“EVERYTHING’S CHANGED

BUT NOTHING’S CHANGED”

 

I opened the door to the car, after coming home from the first party since I had been home from my summer trip. The same kids, the same scene, the same me. "Why?", tears rolled down my face, anxiety filled my body and I was confused. I asked my mom as she gently placed her hand on mine, questioning why it was that I was feeling like this.

"Why do things seem so different now? Nothing has changed." She had not seen me so upset or even close to it since I had come home from my two-month vacation. She kept telling me that, “since you walked through that flight gate that you looked refreshed, and so grown up." She then answered in a calm and reassuring voice: “Yes, things have changed, you have changed and that’s okay, change is good."  From that moment on everything became clearer to me.

Two and a half months ago I was not nearly the person I am today. Not many people can say that about themselves. The change was so significant it altered my life forever. The moment occurred over a period of time, which could be compared, to a dream. I was given the opportunity to go to the West Coast and Canadian Rockies for the summer to sightsee, meet forty-two strangers, do laundry (myself), and manage my money and then my favorite: relax and enjoy an experience I had never expected to have. After spending months with my parents looking through hundreds of different programs we had finally come across the perfect one. However, once I had signed up, I had second thoughts. I was not exactly thrilled to be leaving my home, friends and family. People would ask what I was going to be up to this summer and the conversation from there on would be the same:

 “I am going on a teen tour.”

“Oh how fun, who are you going with?”

“Nobody, I am doing it on my own!”

“Oh, really won’t that be hard?” 

You could just imagine how the repetition of that answer made me even more apprehensive about going.

Finally, the school year was over, the tests were complete. However, even though the school stresses were over, home still wasn’t where I wanted to be. I felt a need to explore other places and meet other people.  It was then that I finally realized that this was the opportunity of a lifetime and I had to take advantage of every moment. I had to forget everything at home and enjoy this time to myself. I tried to prepare for the trip by buying everything and then realizing I could pack very little.

Then before I knew it, it was three o’clock in the morning and I was on my way to the airport, anxious but more ready than I had ever been.  There I was standing in front of the glass sliding doors ready and eager to begin my journey. I walked in with my backpack on my back, and my hand clutched rolling suitcase, the only items I was allowed to bring. My heart and mind released and I left all the stresses behind.

Canadian Rockies…. Two weeks had gone by, the friendships were growing, the sights were unreal and life was perfect.  I began to forget everything at home and do as I said I would before I left, enjoy being free of everything. “Okay guys, good morning!!! Tomorrow we are going to be skiing, raise your hand if you would like to go?” Everyone raised their hands with excitement. I couldn’t believe it, skiing in July. The next morning we awoke early and got on the bus for our day at Whistler. We all packed into the ski resort with all the other excited skiers. Putting on our equipment we all began laughing at how funny the huge ski boots looked with lightweight pants and a tee shirt. All dressed and ready to go we jumped on to the two-hour trip up the gondola. Gasping with disbelief we looked out the window, it was surreal. The sun was bright the air was crystal clear and the situation was new and exciting.  My best friend Jaymie exclaimed, “I just don’t understand it, all of this is out here while back home all they can talk about is destruction and war.” We all nodded agreeing and really thinking about her comment. Why was it that people couldn’t just get away from all of the business and rushed societies, when there is so much more outside of that? Finally we had made it to the top the snow-covered mountain. Color was non existent it almost felt like a white world with just happy free people. The glare of the sun gave everyone a warm glowing feeling. The skiing was thrilling, a complete feeling of freeness. Skiing in July, something I couldn’t wait to tell my parents.

When I arrived back at our campground that day I realized that all I had wanted to do was call home, letting my family know what was going on. I had been reassured by all the experiences throughout the trip how important my parents were in my life. As many fights we had gotten in over the year, I came to realize I wanted to share my experiences with them. Although the skiing experience had been exhilarating I realized that the peak of my moment came when we had been dropped off at the end of a long dirt path. Our “Kincaid” air-conditioned bus, which had become our home on the road, had driven away.  Tired, hot, hungry and cranky the forty-two 17 year olds lazily got off the bus. We were instructed that we were going on a hike. Finally the dirt path stopped along with the trees, a small wooden sign read “welcome to Bryce Canyon.” I looked up; it was unbelievable, almost magical. All of a sudden everyone’s mouth dropped, the sun was gleaming on the red, yellow and orange lit mountains. Speechless, we hiked, only being able to stare at the essence of beauty around us, stopping every couple of minutes to try and take a picture to capture the moment. “This is it,” I said to myself. I remembered how my friend had told me there will be one place you see, that will be unforgettable. Not because of the people around you but because of the feeling you get. It was as if I had stepped into another dimension. There wasn’t one cloud in the sky, only bright blue, the breeze was warm yet it gave everyone chills, from the gorgeousness. With the thought of leaving in a couple days lingering in my head I fell asleep that night thinking about the past weeks of my life. I looked around the ten person green tent of new friends I had made, I listened to the new and refreshing sounds around me of a summer night on the other side of the country and I felt a sense of change not only in my surrounding but in myself.

The day of departure came, and the tears didn’t stop. All forty-two loaded onto the bus knowing that these were our final hours together. How was it we were supposed to explain these experiences to people back home? We came to the realization that we could not. The experiences would now become a memory, but more importantly a vivid moment in our life where we could always drift back to during those times you just need to escape. I realized that a special place had found a new home inside me, one that I could always resort to in times of stress.  The plane landed and we walked out the gate doors. My friend and I looked at each other in disbelief and without using words we read each other’s eyes remembering when we walked in these gate doors. Never had we expected to become such best friends but even more we were completely unaware of the experiences we would be facing over the course of the summer. Walking down the long gray corridor with one hand holding onto my rolling bag and the other holding on to my best friend.  We looked up not to see another view in Canada or Arizona or Utah or California but only to see that we were home, back to our families and friends waiting anxiously for our arrival.

Now back home after the first night out with my friends, my mom opened the car door and we walked towards the front door. I sadly stood there trying to unlock it, but it wouldn’t open! I realized that the key I put into the door wasn’t working. My mom handed me a new key. It was than that I realized not only had I gotten a new key to my front door but also I had discovered a new key to opening my inner self. The memory of the snow covered and gleaming mountains gave me a new vivid picture to always remind me how to overcome the challenge of any event.  With this new key I would be able to face difficult situations that arose in the future.  I continued to remind myself that although everything superficially seemed the same I had a new key to unlock my new priorities and values, now I was no longer the same.