A rowdy gaggle of Tournament of Doom fans incited a riot at a professional basketball game in Detroit after mistakenly traveling to the wrong venue.

"We meant to attend 'The Freakin' Raptor's Travelin' Extra-Bloody-Ganza,' which was being held in Auburn Mounds, Michigan," said ringleader Ashlee Easton, referring to the Raptor's off-season touring show that pits prehistoric animals against famous barbarians and cavemen. "Instead, it turns out we accidentally attended a Detroit Pistons-Indiana Pacers game in Auburn Hills. We got mixed up."

Easton and her gang's confusion lingered throughout most of the game. "We kept waiting for Fred Flintstone to fight a stegosaurus but nothing was happening," said "Samantha L.," a cohort of Easton's whose real name cannot be revealed by order of a grand jury. "In fact, at numerous times during the game, people masquerading as officials would blow their whistles when play got out of hand and declare such roughhousing a 'foul.' As a fan of the Tournament of Doom, I saw nothing foul about it."

As the game wound down, Easton and her companions grew outraged that no one on the court was fighting to their death. "Once it got under five minutes people started leaving," said "Andrew J.," another cohort whose name cannot be legally disclosed. "We felt gypped."

Suddenly, however, a fight between two players broke out in the waning minutes of the game. "We were excited," said "Jessica G." "This is what we came to see. But people kept trying to break it up, which really upset Ashlee."

Easton's agitation boiled over when one of the players removed himself from the fight and laid down on the scorer's table. According to footage from the game, Easton screamed, "Quit sloughing off, you wimpazoid!" and hurled a cup of soda at the player. The player then leapt off the scorer's table and stormed into the crowd where he began to pummel everyone in his vicinity.

A general melee then broke out between the crowd (led by Easton and her companions) and the players. Easton at one point chucked a folding chair into the crowd on the court, knocking one fan unconscious. When police asked her why she did this she responded, "I bent a couple legs after smashing it against a few people's heads. I just didn't need it anymore, so I threw it away."

Easton is unapologetic. "When you sell tickets to a Tournament of Doom traveling show and give the fans an NBA game instead, people are going to be upset. Given the opportunity, people are going to take out their aggression on these scoundrels."

When reminded that Easton and her cohorts mistakenly traveled to the wrong venue and that most of the fans in the crowd were not intending to witness fights between savage men and oversized reptiles, Easton replied, "Well isn't that what we all secretly long for when we set foot in a stadium?"

After working for many years and through several administrations as a high ranking government official, retiring Secretary of State Gen. Colin Powell has decided that he would like to hold a position that would carry with it a little prestige and respect.

TDN was contacted directly by Lord Vader's secretary this morning to inform us that Gen. Powell has submitted his application to fill the gap on the Tournament High Council created when Council Member Katie Crooks left to pursue work, ironically enough, in Washington, D.C.

Lord Vader is carefully considering the application but has already expressed concerns that Powell may be too sensitive to the potentially negative image the Tournament may project and how the poeple of the world (and the universe as a whole) may respond to that. Powell has assured him, however, that is previous work experience has prepared him to work in a fairly hostile environment.

Gen. Powell is up against some stiff competition for this coveted position, but TDN will keep you updated as the Race for Council Position 2005 continues.