ABeefy - where's the beef?
yo. this is the beef. a short description:
Favorite Race: I'm a protoss man myself. Mostly because i like the color blue, and when protoss things die, they are blue.
Favorite food: i like cookies. especially chocolate chip. i like chocolate.
Favorite beverage: I enjoy Lipton "Brisk" Iced Tea on an almost daily basis.
Favorite activity: i enjoy pinching boobies, Quake and it's various cousins, 3d acceleration, boobies, drums, music, boobies, and nudity.
Favorite sayings: "Take off your pants." "Good, Bad, i'm the guy with the zealots."
Advice from Abeefy:
When you are playing Starcraft, play over a T1. Believe it or not, this helps! Also, play naked. Your mind will be freer, and your tactics more devastating, when your physical body is not contained by cloth. When you are trying to get people to join your game, think of the right name. I always find something sexually related helps a lot. Try "masturbation", or some slang term for it, such as "monkey spanking". This attracts all the 'right people'. Once your game has begun, be sure to build things. Sometimes, i start thinking of other stuff, like boobies, and i look back, and i have built nothing. Then i can only tease my opponent as he/she tries to find me. Also, when you build, build a lot. Then your thingies will be able to kill his thingies faster. Then you will win. When you win, treat yourself to a nice cool glass (or can) of Lipton "Brisk" Iced tea, because you deserve it. If you lose, be a dick about it, and build lot's of cheap buildings all over the map so that stupid person you're playing against has to go all over the place just to get rid of you. Then you can laugh at him. and that will be your revenge.
Abeefy's contribution to bizarre
pros:
This news group is a lot like a sick poetry house in San Fransisco i was at once, where Schwanbeck constantly reads his disturbing haiku and i sip on the biggest fucking strange coffee mixture with almonds and the waitresses are like hooters girls that don't mind doing a lap dance for a few extra bucks and it's all dark with the smoke filtering the sunlight so i don't go blind reading my strange beatnik poetry book that's actually filled with Jon's sick haiku perversions that lead me to wonder why i'm naked playing starcraft as the protoss in team melee mode with Jeff babbling about maintaining our tactical superiority on the battlefield as i crank out zealot after zealot after zealot, but it doesn't do any good because there's too many mutalisks and i have no anti-air units and the screen is just filled with those blue flashes of flame as my zealots are crushed along with my poorly planned battle strategy. so i build carriers. but then i wake up and it's really a bathhouse in San Fransisco and everyone's butt-fucking except me. I excuse myself and head back to my car.
