Considering my impending divorce and otherwise ambiguous relationship status...
...just some ideas on what I'm looking for in a woman.
The Requirements:
1. Age somewhere between barely legal and too wrinkly to touch....
2. Height somewhere between 4-foot and 5'11"... (Sorry, nostril hair isn't a fetish of mine...)
3. Has to have a sense of humor.
4. Has to appreciate herself.
5. Has make an effort with her appearance.
6. Has to have a free spirit in bed, or have the potential for one.
7. Has to be her own person and stand up for herself.
8. Has to be sexually aggressive when she's interested.
9. Has to have empathy for others.
10. Has to know how to have fun without alcohol... (with is optional).
11. Can't give up easily.
12. Has to speak English.
13. Has to enjoy science fiction...
14. Likes to talk.
15. Has to keep an open mind when appropriate.
16. Doesn't mind my snoring. (Can't tell you how bad, I'm always asleep.)
17. Has no facial hair...
18. Doesn't mind when I grow the occasional beard.
19. Can't be controlling... or need to be controlled.
20. Be understanding when I screw up.
21. Be able to keep a secret.
The Downchecks:
1. Being severely underweight... As in rib-counting-skinny.
2. Narcissism to the extreme.
3. Vindictive behavior.
4. Be severely (morbidly obese) overweight... (Over that weight when men and women start to look rather the same...)
5. Uncontrollable addictions (smoking, drinking, gambling...)
6. Racism or sexism.
7. Freak out about bisexual people... (Not that I am, but considering the number of people close to me that are...)
8. Not liking children.
9. Overly, irrationally devout in any religion.
10. Totally passivity.
11. Uncontrollably depressed.
12. Virginity...
13. Have a controlling personality.
14. Have severe pain fetishes or a need to cause pain.
The Optionals/Plusses: (Bonus Points!!!)
1. An interest in exotic non-leather women's lingerie... (her, not me...)
2. Double-plus for the gothic type stuff...
3. Nicely sized or shaped feminine breasts.
4. ...legs...
5. ...and ass. (Yeah, I'm a tits-and ass guy.)
6. A pretty face.
7. An interest in writing...
8. Be a military veteran. Vet-chicks are cool...
9. Artistic in some fashion...
10. Be good with the money thing... ('Cuz I sure ain't.)
11. Easily multi-orgasmic or is willing to learn (*snicker*).
12. Can cook... and possibly teach me more than my meager repertoire.
13. Has her own guns...
14A. Enjoys oral sex... or at least give it a try.
14B. Enjoys anal sex... or at least give it a try.
15. Enjoys old country music...
16. Would teach me to dance...
17. Pale skin... maybe even freckles...
The Irrelevants:
1. Heterosexuality or Bisexuality work for me.
2. Religion (see above notes).
3. Scars.
4. Stretch marks.
5. Kids (generally.)
6. Number of previous lovers.
7. Hair color.
8. Race.
9. Eyesight.