A contingent of Tournament of Doom competitors proceeded to wreck this year’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in New York City this past week.

The mayhem began after the Tournament of Doom’s early morning Thanksgiving breakfast. Clifford the Big Red Dog and the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man—who, between the two of them, consumed 46 tryptophan-filled turkeys—wandered over by the parade staging area and dozed off in the spot where the giant balloons were being inflated. The two awoke an hour later to discover balloon handlers had attached balloon cables to their limbs and had inserted helium hoses into their, uhm…let’s just say nostrils, in an attempt to get them to float. Dizzy from the helium and stuffed with turkey, the confused pair awoke and groggily began stumbling around the staging area, causing quite the commotion in mid-town Manhattan.

Word of Clifford and the Marshmallow Man’s plight soon spread to the Tournament of Doom participants who had gathered in front of Macy’s to watch the parade. Unfortunately, the TOD participants heard a group of locals had trapped (rather than accidentally captured) two of their friends. Fearing their comrades-in-arms were in grave danger, the group—led by the mean green duo of Yoda and the Incredible Hulk—decided to charge down Broadway through the parade route and rescue their fellow fighters.

Not knowing who had been captured, the Tournament of Doom battalion—now codenamed “Team Destructionation” —attempted to free anything from the Parade that resembled someone who had participated in the TOD. To this end, Team Destructionation has been blamed for the following:

1.) Destroying the Pikachu, Super-Grover, and Scooby-Doo balloons and letting the Ronald McDonald balloon float away. (“We had no idea those things were balloons,” replied Wolverine, who deflated all three accidentally as he released them from their chords. “We had only heard two of our

friends had been captured, and I was determined to free them…OK, so I was actually fighting alongside the real Super-Grover, but I just wanted to pop that balloon cause it would have been pretty clutch. Word up, Sam! Anyway, I just assumed their captors had fed them giant pills too that made them grow to a ridiculously enormous size.”)

2.) Kidnapping Snoopy, Ronald McDonald, and Barry Manilow from their floats. (“From our perspective, it looked like they were being held prisoner,” explained Wonder Woman. “So maybe we used excessive force when we freed them from their floats, and maybe they weren’t actually Snoopy and Ronald McDonald, and maybe I put the guy playing Linus into a coma, but at least I saved the parade route from Barry Manilow.”)

3.) Dispersing the Mountain Home Arkansas High School marching band and the Ballet Hispanico Dance Team. (“They weren’t performing up to my standards,” said a chainsaw-wielding Leatherface.)

Team Destructionation finally called in the big guns when their assault got bogged down at the corner of 33rd and Broadway. Terrified New Yorkers fled in a panic as King Kong returned to the scene of his greatest catastrophe to successfully free Clifford and the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, who by that time had already managed to free themselves and laugh off the whole misunderstanding with those who had accidentally tied them up.

Yet perhaps the most ominous turn-of-events occurred when Shreds the Freakin’ Raptor reached the end of the parade route to discover a jolly old fat elf dressed in red riding in a sleigh. Santa and Shreds exchanged a long, bitter stare, one that recalled a year-old grudge that neither had yet gotten over. Yet rather than attack Santa, the Raptor instead marched off into the urban streets mumbling furtively to himself, “Got to assemble a strike force. I’ve got to assemble a strike force…”