No one every seems to notice it as they go insane, but a few people do notice it.
Those few can't tell anyone they are going crazy, and they can't get any help. Everyone
just laughs at them, and tells them to stop fooling around. They are afraid what people will
do to them, because for the moment they are still sane.
With that thought our story begins. At first her teenage life seemed normal, a few
little things happening here and there, slight acne, guys who liked her, guys who she liked.
But things got better, it seemed as if her life had turned around. Her acne was gone, she
was doing good in school, she was semi-popular, and guys liked her at the same time
when she liked them. April was really happy for the first time since she was in the third
grade. She became elated when she got a boyfriend, a real boyfriend. All the other guys
were when she was in grade school, and some others were just crushes that almost lived,
but this one was REAL.
For weeks she was walking on air, it seemed they would always last forever.
Everytime they kissed April started to float on cloud 9. Then they kissed more and more
and went farther and farther. It wasn't too bad at first, nothing major was
happening...right? That's what she thought, but as she gave up one ideal after another she
was slowly weakened. Finally nothing seemed "that bad", and so she stopped at nothing.
Everything was fine for awhile, but when he started actually hanging out with his
friends more she got scared. She thought maybe he was cheating on her. Maybe he didn't
like her anymore, and maybe he had used her for her body. Some may wonder why would
she do something that stupid.
Why? Girls from the very beginning are taught to be insecure about their bodies. They
also see affairs going on in TV and many deal with parents that are divorced because of
affairs. That is where the paranoia stems from. But there are always stories floating
around school about guys who use girls. There are enemies that tell the girl that their
boyfriend is scum and uses everyone. Those are the same reasons why April became so
paranoid for no reason. April wasn't stupid, she was just subject to the ills of today's
society.
As these thoughts crept into her mind, so did others. She began to wonder how she
could have gone against all common reason she had. How could she make up for what she
had done? How could she overcome her shyness to actually tell someone so they could
help her? For April this was more than personal...it was religious.
She had more and more time left for thinking, which was a very bad thing in this case.
She started to push herself down. She wanted to make herself the worst person she could,
and her friends like me couldn't tell very well that something was wrong. She started
dressing differently and drinking. And all this time she was thinking to herself
"I am going insane, something is going to snap in my brain one day and I am going to
lose it totally. I have no reason to go crazy or to think I have all these problems, so why
am I going crazy? Why do I hate everyone to be even close to me or talk to me? I wish
they would all go away"
She wrote most of this down in her journal, and that is the only way anyone knows
that she actually thought she was going insane before she did.
About 3 months past and she was forced to interact with people again. It seemed to
everyone she was starting to be normal again. But everything had just been hidden away
into a corner.
The day of October 12 is a day I will never forget. It was the day we all lost April
forever. She didn't kill herself, you know that isn't what this story is about, it is the day
she left her mind. You knew it was coming. Want to know how? She failed a simple
math test. A big fat 0 on her paper. This was the test she KNEW! She had studied for
days and knew everything to the very last digit, and BANG she failed. All the reasoning
was correct, she just did simple stupid mistakes. When she got home she sat in a corner
and rocked herself back and forth. No one could wake her out of the gaze she had against
the wall.
The next day they came for her, and an announcement was made at school in her
classes. After school some of us went to her house to comfort her parents, that is when I
found her journal. It took me 2 days to read all of it, and that is when I decided to tell
April's story.
It has been a year now, and she will finally take visitors, but I don't think she talks
anymore.
She knew she was going insane, it was all just a matter of time.
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