonderful news to share with him and knew this night; St. Valentine’s Day, would be the perfect night to tell him. She smiled as her thoughts drifted to their wedding day, which had taken place only a few months earlier. To Beverly it seemed like a lifetime ago. Looking down at her hand, she smiled sadly at the elegant circle of gold Jean-Luc had slipped on her finger that day. He had returned to his ship only a few days later, and Beverly had not seen him since then.

Their relationship had taken the form of a whirlwind romance, much to the chagrin of most of their acquaintances. Very few people had supported their decision to marry. But neither cared about the opinions of those around them. They were too wrapped up in themselves to worry about what others thought of them. Over and over Beverly had been told that she was making the worst mistake of her life, that it wouldn’t last and that Jean-Luc was only using her. Jean-Luc was much older than she, and she was only sixteen, although as far as Jean-Luc knew, she was eighteen. She had gone to great lengths to hide her true age from him. She didn’t want to lose him over something she considered to be so trivial. With everything she’d been through in her short life, she felt as though she had already reached middle age. Only Jean-Luc’s best friend, Jack, had been able to coerce her true age from her, and he had promised not to tell Jean-Luc. Jack knew how much she loved Jean-Luc and Beverly trusted him with her secret.

A knock at the door jolted Beverly out of her thoughts. *Who could that be?* she wondered. Surely Jean-Luc wouldn’t knock at his own front door. She quickly made her way across the apartment and opened the door. "Jack?" she asked in surprise, "What are you doing here?" She looked around, "Where’s Jean-Luc?"

Jack’s expression changed from serious to sad. "Beverly, may I come in? We need to talk."

"Oh, God. What’s wrong? Has something happened to Jean-Luc?"

"Please, Beverly, let me come in and we can talk..."

"No! Tell me now! Where’s my husband?"

Jack sighed, "Against my better judgment, he accompanied the away team on our last mission. The situation quickly turned hostile and the team wasn’t prepared. He managed to get most of the team beamed back to the ship in time, but he wasn’t as lucky. He was shot at close range...in the chest...there was nothing we could do...I’m so sorry Beverly."

Beverly stared at Jack in shock. "No," she whispered as she sank to her knees. Her stomach rolled with overwhelming waves of nausea. Jack dropped to his knees next to her. "No!" she screamed, her chest heaving with sobs. "It’s not true! Please tell me it’s not true!"

Jack’s voice was filled with pain as he replied, "It’s true, Beverly, he’s gone. I’m so sorry."

"No! God damn you, Jack, why didn’t you stop him! Why did you let him die?" Beverly punctuated her words with her fists, unconsciously pummeling her friend’s chest. Jack did nothing to stop the onslaught, allowing Beverly to vent her grief. Cries of anguish were ripped from her throat at the thought of never seeing her love again. The pain was unbearable, making it difficult to even breath. She felt as though someone had torn her heart from her chest. *Jean-Luc!* her soul cried out for him.

Her attack eventually tapered into violent sobs. Jack put his arms around her and pulled her shuddering body against his chest. "I’m sorry Beverly. I should have tried harder to stop him." His own tears began to fall.

"What am I going to do, Jack?" she asked in a shaking voice.

"Beverly, you’re going to keep living your life. Jean-Luc would want you to."

Beverly’s sobs increased in volume, "I’m pregnant, Jack," she blurted out.

"What?" he asked in surprise. "Jean-Luc never said a word about this."

"He didn’t know. I never got the chance to tell him. I was going to tell him about the baby tonight." Beverly leaned against Jack once again as her sobs overcame her.

"Oh, shit," Jack whispered. "Beverly, I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry doesn’t seem like enough."

"I’m so scared Jack," she whispered.

"I know," Jack replied as he tightened his embrace around her. *She’s too young for this* he thought. *She’s too young to be a wife, and now she’s going to be a mother...and a widow. Dear God, why her? She’s already lost everyone she’s ever loved. Damn you, Jean-Luc Picard, for leaving her!* He held her as she cried for the rest of the night. In the early morning hours, when exhaustion finally overcame her, he held her as she slept.

3 weeks later...

A loud knock on the door brought Beverly in from the balcony. She hadn’t been out there for very long. She had had a long visit from her neighbor down the hall, an older woman she knew only as Mrs. Troi. Mrs. Troi has taken pity on Beverly’s tragic situation and had become a frequent visitor. Beverly truly appreciated Mrs. Troi’s attentions, as she had very few friends and no family to turn to. However, her visits to Beverly’s apartment seemed to drag on for hours while the older woman talked incessantly and continually fussed over Beverly’s health and well-being. Still, it was better than being alone.

Beverly opened the door and was nearly knocked over when Jack staggered in. "Jack!" she exclaimed, a dreaded feeling of deja vu washing over her. "What are you doing here? Is anything wrong?"

He opened his mouth to answer and Beverly gagged audibly at the overwhelming smell of alcohol on his breath. Beverly struggled to keep him upright as his stumbled over the threshold. "Beverly," he slurred. "I brought you something." He held his hand out to her, which was brandishing a large bottle of wine. "I found a whole case of these in Johnny’s quarters. It’s the best Picard vintage. Want some?"

"Jack," Beverly sighed, "you know I can’t drink."

"Oh, right. The baby. Actually, that’s why I came to see you." Jack released Beverly and walked unsteadily toward the sofa. Beverly followed him and waited for him to drop onto the sofa before taking a seat next to him. His head lolled back and forth before he was actually able to fix his gaze on the redhead. "Beverly, I wanted to talk to you about the baby."

"If you’re going to ask me if I’m going to give the baby up, you can save your breath Jack. I’ve lost Jean-Luc, but I’m not about to lose our child." Beverly’s eyes flared with determination.

Her words seemed to momentarily cut through his drunken haze. "I would never ask you to do such a thing Beverly. What I wanted to ask you...." His voice trailed off and he looked away, suddenly shy.

"Jack? Look at me." His head slowly turned back to her. "What is it?" she asked softly.

"I...I wanted to ask you to marry me," he stuttered. He rushed on before she could respond. "Please Beverly, you don’t have to answer me right now. You know I care deeply for you. I just...I want to take care of you, and the baby."

"Jack," she breathed in surprise. This was the last thing she expected him to ask her. "I’m...I’m flattered. Truly, Jack. But, I can’t marry you." He looked away from her in embarrassment. "Please understand Jack. I do care a great deal for you, you’re my closest friend, but I can’t marry you. No one could ever replace Jean-Luc in my heart." She paused and placed a hand against his cheek, turning his head to meet her gaze. "I’m sorry, Jack. You know I’d never try to hurt you."

He covered her hand with his own. "I know," he whispered. He closed his eyes and let his head drift down toward his chest. Beverly recognized the telltale signs of a man about to pass out from overindulgence. She stood and took both his hands. "C’mon," she urged him, "let’s get you more comfortable." He reluctantly and unsteadily rose to his feet and followed her to the bedroom.

She pushed him into a sitting position on the bed. He immediately fell back on the bed and was asleep within seconds of his head hitting the pillows. Beverly shook her head in amusement and pulled his shoes off in an attempt to make him a little more comfortable. She pulled a blanket over him and gently brushed the hair away from his forehead. "Dear, sweet, Jack. I hope we’ll always be good friends. I’ll always need you in my life...but not as a lover. Someday, you’ll understand." Beverly bent over and placed a quick kiss to his forehead before leaving him to his dreams.

Once she was sure Jack was safely tucked in for the night, Beverly grabbed her shawl and headed out onto the balcony once again. It was an unseasonably cool night and Beverly shivered slightly as she wrapped the shawl around her nightgown. The sheer white gown was trimmed with lace and had been a wedding gift from Jean-Luc. Beverly suspected that he enjoyed the gift even more than she did. In the few short days they had together before he left, he couldn’t seem to keep his hands off her when she wore it. And she continued to wear it...ever since that terrible night, when Jack had brought the news.

A solitary tear slipped down Beverly’s cheek as she contemplated her life without her husband. She let her hands slide down and rest upon her flat stomach. Oh, how she wished she’d had a chance to tell Jean-Luc that he was going to be a father. He would have been so happy, knowing she was carrying his child. In truth, this baby was the only thing that kept her going. She knew that without the baby, she would have found no reason to move on with her life. She would not have wanted to live without Jean-Luc. Her hands pressed more firmly against her stomach as she thanked the gods for giving her this little life, growing inside her...this little part of Jean-Luc.

"Oh, my baby," she whispered. "I wish you could have known your daddy. He would have loved you so much. I promise you, not a day will pass without me telling you about him. I want you to know everything about him."

5 years later...

"Mama? Mama!"

Beverly closed her eyes from the bay view and smiled tiredly at the sound of her son’s voice. She loved her son dearly, but he had displayed boundless amounts of energy since the moment he took his first step. Now that she was working her way through Starfleet Medical, it was becoming more and more difficult to keep up with him. She was infinitely grateful that Mrs. Troi had offered to watch him while she was in class.

"Mama!" he called again.

"I’m out on the balcony, J.J." Before he was born, Beverly had wanted to make sure her son was as close to Jean-Luc as possible and had consequently named their son after him. Shortly after his birth, she had taken to calling him J.J.

Seconds after her reply, the little boy burst out onto the balcony. "Mama, look what I got!" He dropped the items that were tucked under one arm in order to show her the kitten he had precariously balanced in his other arm. "’Member how Mrs. Troi’s cat had kittens? She said I could have one if it was all right with you. Please, Mama, can I keep him? Please?"

His bright hazel eyes stared pleadingly into hers. *Just like Jean-Luc’s* she mused. How could she deny him anything? "Alright, you can keep him, but you’ll have to take good care of him."

"I will, Mama, I promise!" He handed the kitten to Beverly. "I already have a name for him too. I’m gonna call him Johnny, ‘cause that’s what Uncle Jack always called Daddy."

Beverly smiled wistfully and then frowned slightly upon closer examination of the kitten. "J.J., I don’t think Johnny is such a good choice. This kitten is a girl, not a boy."

"I don’t care," J.J. replied, his voice filled with determination, "I’m still calling her Johnny."

Beverly smiled again, "I think it’s a wonderful name for her. So, what else do you have there?" She nodded to the items J.J. had dropped in his excitement over the kitten.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot. Mama, did you know today is Valentine’s Day?" J.J. asked excitedly.

"Really? I’d forgotten." In truth, Beverly always remembered this holiday, no matter how hard she tried to forget. While those around her celebrated this day, Beverly did her best to ignore it, as this day seemed to only bring her pain and sadness. Not wanting to upset her son, she held back her tears and continued to smile at him, pretending nothing was wrong.

J.J. picked up a large heart shaped box and handed it to Beverly. "Mrs. Troi’s daughter, Deanna, gave this to me for Valentine’s day. It’s full of all kinds of chocolates. You can have some if you want, Mama. Deanna’s got lots more at home. Mrs. Troi says that Deanna will be old enough to watch me all by herself soon. What do you think Mama?"

"Well, if Deanna wants to watch you, it’s fine by me. As long as you promise to be good and not give her any trouble."

"I’ll be good, I promise."

Beverly gave him a quick hug, "That’s my baby."

J.J. looked at her defiantly, "I’m not a baby anymore, Mama."

Beverly laughed softly, "I know, sweetie, I’m sorry. But no matter how big you get, you’ll always be my baby."

J.J. suddenly turned away from her and picked up the other item he had dropped. "I almost forgot my gift for you."

"Oh, J.J., you don’t have to give me anything."

"Mrs. Troi said I should." Beverly laughed again. "Besides," J.J. said, "I want to give you a gift." He picked the item up and returned to his mother’s side.

Beverly sat down and pulled J.J. into her lap. "Well, what do we have here?" she asked when J.J. handed her a large piece of folded paper.

"It’s a Valentine card for you," J.J. replied. "From me...and Daddy."

Beverly opened the card and lost her battle with her tears. "Oh, J.J.," she breathed. There were two pictures on the inside. One was of her beloved Jean-Luc and the other was of J.J. They looked so much alike it was almost frightening.

"Do you like it, Mama?" he asked timidly. He had never seen her cry like this.

"Oh, baby, I love it."

J.J. looked relieved at her answer. "Mrs. Troi helped me attach the pictures of me and Daddy, but I drew all of the other pictures by myself."

"It’s wonderful, J.J. I’ll cherish it always. Thank you." She hugged him to her chest. He hugged her back with a muffled, "You’re welcome, Mama."

They remained in that position for a long time. Long enough for J.J. to finally fall asleep in Beverly’s arms. Beverly rocked gently rocked her son, watching the sunset and the stars appear in the sky. For the first time in years, she’d finally had a happy Valentine’s Day.

Back to top

Disclaimer:  The characters are the property of Paramount Pictures
and are used merely for non-profit entertainment purposes on this site.
No copyright infringement is intended.