Material Database Safety Sheet.

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Element: Woman

Symbol: Wo118

Discoverer: Adam

Atomic mass: Accepted as 118 but may vary from 100 to 460 pounds

Occurrence: Copious quantities in all populated areas

Physical Properties

1. Surface usually covered with painted film.

2. Boils at nothing. Freezes without reason.

3. Melts if given special treatment.

4. Bitter if incorrectly used.

5. Founds in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.

6. Yields to pressure when applied to correct points.

Chemical Properties

1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and other precious

metals.

2. Absorbs great quatities of expensive substances.

3. May explode spontaneously if left alone with a male.

4. Insoluble in liquids but activity greatly increases by saturation

in alcohol.

5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man.

Uses: Highly ornamental, great aid in relaxation.

Tests: Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural

state;

Turns green beside a better specimen.

Hazards: Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. Illegal to

possess more than one.

HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SHEET

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MATERIALS SAFETY DATA SHEET

MEN - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS

ELEMENT: MAN

ATOMIC WEIGHT: Accepted as 170 lbs, known to vary from 98 to 360

lbs.

SYMBOL: EGO

DISCOVERER: Eve. Discovered by accident one day when she had a

craving for ribs.

OCCURANCE: Large quantities in all populated areas. Highly

concentrated deposits at all sporting events and areas known as

"singles bars". Extremely low quantities can be found in any

location where cleaning up is required. (See Women and Slave Labor)

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1) Surface often covered with hair--bristly in some areas, soft in

others.

2) Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic & Common

Sense.

3) Melts if treated like a God.

4) Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme

caution.

5) Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply

sensitive to extremely thick.

6) Becomes stubborn and unyielding when pressure is applied; yields

only when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1) Is repelled by concentrated quantities of precious and

semi-precious metals and stones (See Jewelery Store). However, is

attracted to small quantities of these when viewed worn against the

skin of a woman. It is believed woman's skin combines with the

forementioned to create a highly magnetic attraction for this

element.

2) May explode spontaneously if wallet is opened.

3) Requires copious quantities of substances known as attention, reassurance, and stroking.

4) When saturated with Alcohol will be fairly inert and will repel

most other elements.

5) Is repelled by most household appliances and common household

cleansers.

6) Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly

those of the malodorous variety.

7) Is rendered non-functional when confronted with the items in #5 &

#6.

8) Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.

9) Is impervious to embarrassment.

10) Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to woman.