TOKYO-3 BABY-SITTERS
 
Written by Alain Gravel 

http://www.geocities.com/rakna01/

Based on characters created by and copyright GAINAX
Started on June 30th 2000
First pre-reader draft finished on November 14th 2000
Second pre-reader draft finished on March 7th 2001
Final draft finished on March 20th 2001

==================================================================

Chapter 6 - A walk to the park


    Ayanami Rei felt... lost.
    When she had made the decision to skip school to take care of 
Shinji, it had seemed like the right thing to do. Despite all that 
had been taught to her by Commander Ikari, she knew *this* was her 
place, even if only for a short amount of time. She couldn't 
explain it, it was just something that she knew deep down.
    Never before in her life had she felt something this strongly. 
In fact, it occurred to her that she never had any thoughts of her 
own before Ikari Shinji had appeared in her life. At first, she 
had rationalized that this was because she was a soldier of sorts, 
and soldiers didn't need to think by themselves, only obey orders.
    But she no longer felt like a soldier.
    So, she now found herself... on her own. There was no longer a 
routine for her to follow. Even before, when she started helping 
the Major take care of the baby, it hadn't caused extreme changes 
to her way of life. She still woke up at the same time, went to 
school, left school, did her homework and slept. Taking care of 
the child was an addition, but it didn't disturb her daily routine 
too much.
    But now she had chosen to break it.
    That being so, she had no idea on how to proceed with her day, 
and this made her uneasy and confused. To make matters worse, 
Major Katsuragi had taken this opportunity to finally escape the 
apartment. While the Major very much enjoyed taking care of 
Shinji, being forced to stay in the apartment was, in her own 
words, slowly driving her crazy. With the Major gone, Rei found 
herself without anyone to ask for advice about her current 
situation.
    For a moment, she had figured that she could simply take care 
of the baby's needs and do nothing between each task. It wouldn't, 
after all, be much different than her usual days in school where 
all she would do was spend the day looking outside. But she 
eventually changed her mind. After all, what would be the point of 
making such a change in her life if, in the end, it remained 
almost the same?
    But as she thought again about those days in school, an idea 
slowly came to her. She could remember a feeling, one that she had 
refused so far to admit. A longing. A longing to be out there, 
free, to feel the sun, wind and rain against her skin. To be part 
of that world out there, if only for an instant. Not to be bound 
by duty and fate, but to simply be, without any other purpose than 
her own existence.
    The idea became more substantial as she stared at the stroller 
which had been put in a corner of the living room, and had stayed 
there, unused until now. And a smile grew on the girl's face.

                              - - -

    A worried look on her face, Horaki Hikari watched her friend 
Sohryu Asuka Langley. The class representative hadn't been able to 
clear her mind of the feeling that something was wrong with the 
Evangelion pilot. Her behavior at breakfast. How cheerful she had 
been on her way to school, and even before classes had begun. 
Kensuke had almost suffered from a heart attack when the German 
girl gave him a cheerful welcome into class. Even now, he was 
still taking paranoid glances at the redhead every five minutes or 
so. There wasn't, however, much for him to see, as Asuka's 
cheerful attitude had now faded like snow in a desert under the 
afternoon sun. She was staring into space right in front of her, 
almost as if she was able to actually see something beyond the 
class wall. Her previously joyous expression had melted away, 
leaving behind a girl that looked more like an empty shell than 
the exuberant girl Hikari had grown to know. Something was wrong 
with her friend, and Hikari was determined to know what it was. 
She had suspected for a long time now that Asuka was keeping 
something dark and painful buried deeply inside her, behind her 
strong and confident air. It was something she could recognize. 
Asuka's pride and anger were masks she used to hide things too 
painful for her to face. And something had happened, something 
that made it no longer possible for Asuka to keep up the act. The 
previous night, she had seen the true Asuka Langley; a scared and 
hurt child.
    "I won't give up, Asuka," thought the pigtailed girl. "I'll do 
what I can to help you."

                              - - -

    Lau Mei-Ling let out a sigh of relief as she sat down on a 
small wooden bench. She praised herself for her idea of taking her 
two children, who were now heading toward a sandbox to play with 
other children, to the park with her. Maybe now they could burn 
some of that youthful energy for a while, so that she might go 
back in peace to the mall for another round of clothes hunting. 
Her children grew out of their clothes so fast, if she didn't know 
better, she would swear that they were doing it on purpose. She 
shook her head and tried to use this opportunity to relax herself. 
After all, as she patted her slightly bulging belly, stress was 
not welcome in her condition.
    For a moment - she knew that she couldn't indulge herself for 
long, as she still had to watch over her children, especially her 
younger boy - she closed her eyes. The air was filled with the 
sound of children's laughter and the occasional cicada, as well as 
with the smell of flowers and trees. It was hard to believe that 
this park, no matter how little, was right in the center of Tokyo-
3, a city-fortress in the middle of a war with dangerous unearthly 
beings.
    So, even if only for short time, she let herself be fooled by 
the illusion of peaceful moments before opening her eyes again and 
seeing the tall buildings of Tokyo-3, half of them dedicated to 
warfare, which even the tallest trees of the small park could not 
completely hide. With her third child to be born in six weeks, she 
realized that she would probably have to do what many other 
mothers had done before her and leave the city, in case the worst 
was to happen. She didn't want to break her family apart, even if 
only temporarily, but she could no longer put her children into 
this kind of danger. The list of casualties caused by the 
Fourteenth Angel was kept a secret, but rumor was that the shelter 
in sector 6B had been completely destroyed. Had the Angel attacked 
an hour earlier, she would have found herself in that shelter 
since she had been in that section of the city at the time...
    Her husband would either have to understand or quit NERV. If 
such a thing was possible.
    Looking back at the children, she noted with satisfaction that 
her seven year old daughter was pushing her five year old brother 
on one of the swings. He seemed to be competing with another boy 
to see who could go higher. After telling her children to be 
careful, she let her mind wander for a while, until she noticed 
someone coming her way, pushing a stroller. At first, she mistook 
the newcomer for a boy. The white baseball cap, the big backpack 
and the loose, dark blue T-shirt the girl wore did a good job in 
hiding most of the teenager's emerging female curves, but as she 
walked closer, it was clear that the person's face was too 
feminine to be a boy's face.
    "What a strange girl," thought Mei-Ling.
    While the blue hair was rather odd, Mei-Ling had learned not 
to think twice about the way teenagers could sometime look. She 
could remember a time when she had herself dyed her hair pink and 
started wearing outfits that would have looked more welcome in an 
S&M bar than anywhere else. She cringed at the embarrassing 
memory. What was strange, however, was the pale white skin and the 
crimson eyes. There was something about those eyes, they seemed 
too intense for simply being the result of wearing red tinted 
contact lenses. Maybe the girl was an albino. She had heard that 
those people had pale skin and red eyes. And it would explain the 
cap.
    The women's assumptions were close to the truth, since Rei had 
indeed put the cap on to protect her face and eyes from the sun, 
even if she wasn't technically albino. The fact was that Rei could 
actually take as much sun as she wanted without ever fearing 
sunburn, unlike what people tended to think. Her vision, however 
was more used to dark environments, like her apartment and the 
lower levels of Geofront, so direct exposure with the sun was a 
bit painful.
    Rei was used to people staring at her. Her appearance had 
always attracted attention, so it was something that she had 
learned to ignore. But she found herself unable to ignore the 
woman seated near. In herself, the woman didn't look unusual. She 
was of Asian origin, with shoulder length jet black hair, 
chocolate brown eyes and not much taller then herself. She was 
probably nearing her thirties. A typical sight in Tokyo-3. What 
Rei did find unusual about her was her belly.
    Though many aspects of life eluded her, Rei wasn't so naive as 
to ignore how babies came to be. Human biology was a subject she 
had studied with rapt interest, and her studies had included human 
reproduction. She had even gone as far as reading several manuals 
on reproductive techniques themselves. Although she did wonder why 
some of those manuals, which she had found discarded on a heap of 
trash, had so many pictures and so little relevant text. In any 
case, while Rei knew all that was involved with human 
reproduction, this was the first time she had actually encountered 
a pregnant human female. The knowledge that another life was 
taking form within this woman was both intriguing and fascinating.
    Whatever apprehension Mei-Ling had felt toward the girl slowly 
disappeared as she noticed the intense interest the girl had 
toward her bulging belly. There was marvel and curiosity in the 
child's eyes. And maybe even a longing.
    The remaining restraint Mei-Ling had been keeping vanished and 
she finally stopped herself from staring at the girl and took 
serious notice of the girl's stroller. Or rather, the stroller's 
contents.
    "Oh! What a cute baby!"
    Mei-Ling had always been an extrovert. Second Impact had cut 
short her studies, but she hadn't minded at the time; her job as a 
waitress had been enough to satisfy her. She really just loved 
meeting new people. Even after marrying and moving to Tokyo-3 she 
had kept a very open life, usually going to the mall or other 
crowded places just to see new, unfamiliar faces. Only the sudden 
decrease in Tokyo-3 population had forced her to change that 
aspect of her life.
    Another thing Mei-Ling loved was children, and especially 
babies. Maybe that was the reason why she had a third child on the 
way and suspected that it wouldn't be her last. It was a dream of 
hers to eventually open a small private daycare center. Maybe she 
would after moving to her cousin's home in Osaka.
    The sudden squeal from the woman woke the previously sleeping 
Shinji. Rei looked at him worriedly, expecting him to burst into 
tears. The child yawned and then opened his cute little eyes. He 
first noticed the reassuring presence of Rei, then noticed a new 
face looking at him. It was a nice face, with a warm, cheerful 
smile.
    "Gah!"
    Rei let out an almost imperceptible sigh of relief at Shinji's 
apparent happy mood.
    "Oh, he's so precious!" said Mei-Ling cheerfully as Shinji 
giggled. The sight brought a shy smile on Rei's face. "He looks 
just like you! Are you his older sister?"
    Rei frowned. She hadn't expected this. She couldn't tell this 
woman the truth. But she didn't want to walk away or ignore her 
either.
    "I... yes... Yes, I am his sister."
    For some reason, the girl felt that she was slightly blushing 
at the thought of such a suggestion. Being Ikari-kun's sister...
    Yet, for some reason, it actually felt right.
    "Oh! How nice of you to take care of him!" Then the woman's 
eyes narrowed as she remembered something. "But shouldn't you be 
in school?"
    "Our mother drank too much yesterday night and therefore is 
unfit to take care of my... brother... this morning."
    Rei was no stranger to lies. Most of what people believed as 
truth in NERV were usually lies. She had observed how people like 
the Commander or Doctor Akagi could either omit or disguise the 
truth, for the interest of greater goals. But knowing something 
and practicing it were two separate things altogether. Thus, Rei 
made a very bad liar. While she didn't mind, Mei-Ling saw through 
Rei's words without any efforts.
    "Well, it's okay... I skipped school myself quite a few times. 
At least you're taking care of your brother instead of wasting 
your time on less productive things. I don't know many kids who 
would do that."
    "I enjoy taking care of him."
    "I'm sure you do. He's such a cutie! Could I hold him?"
    Only the suggestion itself sent waves of fear through the 
girl's spine. For some reason, the concept of someone else holding 
Shinji was... unwelcome. She had noticed that she had grown 
progressively uneasy even when the Major was holding the child. 
She knew of course that such a thought was irrational; after all, 
the Major had been taking care of Shinji days before she had 
herself joined the Major in this task. But she couldn't help the 
feelings that overcame her more and more. A need to protect the 
child and a tinge of jealousy each time someone else held him.
    "I... I..."
    Mei-Ling didn't miss the worry that came across the girl's 
face. For a moment, she thought about telling the girl that she 
could forget about that request, but that baby was so cute!
    "There's nothing to worry about. You see those two kids there? 
They're mine. So holding a baby is no new experience for me."
    Rei looked at the children. They seemed happy, joyful. She 
could remember once being that age. Has she ever been that happy 
in her life? Had... had the first Rei ever felt that way? She 
couldn't remember. What few experiences she had retained from the 
first were sparse, and she usually tried not to think about them. 
Some were... painful.
    Then she looked at the woman. Such expectations...
    It took almost all of Mei-Ling's will not to look away as Rei 
stared at her. Her glare almost seemed to bore right through her 
and look at her naked soul...
    "You can hold him... for a minute."
    The smile on Mei-Ling's face widened, and she gently took 
Shinji out of the stroller. So tiny, so cute!
    Rei gave her a look of approval as she noted that the woman 
did indeed know well how to handle a baby, probably even better 
than her or the Major. She watched as Mei-Ling tickled Shinji, who 
in turn giggled with delight. Then the older woman gave the child 
back to Rei, who delicately put him back in the stroller and 
adjusted his covers.
    "You take great care of your brother. I'm sure you'll make a 
great mother someday."
    Rei froze at those words. A mother. Ikari-kun had said once 
that she looked like a mother. Was that it? Was this why her 
actions and thoughts were so erratic of late? She knew within 
herself that that woman was wrong. She would never be a mother. 
But now that Ikari-kun was reduced to the state of an infant... 
Did she unconsciously seize the opportunity to be, if only for a 
short time, something that she was not meant to be?
    Rei's musing was cut short by the arrival of Mei-Ling's two 
bundles of energy.
    "Mamma! I'm thirsty..." whined the elder child.
    "Thirsty!" her younger brother cheerfully repeated.
    Mei-Ling smiled as she ruffled her son's hair.
    "Cheng-Yi, Jia-Ying, say 'hello' to the young lady here."
    Obviously used to this, the older girl politely bowed.
    "Hello, obaa-san."
    While Mei-Ling's daughter showed exemplary behavior, the same 
didn't occur with the little boy. As soon as Rei's gaze crossed 
his own, he looked away in fright and grabbed hold of his mother's 
leg.
    "What's wrong, dear?" asked Mei-Ling to her son.
    "Scary! Girl scary!" whimpered the child.
    This was enough to trigger flashes of memories within Rei. How 
children often reacted to her on the street. Fear, disgust, 
rejection. The teasing people gave her at the beginning of high 
school, before they got tired of her ignoring them. Monster. 
Demon. Ghost. Robot. Doll. Names that she usually just ignored. 
Because deep down, she could not blame them. She *was* different 
from them. Was it not in man's nature to fear what he couldn't 
understand?
    But this time, the words struck a chord within her, emotions 
usually carefully kept in check suddenly awoke.
    "I... I... I must go..."
    Rei ignored the woman's attempts to calm her son, or her words 
of apologies. It was something that she wasn't even aware of. The 
only thing that seemed to exist, at that moment, was pain, 
loneliness and rejection.
    And thus, Ayanami Rei ran away, pushing the stroller as fast 
as she could. Mei-Ling was already far behind when Rei realized 
that tears were ran freely on her cheeks.
    "Poor girl," thought Mei-Ling. "And I don't even know her 
name..."
    It was a shame really. With most of her friends gone, Mei-Ling 
often felt alone, even with her children around. Her husband was 
overworked, so they barely saw each other anymore. For some 
reason, she had liked this girl. She could have made some nice 
company. Not to mention that she might also have been a good 
potential baby-sitter.

                              - - -

    Hikari found Asuka on the school roof. The German girl had run 
out of the classroom the moment the morning classes were over and 
it had taken Hikari a substantial portion of her lunch time to 
track her friend down. Asuka never ate alone, and the rooftop had 
been the one of last places Hikari had thought to look. She only 
thought about it when it occurred to her that this was the place 
where Touji usually went, aside from the basketball court, when he 
wanted to be alone.
    "These two are more alike then they might think," she thought 
with a small, albeit sad, smile.
    She approached her friend slowly, giving her all the 
opportunity to react to her intrusion of her privacy. Asuka was 
laying on her back and staring at the sky, a vacant look on her 
face. Hikari noted that an opened bento was laying at her side, 
with barely a third of its contents eaten. This confirmed Hikari's 
guess that something was wrong with her friend. In the time she 
had known Asuka, she had never skipped a meal, except if it was 
made by her guardian, and usually, when those rare occurrences 
happened, the German girl would find a way to 
tease/threaten/blackmail poor Ikari-kun into buying her a lunch.
    "Mind if I sit?"
    The girl stayed silent, so Hikari decided that it wasn't a 
'no' and sat down at her friend's right. She looked up at the 
clouds herself for a few moments before trying to interact with 
Asuka again.
    "Nice day, uh?"
    Inwardly, Hikari scolded herself. Didn't she have anything 
better to talk about than weather? But then, she realized, Asuka 
was usually the one who started conversations. It was never a 
problem, it almost seemed that the Evangelion pilot always had 
something to say, even if most of the time it was complaining 
about all the little inconveniences in her life. Hikari actually 
found herself at a loss here. What could she say? How could she 
manage to get Asuka to talk about her problem? The last thing she 
wanted was to be too insistent and rush Asuka into telling her 
what was disturbing her.
    "What do you want?" Asuka finally said as she raised herself 
to a sitting position.
    Hikari smiled. It seemed that there was still some life in her 
friend. And if she had to choose, an annoyed Asuka was better than 
an unemotional one. Also, this gave her the opportunity she was 
looking for. It seemed that Asuka wanted to get this over with. So 
she might as well be direct herself.
    "What's wrong Asuka? You're not yourself today."
    "There's nothing wrong. So you can just stop worrying and 
leave me alone."
    "Asuka... Don't even try telling me that nothing's wrong. I'm 
not stupid. I was there yesterday night, remember? I was the one 
who carried you home and..."
    "SHUT UP!" shouted Asuka as she nearly jumped up and glared 
down at her friend. "Nothing happened last night, you hear me!? 
NOTHING happened!"
    All around school, Horaki Hikari was known to be one the 
sweetest people you could find. Strict, perhaps, while in class, 
but she hardly ever got angry at anyone and when she did, it was 
usually short lived. But even Hikari had her limits.
    "I won't shut up! Something serious happened yesterday! You'd 
still be laying in a puddle on the street if I hadn't dragged you 
home!"
    "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Nothing happened! We went directly 
to your apartment after school! NOTHING ELSE happened!"
    Hikari had been about to reply to the girl's words, when 
something clicked in her mind. Here was Asuka insisting that 
nothing had happened the previous night. All day, she had tried to 
act in public as if she didn't have a care in the world. She acted 
*happy*. It finally occurred to Hikari that Asuka wasn't trying to 
convince her that the previous night had been uneventful; she was 
trying to convince herself. Something had happened and Asuka was 
trying with all her might to deny it.
    She was... trying to deny the truth...

    The older sister stood, tears streaking her teenage face, in 
front of her middle sister.
    'Hikari-chan... Kaa-san... kaa-san's gone now...'
    'NO! Oneechan! You're lying, you're lying! Mamma can't be 
dead!'
    'Hikari-chan...'
    Kodama tried to hug her sister, but the smaller girl escaped 
from her arms and ran past her, into her parent's bedroom. Her 
mother lay on the bed. Her eyes were closed, and for the first 
time since she had been sick, she seemed at peace. Surely she 
couldn't be dead. She couldn't! It just wouldn't be fair!
    'Mamma! Mamma! MAMMA!'
    The little girl tried to shake her mother awake, but without 
success. Because she would never wake again.
    'You can't be dead Mamma! You can't be! MAMMA!'

    Sadness having replaced anger, Hikari felt tears welling up in 
her eyes at the memory. For a long time she had tried to deny the 
truth, eventually trying to take her mother's place at home, to 
*be* her. Slowly, as she had grown older, she had finally accepted 
the truth, but still, there were times...
    Perhaps for the first time, Hikari now understood how her 
sister Kodama felt toward her.
    She wondered... if Asuka wanted to forget what had happened, 
could she really help her? What should she do, go along with her 
delusion, or try to help her face whatever was troubling her? 
Playing along with Asuka would be easier, but wouldn't it be more 
harmful in the long run?
    "Asuka... you just can't try to deny reality. It never works."
    The German girl just gave Hikari a nasty glare as the class 
representative got up.
    "You don't have to keep all this to yourself. You can't keep 
your pain bottled up inside forever... eventually, I'll tear you 
apart."
    "Don't talk about things you don't know about!"
    "Baka! Do you think that you're alone in the world? Do you 
think that everyone else aside from poor miserable Asuka is always 
happy? Well guess what?! That's not true! We all have our 
problems! And yes, there are other people who can be hurt just as 
you are! But you're just too damn egocentric to realize that!"
    Hikari took a deep breath and tried to clear her head. 
Shouting at Asuka surely wouldn't help.
    "I'm sorry... I shouldn't be yelling at you. But Asuka... I 
know what you're going through... I understand more than you might 
think."
    For a moment, it almost seemed as Hikari's sincere feelings 
were reaching through to Asuka. The class representative couldn't 
help but smile slightly. She might be able to help her friend 
after all.
    "Let me help you."
    For a second, Hikari got the definite impression that her 
words did indeed reach Asuka. The German girl seemed almost... 
grateful. But then, her expression suddenly shifted, to be 
replaced  by burning hatred. Before she knew it, Hikari found 
herself falling backward, under the blow of a vicious slap.
    Hikari had often pitied Ikari-kun. Now she couldn't help but 
admire him. That had hurt! A lot! She wondered how he managed to 
put up with it.
    "I DON'T NEED YOUR PITY! LEAVE ME ALONE!"
    Asuka left the rooftop before Hikari could even think of what 
to do next.
    "Asuka... don't run from your friends...", she whispered, as 
she touched her already swelling cheek.

                              - - -

    Rei let out a small sigh of relief as she set foot into the 
Geofront. It was quieter, cooler, and the air, despite being 
artificial, seemed cleaner. She knew of course that while the 
Geofront sphere itself was of unknown origin, all that was inside 
it was man made. What seemed like the light of a bright afternoon 
was only the result of a carefully planned projector array. The 
trees and grass had been planted by man, the huge lake near NERV's 
headquarters had been dug then filled with water by man. Life 
inside the sphere was entirely fake. But it didn't matter to Rei. 
She knew this fake world better than the outside one. And in the 
end, if she removed her shoes and socks, the grass under her feet 
would feel as real as the one on the outside.
    It was probably more fitting, too. After all, she herself was 
as artificial as everything around her. This was her universe, one 
she would probably never escape, despite whatever foolish dreams 
she may have the folly to try to grasp.
    As she thought back to what had occurred earlier, Rei felt 
great shame and a sense of failure. She had lost control again and 
had let herself be completely driven by her emotions. She couldn't 
even remember clearly how she had actually found herself on her 
way into the Geofront. More importantly, the incident had reminded 
her of her place in the world. For a moment, she had thought of 
herself as a real person, and had paid for that. While she was 
quite used to physical pain, Rei had never faced emotional pain in 
such a way. Now she understood why Ikari-kun tried so hard to 
avoid it.
    Leaving the stroller behind as it slowed down her progress in 
the grass, Rei walked aimlessly, Shinji cradled in her arms. She 
could have returned to the Major's apartment, but felt suddenly 
unsure that she could remain calm under the stares of people in 
the streets. She didn't belong there, not the way she wanted, as a 
teenager carrying a baby with her, and she was certain that 
everyone would notice now. They had probably noticed all along; 
she just hadn't cared before.
    "Ayanami!"
    The girl almost jumped as she heard her name called in a voice 
she knew, but not a familiar one. She turned toward the source of 
the voice to see the man called Kaji Ryouji. He smiled and waved 
at her to come to him. Rei complied and frowned as she approached 
him, perplexed by his actions. He was standing in front of a small 
melon patch and appeared to be sprinkling them.
    "Miss Ayanami, what a nice surprise, seeing you here. How are 
you?"
    Rei blinked. People rarely inquired about her well being.
    Kaji smiled, a warm very inviting smile. His gaze bore 
directly into hers, instead of looking away like people usually 
did. For the first time in her life Rei had to look away, and she 
felt her cheeks grow slightly hot under the man's scrutiny.
    "I... I am well."
    "Good to hear. I see that you're taking a walk with baby 
Shinji. You two make a lovely pair."
    "I... thank you."
    Again, he smiled at her. And while he kept sprinkling the 
small garden at his feet, Kaji's eyes remained on her. Rei grew 
progressively more uncomfortable. What was she supposed to do in 
such a situation? What had been that man's purpose in inviting her 
over? Were they supposed to engage in what people called small 
talk? She remembered her earlier contact with the woman in the 
park. She remembered how she had somehow desired to participate in 
a form of bonding with that woman. She also remembered how it had 
disastrously ended. But there were no children here...
    "What... what are you doing?" tentatively asked Rei.
    The man's face lit up at her question. Rei smiled lightly as 
she got the impression that she had apparently done right.
    "Good of you to ask, Miss Ayanami. What you see here is a 
hobby of mine. I'm growing watermelons. And since this may be my 
last opportunity, I thought that I'd come here and sprinkle a 
little bit. It's surely not as complicated as taking care of 
little Shinji-kun here, but watching those little things grow sure 
has its rewards."
    The girl gave a perplexed look at the fruits. Waiting for 
plants to grow was enjoyable?
    "This is a hobby?"
    "Oh, why, yes! And a very relaxing one. You know, if you hand 
me little Shinji, you could try sprinkling a bit if you'd like..."

                              - - -

    Asuka stared at the forest green metal door in front of her. 
She didn't know how long she had been sitting on that toilet seat, 
staring blankly at the stall door. Seconds, or maybe minutes? She 
wasn't sure. The only things on her mind were recollections of 
what had just occurred. The anger had left her as she had been 
running down the stairs leading to the school rooftop, leaving her 
with confusion and guilt.
    "I've hit Hikari..."
    Asuka was a violent person. She was aware of that. She would 
yell at people, insult them, sometime even hurt them physically. 
She also considered that the people she hurt, should it be 
physically or verbally, deserved it. Because they were annoying, 
because they were perverts, or because they couldn't even stand up 
for themselves like Baka Shinji and Wonder Girl. Asuka did her 
best to every day live up to high standards she had set and she 
expected people around her to do the same. If they didn't, then 
then also didn't deserve her respect.
    So, while she didn't feel remorseful about the way she treated 
a good portion of her classmates, what she had just done was 
something different all together. She had hit Hikari, someone who 
had quickly gained her respect. Someone who she had come to 
consider... a friend.
    Because she had been willing to try to help her.
    Hikari's offer had been so appealing. To finally be able to 
talk to someone, say the things she had buried at the bottom of 
her heart and never revealed to anyone. Not to those NERV 
psychiatrists, not to her so called family, not to Misato and not 
even to Kaji. But accepting someone's help... Long ago, Asuka had 
sworn to herself that whatever happened, she would manage on her 
own.
    Out of habit, Asuka reacted with Hikari as she always did, 
before even realizing it. Thinking about what she had done almost 
made her feel sick with herself. Yet, the worst was... part of her 
was proud that she had rejected her friend in such a way.
    'She should have minded her own business.'
    'She was just worried.'
    'You don't need her pity.'
    'It was just friendship.'
    'You don't need her. You don't need anybody.'
    'I don't need a friend... but I want one.'
    There was nothing wrong with wanting company, was there? She 
knew she didn't need it, that she could very well go on her own. 
So was there anything wrong with having a friend?
    Not that it mattered anymore. Hikari wouldn't forgive her...
    She had lost her only friend. She was truly alone now.
    But wasn't it what she had wished deep down? After all, if 
there isn't anyone you care about, then no one can leave you...
    With all her strength, Asuka threw her right fist at the stall 
door.
    "I'm pathetic..."
    Tears flowed down her cheeks, which she attributed to the pain 
she had felt when flesh had hit metal.
    Part of her did point out, however, that she had felt worse 
physical pain while piloting EVA...

                              - - -

    Misato felt good. Now, this wasn't the kind of good she 
usually felt after her sixth beer, but rather the good of someone 
who had spent a very pleasant day and was equally pleased with her 
actions.
    The day had started rather badly. Misato still worried about 
Asuka, and Rei's sudden decision to skip school had not helped a 
fast growing headache. But a good bath and cup of strong coffee 
helped clear her thoughts a bit, and soon Misato realized the 
advantages of this new reality. Mainly that she could leave Shinji 
in Rei's care any time of the day and *finally* leave the 
apartment for a few hours. Not just to do some quick shopping or 
because of a health care emergency, but simply to relax and have 
fun.
    That is, once she made sure that Asuka was alright.
    She almost hadn't made it, but apparently her short, forced 
vacation hadn't impeded her legendary (and dreaded) driving 
skills. So Misato managed to get to the Children's school with a 
few seconds to spare, before Asuka and Hikari showed up. Most 
likely, Asuka never noticed the blue sport car on the other side 
of the street, since she never gave it a glance and just walked 
toward the school building, a smile on her face and chatting 
happily with her friend. Relieved that her charge seemed in a 
better condition than the last time she had seen her, Misato 
headed out toward the mall with a worry free mind.
    For a change, Misato actually had some money in her account. 
If the decision to stop drinking had proven to be a healthy one -- 
it pained Misato to admit it, but life was more enjoyable without 
a perpetual hangover -- it had also been a good one moneywise. The 
Major could hardly believe how much money she had saved just by 
not buying any beer in nearly two weeks. Having managed to have 
Shinji's needs covered by the scientific division budget -- 
diapers and baby food were so expensive after all -- and with 
Asuka away, Misato had also found her regular weekly expenses 
greatly diminished. Life was good.
    When she returned to the apartment around lunch time to see 
how Rei and Shinji were doing, Misato carried a few bags with her, 
the results of hours of shopping. While she had shown some 
moderation, just in case she would have to meet some unexpected 
expenses, Misato had still picked up two new set of clothes for 
herself and two for Rei. God knew the girl still needed to let up 
a bit, and Misato figured that perhaps an addition to her rather 
bland... wardrobe -- if you could call a few school uniforms a 
wardrobe -- would help. But what made her smile the most were the 
clothes she had picked up for Shinji. Some were a few sizes too 
big, like that cute little sailor uniform or the plugsuit like 
pajama, but she just couldn't resist buying them. Besides, he'd 
eventually grow big enough to wear them, right?
    "Rei! Shin-chan! I'm home!"
    Misato almost shook with excitement, a smile threatening to 
split her face in two. She couldn't wait to show Rei what she had 
bought and to try a few things on Shinji!
    Misato frowned when no one replied, but that wasn't enough to 
damper her mood.
    "Maybe they're asleep..."
    Misato soon started to worry, however, as she found Shinji's 
crib empty.
    "Rei?"
    While it could manage to accommodate three roommates, Misato's 
apartment wasn't very big, so it took little time for her to 
realize that Rei and Shinji where nowhere to be found. Discarded 
on the kitchen table, three shopping bags and their contents were 
soon forgotten as the Major grew more and more worried.
    "They're gone..."

                              - - -

    Through a strange twist of fate, or perhaps a simple mundane 
coincidence, Katsuragi Misato wasn't the only person who was 
growing more and more worried with each passing minute. While the 
feeling had been plaguing Hikari since morning, it had been 
growing in intensity as students -- the very few that were still 
attending classes -- were one by one taking their places. It 
became clear when the teacher finally came in that Asuka wouldn't 
be coming back.
    Silently, Hikari cursed herself for her stupidity. It was 
likely that despite her good intentions, she had just made an 
already delicate situation even worse. Whatever the reason, Asuka 
was going through a difficult time and somehow... Hikari felt that 
she had failed her friend.
    Perhaps she was worrying over nothing, but still, Hikari 
couldn't help it. In the wrong frame of mind, people could do some 
pretty stupid things. Hoshino Yuki came to mind. The girl had been 
in Hikari's class since the beginning of high school and while she 
wasn't a close friend, she was a pleasant girl to know. That is, 
until the Third Angel attacked. After that day, Yuki had isolated 
herself more and more from the others and eventually blended into 
the class picture in a manner similar to Ayanami Rei. Unnoticed by 
anyone, Yuki had been slipping into a deep depression, and it had 
almost taken a turn for the worse one day when Yuki had been left 
alone to finish her cleaning duties. Having forgotten some papers 
she needed to give to a sick classmate, Hikari had found Yuki 
sitting on the classroom floor about to slit her wrist with a 
knife she had brought from home. Hikari had barely managed to stop 
the girl and learned later that night that Yuki had been dating a 
boy from a higher class, who had been among the casualties of the 
Third Angel incident. Yuki had been moved to her uncle's place in 
Tokyo-2 and last Hikari had heard, was doing a lot better.
    Hikari couldn't help worrying that Asuka might try to do 
something similar to what Yuki had done.
    "Miss Horaki?"
    The ponytailed girl blinked, and realized that the teacher was 
staring at her. She had been so caught up in her thoughts that she 
had forgotten her duties as class representative.
    "Are you alright Miss Horaki?"
    The girl felt her cheeks grow red as she realized that the 
entire class was staring at her. She got up and bowed in apology.
    "I... I'm alright sensei. I'm... I'm sorry, I had something on 
my mind. I'll pay more attention in the future."
    The teacher nodded and followed with his everlasting speech on 
Second Impact. Hikari sighed as people looked away to either catch 
a nap or do whatever they usually did when their teacher was 
rambling.
    Hikari herself was slowly tuning out the teacher's words to go 
through another round of self appointed guilt when a chat query 
appeared on the screen of her laptop. Normally, she would have 
scolded anyone who tried to used those functions of the class 
network during class. The fact that the request came from 
Kensuke's ID wouldn't have helped matters; she had told him time 
and time again not to use these functions for personal use. But a 
look at Kensuke convinced her to hear him out. He seemed worried, 
which wasn't a sight she was used to.

    [2A-013]: Hey, Hikari! What's wrong?

    [2A-001]: Everything's fine, Kensuke.

    [2A-013]: Save that for sensei. Had a fight with devil girl, 
uh?

    [2A-001]: Don't call her that!

    [2A-013]: Fine, Fine... but you two still had a fight, right?

    [2A-001]: Yeah. How did you guess?

    [2A-013]: When you're around Touji and Shinji for some time, 
you get to recognize her handiwork.

    Silently, Hikari touched her still swelling cheek and winced 
at the contact.

    [2A-013]: I guess she's lucky Touji isn't here... things could 
have been ugly...

    Hikari gasped, her heart leaping in her chest. Did Kensuke 
mean...?
    "Is there something wrong, Miss Horaki?"
    Hikari look up from her terminal, to see the entire class, and 
especially the teacher, staring at her. She realized that she had 
probably been quite expressive in her surprise. Again, she blushed 
heavily and got up to bow in apology.
    "Gomen nasai, sensei! This won't happen again!"
    "It better not, miss Horaki. It would look bad for a class 
representative to have to go to the hall and hold buckets."
    Hikari gulped. The old teacher wasn't mad, but clearly 
disappointed in her.
    "Yes, sensei! I understand!" replied the girl, bowing again, 
part of her angry at Kensuke for putting her in this situation.
    "Good. Now class, as I was saying, the days after the Second 
Impact were extremely hard on those who survived. I remember..."
    Tuning out the teacher's rambling like the other students, 
despite how risky it was, Hikari brought her attention back 
towards Kensuke.

    [2A-001]: Kensuke! What did you mean before?! What did you 
mean by "she's lucky Touji isn't here"?!

    From her position, she could clearly see Kensuke become uneasy 
at the question.

    [2A-013]: Nothing! It meant nothing!

    [2A-001]: KENSUKE!!! If you don't answer now, you'll get 
cleaning duty for a month!

    Kensuke clearly went paler with that threat. Cleaning duty for 
a month was, after all, a punishment nobody wanted.

    [2A-013]: I don't want to talk about that...

    [2A-001]: KENSUKE!

    [2A-013]: Hikari, please... maybe we can try to talk about 
that later, you know?

    [2A-001]: For you to try a 'strategic retreat'? No way! TELL 
ME! NOW!

    [2A-013]: *sigh* Alright, I surrender. Touji... I think... 
well... he likes you.

    Again, Hikari's heart leapt in her chest and she found it 
rather hard not to express that overwhelming sense of joy she was 
feeling. She knew that her cheeks were probably horribly red 
*again* and that *again* some her classmates were likely staring 
at her, but this time, she was beyond caring. She felt as if she 
was floating on a cloud. Touji... liked her...

    [2A-001]: He told you he likes me?!

    She clearly saw Kensuke sigh in defeat.

    [2A-013]: Not really like that. But you know, after his 
accident, Touji got depressed. I mean, he feels... well... 
worthless. And some of the things that he mentioned a few times 
was that he wouldn't be able to do sports anymore. And that he 
wouldn't be able to ask you out. I think he believes that he's... 
you know... not good enough for that now.

    Hikari blinked, trying to see if the words were real or not. 
Touji was thinking of asking her out?

    [2A-013]: When I talked to the nurses, they mentioned that the 
only time he's been happy was after your visit.

    Hikari felt her eyes grow wet as all that Kensuke had written 
sunk in. Touji liked her. He wanted to ask her out. But he didn't 
feel good enough for her now.

    [2A-001]: He really wanted to ask me out? Why didn't he do it? 
Or tell me he liked me?

    [2A-013]: I think that he liked you for a while, but never 
thought that you might be interested in a dumb jock like him. It 
doesn't show, but deep down, he's a shy guy. He keeps a lot of 
things inside. But when you brought lunch for him, he was really 
happy. I think that's when it became obvious, at least to HIM, 
that you were a bit interested. I think he considered that 
maybe... But he never had the chance to try and ask you out. And 
now...

    [2A-001]: What do you mean by "obvious to him"?

    [2A-013]: Everybody knew. It was sorta obvious that there was 
a bit of tension between you two. He tried to be nicer to you. You 
didn't punish him too badly with chores. You didn't yell at him 
too often about his clothes. And I think he felt a bit of jealousy 
about you and Asuka.

    Asuka! She hadn't thought of her at all ever since she had 
started talking to Kensuke. And while she couldn't help feeling a 
bit guilty about that... Touji liked her! It was all so confusing, 
she felt like a mess inside, different loyalties and feelings 
waging war within her.

    [2A-001]: Why would he be jealous?

    [2A-013]: The way you & Asuka hang together. The way you would 
laugh, chat, seem happy. I think he'd like to be able to do that 
with you too.

    [2A-001]: Did he tell you that?

    [2A-013]: Of course not.

    [2A-001]: Then, how can you say that?

    [2A-013]: I just know, OK? I just know it. You're cute and 
sweet and smart and

    Hikari was surprised to see Kensuke suddenly log off. Was 
there something wrong with his system? It was strange, because the 
school network usually worked well. Maybe she should mention this 
to sensei. After all, it had been a while since a check had been 
run on the class terminal.
    Hikari's thought were cut as she realized that Kensuke had 
just got up.
    "Sensei, I think I'm not feeling well. I need to go."
    There had been a certain urgency in Kensuke's tone and the old 
teacher saw no reason to deny the boy his request and nodded his 
approval, not stopping his rant about post Second Impact life. The 
boy then looked at Hikari and the girl's eyes went wide at what 
she saw. There was a sad, fragile and hurt look on his face, 
something that was definitely strange; the Kensuke Hikari knew 
seemed always happy and full of energy, taken in his passion of 
computers and military stuff. Then the boy gave her a weak smile 
and was out of the class.
    This peculiar behavior left Hikari rather perplexed. What was 
that all about? Then, she looked down at her terminal and the last 
words Kensuke had typed. Inside her mind, a few gears went into 
motion, put together the latest events and suddenly, Hikari added 
two and two together. She felt suddenly dizzy as she reached a 
conclusion. It might only have been a guess, but it explained 
everything.
    Kensuke liked her. Kensuke liked her and here she had been, 
showing him how delighted she was knowing that Touji liked her. 
Kensuke's best friend...
    "Kensuke... I didn't know..."
    For a while, Hikari stared at the door by which her friend had 
left, feeling like her world had been thrown upside down.
    Touji liked her and she thought she like him back. But Touji 
also now didn't feel worthy of her, if what Kensuke had said was 
correct. He was hurting, and hurting alone.
    Kensuke liked her too, while knowing that she liked Touji. She 
really didn't know what to think about that, except that she felt 
really sad and guilty. Kensuke was probably hurting a lot because 
or her.
    And there was Asuka. But right now, her worries about her 
friend seemed somehow insignificant, compared to those for Touji 
and Kensuke. She had already done all that she could for Asuka. 
Maybe her sister was right. Maybe it was time that she focussed on 
her own problems now...
    "Sensei. I think that there was something wrong with Aida-kun. 
I ask permission to go look for him and see if he needs to go to 
the infirmary."
    "Good idea Miss Hikari. You may go."
    Hikari got up and bowed for the last time that day.
    "Thank you, sensei."
    Hikari was quickly out of the room, looking for Kensuke. She 
didn't know what she'd tell him if she found him, she didn't even 
know if there was something she could say to him, but she didn't 
want him to be alone. He was probably hurt, and while she was 
perhaps not really the best person for him to see right now, she 
knew that she was the only one he had. He was very much like 
Shinji, or even Touji, in that prospect. They didn't have many 
friends.
    And then, she would need to find a way to talk to Touji. Maybe 
even figure out a way to visit him in Tokyo-2.

                              - - -

    "What do you mean you don't know where she is?! Goddammit, 
you're *paid* to watch over that girl!"
    NERV Section 2 agent Tanaka Daisuke winced as Katsuragi Misato 
tried her best to make him a deaf man. He was very tempted to hold 
his cellular phone a few feet away, but the situation was bad 
enough as it was without risking missing something the Major would 
say. So the man gritted his teeth and endured. After all, pain was 
to be expected in this line of work.
    "It means that I haven't seen anyone fitting the First 
Children's description exiting the building. Are you sure she's 
not inside the apartment, Major?"
    Agent Tanaka took the string of curses yelled by the Major as 
a no. And for once, he regretted being fluent in German and 
English...
    "Maybe she's somewhere else in the building, Major," he 
suggested, hoping to calm down the Major just long enough to call 
in sick and get someone else to relieve him. Something was telling 
him that staying at his post might be a bad idea right now...
    "You'd better be right... because if you aren't I'll have your 
sorry ass!"
    The man gulped as he heard the phone on the other side of the 
line being slammed so hard he doubted it would be functioning for 
long.
    Tanaka sighed. Most likely, he was in deep shit. To have Major 
Katsuragi angry at him was bad enough. But rumor was that the 
First Children was Commander Ikari's favorite. Now, if she was 
*really* missing... who knew what might happen to him.
    It was really a shame that the man hadn't paid much attention 
to that strange baby-carrying boy who had left the building a few 
hours earlier... But considering that the man had never seen 
Ayanami Rei wearing anything besides a girl's school uniform, and 
the cap she had put on had managed to hide her short hair, it 
wasn't that surprising. Also, being distracted by a hot looking 
American girl walking in the opposite direction hadn't helped any.

                              - - -

    If anyone would have asked, Kaji Ryouji would have admitted 
that Rei had truly surprised him beyond any expectation. The last 
thing he would have anticipated was Rei pulling out a picnic 
blanket from the backpack she had been carrying and inviting him 
to join her for lunch. Rei's bento was a little small for two, but 
it was something Kaji quickly fixed by choosing the nicest 
watermelon available. It was ironic in some ways; without Rei's 
appearance, Kaji might not have actually thought of trying out one 
of the fruits he had spent some of his spare time to grow.
    Kaji found the meal genuinely pleasing. Apparently, Rei's 
cooking skills had not suffered from her stay into the Katsuragi 
household, as they were almost on par with the young Ikari. While 
he had somehow expected the food to be bland, it had actually been 
rather tasty, even for an all vegetarian meal. But more noteworthy 
was probably the faint blush and small smile that appeared on the 
girl's face when Kaji complimented her cooking. The ponytailed man 
grinned; he didn't know exactly why, but something was telling him 
that Commander Ikari wouldn't like how things were heading.
    It pained him to admit it, but Kaji had severely 
underestimated Rei. His first impression of Rei had been that she 
was somehow just a pawn controlled by the Commander and that she 
wasn't really worth his attention. The girl's file may have been 
blank, but one fact remained: the girl had been raised by none 
other than Ikari Gendo, which immediately suggested to Kaji what 
the girl was a lost cause.
    But now, that same girl was sitting right in front of him, 
feeding a young baby and looking genuinely happy. She would 
probably always remain an introverted and quiet girl, but perhaps 
a normal life wasn't out of her reach after all.
    Even if the odds were very likely against the girl.
    "I see that you take very good care of little Shinji here. 
Katsuragi must consider your help a gift from heaven."
    "The Major did express her gratitude for the help."
    "But you're not doing this for her, are you?"
    Kaji gave Rei his best smile, one that usually had devastating 
effects over ladies. Rei seemed unfazed, except for a very slight 
blushing of her cheeks, although Kaji was uncertain whether it had 
been caused by his question, or by the smile. The girl was 
extremely hard to read. Had he been fifteen years younger, he 
might have found her to be a most interesting challenge.
    "I... I enjoy taking care of him."
    "Yes, it shows. I think you'll make a very good mother 
eventually."
    Kaji didn't miss the hurt expression that crept on her face, 
before it disappeared under the usual emotionless mask. He almost 
smiled, knowing he had found here the opening he had been looking 
for. They had talked of little things during lunch, and this was 
the first time he had managed to get such a reaction out of her.
    "You don't seem to share my evaluation, Rei. Why's that?"
    "To be a mother... this is not my purpose."
    "Oh? And what is you purpose?"
    The girl remained silent and started gathering her things.
    "I see... I always thought that Ikari had specific plans 
concerning you. I couldn't manage to find what it was, but I'm 
sure that you're a key element in this whole puzzle."
    The girl stared right at him. Kaji grinned. So he was close to 
the truth after all.
    "Rei... don't undervalue yourself. It would be a mistake. The 
truth doesn't lie in what Ikari may say to you. It's out there, 
for you to find, on your own. Think for yourself and decide by 
yourself what you should do, and don't think of having any 
regrets. The world is filled with opportunities. You just need to 
seize them."
    As he got up, after plucking up one last piece of melon, Kaji 
could see the conflicting emotions in the girls eyes, as two 
philosophies clashed within her very being.
    "It's strange. I didn't expect to say those words again, even 
less say them at this exact same place. 'Think for yourself and 
decide by yourself'. The same words I told Shinji, before he came 
back to fight the Fourteenth Angel."
    Kaji smiled as he knew that the mention of Shinji, the Shinji 
from before the Fourteenth Angel, struck a chord within Rei. Kaji 
was quite aware that no amount of words would be enough to free 
the girl from Ikari's hold; it was something she would have to do 
on her own. But to do so, she would need a reason to reflect on 
her life as it was. Kaji hoped sincerely that he had managed to 
plant the seeds of doubt into the girl's mind.
    The man took a glance at his watch. He had no reason to, but 
he felt that now was the time to leave the girl on her own.
    "Oh my... how time flies. I really have to be going. Goodbye, 
Rei!"
    "Good... goodbye."
    Goodbye... for a reason, this word made Kaji uncomfortable. As 
if it was the last time he would see the girl. It would really be 
a shame... in the short time they had spent together, Kaji had 
developed a liking for her. She reminded him a lot of Shinji. Yes, 
there *was* hope for her.
    "And at least this girl isn't trying to get me to be her 
boyfriend."
    Kaji chuckled, as he left a confused girl behind him. He took 
a bite out of the watermelon piece he was still carrying and 
chewed slowly, savoring the fruit's taste. Today, life was good, 
he decided.



[To be continued...]



Author's notes:

The school bathroom. This scene was inspired from Darren Demaine's 
NGE story, "As I Stare Into Myself / Strong Arms to Hold Me (To 
Push Me)". In my notes, I had put "Asuka reflects on what she just 
did", the 'she just did' referring to her hitting Hikari. To make 
sense, it had to happen in a short amount of time after the act. 
Which meant that Asuka was still in school, but somewhere where 
Hikari wouldn't think to look for her, at least long enough until 
the afternoon classes. While I tried to think of a suitable 
location, a scene from Darren's fic came to mind.

Here ends what I'll call the Hikari arc. Under Daniel Snyder's 
suggestion, I tried for a while to think of a way to expand 
Hikari's network conversation with Kensuke. Initially, I pondered 
on ways to have Kensuke evade the questions military style, but 
found myself unable to, not to mention that it wasn't fair to 
Kensuke's character; I mean, he has to be more than a military 
otaku, especially when worried about his friend. Then, it hit me. 
Try a different and new angle. A Kensuke/Touji/Hikari love 
interest triangle. The more I thought about it, the more it made 
sense. For a long time, those two have been around Hikari. For 
Touji, we could have seen him slightly warm up to her in the 
anime. Why not make it that he was simply shy? As for Kensuke, 
it's not too far fetched. Hikari is a cute girl (more available 
than Rei), and a kind of authoritative figure he might like 
(definitely more available than Asuka). And she had a certain 
charm and kindness not to be ignored. So, is it too hard to 
believe that Kensuke might have feelings other than being a 
military and computer nut. What if, right from the start, he saw 
himself as simply not good enough to even *try* to ask her out. I 
mean, he is surely aware of himself. He must know that his 
passions are not very common and surely won't make him popular. He 
might figure that a short, freckled faced, glass wearing, military 
obsessed boy like him has no chance to be liked by a girl as nice 
and cool like Hikari. I know it's a kind of feeling I could relate 
to myself in my highschool years. So I thought, why not put him in 
the role of the boy with an unrequited love, with his best friend 
actually being the object of the affection of the girl he likes? I 
think it works. And I know personally that it can happen in real 
life. It's been the story of my life; married, going out with a 
friend of mine, living on the other side of the world or simply 
not interested. Oh well, the future is filled with new 
opportunities.

Back to the network chat, I found it also interesting to mention 
Touji's state of mind. In my earlier fic, "The One I Love Is..." I 
made him accept his injuries rather easily. It's nice here to 
mention, even if I won't work in depth on that, that this would 
affect him a lot, that he would, in a sense, consider himself as 
"damaged goods".

In case anybody asks, no I won't work on the love triangle 
situation I created here. It definitely goes too far beyond the 
background of T3B and one love triangle story was enough for me. 
This is simply to bring closure to Hikari's role in T3B. Besides, 
I'll have enough to do with the relations between Rei, Misato, 
Asuka, Gendo and, of course, baby Shinji to worry about that.

    Source: geocities.com/tokyo/teahouse/2236/myfics

               ( geocities.com/tokyo/teahouse/2236)                   ( geocities.com/tokyo/teahouse)                   ( geocities.com/tokyo)