Tokyo-3 Baby-sitters

Written by Alain Gravel

Story based on characters created by and copyright GAINAX
Started on June 30th 2000
First pre-reader draft finished on November 14th 2000
Second pre-reader draft finished on December 17th 2000
Final draft finished on April 6th 2001

Chapter 7 - Going forward

    Subcommander Fuyutsuki Kozo frowned.
    Unlike Commander Ikari, NERV's second-in-command was an easy man to read. He would smile when he was pleased, frown when perturbed or annoyed and look angry when needed. While he did show a serious expression most of the time, he wasn't as intimidating as the Commander. Which was probably why people found facing Fuyutsuki a hundred times easier than facing the Commander. At least you could tell that Fuyutsuki was human.
    "Could you repeat that?"
    "I'm asking to be relocated to Geofront, Sir."
    For a moment, the Subcommander wondered if he should be more worried about the request coming from the German girl, or by the fact that the girl had called him "Sir". While an excellent pilot, Sohryu Asuka Langley was not known for her respect of military hierarchy. Or anybody else except perhaps Kaji Ryouji.
    "I know a number of living quarters are available inside of Headquarters. I would like to be relocated to one of those rooms, Sir."
    Indeed, a number of living quarters had been built within NERV headquarters, for the use of Evangelion pilots and key personnel. But in the end, those quarters had remained unoccupied save for one. They were still kept in acceptable condition, however, in case of a headquarters lockdown.
    Kozo didn't know what to think of the girl's request. It worried him. The fact that the girl wanted to isolate herself from the rest of the world could very well indicate that she was near a nervous breakdown. However, she and Rei were the only active pilots, and if isolating the girl could actually keep her stable long enough to fight at least until Shinji was again able to pilot, then it was worth a try.
    He hated this. Was he becoming as cold and calculating as Ikari?
    "I don't see any reason why I should object to this request. But is it really what you want? You'll be living alone there, without much to do. And it will considerably lengthen the trip for school."
    "I don't intend to attend school for the next few weeks, Sir. I'm aware of the current state of my synch ratio and plan on using as much time as NERV will permit on training here at Headquarters. If possible, I would also like to help out here in any way there is. I believe work in the field would be more productive for me and NERV, considering that I've already graduated from college."
    The man noted the girl's emotionless tone, as well as the way she had replied without hesitation. An answer all thought up. It was clear that whatever the reason behind this request, the girl's mind was set. Perhaps it was for the best. If a bit of isolation could help the girl face her problems, then her request should be granted... for now. But Kozo took a mental note to request a reevaluation of the Children's psychological profiles as soon as possible. He had the feeling that if nothing was done soon, everything would fall apart. Shinji was in no condition to help. The Fourth Children was still suffering from the trauma of his... accident. Rei seemed to be taking a path different from what the Commander had planned for her, which could prove to be very dangerous for her. And it was clear that the girl before him wouldn't be able to hold herself together much longer.
    Something had to be done. Unfortunately, Kozo had no idea what needed to be done.
    "Will you be able to work with the First Children the next time an Angel attacks?"
    While the girl needed help, the first priority was to make sure she could still be of use. While he didn't personally approve such lines of thought, Kozo knew it was necessary. There was no doubt in his mind that one of the persons the girl wanted to isolate herself from was Ayanami Rei.
    "There won't be any problems between Pilot Ayanami and I, Sir."
    Kozo, however, didn't miss the way the girl had clenched her fist. Silently, he hoped that the Angels would wait until Shinji was ready for combat again. As unpredictable as the boy was, his presence would still make him more secure. Even if Unit-01 was to remain under freeze.
    "Request granted. I'll make the necessary arrangements. Report back to my office in two hours and we'll discuss your new schedule."
    "Yes Sir."
    Kozo sighed as he watched the girl leave his office. Such a burden on one so young.
    From a drawer of his desk, he pulled a framed picture. It was ten years old and was one of the few which had survived.
    He could see himself on the right side of the picture. While his hair was already gray, he looked a lot younger in this picture, leaning against a chair and a smile on his face. He noted bitterly that the lab coat he was wearing on that picture had always suited him better than the military uniform he now wore.
    On the other side of the picture stood a man he hadn't seen in a decade. Ikari Gendo. Not the man who sat in the darkness of his enormous office, but rather a man smiling and who looked content with life. Kozo had never really liked Gendo, but right now he would have given anything to see him smile in such a manner. Because, he knew, the source of that smile was the woman seated on a chair between the two men. She wore a lab coat like both man did, but somehow it looked good on her. She had the most beautiful smile Kozo had ever seen, short brown hair and blue eyes; eyes he had recognized in her own son. Eyes which showed the kind, gentle and sensitive soul within.
    With a finger, Kozo touched the glass protecting the woman's face behind it. It seemed appropriate; she had always been out of his reach, even when she had been alive.
    "Why, Yui? Why must we rely on ones so young? Why must we sacrifice these children's lives for our sake? You wouldn't have wanted that, I'm sure... but is there any other way? Each night, I pray for all this madness to end and for you to watch over them. I'm so tired of this Yui. The secrets, the lies, the sacrifices. So tired..."

    "Shinji, Shinji, Shinji..."
    Misato had been repeating the name like a mantra now, as if fearing that she would forget it. She had came back home to find it empty. No Rei, no Shinji. She had looked everywhere for Rei, and more importantly Shinji, without any results. The baby and the girl had apparently vanished without a trace. Misato had rarely felt that helpless. She had no idea what would happen to her if she was to lose her baby...
    At the sound of the apartment's door opening, Misato jumped to her feet and reached the entrance so fast that she might have made a few Olympic sprinters jealous. Her worries faded and were replaced by joy as she saw Rei pushing Shinji's stroller in the apartment.
    "SHIN-CHAN!!!"
    Rei felt the stroller being ripped from her fingers and seconds after, Misato was fiercely holding Shinji in her arms, tears wetting her cheeks as she called his name over and over again. Being so rudely woken up and now being almost squeezed to death upset Shinji, who started to cry. However, Misato paid it no attention. Now that Shinji was safe in her arms -- at least in her opinion -- she gave Rei an angry look, missing entirely the blue haired girl's somber expression.
    "How could you do that, Rei?! How could you take away my Shinji without my permission?!"
    Rei stared, eyes wide, not having expected such an outburst from the Major.
    "Do you have any idea how worried I was?! Where the hell were you, young lady?!"
    "We... we went to the park... then had a picnic into Geofront..."
    Had Misato not been as angry as she was, she might have noticed that Rei wasn't her usual self. But all she could see right now was a girl who she felt was a threat to Shinji. Her Shinji, her little baby. So the woman completely ignored the girl's poor attempt of defending herself from her anger.
    "What's the idea of not answering your phone and avoiding the Section 2 agents in charge of protecting you? Are you out of your mind?! This is the sort of thing I could have expected of Asuka, but not from you! I'm very disappointed in you Rei! How could you have been so irresponsible?"
    Disappointed. Irresponsible. These words hit the blue haired girl like bricks. Never had she been called that before. And those words hurt, in a way very similar to how the words from the boy in the park had.
    "Why didn't you at least leave some kind of message?! What were you thinking?! How was I supposed to know you were out having fun?! Do you know how many people I've sent to look after you? Not only was it thoughtless, but you wasted precious NERV resources! This is totally unacceptable!"
    While the Major kept yelling at her, Rei removed her backpack from her shoulder and searched through it, to remove her cell phone. She pushed the on/off button, without getting a reaction from the communicating device.
    "I've forgotten to recharge the battery. It's my fault..."
    The sight of tears rolling down pale cheeks cut through the red haze of the Major's anger.
    "Rei..."
    "I've been careless... irresponsible... stupid. I... I don't deserve this. You're right, I'm... I'm not fit to take care of Shinji..."
    Before Misato could say a word, Rei ran past her, in tears, towards her new room. The Major's anger burned out at that sight. This scene was all too familiar... she had seen Shinji seek refuge in his room in such a manner too often.
    Misato suddenly felt very guilty with the way she had lashed out at the girl. Rei had done something that had felt right to her and it wasn't her fault if the guys in Section 2 weren't good enough to even keep track of a single girl. She had made a simple mistake, and it had escaped the Misato's mind that Rei, despite appearances, was only human and therefore not perfect. Rei was entitled to make mistakes just as much as she was, probably more, considering that the girl was only a child, unlike her. Misato decided that she would need to apologize, but now didn't seem like a good time. She needed to calm down first and she had to do something about the baby crying in her arms.

    She hated this office.
    This conclusion came to her as somewhat of a surprise.
    She could remember a time when she had been eager to walk into that office, when the sight of him at his desk would make her heart skip a beat. But now, she realized, she didn't feel a thing. Had that time spent in Terminal Dogma, isolated from anyone aside from her trusted assistant, working on a device dedicated to bring Shinji back to his rightful age, changed her so much?
    Somehow... she didn't seem to care anymore. She didn't care if he looked at her or not. She didn't care if he thought of her or not. She didn't care about him anymore...
    As she thought back to the past week, she realized that she had been thinking less and less of him. There had been no time really. The last days had been so stressful, she had been so busy... she had never felt more alive, more happy. To work on something constructive, something worthwhile. And Maya, sweet adorable Maya. They had worked together before, but never like this. It felt... right. Ritsuko couldn't quite describe it, but Maya's presence brought joy in her life, it was a feeling she hadn't felt ever since she and Misato had parted ways after college. Maya was always so eager, so cheerful. And Maya looked up to her, admired her in a way she barely tried to hide anymore. Ritsuko had come to realize that there was probably even more to Maya's feelings toward her, and somehow, it didn't make her uncomfortable anymore. Maya didn't seem to be expecting anything from her and somehow... it felt good that someone cared about her. That her existence was meaningful for someone. For some time, she had hoped that the Commander would someday look at her the way Maya did, but Ritsuko had lost those illusions now.
    "We need more time." said the doctor very simply, wanting to keep this meeting as business-like and as short as possible. Time was of the essence and she didn't want to face him too long. "At least ninety-six hours. There are numerous bugs in the system that need to be found and fixed. Estimations from MAGI suggest that if we begin tomorrow, there's a eighty-two percent chance that problems will occur in the growth process. This is too much of a risk."
    "What are the probabilities of those problems leading to the Third Children's death?"
    "Twelve percent, Sir, but..."
    "Request denied."
    Ritsuko gasped. He couldn't have said that?
    "But Sir..."
    "You're dismissed."
    "No."
    Ritsuko had always considered herself as a calm, rational woman. She always tried to keep her emotions in check, because she knew that had been her mother's downfall. Her mother may have been a genius, but she had always been too impulsive, too reckless, for her own sake. Despite history repeating itself in the form of Ikari Gendo, Ritsuko was determined never to be like her mother.
    But there were limits to how much she could keep in, and sometimes she would simply snap. It had happened an alarming number of times with Misato of late.
    She could feel her anger boiling and she know there was no stopping it, no matter how dangerous it was to get on Ikari's bad side. In her mind, she could see all the scenarios predicted by MAGI. Shinji, still as an infant, dissolving in LCL. Shinji, dying a gruesome death as his skeletal structure grew faster than flesh and muscles. Shinji, back to teenage state, but showing mental problems ranging from brain death to motor and mental problems. Shinji, with a few body parts not quite developed as they should have... To submit such an innocent baby, one she had held into her very own hands, to such risks, it was unforgivable!
    Ritsuko took a long deep breath. Ikari Gendo was like an impregnable fortress and getting angry at him would not only be futile, but most likely work against her. No, it was more a matter of finding the cracks in the man's walls and striking there.
    "No. I won't accept that. What's your problem, Ikari? Don't you even care one bit about your own son? I followed your orders without question so far, but I won't let you sacrifice that infant. Not when it's avoidable."
    The Commander didn't even seem concerned by the doctor's insubordination.
    "You will leave now and do as I say, or I will call Security and have you put in an holding cell... Doctor."
    Whatever respect Ritsuko had kept toward Ikari died in that instant. That man was a monster. Why hadn't she seen it before? How could she fall in love with such a cold man?
    God help mankind, as its fate rested in such a man's hands.
    Still, she wouldn't give up without a fight. After all, she knew what buttons to push...
    "If you don't give us more time, then you can forget about your precious Unit-01."
    That did get his attention. She could read it in his body language, as subtle as it was.
    "You have thirty seconds to explain yourself, Doctor."
    "The events that occurred over a month ago clearly suggest that Unit-01 will synch with Shinji and only Shinji. It rejected Rei and the dummy plug, despite both previously synchronizing with Unit-01 in the compatibility test and in the fight against the Thirteenth. But Shinji synchronized with it without any problem. The EVA won't accept anybody but Shinji. If you want more proof, we could try a compatibility test between Asuka and Unit-01, but I'm certain she'll do as poorly as Rei did. Which is why we need to get Shinji back as close as possible to his original form. Unit-01 may not recognize him as Shinji otherwise."
    "Are you saying we wasted precious time and resources in your project?"
    "I'm saying that the project will surely fail if you don't give us the time we need. The fate of your precious Unit-01 is in your hands."
    Tension filled the air. Other than Fuyutsuki, Ritsuko was probably the person who knew the Commander the best. It didn't show on his face, but she could almost hear the gears in his brain frantically analyzing the situation and trying to fit the new facts in his plans.
    "Permission granted. You have seventy-two hours. Make the best of it. Dismissed."
    "Yes Sir."
    Ritsuko smiled triumphantly as she left the office. She had actually won over the Commander and had managed to get what she wanted. She'd have to thank Maya. The idea of asking a day more than necessary had been pure genius.
    Maybe her pupil wasn't as innocent as she had originally thought.

    "Finally..."
    Asuka looked at the note in her hand and confirmed that the number on it fit the number of the room. Sector K, room B-02. That was it. With a swift slide of her security card, the double steel doors in front of her slid open as they were meant to. With the illumination provided by the corridor, Asuka quickly found the light switch on her left and the previously darkened room revealed itself to her. Carelessly, she let her suitcase, containing all the baggage she had brought with her when she had moved to Hikari's house, fall to the floor, then she removed her shoes and evaluated the room. It was a twin room, as clearly shown by the two single beds that took most of the space. Asuka would probably have found it small if she had been forced to share it with someone else, but since she was alone, it was quite convenient. In any case, it was an improvement over her old room back in the Katsuragi household. Most likely, the room was designed for higher staff members, as it was equipped with a wall embedded television, a music system, video disk player and a phone. There wasn't much closet space, but Asuka didn't mind. She hadn't brought many clothes with her in the first place. She did frown when she entered the bathroom, however. It was almost as small as the closets. Well, the women's shared bath wasn't that far away, so she could always use that. But she would probably stick to taking showers anyway.
    Mostly satisfied with her new living arrangements, Asuka gracelessly flopped down on the nearest bed, feeling both physically and mentally drained.
    "Finally alone now..."
    The decision to live in Geofront hadn't been an easy one to reach. Part of Asuka wanted to accept Hikari's offer for help, a part of her craved the companionship she tried so hard to avoid. Another part of her was angry at the fact that she was doing the very thing she despised in her former roommate, Ikari Shinji; she was running away. Running from others, running from her problems, running from herself. But in the end, Asuka rationalized her choice as the only acceptable one. She wasn't running away, she was simply taking a break. For some reason, along the way, she had lost her focus. Maybe it was Misato's little family life which had softened her. Maybe Shinji's latest victories had been harder to accept than she had first thought. She needed to find her center again and for that, she needed to free herself from the influence of others. Misato, Hikari, and especially Wondergirl and her wonder child.
    Not to mention a few memories she needed to bury deep down again.
    The girl grabbed her pillow and clutched it tightly, in an effort to fight back the tears.
    She couldn't be weak. Not now. Not while she still had a chance to become the best again.
    "I'll show them... I'll show them all..."
    Her choice had been made. Years ago, when she was still a little girl. She just had to keep going forward...

    Dinner time came, but Rei didn't join Misato for the meal. Rei was not one to skip a meal, except in the case of an emergency, a fact which further convinced the Major that, indeed, the girl was upset. The woman guiltily bit her lip, but didn't have the courage to go talk to the girl. She wasn't good at this sort of thing. She felt that she had nearly lost Shinji to EVA because she hadn't taken good enough care of him and it appeared she had lost Asuka; Subcommander Fuyutsuki had informed her of the latest whereabouts of her former charge. So she found herself at a loss at how to deal with Rei.
    She only worked up her courage two hours later as she exited her bath. Only clad in a towel, she quickly dried her hair and walked toward the room that was now Rei's. She slowly opened the door, a ray of light pouring into the previously darkened room. An intense sense of deja vu hit Misato as she saw the girl lying on her side on the bed, slightly curled up on herself, Shinji's SDAT headphone in her ears. If it hadn't been for the cerulean mop of hair, she might have mistaken her for Shinji. The old Shinji.
    One of those days, she would definitely need to drag Rei along to get the girl her own clothes...
    "Rei..."
    If the girl had heard her, she didn't show it. It was tempting to stay there and apologize from the doorstep, but Misato knew it wouldn't do. So she sat down on the bed and hesitantly touched the girl's shoulder. Her eyes opened and her head turned toward the Major, showing that Rei had been awake as Misato had suspected. Misato noted that she didn't hear any sound coming from the SDAT's headphones, so Rei was probably using it as background noise and not to tune out the world like Shinji often did.
    "Rei... I'm sorry... I shouldn't have yelled at you... I was upset and I didn't think and..."
    "There is no need to worry about me, Major. You were right, I should have left indications about my whereabouts."
    "Maybe... but I still shouldn't have yelled at you like that. So, you've made a mistake... I seem to be making plenty of them lately. I... I'd still like you to help me take care of Shinji..."
    The girl looked up at the older woman, her eyes suddenly looking bright.
    "I... I would like that."
    Misato sighed in relief, a certain weight being lifted from her shoulders. But soon, Rei became somber again. Was it possible that something else was troubling her?
    "Rei... is there something you'd like to talk about? Sometimes, it helps to talk about your problems..."
    For a moment, the girl seemed to consider the woman's words, but sadly shook her head.
    "I once believed I knew myself, Major. But I was wrong, I still haven't discovered who I am. And I am afraid I am the only one who can search for the answer."
    "I see..."
    While she couldn't argue with Rei's words, Misato still worried. Something must have happened to her. The girl before her was a scared, confused and vulnerable girl, not the cold and rational girl she was used to. But if Rei didn't want to talk about it, there was nothing she could do. Out of options, Misato tried to comfort the girl with a hug. Rei gasped at the sudden contact, but didn't try to pull away, like Shinji might have.
    "Well, if there's anything you want to talk about, you know where to find me," said Misato as she let go of the girl, got up and headed toward the door. "In the meantime, try to sleep. It's easier to think with a rested mind."
    "Thank... thank you, Major," replied Rei, bringing a smile to Misato's face.

    As she slowly immersed herself and baby Shinji in the bath's warm water, Ayanami Rei yawned. She hadn't slept very well. Time and time again she had replayed in her mind her conversation with the man she knew as Kaji Ryouji, until finally exhaustion did its work.
    The problem in itself was very simple. Despite how right Kaji's words had sounded, one truth remained: she was replaceable. If she defied the Commander, he could just kill her and pull a third Rei out of the clone tank. Even if she tried to fight back, it would all end with her demise. The Commander would probably go as far as sending an Evangelion to do the job, if needed. She could indulge herself in some fantasy of freedom, but the truth was that she would always remain a puppet for him to command, until he would truly need her.
    But living like this... wasn't it another form of death?
    "The world is filled with opportunities."
    Again, Kaji had spoken the truth, Rei realized. For as long as she had lived, Rei had held the belief that her fate was for the Commander to decide. However, recent events hadn't been expected by the Commander.
    "The truth doesn't lie in what Ikari may say to you."
    Another truth. The Commander had created her, but he was by no means God. If unexpected occurrences had already happened, then others might present themselves. Opportunities she might be able to seize if the time was right.
    All she had to do was wait... and hope.
    She found it very hard, however, to remain hopeful. Without a doubt, the Commander was aware of her recent actions. However, the fact that he hadn't voiced any comments on her recent decisions was not to be mistaken as a path to freedom. Those actions simply had no influence on the Commander's plans. Rei wasn't required to go to school. There was no need for her to learn the tools she would need to build herself a successful future, as she had no future of her own. The only reason the Commander had her attend school was to create the illusion that the First Children, Ayanami Rei, was just an ordinary teenage girl like her teammates. It was necessary to avoid arousing suspicion within the UN or SEELE. So, despite the changes in her life, everything was still going according to the Commander's wishes.
    But further straying from the path the Commander had chosen for her would most certainly lead to her death. It was a simple truth and no amount of wishful thinking would change that.
    There had been a time when death hadn't been a frightening concept to the girl. In fact, she had wished for it, would have welcomed it. An end to her loneliness, to her silent suffering, no longer to be used as a tool but rather be dead and remain forever untouched, unspoiled by those feelings which pervaded her. But then, Shinji, the young boy, had entered her life. He had made her feel certain things. It was subtle, but enough to sometime stop wishing for an end to this aberration that was her life. Death, however, only truly became something for her to fear in the last few days. She couldn't yet identify everything that had changed in her life, but she knew for certain that something important had changed... something she didn't want to lose. For once, she had a place, a life, and no longer craved for nothingness. Rather, she wished for the opportunity to explore this unexpected gift.
    But as long as she remained bound by the Commander's will, it simply wasn't possible.
    The faint sound of the phone coming from the kitchen cut through Rei's musings. The only time her cell phone rang usually meant an important call from either Doctor Akagi or the Commander. So Rei had almost jumped out of her bath to answer it. But this wasn't her cell phone. And she wasn't alone in the apartment. Not to mention that she would probably not have the time to reach the phone even if she tried. And even if nobody answered the phone, then the caller could leave a message on the answering machine, which the Major had shown her how to operate a few days earlier. So, Rei tried to relax and let the warm water soothe her tensed muscles.

    As he retrieved one of the last few beers left in Misato's fridge, Pen-pen looked at the ringing phone. Since penguins can't talk, he waddled back to his own fridge.

    In her bed, Misato groaned as she heard the phone ringing. Who the hell was calling this early in the morning? Couldn't a girl get some sleep?
    Saying that Misato was tired would be putting it lightly. Shinji had woken a few times during the night resulting in very little sleep for her. Maybe she should let Rei take care of him tonight.
    After the fourth ring, the answering machine did its job and the purple haired woman dozed off to sleep again.

    Rei had been feeding Shinji when she heard the doorbell. She found herself rather surprised to see a group of Section 2 agents standing behind the door.
    "We're here for Major Katsuragi," simply said the man who was apparently the leader of the group, a man of medium build, but with a stern look.
    The situation was unmistakably serious, obvious from both the man's tone and the look on his face. So, with a baby Shinji still drinking his bottle in her arms, the girl headed toward the Major's room.
    In this world, there are some things that can't be explained by science. Some call those miracles. Other label them as unexplained phenomena. But no matter the lack of explanations, those special events still have their place within this thing we call reality.
    As she slid Misato's door with a foot, Rei witnessed such an occurrence. With the exception of the futon on the middle of the room and the woman sprawled on it in a very unladylike fashion, the room was spotless. The garbage, clothes and other miscellaneous items that initially hid the floor had apparently found their way into their respective places. The floor and walls had been washed, desk and other furniture had been dusted.
    The Major must have been possessed. Or maybe replaced with an alien. There was no other explanation for such a sight.
    Even someone like Rei couldn't hide her surprise. She blinked twice as she saw the room's aura of cleanliness. Her surprise was short lived however as she remembered the men waiting at the door.
    "Major. Major Katsuragi."
    The said Major only grumbled something unintelligible, before shifting to her other side and drooling on a part of her pillow that had been previously dry.
    "Major, wake up."
    In some people's opinion, Rei had learned and matured a lot. The girl hadn't yet, however, learned the useful skill of "shouting", unlike another certain Evangelion pilot. As is was, Rei's low soft voice wasn't enough to cut through the fog of Misato sleep. Perhaps it was unfortunate for the purple haired woman. Her hands already busy holding Shinji, only one suitable course of action seemed left to the blue haired girl.
    She kicked the sleeping woman in the ribs.
    Needless to say, that woke her up.
    "Uh... what the...?"
    Misato raised her head and tried to find her assailant. While it took a few instants for her eyes to find their focus, she did recognize the blurred figure over her with the help of her hair color.
    "... Rei? Why'd ya hit me? I thought you weren't angry with me..."
    "You would not wake up."
    Misato groaned. She hated it when her sleep was interrupted.
    "Section 2 asked for you."
    Misato's still fuzzy mind cleared at those words. That couldn't be good. She got up and prepared to go see what Security and Intelligence wanted with her, but found Rei blocking her by standing in the doorway.
    "Err... Rei? You said they were waiting, right?"
    "You might want to get dressed first."
    Only then did Misato realize that she was actually wearing a rather alluring teddy. Especially considering that it was the only thing she was wearing.
    "Oh..."
    Two minutes later, the Major exited her room wearing jeans and a T-shirt, partly covered by her uniform jacket, which concealed her gun... just in case. Section 2 rarely visited to deliver good news. And if the faces of the men waiting for her were any indication, this was no courtesy visit indeed.
    "What can I do for you, gentlemen?" asked Misato, with as much acid in her voice as she could muster. Whatever those guys' business was, she still hated being woken up when sleeping so soundly.
    "You are to come with us, Major."
    "What for?"
    "Subcommander Fuyutsuki's been kidnapped."
    After nearly two weeks spent outside of NERV, Misato had gotten used to life at home. That latest revelation however, brought back her military instincts.
    "Rei, I'll have to leave for a while. Watch over Shinji, okay?"
    Rei froze for a moment. She had expected the Major to watch over Shinji in the afternoon. Misato noticed the worried look on the girl's face.
    "Is there something wrong, Rei?"
    The Commander wouldn't like this... but there was no other choice.
    "Nothing, Major."
    Misato seemed doubtful, but didn't push the matter further. Already, she had other things in mind.
    "Fine. Take care of yourself and Shinji. Back as soon as I can."
    This finally settled, Misato followed the agents sent for her, leaving a worried Rei behind.

    Rei looked at her watch with growing uneasiness. Twelve hours, fifty-nine minutes. It wouldn't be long now. Her hand was on the phone receiver, ready to answer. Since her cell phone was still out of service, he would call there. For a few seconds, she stared at the answering machine, her gaze temporary hypnotized by the blinking of the light indicating that someone had left a message.
    Again she looked at her watch. Thirteen hours.
    As expected, the phone rang.
    "Yes," she answered simply. She had no doubt about who was calling and why. A more detailed answer wasn't needed.
    "You're late."
    Rei shivered at the sound of his voice. To someone else, it might have sounded like his usual tone, but Rei could detect the disappointment and reproach in his voice.
    "Major Katsuragi had to leave. I have to take care of Shinji."
    "Irrelevant. You will come here at once."
    The Commander's voice boomed like thunder in her hears. But the words didn't have quite the effect they normally would have had. Instead of being afraid, Rei grew upset.
    "Shinji isn't irrelevant!"
    A long silence followed this outburst, both people at each end of the line having been taken completely by surprise by it.
    "I won't tolerate such insubordination. You are to leave that child and report here immediately."
    Rei felt torn as if her very being was at war with itself. The Commander had created her, gave her a purpose, a life... and could take that life away and replace her with another. She owed him everything, not obeying him was a sort of sacrilege. But she had came to realize that this life was empty, perhaps with a purpose, but without meaning.
    Obeying the Commander meant throwing that new life away. Not in a physical sense, but rather in a moral one, as it meant throwing away all that was dear to her.
    Disobeying the Commander almost certainly meant death.
    "No."
    Rei took a deep breath. She knew that she was probably sealing her fate, but if asked to choose between Shinji and the Commander... then the choice became clear. She'd rather sacrifice her life for the child than the man.
    "The system can wait. Shinji cannot. Sayonara."
    Rei hung up the phone, leaving the Commander no time to reply. She then collapsed on the floor, feeling as if all her strength had been suddenly drained. She shivered and curled up in a ball, as she experienced for the first time in her life, true fear.
    There was no going back now. The die was cast. The only thing left was to go forward upon that new and dangerous path. And hope.

    If anyone had been with the Commander at that very instant, that person wouldn't probably have stayed alive long. An obvious fact, considering that the Commander was currently in the Dummy Plug Room and that only three other NERV members were actually allowed to enter this room, but that wasn't the reason why another man might have lost his life.
    The Commander was furious.
    It had started with total disbelief, an expression one would never have expected on the man's face.
    Not only had she disobeyed an order, but Rei had hung up on him.
    It had been enough for him to drop his cell phone. While the shock didn't blow the little piece of technology in pieces, the Commander's foot did, as Ikari saw the device as the nearest target for his anger.
    Rei had hung up on him! How dare she!
    While empty vessels, the Rei clones actually stopped smiling. They may have been soulless, but that didn't mean they were stupid.
    The Commander's anger died down quickly, however, with his phone as the only victim. Even if he was still the same short tempered man he had been back in the days where he was still named Rokubungi, years of practice had given him an almost complete control over his emotions. It was necessary if a man wanted to achieve the position he had today. So the Commander took a deep breath, pushed back his glasses on the bridge of his nose, and tried to assess how these latest events could fit into his plans.
    The Commander groaned. As it was, things were slipping out of his hands like fine sand.
    The failed Third Children rescue operation had thrown a monkey wrench into the perfect machine NERV had previously been, wreaking havoc in the Commander's plans. Nothing was going as planned anymore. The Sohryu girl was breaking down faster than expected. His key officers were beginning to doubt his decisions. And Rei was slipping out of his control. Not to mention Shinji's ridiculous state. The Commander had planned on Shinji either staying with Yui safely inside Unit-01 until his own Instrumentality plans came to fruition, or to come out and further help him in his plans. He hadn't planned on the boy to become, not only utterly useless, but also a distraction and a drain on NERV's resources.
    Now that he could actually think with a straight mind, Fuyutsuki's kidnapping was almost a blessing. Otherwise, Major Katsuragi would have stayed with his son and Rei would probably have contaminated the other components with her latest memories. Perhaps it was for the best to avoid further memory transfers. The components didn't need it at this point and there was little to gain in a fresh transfer. Rei's piloting skills were virtually the same and she hadn't fought any other Angel since the latest transfer, right after the Fourteenth Angel battle.
    The current Rei was becoming a threat to his plans and would eventually have to be replaced. As things currently stood, however, there was nothing the Commander could do about that. Rei was actually the only reliable pilot they had. If an Angel attacked in the middle of a component activation process, then the consequence would be disastrous.
    He would wait. Control over Rei wasn't truly needed while there were still three Angels left. The girl could enjoy her freedom while she still lived. His plans were flexible. As always, he would adapt, and keep going forward, toward his ultimate goal.

    Rei had somewhat calmed down as hours passed. No agent had been sent to terminate her, which was encouraging... at least for now. With the Major away, the timing would have been perfect. So either the Commander didn't care for now, or he was waiting for another time.
    Playing with Shinji had helped some. It was difficult for the girl not to feel happy in the child's presence. Today, it seemed that Shinji's favorite toy had been a light rubber ball. Rei had been amazed at first to see Shinji walk on all fours towards the ball, sit down and pushing the ball towards her, apparently expecting her to send the ball back. Such childish games had never been part of Rei's life, and she had enjoyed immensely this little game of throwing the ball back and forth. That is, until Shinji spotted his Rei doll and forgot the game to replace it by one of his favorite activities: chewing on the Rei doll. Rei had mixed feelings about that particular activity...
    Rei had just put Shinji in his crib, after changing his diaper and filling his small tummy with milk, when Misato came back. It didn't take much of a look at the Major to realize that she very likely had a very bad day. It showed easily on her face.
    "Rei, do you mind watching over Shinji tonight? I need to get drunk..."
    While the thought crossed her mind, Rei restrained herself from scolding the Major on her lack of resolve. Something was telling her that it wouldn't make matters any better.
    The Major walked toward the fridge, but as her hand reached to open it, she stopped. Apparently, from what Rei could guess, the Major had noticed the blinking light on the answering machine. At least, that was the direction the Major had been looking at when a shocked expression appeared on her face.
    Rei watched with curiosity as the Major almost clumsily made her way to the phone and pushed the button. Even from the living room, Rei heard the message clearly. She had excellent hearing, despite what a number of students at school who often talked behind her back seemed to believe. Not that Rei cared...
    "Katsuragi, it's me. I'm sure you're listening to this message, after I've caused you so much trouble. Sorry. Please tell Ritchan I'm sorry. And there's one more thing to trouble you with. I've been growing... flowers. I'd appreciate it if you could water them. Rei knows where they are. Katsuragi, the truth is with you. Don't hesitate. Move ahead! If I can see you again, I will say the words that I could not say eight years ago. Bye."
    The Major had begun to cry while listening to the message, tears falling on the wooden table, but once the message ended, it was as if all strength had suddenly left her and the woman simply collapsed.
    For a moment, Rei wondered what to do. Rapidly, she tried to piece together the information she had, which merely consisted of the Major's reaction and the message she had heard. Kaji Ryouji was dead. It surprised Rei to realize that this conclusion somewhat saddened her. She had not known the man very well, but she realized that she wished she could have. This sadness, however, was nothing compared to what the Major obviously experienced. Rei didn't know what to say or do. Sadness was not a feeling she was familiar with. It was not something she was accustomed to. She had never paid attention to grieving people before. But this wasn't a common stranger. The woman weeping on the floor was the only person who had been nice to her without ulterior motives, save for Ikari-kun. That person was... a friend. Rei felt a need to do something for her, to... comfort her.
    But she didn't know how.
    She watched the woman cry, feeling her throat become dry as each sob seemed to strike something within her, something deep and powerful. The girl found her eyes becoming hot and itchy, and was surprised to find the tip of her finger moist as she traced the edge of a crimson eye. She knew, somehow, that the pain the woman felt was something more powerful than anything she had experience in her short new life and even her heart, hardened with time, found itself sharing a small part of the Major's pain.
    She didn't know what to do, but she knew she had to do something. Then, she remembered the night before. The Major had thought that she had been upset with her, and had hugged her. While surprising, the contact had also felt reassuring at the time. She also thought of the time she had run from the park, hurt by a little boy's comments. She had only felt better once she had reached a tramway where she had been able to take little Shinji in her arms, his presence feeling vaguely reassuring. She could also remember how strangely good it had felt, despite the pain, when Ikari-kun held her hand, then helped her stand up, after she had nearly been killed in the Fifth Angel battle. Did physical contact bring comfort?
    Awkwardly, the girl walked toward the woman and slowly knelt down near her. She didn't have the opportunity to do anything else, as the Major grabbed hold of her and started to weep against her shoulder. For a moment, the girl remained stiff, before relaxing and tentatively putting her arms around the woman to hold her. It was a strange feeling. Good, warm...
    "Katsuragi-san..."
    Calling the woman 'Major Katsuragi' no longer seemed appropriate.

    For a long time, Misato held Rei as a lifeline, something concrete to focus on to avoid drowning in her sorrow.
    In the end she had been right and wrong. Kaji had been just like her father: choosing his calling, his need for the truth, over her and leaving her behind, hurt, broken. As her father had done with her mother, and even, in a way, herself, despite ultimately giving up his life to save her. But Kaji had loved her. While her father had stopped caring for her mother, Kaji never forgotten her and loved her all this time. Even if she had driven him away, all those years ago. Despite all her attempts to ignore him, he had loved her. He hadn't said the words, but, with those subtle words, he had made it clear in this last message to her that he had loved her. More then anything, this was probably what hurt most. Not his stupidity, but hers. All this time, wasted because of her fears, her incapacity to trust others and be involved in a relationship, her fear of becoming as weak as her mother. So much time, innumerable precious moments that were now forever lost, wasted.
    She called his name in a heartbreaking moan, its sound almost burning her tongue, before crying again. Of course, no one would ever answer that name again...
    After some time, minutes or perhaps hours, Misato didn't know, she managed to control herself enough to ask Rei to help her to her room. Once there, she buried herself under her covers and resumed her weeping in privacy.
    When she finally ran out of tears, she reflected back on their moments together. How they met for the first time, how he had caught her in his arms after she had fallen from a table she had been dancing on, too drunk to stand straight anymore. She winced at the embarrassing memory.
    Then she remembered when they met the next day, how she had felt herself drawn by his roguish looks and found herself unable to refuse his offer for a date. The time they first made love and the following week were perhaps the moments of her life she cherished the most. How she told him they should never see each other again, the hurt visible in his eyes. Their reunion on the Over the Rainbow. Those little times they met following that day, tension almost tangible in the air, her own feelings at war between ignoring him and bringing his lips to her.
    Eventually, her heart felt as if it was numb, perhaps tired of all the grief, and Misato managed a semblance of rationality. Yes, a big part of her life was gone for good, but there was still a lot for her to cherish. She had her family. Pen-pen. Shinji. The newest member, Rei. And even Asuka. Yes, it wasn't too late to bring Asuka back home...
    It would probably be what Kaji would want her to do.
    But not now, not today. Now was the time for tears. Maybe tomorrow, and if not, perhaps the day after... Once she was over the grief, then she would find the strength to go forward.
 
 
 

[To be continued...]
 
 
 

Author's notes:

Asuka's room in Headquarters is inspired by the room used for the Children synch training in the manga. Some may have recognized the design. Or not, I was never good at descriptions.

The answering machine scene seems familiar? Well, I may have borrowed and recycled bits from TOILI chapter 8. A bit shameless, but hey, that scene worked the first time! ^^;

I don't know if any of you noticed, but in this timeline (as well as the one in TOILI actually), Kaji called earlier than in the TV series. As said on the message (a bit I removed), when Kaji called, it was "two minutes past two", but in this case I made him call early in the morning. There's two reasons for this: first it was more convenient for Kaji to call in the morning (so that no one would be able to answer) and most importantly... I never quite noticed the "two minutes past two" when watching the series and I was SURE that Kaji had called early in the morning (so actually in my mind I had him calling in T3B _later_ then what I thought to be the time of his call in the series). My thanks to Deina for pointing that out ^_^