The camera focuses on Gourry who is standing in the corner wearing a tuxedo and carrying a microphone in one hand and cue cards in the other.
Gourry: Today our subject is...transsexuals!!!
Ranma: I AM NOT A TRANSSEXUAL!!!!!
G: Then what are you?
R: I am a guy.
Gourry snaps his fingers and cold water falls on Ranma. It soaks him to the bone and changes him to a her.
R: AHHH! What did you do that for, you dumb blonde!?!
G: Now, now. Let's keep the comments clean. What are you now?
R: A guy.
Gourry looks a little puzzled.
G: Right. Well. Let's bring out our next guest, Ranma’s boyfriend K-
R: I hate boys!!! I’m not gay!!!
G: Of course you do. Anyway, here’s Kuno Tatewaki.
Audience claps
R: AAHHH! You idiot!!! Why did you bring him here!?!?!?!
G: Because we're going to tell your boyfriend that you're a man!
R: I DON’T HAVE ANY BOYFRIENDS!!!!!
Kuno: RAAAAAAANNNNNNNNMMMMAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kuno runs in at full speed towards Ranma (still in girl form) with arms outstretched.
K: Oh Ranma. I love you. Marry me!
The crowd goes crazy ooohing and awwwing, and hooting and hollering.
R: NO no no no no! I hate you!!! Leave me alone!
G: You had better sit down Kuno, because we have something important for you to find out.
K: What? (looks very confused)
G: Kuno, pause Ranma is not a girl.
K: Yes she is!
He runs over to Ranma and lifts up her shirt.
K: Do these not look real?
R: What?!? Hey, you little jerk! I ought to knock you out for that!
K: Please do...!!??!!
G: Kuno...well.(Gourry snaps his fingers)
Warm water falls onto Ranma soaking her yet again, and changing her back to
Ranma in his original form.
R: Stop doing that!!!
G: As you can see Kuno-
Gourry is interrupted by Kuno
K: RANMA!!! YOU TOOK HER! BRING HER BACK!!!
Kuno attacks Ranma but is soon restrained by two big bodyguards.
Gourry tells Kuno he has to calm down.
K: I’ll be okay...But you can bet Ranma won’t, unless he returns Ranmaaaaahhhhhhhhh...!!!
Kuno again starts running and screaming at Ranma. The crowd starts yelling out a chant-
Yet again, the big bodyguards come out to restrain Kuno.
G: Now, Ranma would you please explain to Kuno why you are a transvestite?
R: I AM NOT A TRANSVESTITE!!!
G: Right. Sorry. Go ahead.
R: And don’t forget it! Well...Kuno...I am Ranma.
K: Of course you are...!?!
R: No, I mean I am Ranma.
K: Oh. I get it. Now, you had better BRING BACK RANMA NOW!!!
More fighting between Kuno and Ranma occur. The body guards come out again, and restrain Kuno once more. They’re looking pretty tired by now.
G: Kuno...You just don’t get it do ya? Ranma...(Gourry runs over to Ranma) this one right here...is one and the same with the one you love!
K: I don’t get it. (Now he’s looking really confused)
An audience member stands up
A:Kuno. Ranma is a girl.
K: Yes, and that is why I love her.
A: Ranma is also a guy.
K: That is also true, and that’s why I must destroy him- to break the spell he has on my girlfriend.
R: I am not your girlfriend!!!
K: Of course you're not...Ranma is!
R: Listen you sorry $#%@, I am Ranma Saotome! There is only one Ranma Saotome. When I am doused with cold water I change to a girl!!!
Gourry quickly snaps his fingers with delight as cold water falls all over Ranma, changing him instantly.
R: STOP DOING THAT!!! Anyway, I change back with warm water.
Gourry snaps his fingers and Ranma is drenched yet again.
R: All right, pretty boy. One more time, and you're gonna get it.
Gourry smiles wickedly.
G: So Kuno, do you get it now?
K: Let me get this straight- Ranma is both Ranmas?
R: Yes! You finally got it!!!!!
K: That’s bull-%$#@ ! You're a %$&# liar!!!
Fighting breaks out all over the studio as Gourry sweatdrops...
G: Well, that is all the time we have for today. Tune in next week for "One-timers:Superstars that make the other stars super" Bye-bye.
Final Thought
(Racheengel)- This was written by my good friend, Habib. I am very grateful, especially since the long lapse of time between the first Springer episode and my next seems nowhere very close to ending. I was also very glad that he had tied in with the intended next theme (My Dream Girl is a Man), because I had pretty much decided not to do that episode. (It was going to be about Zelgadiss and Miwan, the prince(ess) of the all-girl/crossdressing town.) So, domo arigatou gozaimashita, Habib. I really can't thank you enough.
If you were wondering about the Final Thought, there is currently none. Habib left it up to me to type, and I want his approval before I tack it on. (Since he is on vacation, it will have to remain absent for a while.)
By the way, anyone else who wants to guest write- feel free!
Chibi-Xel: She needs all the help she can get!
Rache: What's that supposed to mean?
Chibi-Xel: Sore wa himitsu desu!
Rache: ^-^;;