... fell to earth... all about me...

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>>>> Since I last updated this page things have changed in my life. I've learned a few lessons in life, love, & family. In life you never know when your end is coming... live it as full as you can. In love... love as deeply & as passionately as you can... love isn't forever... cuz if it is... I don't know what love is then. In family... sometimes you realize that your "family" isn't by blood... but by a history you've built when you're actual blood disowns you... & you inturn disown them.

>>>> I don't really know who I am right now. The pics below are my family... Kim... & my babies... Cass & Cyd. I think I need to go to Knob someday soon... & possibly remember a few things about my past. Then again though... I don't care about my past... I don't care about my future here on earth... I only care about this moment... & finding a way to get through it. So is life they say? So is life... but I can't remember life if I don't sleep... with in a few weeks I'll sleep... only because this knot in my stomach won't let me eat.

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me & my Kimmie...

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Cydney, me, & Cassidy on my sweet 17

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Me & Jaala... AMERICAN WOMEN

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Cassidy & me @ the recital

M ~ A ~ I ~ N ~~ I ~ N ~ F ~O

NAME:: Janell Strouse-- to be changed to: Marilyn Gina Tylar
NICKNAMES:: NeLLa, Nell, Little One, *, & Maryann
HAIR COLOR:: brown
EYE COLOR:: thank God for clear eyes cuz they're brown today!
SIGN:: cancer

F ~ A ~ V ~ O ~ R ~ I ~ T ~ E ~ S

COLOR:: ice
FOOD:: eh... point being?
PLACE:: Knob... where I can run away... be alone... & no one will find me... because no one knows which stone I'll be behind... no one will climb the hill to find me.
TIME OF YEAR:: winter, when no one can get in... eventually I'll make it to St. Paul... & have winter all year round again...
SINGERS:: I don't know anymore...
BANDS:: shhh... no one will hear you if you're quiet... (I don't know this anymore either)
SONGS:: Honestly my favorite song right now is "Song in Black"... I never thought I'd be able to sing it again the way it was written... but I never thought I'd still be stuck here either... guess I can make this the 3rd year in coming... for a regained oppression.
QUOTES:: "you're not allowed"... if only you had that power now!!!!
SAYINGS:: "... tomorrow... let it live in me... like today did yesterday... and let me be happy... like I was a week ago... like I will be after the end... and as the end draws nearer... smile in the fact... that everything ends... and life goes on... tomorrow..." *

C ~ L ~ O ~ S ~ I ~ N ~ G ~~ C ~ O ~ M ~ M ~ E ~ N ~ T ~ S

There are some things that hurt, some things that make us happy, & some things that leave us confused. One thing's for sure though, everything happens for a reason, & we can't change what happens, we can only adapt and hope that everything works out for the better… until my better is now…

today I fell to earth
& as I looked around
I decided that I liked it much better in the clouds
but here I will stay
because above me is a clear night sky