Scene Two
A few hours later. ANGELIQUE sits in the center of the room
now playing along with the game. BELINE and TOINETTE are on either side
of her. ARGON is pacing up and down, utterly distraught.
ARGON
Oh, my poor daughter! My poor girl!
TOINETTE
Let’s try again. Open your mouth and see if you can speak now.
(ANGELIQUE opens her mouth and struggles to make a sound.)
It’s no use. In certain cases I am told the patient simply expires
from the exhaustion of trying to get a word out.
ARGON
Did you send the coachman for Dr. Diaforous?
TOINETTE
Yes, but it may take them awhile. The young Dr. Diaforous says he has
no intention of marrying a dumb wife. So I sent for Dr. Sganarelle.
ARGON
And who is Dr. Sganarelle?
TOINETTE
Only the greatest dumb specialist in the Empire!
(aside)
Or is that the dumbest great specialist?
BELINE
I still don’t believe this. How did you hear about someone like
him?
TOINETTE
The nuns at the convent. He’s very big with nuns.
(Doorbell rings.)
Hark! I believe that is he now!
(SHE tiptoes toward the door, opens it and admits SGANARELLE
who is now dressed rather like the Diaforouses.)
Oh, good doctor, it ‘tis you, is it not?
SGANARELLE
It ‘tis indeed.
TOINETTE
Pray that thee can help my poor mistress!
(SGANARELLE goes directly to Beline.)
SGANARELLE
Let me feel your pulse.
ARGON
That’s not my daughter. That’s my wife.
SGANARELLE
And a fine piece of baggage, too, I must say!
(to Beline)
If anything goes wrong with any part of you, do not hesitate to
call on me.
(to Angelique)
Then this must be the patient.
ARGON
Yes, she’s my only daughter. It would break my heart if she were to
die.
SGANARELLE
She mustn’t do anything of the kind. She mustn’t die without a doctor’s
prescription.
ARGON
(to Toinette)
Come, a chair for the doctor.
SGANARELLE
She’s not a bad-looking patient. I think a strong healthy man might
make something of her.
ARGON
You’ve made her laugh, sir.
SGANARELLE
So much the better. It’s an excellent sign when the doctor makes the
patient laugh. Usually they make them cry. Now what’s the trouble? What’s
wrong with you? Where do you feel bad?
ANGELIQUE
(making signs touching her mouth, head and chin with her finger)
Ha-he-ha-hon.
SGANARELLE
Eh! What was that?
ANGELIQUE
Ha-he-ha-hon.
SGANARELLE
What?
ANGELIQUE
Hon-ha-he-hay.
SGANARELLE
Hon-ha-he-hay? What the deuce language is that?
ARGON
That’s exactly the trouble, sir. She’s lost the power of speech and
so far no one has been able to find what the reason is. Just an hour ago
it caused her marriage to be postponed.
SGANARELLE
But why?
ARGON
The man she is to marry sent word by my coachman he wishes to wait until
she’s recovered.
TOINETTE
And that "man" just happens to be a doctor.
SGANARELLE
Stands to reason. But who is this idiot who doesn’t want his wife to
be dumb? I would think he would have rushed right over with the priest
and the wedding ring.
ARGON
Nevertheless I beseech you, sir, to do everything you can to cure her
affliction.
SGANARELLE
Don’t you worry. Tell me now, does she have much pain?
(ANGELIQUE nods her head emphatically.)
ARGON
Yes, sir.
SGANARELLE
All the better. The suffering is very severe?
ARGON
Very severe.
SGANARELLE
Splendid. Does she go---you know where?
ARGON
Well, this just happened a few hours ago.
SGANARELLE
Still and all, is it the normal sort of…?
ARGON
I know nothing about that.
TOINETTE
He’s too busy with his own.
SGANARELLE
(to Angelique)
Give me your wrist. This sort of pulse indicates your daughter is
dumb.
ARGON
Ah, yes, sir, that is her trouble. You’ve got it straight away.
TOINETTE
I told you how brilliant he was.
SGANARELLE
We great physicians know these things at once. An ignorant fellow would
have puzzled his brain and said, "It’s either this or that", but of course
I put my finger on the trouble immediately, and I inform you that your
daughter is very dumb.
ARGON
Yes, but I would very much like you to tell me how it comes about.
SGANARELLE
Nothing could be simpler. It’s because she has lost the power of speech.
ARGON
Very good. But why has she lost the power of speech?
SGANARELLE
All the best authorities would tell you that it’s due to an impediment
in the use of her tongue.
ARGON
Yes, but what do you think is the cause of the impediment in the use
of her tongue?
SGANARELLE
What Aristotle said about this was…very interesting.
ARGON
I well believe it.
SGANARELLE
Ah! He was a great man! A greater man than I am…by…that much!
(He raises his arm from the elbow.)
But to come back to the matter at hand. I consider the impediment
in the use of her tongue is caused by certain humors which we learned physicians
call…do you speak Latin?
ARGON
Not a bit.
SGANARELLE
Cabricus arci thurman. Or in layman’s terms: bonun Deus Sanctus.
ARGON
Ah! If only I had been a scholar.
SGANARELLE
But these vapors I refer to passing from the left side where the liver
is to the right side where the heart is, it happens that the lungs which
we call in Latin Armyan having communications with the brain which
in Greek we call Nasmus by means of the hollow vein which we call
in Hebrew Cubile encounter on the way the vapors aforesaid which
fill the ventricles of the omoplate and because the said vapors---notice
this particularly, if you please---and because the aforesaid vapors have
a malignant quality---do listen very carefully…
ARGON
Yes.
SGANARELLE
Have a certain malignant quality---give me your attention, please.
ARGON
I’m doing so.
SGANARELLE
Caused by the acidity of the humors engendered in the concavity of the
diaphragm, it so happens that these vapors---Ossabandus, nequeys, nequer,
potarinum, quipsa milius---and that’s precisely what makes your daughter
dumb.
TOINETTE
I couldn’t have said it better myself.
ARGON
It was very clearly explained, but there was just one thing which surprised
me---that was the positions of the liver and the heart. It seemed to me
you got them wrong way about, that the heart should be on the left side
and the liver on the right.
SGANARELLE
Yes, it used to be so but we have changed all that. Everything’s quite
different in medicine now.
ARGON
Forgive my ignorance.
SGANARELLE
Quite all right. You can’t be expected to know all that we know.
ARGON
Of course not. But what do you think ought to be done about this trouble
of hers, sir?
SGANARELLE
What do I think ought to be done?
BELINE
Yes! Get on with it!
SGANARELLE
Give her some bread dipped in wine immediately!
ARGON
Why that, sir?
SGANARELLE
Because bread and wine mixed together have a certain sympathetic virtue
that’s conducive to talking. They give parrots nothing else, you know.
That’s how they learn to talk.
ARGON
That’s true. What a great man! Quick! Some bread and wine for my daughter!
(TOINETTE hurries off.)
And now maybe you can take a look at me.
SGANARELLE
Are you ill?
ARGON
Am I ill? Surely you jest, sir.
SGANARELLE
Doctors never jest. Except during an operation.
ARGON
Can’t you tell by looking at me?
SGANARELLE
You look the picture of health.
ARGON
I’m practically at death’s door.
SGANARELLE
Let me help you open it.
ARGON
I’ve been so concerned about my poor daughter I forgot about all the
things that are wrong with me.
(TOINETTE hurries back with a small bowl and a spoon. SHE proceeds
to feed Angelique. At that moment, the doorbell rings. TOINETTE places
the bowl in Angelique’s hands and goes to answer it. CLEANTE enters.)
ARGON
You again! I told you never to darken this door again.
CLEANTE
But I must speak my piece.
(ANGELIQUE takes one look at him and bursts into song.)
ANGELIQUE
We’ve known each other for just awhile,
But still my fancies take flight---
ARGON
It’s a miracle!
CLEANTE
For every time that you sigh or smile,
Our tomorrows unite.
ARGON
(to Sganarelle)
Oh, I am impressed!
CLEANTE
Sir…
ARGON
Later! My new doctor is going to give me a thorough examination.
SGANARELLE
Let me have your pulse. Ah, here’s an impudent pulse. It doesn’t know
me yet, I can see that. Who’s your doctor?
ARGON
Dr. Diaforous.
SGANARELLE
Diaforous. Hmm. I knew a Diaforous once. He was an inmate at the asylum
for the criminally insane in Gascoigne. Used to race about wanting to feel
everybody’s pulse. What does he say is wrong with you?
ARGON
He says it’s my spleen---others say it’s the liver.
SGANARELLE
They are all ignoramuses. It’s your ears.
ARGON
My ears?
SGANARELLE
Indisputably.
(Doorbell rings. TOINETTE goes to answer it and admits DIAFOROUS
and THOMAS.)
ARGON
Ah, my old doctors! You just missed a miracle being performed. This…this
amazing doctor here just cured my daughter of dumbness so now we can go
ahead with plans for the marriage.
TOINETTE
I don’t believe what I am hearing!
ARGON
Come, Angelique, show them how well you are doing now.
(ANGELIQUE opens her mouth, but not a sound comes out.)
Oh, my Lord. It’s back! Quick! The bread dipped in wine!
DIAFOROUS
Bread dipped in wine?
ARGON
It worked wonders.
(BELINE hands her the bowl. SHE takes a spoonful, opens her
mouth, then shows that it’s not working at all.)
DIAFOROUS
That is absurd!
ARGON
That’s how they get parrots to talk.
DIAFOROUS
In something as complex as this, you need a little chicken broth and
a couple of prunes to cleanse the system. Open your mouth, my dear. Ah!
Just as I thought: esophogitis. This can take months to cure and there’s
no guarantee it will work. So we’d better forget about the marriage altogether.
(A great beam of joy illuminates Angelique’s face.)
ARGON
This doctor was about to examine me.
DIAFOROUS
You have us to examine you.
ARGON
I just thought I’d get a second opinion.
DIAFOROUS
What day is today? Tuesday? It’s your blood-letting day.
SGANARELLE
You don’t still believe in blood-letting, do you?
DIAFOROUS
What would you suggest?
SGANARELLE
Why, mud-letting, of course!
DIAFOROUS
Mud-letting!
SGANARELLE
Obviously you do not keep up with the latest in medicine. Everyone develops
a bit of mud in their ears as days go by, and it is essential for the health
of the patient to let the mud out.
DIAFOROUS
I think I can safely say for my son, also, we do not adhere to these
newfangled notions. Thomas, get the leach.
SGANARELLE
Stop!
These barbarian barbers
Are killing this poor fellow
And I must tolerate them both.
Oh, Hippocrates,
It’s times like these,
I wish I’d never taken your oath.
DIAFOROUS
Ignore him, Thomas,
We must keep our humility,
For doctors don’t indulge
In mutual scurrility.
Though you watch this fellow pander
And you see he’s vile and base,
You cannot resort to slander---
You can only make a face.
(THOMAS sticks out his tongue at Sganarelle.)
SGANARELLE
I’m sure I’d use vulgarity,
I swear I’d use vulgarity
If my sister were not a Sister
Of the Sisters of Charity.
DIAFOROUS
Ignore him, Thomas,
We must keep our humility,
For doctors don’t indulge
In mutual scurrility.
You can flout a patient,
Out shout a patient,
And on rare occasions
You can clout a patient---
But a doctor’s a doctor
And let it be known,
We are never disrespectful
Of one of our own.
SGANARELLE
One of our own! What do you know about medicine?
DIAFOROUS
What do I know about medicine? What do you know about
medicine?
SGANARELLE
That’s no fair---I asked you first.
THOMAS
Pater, tell him what you know about medicine.
DIAFOROUS
All my colleagues were distraught
On how to cure the common wart---
The remedy
Was found by me
By hiding a dishrag beside a tree---
So it’s only professional ethics
Which makes me ignore what I see.
SGANARELLE
Since I’ve also studied warts,
I must refute your wart reports;
You should not brag,
For there’s one snag---
The tree must be hidden beside the rag!
So it’s only professional ethics---
DIAFOROUS
It was I who was called to the Conte DuFore
The summer he cried that his head was sore;
Well, he had such a lot o’
Medulla oblongata
That I took some away
And gave it to the poor.
So it’s only professional ethics,
Purely professional ethics,
Entirely professional ethics
Which keeps me from mentioning more.
SGANARELLE
‘Tis I who cured the Lady Kent.
She had a pinky which was bent;
She awkwardly
Would drink her tea
Till I bent all the others for symmetry;
So it’s only professional ethics
And the fact that he’s bigger than me.
DIAFOROUS
‘Tis I who cured the Duke de Lais,
Who liked to count his vertebrae---
He sulked until
I used my skill
And took them all out so he’d count at will,
So it’s only professional ethics
That keep me----
SGANARELLE
It was I who was called to the Spanish king
The winter he swallowed his wedding ring.
Though I tried to retrieve it,
I finally said, "Leave it,"
And wisely annulled his marriage in the spring.
So it’s only professional ethics,
Entirely professional ethics
That keep me from saying a thing.
DIAFOROUS
In the last bubonic plague,
Many antidotes were vague,
So I, monsieur,
Conceived the cure
Of clubbing the sick with their furniture,
So it’s only professional ethics
That make me put up with this boor.
SGANARELLE
In the last bubonic plague,
All the remedies were vague,
So I, my man,
Conceived the plan
Where they paid as they went in the fun’ral van----
So it’s only professional ethics
That make me---
DIAFOROUS
In my best-selling book on prolonged disease,
'Twas I who confirmed the hypothesis:
When a patient’s a Midas,
A cold becomes bronchitis
If you just will be patient with the patient’s sneeze.
So it’s only professional ethics,
Purely professional ethics,
Entirely professional ethics
That make me attempt to appease
Now. Are you going to listen to him or to us?
ARGON
Well…I…I…
DIAFOROUS
You dare hesitate! After all our injections, pills, powders and purgatives?
This is the thanks we get! Come Thomas. It’s obvious we are not welcome
here.
(THEY march out the door. As soon as they do, ANGELIQUE bursts
into song.)
ANGELIQUE
I have never seen you swimming in the sun,
I have never heard you pray,
We have never kissed before the coffee’s done,
But these are things we’ll do some day.
ARGON
Her voice has come back!
ANGELIQUE
We have never watched our shadows on the lawn
As the twilight slips away,
We have never felt the stillness of the dawn,
But these are things we’ll do some day.
BELINE
I’ve heard enough.
(SHE hurries off through the alcove.)
CLEANTE
Each time we touch
We’ll fall in love anew---
We have so much,
So much to look forward to---
TOGETHER
And soon we both will know
How warm the winter seems
When your love is there to stay,
Then we’ll sit and share
Our secret silent dreams,
Yes, these are things we’ll do someday.
ARGON
But how can I be sure her voice won’t disappear again?
SGANARELLE
Only one way.
ARGON
More bread dipped in wine?
SGANARELLE
A stroll in the park.
ARGON
A stroll in the park?
SGANARELLE
The combination of herbs at this time of year---calendula, angelica,
rosemary and sweet woodruff---has amazing curative powers.
ARGON
Toinette, take Angelique for a stroll in the park.
SGANARELLE
Oh, not your maid! I must examine her.
ARGON
Examine Toinette? For heaven’s sake, why?
SGANARELLE
She looks a bit piqued. Let the young man go.
(Unbeknownst to Argon, HE gropes Toinette’s rump.)
ARGON
Very well then.
(CLEANTE takes ANGELIQUE’s hand and leads her to the door.)
ARGON
A stroll in the park will do no harm. But, mind you, I have no intention
of letting you marry him.
(to Sganarelle)
Tell me, doctor. I am most impressed with what I’ve seen here today.
Where did you get your training?
SGANARELLE
Here. There. The West Indies.
ARGON
And you don’t believe at all in blood-letting?
(As SGANARELLE begins the verse, HE motions Toinette toward
the alcove. SHE hastily disappears.)
SGANARELLE
I could bleed you if I wanted to, monsieur,
For bleeding is a bloody common cure,
But though a purge is mighty,
Why mess your pretty nightie?
When I’ve a remedy that works for sure,
For sure.
(TOINETTE reappears wheeling on a small table which contains
a cauldron with a stirring stick and a box beside it from which Sganarelle
will extract the articles. While he sings, SHE draws the draperies so the
room is darkened and lights a candle which gives off an eerie glow.)
When your sponges get dusty
And your scalpels get rusty,
Do what the doctors in Haiti did,
Take a cricket’s tail and a katydid,
And mix, mix, mix,
Mix, mix, mix.
Take the wings of a moth, sir,
Drop them into the broth, sir---
Then just in order to season it,
Put the tongues of four chimpanzees in it,
And mix, mix, mix,
Mix, mix, mix.
Toss in half a tortoise,
One with rigor mortis---
Then observe what you’ve got!
Look!
A shroud o’
Chowder.
Now if that doesn’t kill ya,
Take some witch’s familiar---
Don’t be concerned with its sex or size,
Just toss it right in and exorcise---
And mix, mix, mix,
Mix, mix, mix.
Take a tip from the Haitians,
Spout some wild incantations---
Voices will soon start to answer you:
TOINETTE
Aw, go on, you old necromancer, you!
SGANARELLE
And mix, mix, mix,
Mix, mix, mix.
Dice some fresh belladonna,
Add to two parts iguana---
Then just in order to sweeten it,
Put a crocodile’s fangs and his feet in it,
And mix, mix, mix,
Mix, mix, mix.
Take some poison parsley,
Chop and sprinkle sparsely---
Let it come to a head,
Then cool yon
Bullion.
Now come taste the elixir,
And should it make you sick, sir---
Look what you’ve got when you reach in it,
Here’s a medical book and a leech in it,
Cause you mixed, mixed, mixed,
Mixed, mixed!
(TOINETTE takes a cup, SGANARELLE pours some liquid into it
and SHE hands it to Argon. ARGON hesitates before drinking it.)
ARGON
Extraordinary! I feel better already!
(BELINE enters.)
BELINE
What on earth is going on here?
(SHE blows out the candle, opens the curtains and lets the light in,
glares at Toinette and Sganarelle.)
Are you two quite finished with your little games?
ARGON
This mixture is quite wonderful, my dear. You must try some.
BELINE
Be careful they don’t kill you.
(SHE exits.)
ARGON
How that woman adores me!
SGANARELLE
I wouldn’t count on that.
TOINETTE
Ah, sir! Don’t talk like that about my mistress. No one can say a word
against her. She’s a woman completely without guile, and she loves the
master. How she does love him! There’s no telling the depth of her love.
ARGON
Ask her how she loves me.
TOINETTE
It’s quite true.
ARGON
How worried she is by my illnesses.
TOINETTE
No doubt about that.
ARGON
What care, what trouble she bestows on me.
TOINETTE
That’s certain. Would you like me to convince you immediately just how
much she loves him? Master, let me show him how little he knows.
ARGON
How?
TOINETTE
Lie down in that chair and pretend to be dead. You’ll see how she’ll
grieve.
ARGON
All right.
TOINETTE
Don’t keep her too long in a state of despair. It might be the death
of her.
ARGON
Leave it to me. I suppose there’s no risk in pretending to be dead.
TOINETTE
No. No. What risk could there be? Just stretch yourself out and keep
still.
(calling)
Oh, mistress, come quick! Something dreadful has happened!
(BELINE races onstage.)
BELINE
What? What is it?
TOINETTE
Oh, mistress!
BELINE
What’s happened?
TOINETTE
Your husband is dead.
BELINE
My husband is dead?
TOINETTE
Alas, yes! You were absolutely right. That stuff this so-called doctor
made killed him. He said he was feeling so much better and then…just like
that…gone!
BELINE
Are you sure?
TOINETTE
See for yourself.
BELINE
Heaven be praised! What a relief! Why are you crying?
TOINETTE
I thought it the proper thing to do, madam.
BELINE
Good Lord, who’s going to miss him? What use was he anyhow? He was a
nuisance to everybody, dirty, disgusting, always wanting an injection or
another dose of medicine in his flabby belly, forever sniveling, coughing,
spitting---dull, boring, bad tempered, tiresome to everyone…
SGANARELLE
What a funeral oration that will make!
(ARGON shoots up from the chair.)
ARGON
So, my lady! That’s how you adore me!
BELINE
He’s not dead after all!
ARGON
Get out! Get out of my sight! Get out of my house! Get out of my country!
I never want to see you again! Toinette, send for my lawyer. I am changing
my will immediately.
(HE raises his cane and chases her toward the alcove. SHE disappears.)
TOINETTE
My goodness, I never would have believed it! Wait! I see your daughter
coming back from her stroll. Go back where you were and see how she’ll
take the news of your death.
(ANGELIQUE enters, humming "Things Well Do Someday".)
ANGELIQUE
What a glorious day it is! Cleante is just coming. He insisted on picking
me a bouquet of forget-me-nots. What? What is it, Toinette? Why are you
crying?
TOINETTE
Oh, Angelique! Your father…
ANGELIQUE
What about my father?
TOINETTE
He’s dead.
ANGELIQUE
Oh, no!
TOINETTE
There he is. He had a sudden fainting fit and---expired---just like
that.
ANGELIQUE
Oh, heavens! How terrible! What a cruel misfortune! To lose my dear
father, who was all the world to me. And what makes it even worse to lose
him at a time when he was angry with me.
(CLEANTE enters with a bouquet)
CLEANTE
What is the matter, my dear Angelique? Why are you weeping?
ANGELIQUE
Alas, I weep for the dearest, most precious thing I had to lose. I weep
for my father’s death.
CLEANTE
But that leaves us free to marry!
ANGELIQUE
Oh, Cleante. We must give up all thought of marriage. I have no more
interest in the world now that I’ve lost my father. I renounce it forever.
Yes, father, if I opposed your wishes before I will comply with them now
and make amends for the grief which I so reproach myself for having caused
you. Let me give you my promise now, father. Let this kiss be a token of
my repentance.
(SHE leans down to kiss him, and HE suddenly rises.)
ARGON
Ah, my daughter!
ANGELIQUE
Father!
ARGON
Come. Don’t be frightened. I’m not dead. There you are my own daughter,
and I am delighted to find out how you really feel about me.
ANGELIQUE
Ah, father, what a relief!
ARGON
(to Sganarelle)
Now I see what you meant about my ears. But, good sir, it was not
only my ears, but my eyes also.
ANGELIQUE
Since heaven, in its goodness, restores you to me, father, let me throw
myself at your feet and implore one favor of you. If you can’t approve
my heart’s desire, if you can’t give me Cleante for a husband do not, I
beg you, force me to marry another. That’s all I ask of you.
CLEANTE
Sir, let her prayers and mine move you. Don’t oppose our mutual inclinations.
TOINETTE
Master. How can you resist such affection?
ARGON
Let him become a doctor and I’ll consent to the marriage. Yes, become
a doctor and I’ll give you my daughter.
CLEANTE
Willingly, sir. If that’s all that’s required to become your son-in-law
I’ll turn doctor, ay, even apothecary if you like.
TOINETTE
I have a better idea, master. Why not become a doctor yourself? It would
be even more convenient to be able to provide yourself with everything
you need. And it’s the very way to get better quickly. What disease would
have the audacity to attack the doctor himself?
ARGON
I think you are making fun of me. Am I of an age to start studying?
TOINETTE
Study? You know enough about it already.
ARGON
But you need to know Latin, diagnose the various complaints, and know
the remedies for them.
SGANARELLE
Once you put on the cap and gown of a doctor the rest comes of itself.
You’ll find you have all the skill you require. Whatever nonsense you talk
becomes wisdom and all the rubbish, good sense. And whenever a patient
tells you he is taking some outlandish substance which you did not prescribe
and he says it is doing him good, you look at him with this sickly tolerant
smile and say, "If you think it works…" Then you cup your hand over
your mouth and try to keep from laughing.
ARGON
(musing)
A doctor?
SGANARELLE
Take your cane and throw it away,
TOINETTE
Confiscate each pill!
CLEANTE
Listen and you won’t have to pay
ANGELIQUE
Another medical bill!
SGANARELLE, TOINETTE, CLEANTE & ANGELIQUE
Be your own doctor,
Cure your own flu,
Be your own doctor
And just let love come through!
And just let love come through!
Remember when you look
In your looking glass,
The only people
Who can’t stand people
Are other people---
So why be one of the mass?
Be your own doctor,
Cure your own gout,
You’re your own doctor
As long as love wins out,
As long as love wins out!
Unclench your teeth!
Unknit your brow!
And be your own doctor,
Be your own doctor,
Be your own doctor now!
(Now Argon joins them.)
ALL
Be your own doctor,
Cure your own pain!
Be your own doctor
And let compassion reign,
And let compassion reign!
Remember if you want
The right ways and means,
You should be dealing
With depth of feeling,
For love is healing
And doctors don’t know from beans!
Be your own doctor
Cure your own ills,
Take a heavy dose of
Love’s spills and chills and thrills,
Love’s spills and chills and thrills!
Unclench your teeth,
Unknit your brow---
And be your own doctor,
Be your own doctor,
Be your own doctor now!
CURTAIN
