He didn't like leaving the dojo, he really didn't. He loved being near Akane, being held by her and adored by her... but at the same time he knew it was P-chan, her pet, that she loved, not him. Sometimes the knowledge hurt too much for him to take, and Ryouga would have to leave. He always returned eventually, of course, when the ache in his heart metamorphosed into yearning to be near her again.
Ryouga stood in the street in front of the Tendo dojo, wondering where to go this time. He would have gone home, if he could quite remember where "home" was... He had been gone so long he couldn't even really remember when his last visit back had been. Well, it didn't matter. He could take care of himself wherever he was. So he wandered wherever Fate decided to take him...
It was hot, quite uncomfortably so, and the dense forest around him seemed exceptionally cloying. He hadn't the vaguest notion where he was, but the place seemed somewhat familiar...
There was a rustling to his right, and he caught a glimpse of a shadow moving through the underbrush. Whatever it had been, it was big... Ryouga frowned to himself and removed his umbrella from its perch on his backpack. Better to be safe than sorry, after all...
He was more than startled when a rabbit poked its head out of the bushes just in front of him. There would have been nothing exceptional about this were it not for the fact that this particular rabbit was the size of a Volkswagen. It seemed totally unafraid of him. A brief bout of paranoia gave way to a laugh. "Here again," he muttered.
Ryouga proceeded through the forest somewhat warily. Although the animals were mostly content not to bother him, they were all gigantic and of unfamiliar species. It was odd that Australian animals were living in Japan in the first place, not to mention somewhat larger than normal ones. He wondered if the creatures of Ryugenzawa would return to normal size in a few generations, now that the Water of Life was gone.
How long ago had that little "incident" occurred? Months at least... What an adventure that had been. He couldn't help but smile in recollection.
Abruptly he blundered into a small pit, and a dozen or so good-sized rocks fell right onto his head. "Oh yeah, I remember these," he murmured as he pulled himself from beneath them, ignoring the minor pain. He'd survived much worse. Ryouga ran a hand through his thick, dark hair. Evening was finally setting in, and bringing with it a welcome cool zephyr. He had been walking continuously for days, and it was really starting to wear him down. He hoped he could find some food and a place to camp tonight.
A faint waft of smoke drifted past. A fire? Was someone else nearby? Curious, Ryouga headed in the direction of the smell. He could see twinkling light through the trees. Yes, something was definitely out there.
A shadow leapt from overhead to land a meter or so in front of him. Ryouga jumped back out of pure reflex, umbrella raised. He blinked as he studied the person who had just appeared before him.
The young man had short, brown hair and a lean body that reminded Ryouga of a cat. So did his eyes, which were slanted and long-lashed. A long-handled broom rested easily on his shoulder. Ryouga smiled a little.
"Hey. Never really thought I'd see you again."
He looked surprised. "Do I... know you?"
Ryouga sighed. "Oh, yeah, I forgot. Your memory is at least as bad as my sense of direction."
The other frowned. "You... look familiar, but..." He shook his head. "You’ve got to get out of here. This place is dangerous, especially at night.”
Ryouga shrugged. “I don’t really have anywhere better to go.”
“Then come back to my house. I simply can’t have you wandering around here. You’d be at too great a risk.”
"I think I can handle it... still, thanks a lot."
"Come on, this way."
Ryouga found himself following the young man to his tiny house, located nearby at the center of the forest. 'Well, it's warm, and maybe I can get something decent to eat,' he thought to himself. A constant vagabond, he always welcomed a chance to have a roof over his head.
A short time later he found himself seated at the table, eating a steaming bowl of rice and talking with the young man, Shinnosuke. It took quite a while, but Ryouga refreshed his infamously bad memory.
"Oh, yeah, I remember you now," Shinnosuke said as he studied him. "You were, uh... the one who wasn't her fiancé... the other guy."
Ouch. Ryouga had to fight to keep from cringing at the words. He almost wanted to punch the other man, but he managed to control himself. After all, he hadn't really meant anything by it. Ryouga really was "the other guy"...that was probably why it hurt so much.
Something seemed strangely different in the tiny cabin, and suddenly he placed it. "Didn't you live with your grandfather?"
Shinnosuke's face fell. "He... he's... gone."
"Oh." They lapsed into an uncomfortable silence. "I... I'm sorry..."
"Enough of that." He forced a smile, but Ryouga thought the cat-eyes looked moist with unshed tears. "Please, tell me about Akane. How's she doing?"
~She's wonderful... She's beautiful... She's affectionate...~ He thought of being held tightly against her, of soft kisses on his nose... Ryouga sighed. "She's fine."
"That's good." They were silent once more, each eating halfheartedly.
"I miss her," they both whispered at the same instant. Hearing each other, they each looked up in surprise, then laughed a little self-consciously.
"Well, thanks a lot for dinner," Ryouga said, standing up. "I guess I should be going."
"Why? Where are you headed?"
He shrugged. "Wherever. Sometimes I just feel like I have to get away from Akane awhile, or my heart will break..." Ryouga flushed slightly as he realized he was telling this to an almost total stranger.
"Why don't you just go home?" Shinnosuke asked.
"Well, I... can't. I've tried, and I just can't seem to find it." He picked his backpack up and slung it over his shoulders. "I've got a pretty bad sense of direction... Still, I can always find my way back to the Tendo dojo, eventually."
"Is that the real reason you won't go home?"
Ryouga looked up at Shinnosuke in surprise. His dark-lashed eyes seemed to glitter, and Ryouga suddenly got the strange feeling that the other young man was decades older. That impression faded, however, as Shinnosuke quickly blushed and apologized.
"I shouldn't go prying into your personal business. I'm very sorry," he said with a slight bow. “I’m just not used to other people...”
"No... no, it's okay, don't be sorry." Ryouga staggered toward the doorway. Shinnosuke's simple question shook him a lot more than it should have.
"You can stay the night here, if you want," he offered. "I've got the room."
"That's really nice of you..." Ryouga glanced outside into the night, then back into the room, with its comfortable beds and soft firelight. He did find the little cabin very comforting. "If... if it won't be too much trouble..."
"No, no trouble at all! I really do like having visitors. It gets so lonely out here, especially since Grandfather passed..." His eyes clouded over once more, and Ryouga suddenly had a strong desire to put his arms around Shinnosuke and tell him it was all right... He irritably pushed the thought away.
They were screaming again. It seemed like they were always screaming at each other about things he couldn't follow, something about money and his father's constant absences. Unable to understand it, the child huddled in his bed while his parents raged on and on downstairs. He shook with silent tears. Why did they hate each other so much?
"It isn't my fault!" his father shouted. "You were the one that wanted a kid so early! Without him to support we'd be fine!"
"Without... me?" he whispered. The world around him darkened further, the walls of his room vanishing into shadow. A chill wind bit into him, and he uselessly huddled into the blanket.
~They hate me... they hate me... it's all my fault...~ The words thundered in his ears and all he could do was sob hysterically and try to keep the continuously growing winds from tearing him apart.
Shinnosuke sat up, looking around worriedly. What had that sound been? Silently, he slipped out of bed and peered out the window into the moonlit forest. Nothing there.
It came again, a soft whimper, and it was definitely inside. His brow creased in worry.
"Ryouga?" he whispered, bending over the other's sleeping form. Shinnosuke noted that his forehead was glistening with sweat, his face full of... fear? Anger? He was obviously having some sort of nightmare.
He bit his lip, reaching down hesitantly. He almost didn't dare, but... Shinnosuke very softly touched Ryouga's cheek with one thin hand. He gave a soft sigh in his sleep, turning his head, and Shinnosuke quickly pulled his hand back. Ryouga remained asleep, however, the lines of pain on his face dissolving.
~He looks so helpless like that, so...~ The thought remained unfinished. He watched over Ryouga a moment longer and then, after assuring himself that the nightmares had been driven away, Shinnosuke returned to his own bed.
*****
Ryouga woke slowly with the annoying feeling that he’d been dreaming something of relative importance, and now couldn’t remember in the slightest. He brushed it away in frustration and opened his eyes to the full morning sun.
Wait... there was a little too MUCH morning sun. He sat up quickly.
“Oh, you’re finally awake,” Shinnosuke chuckled from where he sat by the fire, cooking what looked like soup in a black pot. “I was getting a little worried you’d sleep forever.”
“What... what time is it?”
“About 12:30. Want some lunch?”
“I... slept past noon????” Ryouga quickly hopped out of bed. “That’s not like me at all... I mean, I’m a martial artist...”
“Aw, don’t worry about it. No one will ever know, and anyway, you hadn’t slept for a couple of days before that, right?”
“Yeah, I guess.” He wasn’t totally relieved, but coming from Shinnosuke, it was comforting. He was handed a bowl of soup and began eating silently.
Shinnosuke coughed a little, trying to break the ice. “So, um... how do you know Akane?”
Ryouga froze. Should he talk? He found he really did want to. He’d never really been shy about his feelings for Akane with anyone before, excluding her, of course. And something about Shinnosuke made him seem very easy to talk to. Maybe... maybe it was the fact that Ryouga sensed a deep loneliness that he could really relate to. It was always nice to talk to someone who actually understood your problem.
He told it all, from the “bread feud” with Ranma, to the fateful Jusenkyo trip, to becoming P-chan... The more Ryouga talked the easier it was.
“So, after all this time you still refuse to tell her?” Shinnosuke asked incredulously.
“Well... I know she’ll reject me. It’s not low self-confidence, it’s fact. And, although I can accept it, I really think that if she ever actually says to me that she could never love me...” He trailed off with a thoughtful look. “I might die. I don’t really know. My heart would be broken...”
“I never told her how I felt, either,” Shinnosuke sighed. “It’s the biggest regret of my life...”
Ryouga looked at him in surprise and suddenly burst out laughing so hard he fell over. “You mean you forgot THAT too?”
“Forgot what?” Shinnosuke asked innocently.
“You DID tell her, you idiot!”
“Oh, no... No, I refuse to believe... I told her to her face that I loved her??? How do you know?”
“I was THERE. It’s not something I can forget. And you asked her if she could ever love you back...”
“Really?” Shinnosuke asked eagerly. “What’d she say?”
“She said... ‘I guess so.’”
“That’s it?”
“More than I ever got...” Ryouga sighed.
“Hey, cut it out. You’re depressed way too often. Your life really isn’t that bad, you know.”
“Oh, really?” Ryouga asked, raising an eyebrow. “I barely have any friends, the ones I DO have would probably kill me if they felt the need, the girl of my dreams is in love with another man, I turn into a black pig when I get wet, I don’t even really have a home...”
“True, but think of the things you’ve seen... the places you’ve gone. I can’t even leave this forest.” Shinnosuke stood and went out the door, motioning Ryouga to follow. He then leaped up onto the roof and gestured with his broom across the expanse of forest. A few gigantic birds of unknown species winged across the horizon.
“I have been no farther than the land that can be seen from this rooftop in my entire life. To be able to wander like you do, completely free of responsibility... I... would give anything.” He sighed and dropped to a sitting position.
“So why don’t you just do it?” Ryouga asked, sitting beside him.
“I can’t. I have to keep the animals in the forest. I don’t want them wandering around outside wreaking havoc...”
“Why not? It’s not your fault they’re here, why do you have to give up your life for them? They don’t wander out much anyway, and everyone outside keeps well away from the forest because of the legends about its ‘monsters’. It’s really not your responsibility at all.”
“Do you... really think that?”
“Sure.” He flopped down on his back and stared up at the late afternoon sky. Shinnosuke joined him a moment later.
“Hey, Ryouga?” he asked.
“Yeah?”
“How many languages can you say ‘Where am I?’ in?”
They both laughed a little. “I’m not sure. I could run through them all and see. Well, there’s Japanese, which is obvious. Let’s see... French... ‘Ou est moi?’, I think...”
“You haven’t really been to France!”
“Yes, I have. Somehow on my way to China, I saw quite a bit of Europe. German castles, Roman amphitheaters... Hang on a minute and I’ll get my postcards.”
The two spent the rest of the afternoon lounging on the roof looking at the hordes of postcards Ryouga had amassed on his travels, talking and laughing about whatever was on their minds. When night finally came it didn’t so much fall as slowly and lazily drift from the heavens to set the sky glittering with stars.
Shinnosuke took the opportunity to point out the constellations to Ryouga. “There’s the Lion... and right below him is the Hunter. Just to the right is the Bull, and then the Seven Sisters... and over there is the Great Bear. Now, if you follow the line formed by these stars right here, you can trace it to Polaris, the North Star. This one should be pretty useful, Ryouga, since it’s always north. Sailors used to use it to help find their way.”
“How’d you learn all of these, anyway?” said Ryouga, who hadn’t been following a word of it but kept up with the standard “smile-and-nod” response.
“My grandpa taught me. If you want to know why I still remember them, I wouldn’t be able to tell you. Some things just stick in my mind, while others slip away.”
“Maybe you’ll be able to remember more now that he isn’t around Megaton Punching you every day,” Ryouga pointed out.
“Could be.” Shinnosuke sighed. “I really miss him. I was lonely before, but now that he’s gone I really don’t have anyone. Well, except you.”
Ryouga felt a strange twisting in the pit of his stomach. It was a feeling he couldn’t place and didn’t much care for. “I... don’t really have anyone either.” He looked at the other out of the corner of his eye, and found Shinnosuke to be sitting a little distance away with his back turned. “Uh... Shi... Shinnosuke... is something wrong?”
“Hmm? Not really...” He turned, and Ryouga saw such a deep pool of pure loneliness in his eyes that he couldn’t move away.
Silently, they edged closer together, leaning forward without even thinking about it. Even after their lips had pressed together they didn’t really think of what they had done. Somewhere over the treetops echoed the low hoot of an owl, and Ryouga let his gaze shift out into the dark expanse of forest.
Shinnosuke’s hand fell gently onto his shoulder. “Ryouga?” the young man asked softly, almost... tenderly. “What... what are you thinking?”
He didn’t look up from the darkness. “Nothing.” It was true. The countless thoughts and feelings that were raging around in his head had somehow been compounded into one large mass of nothingness, and Ryouga wasn’t about to begin trying to sort it out. “I think I’ll go to bed now. Good night,” he said calmly, leaping off the roof.
“Good night,” Shinnosuke echoed, voice hollow. He made no move to follow just yet.
He awoke to find Ryouga’s bed empty, although it had been made neatly. Shinnosuke didn’t feel all that surprised, although he was a little disappointed. The one time love had touched him in the past he had let it slip away, and he didn’t want the situation to reiterate itself. Still... he had a theory that Ryouga’s wanderings weren’t entirely random, but guided by something. After all, he had miraculously managed to find Akane on numerous occasions, so maybe all wasn’t lost quite yet.
Ryouga pushed through the hot jungle. The sky was slowly but surely darkening overhead, and stormclouds were roiling threateningly on the horizon. He had his ever-present umbrella with him, of course, but very violent storms were almost impossible to stay dry in. He hoped he’d get out of the forest soon, far away from...
From what? What exactly was he running from?
‘Time to be truthful,’ he thought to himself. ‘What are you afraid of? Because you *are* afraid, although you may not admit it.’
‘No, I’m not,’ he shot back. ‘I just need to get back to Akane. I love her, after all...’
‘Maybe,’ the voice in the back of his mind scoffed, ‘But you’re also falling for Shinnosuke. Might as well admit it now.’
“I AM DOING NO SUCH THING!” he screamed aloud, getting some very confused looks from a troop of behemoth wombats in the process. Frustrated, Ryouga broke into a run just as the stormclouds, which had briefly escaped his notice during his somewhat emotional mental soliloquy, let lose their first downfall.
Hours later, a cold, wet, miserable black piglet forged its way adamantly through the underbrush, somehow managing to drag with it a gigantic backpack. Finally, the poor animal was nearing what looked like a large clearing. He picked up his pace with a squeal of joy. He had been wandering for most of the day, and must have been nearing the forest’s boundaries by now...
Wriggling through some particularly thick shrubbery, the piglet popped into the clearing...
...and collapsed in a pathetic heap.
Smiling gently, Shinnosuke knelt over the animal which had just collapsed in front of his house. “I thought you might be back,” he murmured. The pig just emitted a porcine groan and remained motionless. “Don’t you want to come in and dry off?”
When he still received no response, Shinnosuke carefully lifted the piglet, holding him close to warm him up, and carried him into his little cabin. He set him down on the floor in front of the fire, over which a kettle was already beginning to boil. “You go ahead and change back while I go look for your things, all right?” The piglet nodded an affirmative and Shinnosuke went back outside to brave the elements.
When Shinnosuke returned Ryouga was staring at the fire, huddled within a thick blanket while water dripped down his hair and ran unnoticed down his face. He dropped the recovered backpack and umbrella on the floor and sat down beside him. Neither spoke for a seemingly great while, Ryouga trying to collect his thoughts and Shinnosuke simply listening to the loud patter of rain, as if a child had dumped an endless bag of marbles onto the roof.
Ryouga finally spoke haltingly. “Shinnosuke... I... I...” He drew in a breath and let it out slowly. “Damn. I guess I don’t really know what I’m trying to say. I don’t really feel like anything makes sense right now, and I don’t even know what I’m thinking...”
“That’s okay. Would... would it help if I told you what it is I’m thinking?”
Ryouga bit his lip and looked down. “I don’t know. It just might.”
“All right...” A bit hesitantly at first but with growing confidence, Shinnosuke began speaking. “Well, for one thing, I’m thinking how interesting it is that since you came here the other day, I haven’t forgotten a single moment we’ve spent together. In fact, I remember everything very vividly, especially... last night.”
Clearing his throat, Ryouga quickly interjected. “Ah, look... um, about that...”
Shinnosuke flushed slightly. “Ryouga, if you’re thinking about apologizing, don’t.”
“Ah...” Ryouga reddened as well. “All right.”
“Ryouga... I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said... about leaving the forest behind and traveling wherever my wanderings take me.” He suddenly paused, looking a bit confused.
“Go on,” Ryouga said softly, turning to look at him for the first time.
Shinnosuke reddened a bit, his nervousness obviously growing. “Well, I’ve never really been in the ‘real world’ before. I need someone to help guide me...”
Ryouga laughed a little. The concept of himself as a guide was one of the most ridiculous things he’d ever heard, but now it somehow made sense. Still... “I... I would be happy to help you, Shinnosuke, but... I... can’t just... leave Akane...”
“Oh.” The ultimate depression in that one syllable was astounding. Ryouga felt his heart folding in on itself.
“I don’t know, maybe I could... oh... I just DON’T KNOW!” Groaning in frustration, Ryouga put his head in his hands.
“Don’t decide now. Think about it awhile. If you want to go with me, we’ll go, and if you want to go back to her... well, I won’t stop you. But if you do go back to her... tell her how you feel. She just might love you back.” Trying to hide his disappointment for Ryouga's sake, Shinnosuke rose to leave him alone with his decision.
“A.... Akane?” He hesitated, then continued in a whisper. “I’m sorry I didn’t bring this up to you before. I’m also sorry that I took advantage of your affection for P-Chan to get into bed with you. I swear, though, it wasn’t for perverted reasons... I just... really needed to be close to you, Akane.” Ryouga faltered a little as his voice was choked with emotion, but he continued. “I... I know you’re in love with Ranma. You deny it, but sometimes I can see it. I think just about everyone can but you two. Once you finally confess it to yourselves and each other, you’ll be really happy together...” A tear slid down his cheek, and he stubbornly pushed it away. “I just have to tell you, Akane - now, when I have the chance - how much you’ve meant to me. Even if you did break my heart, it wasn’t your fault. You never even knew, because I was too cowardly to tell you. But you mean a lot to me, Akane. You always will. I’ll love you forever.” He leaned closer and very gently whispered in her ear, “Did you hear that? *I love you.*”
She stirred in her sleep, and he stepped back quickly. Sighing, Ryouga backed toward the window, still watching Akane’s sleeping form. She was beautiful, and he almost thought twice about what he was about to do. Almost.
“You and Ranma have my best wishes, Akane,” he whispered as he perched in the open window. “I’m sure I’ll be seeing you... but I hope you don’t miss P-Chan too much. I have a feeling he won’t be around here again.”
He dropped silently from the window and out of sight.
Shinnosuke smiled as Ryouga came around from the side of the house. “So, you did it?”
“More or less,” Ryouga chuckled. “Come on, let’s get going.” They started off down the empty, dark streets.
“Hey,” Shinnosuke chuckled, “It’s a miracle that you found me so quickly.”
“Yeah,” Ryouga agreed as they reached for each others’ hands. “Maybe it is.”