The Scandal Sheet Affair
*note: Apologies to the creators of VoH and Fushigi Yuugi for mauling their artwork for this
fanfic. but I just /had/ to get a pic for Trumpet!
-Day one of the Scandal-
-Sforzend-
Clari sighed and leaned back in his chair, enjoying his morning tea. It was a lovely, quiet
morning in Sforzend. Hameln wasn't around, Raiel was practicing his music MINUS the magic,
Flute was actually being quiet, and the Mazoku weren't at the gates. Lovely morning. Perfect.
Then Coronet came charging in, waving a paper around.
"CLARI! what's this?!" She stopped before him, slapping a scandalsheet on the table before
him, spilling his tea onto his lap.
"A scandal sheet." was his dry reply as he picked it up, after a moment of panic over the tea.
He went to take another sip- when he saw the headline and choked.
"An Investigator Exclusive! Pictures of the Love Child of the Grand Commander and the Phoenix
Hell King! Scandal on High!"
"What is-" Clari didn't get past that when the door flew open again, Queen Horn rushing into
the room also brandishing the scandal sheet.
"Clarinet! What is going on-"
At this point- Clarinet decided to make a strategic descion and retreat in the combined face
of an angry queen and younger sister.
-Meanwhile, over in Hamelin-
"I DID NO SUCH THING!!"
Guitar ducked as scythe neatly shredded his paper- and nearly took his nose with it.
"But the pictures, Sizer-"
"Are obvious fakes!!!"
The Fallen Angel glared down at the Beast Master, wings beating furiously against the sky,
feathers falling.
"What is all the fuss about?" Bass walked out - also holding one of the incrimnating papers.
"Ah, Sizer..I wanted to talk to you-"
"I didn't do it, I would never do it, and certianly not with HIM!!" She threw all protocol out
the window at that point and simply took off in a hurry, as she shouted out this vow. "When I
find the writer of this paper, I will seperate his eyes, tongue and fingers from him with this
scythe!"
-that Night-
Clarinet cursed softly as he tried to scale the tower that produced that paper- and came to a
halt with a gulp- carefully hidden -as a scythe blade came very near his throat.
"Oh..it's you..." Sizer glared down- but removed the scythe. An idea had just occurred to her-
an unlikely partnership that just might get this story sank.
"You didn't think I'd let this atrocity go did you?" Clari glared a bit, but Sizer waved it
away.
"Don't look at me- I'm as angry- if not MORE so than you! You take the lower stair, I'll take
the top window. We'll catch this guy one way or the other!"
Clari nodded and slipped back down to find that the door was, indeed, unlocked. Sizer started
to climb in the window.
They had both entered the tower when the world around them lurched- and then they were
together, on a bed, Sizer on Clari's lap, and several bright flashes filling the room. Before
they could recover, the final flash was coupled with a second teleport- leaving Clari hanging
from the walls of Sforzend castle and Sizer in the moat of Hamelin.
-Day Two of the Scandle-
Headline for Today:
G.C. Clarinet and H.K. Sizer get in tune.
-In Sforzend-
Coronet plastered herself to Clari's door, trying to keep an enraged Raiel at bay.
"Let me in there!! I'll show him!! I'll- I'll-"
Inside the room- Clarinet was on his bed, one arm thrown over his eyes, a very concerned
princess and queen at his side, the doctor on his other.
"He seems to be suffering from severe stress. Of course, given the exposure of his little past
time-" the doctor's words were literally choked off as Clari got a hold of his shirt, sitting
bolt upright.
"I NEVER TOUCHED HER!"
The doctor pulled away and showed the latest paper.
"Oh? Than what's this?"
Clari slumped back on the bed.
"A nightmare...it's a nightmare...."
Horn and Flute gaped at the pictures. They hadn't seen this one yet. They started yelling at
Clari- then his door is busted down by Raiel, who promptly leapt on Clari's bed and tried to
strangle him.
"How dare you?!" the words choked out through outraged tears. "I'M in love with Sizer! You
keep your hands off her!"
Several bright flashes had lit the room right then- though no one noticed, too busy trying
to pull Raiel off of Clari.
-Meanwhile, in Hamelin-
"Guitar...if you don't get out of here with that paper, I'm going to-"
"Do nothing."
Sizer's ranting got cut off as Bass walked in, holding another paper. Guitar just smirked and
contented himself with going back to reading his paper after he bowed to Bass.
"But Bass-"
"Just what were you and the Grand Commander doing in that bedroom, Sizer?" The Hell King
paused to await her answer, blinking at the response that got.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!"
All of Hamelin stood still for a moment, wondering what torture could invoke a scream even
they would shudder at.
-Day Three of the Scandal-
Headline for Today:
Raiel and Clarinet out of synch! Jealous Lover on the Rampage.
-Sforzend-
Flute gaped at the newest headline, then ran in to show her mother. Horn gaped as well- then
had the paper snatched out of her hand by Coronet, who moaned in despair at the paper and the
pictures contained within of Clari and Raiel fighting- and the aftermath: a crying Raiel
clutching one of Sizer's feathers, face pummeled by her far-more experienced brother, a rather
bruised and battered Clari featured on the back page.
"Lets do Clarinet a favor....and not mention this to EITHER of them..."
-A hop, skip, and a jump away in Hamelin-
"They fought over me?"
Sizer stared at the paper in shock, eyes softening a bit at the picture of poor battered Raiel
clutching the feather crying. Then she tossed the paper on the floor, snatching up her scythe,
fuming.
"I'll teach Clarinet to beat up on-"
She paused, noting Guitar lurking in the background.
"-someone I'm not finished tormenting yet!" With that, she took to the air, winging for
Sforzend.
-You Guessed it! Back in Sforzend!-
Clari paused on his inspection of the troops- just in time to duck a sudden attack from above.
A glistening blade slices where he had been- Sizer hovering above him.
"How DARE you attack Raiel?!"
"I didn't!"
"SIZER!" Both turn, startled to see the lovelorn pianist stumbling into the practice grounds,
feather in one hand- a bloodsoaked hankerchief in the other, pressed to his nose.
"...I didn't hit him in the nose..." Clari blinked a bit.
".....don't ask...." Sizer just shook her head.
"SIZER! IS IT TRUE?! DI- SIZER! COME BAAAAAAACK!"
One hand stretched out in pleading to his fallen angel as she flew away, Raiel plunked himself
down on the practice grounds to have a good fit.
"She left me! She left me for the homo!" (*note: Hameln once dubbed Clarinet "Homo Big
Brother" because he's so "pretty".)
"HEY! WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!"
-Day Four of the Scandal-
Headline for Today:
Love Triangle comes to a Cresendo! Sizer pounds Clarinet. Raiel let off key.
Bonus Exclusive! Trump card is played. New arrival is heralded in detail!
-Sforzend-
"This is getting completely out of hand..."
Clarinet nodded in agreement with Horn- as did Flute, Coronet and Raiel (who was eager for
this mess to be settled so he could "have Sizer back").
"We have to find who is printing these- oh, my...." Horn opened up to the second page, staring
at the very clear picture inside of the "love child".
"And I quote..."The child- named Trumpet -appears to be about six years of age, perhaps a bit
older. He is a very quiet child, like his father, but has his mother's fierce temper..."
...this child does look alot like you Clari...especially now that we can clearly see the
picture..."
Coronet peered at the picture, her mouth dropping open.
"That's a picture of Clarinet as a little kid!! Someone just stuck those big red wings on
him!"
Flute also looked over, eyes wide.
"Really? It looks so real!"
Clari shakes his head.
"It's half real- a picture of me with Sizer's wings pasted on..."
Flute blinked.
"When did you ever wear Sizer's wings?"
Clari groans in chorus with Horn- both deciding to just forget she asked that....
-And now we join the agrument in Hamelin, already in progress-
"NOT ANOTHER WORD GUITAR!"
The dogman noded quite agreeably- anyone would when suspended a good five hundred feet off
the ground by an angry Hell King- even another Hell King!
Down below, Bass merely watched with a bemused look on his face while Drum looked at the paper
as well.
"But they look so real!" The dragonlord poked at the picture. "Are you /sure/ Sizer didn't-"
"I'm quite certain. I believe she is even more certain."
Overhead- Sizer was flying off, after having dropped Guitar anyway, with the belief she may
have actually figured out who the culprit printing the scandal sheets was....
"After all..." muttered as she flew for Sforzend. "He's been too quiet lately...."
-Back to Sforzend! (yes, folks- this atrocity is almost over!)-
A group consisting of several angry people: Horn, Flute (who's not sure why she should be
angry, she's just going with the flow), Coronet, Trombone, and a bunch of palace guards-
all led by Clarinet and Raiel- stormed the tower. Overhead- Sizer and her Valkyries descended,
screaming in fury.
Inside the tower come screams, howls, yelps and sounds of viscious fighting...then everything
goes quiet, while a little crow perched in a tree shakes his head.
-Day Five, Scandal Over!-
Today's Headline:
Serenity rings out! 24 hour Peace Chord is stuck.
Queen Horn stepped out onto her balcony, one hand raised to capture the attention of the
Sforzendites.
"On this day- we mark a momentus occasion! For the first time ever, Sforzend and Hamelin
shall act as ONE! And for this we have to thank-"
On a stage before the crowd- a curtain is dropped, revealing Clari, Sizer and Raiel standing
side by side- Hameln tied up and hanging from the center beam.
"Hameln! Who's wonderful articles brought Hamelin and Sforzend together on this amazing day!
Gentlemen, lady- you may proceed to reward him."
Hameln paled- then began swining himself from side to side to avoid scythe slices, staff
swings and spear pokes from the three "ambassadors", screaming out: "OBOE! HELP
MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"
Oboe started to say something- then noticed Trombone eyeing him and shrugged down at his
prodigal charge.
"I'm sorry Hameln...but I have no wish to be the surprise at dinner tonight."
Shrieks, applauding and the occasional loud THAWK! resounded through the city until sundown,
ending the truce- and making several people very happy.
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