BAD DAYS by Hannah T
Hannah T's fic Nr 1
Hannah' s note: This was my first fic, so I'm sorry if it sucked, ok?
(Intro and Theme)
(Bus Stop)
Cartman: Guess what, you guys!
Kyle: What, fat ass?
Cartman: Iīm not fat, Iīm big-boned!
Stan: What?
Cartman: Iīm going to test out for the basketballteam!
(Stan, Kyle and Kenny laughs.)
Cartman: Why the hell are you laughing?
Kenny: (Fat boys can't jump)
Cartman: They can too, and Iīm not fat, Iīm bigboned, godammit!
Kyle: Ok, ok, big-boned boys can't jump!
Cartman: Watch me, Jew!
(Cartman tries to jump, but naturally, he fails)
Kenny: (Nice jump fat ass!)
Cartman: Iīll bet you couldn't jump either!
(Kenny jumps higher than Cartman. Stan and Kyle look impressed)
Stan: Whoa, dude!
Cartman: I can jump higher than that!
Stan: No, you can't!
Cartman: Iīm not getting my ass kicked by a girl.
Kyle:Dude, that was Stan,and besides,itīs getting old.
Can't you come up with something new?
Cartman:You guys make me sick.
Stan:Huh?
Cartman:Youīre always hanging out with each other!Dontīt you got any other friends?
Stan:We got Kenny
Kyle:And weīre hanging out with you right now,fatso!
Cartman:I hate you guys.
(Bus pulls up.The scamps step on.)
Stan:Good morning,Ms.Crabtree.
Ms.Crabtree:Sit down,weīre runninī late!
Stan:Whatever,you fat whore
Ms.Crabtree:What did you say?
Stan:uhm
Ms.Crabtree:WHAT DID YOU SAY?
Stan:Uh-oh.
Ms.Crabtree:WHAT DID YOU SAAAAAY?
Stan:I said...I always wondered why Kennyīs family is so poor...
(Kenny stares angrily at Stan)
Ms.Crabtree:Oh,me too.
(Kenny looks mad)
Stan:(To Kenny)Sorry dude,I didnīt come up with any better!
(Classroom)
(Mr.Garrison talks about some bad ass t.v-show)
Mr.G:How many times did they kiss in the first season?
(Bebe raises her hand)
Mr.G:Bebe?
Bebe:2 times?
Mr.G:Correct.
Stan:When are you going to test out,fat ass?
Cartman:At Friday,and Iīm not fat,Iīm big-boned!
Mr.Garrison:Children,I almost forgot about the mathtest.
Hereīs the results.
(He hands out the papers)
Kyle:AHHHHHHH!
Stan:Whatīs the matter dude?
Kyle:I got a F-!
Cartman:You guys,you guys! I got a A,I got a A!
(He starts to sing)
I got a A,and you didnīt get one,I got a A!
Stan:Shut up,fat ass!
Cartman:Hippie!
Kyle:He canīt score better than me!Thatīs impossible!
Cartman:Youīre just jealous cuz I got a A and you didnīt!
Kyle:How could fat ass score better than me?
Stan:I donīt know,this canīt be right
(Dramatic chord.Zoom at Cartmanīs face.He farts loudley)
Kyle:AW!
Stan: Ew!
Cartman: Hehe.That was sweet!
(Cafeteria)
Chef:Hello there,children!
All:Hi Chef.
Chef:Howīs it going?
Kyle:Bad
Chef:Why bad? Kyle:I got a F- on the math-test
Cartman:Heīs just jealous of me cuz I got a A.
Stan:He cheated!
Cartman:No I didnīt,HIPPIE!
Wendy:Hi guys!
(Stan barfs.)
Kyle:Hi Wendy.
(Cartman turns around)
Cartman:Oh,the hippiegirl!
Stan:Shut up.
(He barfs)
Wendy:Gross,Stan!
Stan:Sorry.
Wendy:No,thatīs ok.
(He barfs again)
Wendy:Eww!Barf is gross,Stan!
(She goes away)
Kyle:Here we go again - You barfs,she goes!
Stan:I know,but I canīt help it!
Kyle:Why?
Stan:Sheīs making me nervous.
Kyle:Oh.
Cartman:If some girl maked me nervous----
Kenny:---(You would probably pee in your pants!)
(All laughs except Cartman)
Kyle:Yeah.
Cartman:No,I wouldnīt,you stupid son of a bitch!
Stan:Yes you would!
Cartman:Iīm not getting my ass kicked by a girl!
Kyle:Dammit,canīt you come up with something new?
Kenny:(What did you guys expect from Cartman?)
Cartman:SHUT UP POOR A$$!I donīt have to take this crap from you jealousy assholes!
Screw you guys,Iīm going home!
(Cartmanīs backyard )
(Cartman tries to jump and fails)
Cartman:Mom!
Ms.Cartman:Yes,hon?
Cartman:I need a basketball.
Ms.Cartman:Sure,hon,I get you one at the store tomorrow!
Cartman:But mom,I need one right now!
Ms.Cartman:But tomorrow--
(Cartman starts to cry)
Ms.Cartman:Oh,I guess I go to the store now then!
(She leaves.Cartman smiles)
Cartman:Sweeeeet!
(Doorbell rings)
Cartman:Mom,someoneīs at the door!
(no answer)
Cartman:Godammit!
(He opens the door.Kyle and Stanīs there)
Kyle:Hi fatass,what are you doing?
Cartman:Iīm not fat,Iīm big-boned!Screw you guys,Iīm going home!
Stan:Youīre at home,stupid!
Cartman:Well screw you,hippie!
(He slams the door in front of them.)
Kyle:Dude,he got serious emotional problem.
Stan:Yeah.
(Bus stop)
(Stan and Kennyīs standing there,they seem bored. Cartman walking towards them.Heīs wearing a basketballdress.)
Stan:What the f**k are you wearing?
Cartman:Itīs my new clothes,Jewboy!
Stan:Iīm not jewish,stupid,thatīs Kyle!
Kenny:(Where is he anyway?)
Stan:I donīt know!
Cartman:You never know about Jews.
Stan:Yeah, but come on, it Kyle we're talking about!
Cartman:You have a point there I guess.
(The bus pulls up)
Cartman:But my mom says you canīt trust them,cuz theyīre hippiecrap.
(In the bus)
Ms.Crabtree:Sit down and shut up!
Stan:We didnīt even say a word..
Ms.Crabtree:SHUT UP,KID!
Stan:Ok,ok...
(Kyleīs room)
(Kyle wakes up.You see it from his view,everything seems blury. The clock is 9.00 am.)
Kyle:AHHHH!
(He takes on his clothes. He runs out of the room)
(Classroom)
Mr.Garrison:Where is that little jewboy?
Mr.hat:Yeah,Where the hell is he?!
(Knock on the door Kyle steps in.)
Kyle:Sorry Iīm late,Mr.Garrison
(He takes his seat)
Stan(whispering):Dude,why are you late?
Kyle:My alarmclock didnīt work.
Stan:What?
Kyle:When I waked up the clock was 9.00 am.
Stan:Whoa dude.
Cartman:I was right,Stan!
Stan:No,you wasnīt!
Kyle:What did he said?
Stan:He said you canīt trust jewish people.
Kyle:Oh.
Stan:Itīs that true?
Kyle:DUDE!Have I ever failed you?
Stan:No,I donīt think so....
Kyle:So what kinda question is that?
Stan:Sorry.
(Cafeteria )
Chef:Hello there children.
All:Hi chef.
Chef:Howīs it going?
Cartman:Bad.
Chef:Why bad?
Cartman:Iīm going to test out for the basketballteam,but I canīt jump.
Chef:Donīt you know?
Cartman:Know what?
Chef:That fat boys canīt jump?
Cartman:Ey,Iīm not fat,Iīm big-boned!
(Classroom)
Mr.Garrison:Hereīs the results from the spelling-test
(He hands it out)
Kyle:DUDE!
Stan:No,not another F- ?
Kyle:WAIT!This is not my test!Itīs Cartmans!
Stan:I knew he cheated!
Kyle:Mr.Garrison!Cartman cheated!He changed our names!
Cartman:Uh-oh.
(Bus stop)
(all the scamps is there except from Kyle)
Stan:Dude,where the hell is he?
Cartman:When that f**king Jew get here I will kick him square in the nnnnnnuts!
Kenny:(Nah,Cartman,you know he will kick you square in the nuts,cuz youīre such a fat crybaby.)
Cartman:Shut up you poor son of a drunk asshole!When did you get a whole meal last time?
Kenny:(When did you f**k your mother last time?)
Cartman:Screw you.
(The bus pulls up.Kyle still havenīt shown up.)
Stan:This isnīt like him.
Cartman:I told you,you never know about Jews.
(The bus pulls up and they climbs on.)
Stan:Motherf**ker.
Cartman:Hippie.
(Kyleīs room )
(He wakes up.The clock is 9.01 am)
Kyle:Godammit!
(He gets his clothes on.)
(Main street )
(Kyleīs running down the street. A black car stops and a woman steps out of it. The woman looks a lot like Barbara Streisand)
Woman:(Sounds like Barbara Streisand)Hi there,little boy,my name is Mrs.Johnson and Iīm a very nice and friendly woman.Do you want some candy,little boy?
Kyle:AHHHH!Barbara Streisandīs back! (He run away from her)
Barbara Streisand:Godammit,the lastname change didn't work!!! I want revenge! AHHH!
(Classroom)
(Kyle runs in.Heīs still screaming.)
Mr.Garrison:What in the Jewish God's name are you doing, Kyle?
Kyle:BARBARA STREISAND!
Stan:What?
Kyle:I was running down the street,and a black car stopped and Barbara Streisand was coming out of it and she said her name is Mrs.Johnson and she said she is a very nice and friendly woman and she asked me if I wanted some candy--
Cartman:And you said no?
Kyle:Yes?!
Cartman:You stupid little jewboy,you said no?
Kyle:Cartman,it was Barbara Streisand.She wantīs to kill me!
Cartman:So?It was candy involved!Stan,youīre friend got a huge problem.
Stan:Huh?
Kyle:What the f**k is wrong with you,fat ass?!
Cartman:See,Stan,I was right!
Stan:No,you were wrong,fat ass!
Kyle:Wrong about what?
Stan:He still says you canīt trust jews.
Cartman:I was right!
Stan:No you wasnīt,you fat f**k!!
Cartman:Kenny,on whoīs side are you?
Kenny:(No ones)
Cartman:Godammit,you poor asshole!
Kenny:(Ok,Iīm on Stan and Kyleīs side)
Cartman:Godammit,you poor shit!
(Cafeteria)
Chef:Hello there,children.
All:Hi chef.
Chef:Howīs it going?
Kyle:Bad.
Chef:Why bad?
Kyle:Everything goes wrong.
Chef:What happend so far?
Kyle:Iīve got a F- on the math-test,Cartman changed our names on the spellingtest ,Iīve meet Barbara Streisand again, Iīve missed the school bus two mornings this week.Everything goes wrong!
Chef:Sorry,children,but I canīt help you.
Stan and Kyle:WHAT!?
Chef:Sorry,but I donīt have any advices to give. Hannah T haven't came up with a song for this problem.
Kyle:F**k you Hannah! (Hannah: Sorry, sorry! I can't come up with a song right now....)Oh. why me God?
Cartman:Yeah,the jewish God,why he?
Kyle:What?
(Inside the cafeteria.)
(Kyle stumbles.The food falls all over Kyle.)
Kyle:Ouch!
Stan:Dude!
Kyle:Godammit!
(He starts to cry)
Kyle:I canīt take this shit anymore!My life is like wart on Cartman's f**king fat ass!
Stan:Calm down,dude!
Cartman:Hahaha!Look at the jew!
(Everyone looks at Kyle.Kyle runs away.)
(Outside of the bathroom )
(Stanīs standing there.)
Stan:Kyle! KYLE!
Kyle:(Not seen)I canīt get out of here!
Stan:Why?
Kyle:I just canīt! I hate that fat f**k.
Stan:Yeah,me too,why the hell are we hanging out with him anyway?
Kyle:Cuz heīs a rich fat f**k?
Stan:Maybe that?
Kyle:Cuz his mom can cook?
Stan:Maybe.
(Short silence)
Stan:Get out of here,dude!
Kyle:I canīt!
Stan:We have to see Cartman when he plays basket.
(Short silence)
Kyle:Coming!
(The gym)
(Itīs about 20 boys there)
Cartman:Iīm gonna dunk the shit out of them!
Kyle (from the stage):No,you wonīt!
Cartman:Shut up jewboy!
Kenny:(Heīll get his ass kicked by those guys)
Stan:Yeah.
Cartman:No I wonīt!
(Suddenly a ball is thrown up to the stage.It hits Kennys head.The head rolls of.)
Stan:OH MY GOD,THEY KILLED KENNY!
Kyle:YOU BASTARDS!
(The game starts.Cartman gets the ball.He throws it in the basket.)
Cartman:I did it,I did it!
Coach:Sorry son,but that was your teams basket.
Cartman:Son of a bitch!
Stan:Heīs just a fat f**k,he canīt make it.
Cartman:I heard that,hippie!Iīm not fat,Iīm big-boned!
(He gets the ball while he talks to Stan.)
Stan:Ok,ok,youīre a big-boned f**k!
Cartman:No Iīm not.....(The other guys jumps on him)...Ouch!
(Stan yawns.)
Kyle:Cartman sucks.Letīs go home.
Stan:Yeah.See ya,fat ass.
Cartman(not seen):EY!
(Cartman gets the ball once again.The guys jumps on him.He drops the ball) Cartman(Weakly):Iīm.....gonna....kick....you.....guys....in.....the....nnnnnuts!
(Credits)