Disclaimers: ^_^' That things never happened. I don't know any of that people. I don't want anyone upset with me. It's shonenAi if you don't like the idea don't read it. I'm poor and that fanfic it's not going to change it. Even if it is a bad fanfic... T_T don't be too upset with me... Special thanks to Firedreamer-sensei!! You are too nice!! One more time... drinking at home. Alone... completely alone. Feeling that I'm really alone with myself. And what's myself? Myself is pain, is coldness, is impossible love consuming me inside. Breaking me and, at the same time, making me live. If I didn't feel so much love I've given the peace to my soul. But you are there, making me feel right, making me feel hurt... Yes, you make me feel broken and dead... But also alive... willing to live forever so that I can see you until the end of time. But truth is, that I'll never have what want... My love is damned. My heart broke himself falling for a cold bitch. You are a strict cold bitch who can't even imagine what she is making feel others. You can't feel anything, can you? And that's why you can't understand that we have those noisy and painful feelings inside us. And even if you accept that nobody is as cold as you... You can't understand that you are the one who makes me feel sick and healthy, and happy and disgraceful... You make me feel so much that I fear that I'm going to break my heart. Can someone break his heart with feelings? Is that what happened to you? I am going to be a second Mana? And I see you so clear in my mind. Even now, though I am alone at home. I see you, I smell you, I hear you, I feel you... How to express to you how much I love you? I can't... I know I have to confess it to liberate my heart... And I also know that you're not going to care... And that's going to kill me... The drink can't give me anymore peace... the piano only makes me feel my love stronger than ever... How I am going to be free again? I've bound my being, my soul, my heart, my body to you... Only to you. I live for you, I'm yours. And You don't want me. You never wanted me, I never had you. Mana, I love you so much... I'm dead without you. I'm dead if I continue seeing you... How stupid. How could I hurt myself so much in a such a stupid way? And I love you... No matter how bad it makes me feel. I love every time you shout to me because I'm not working well. I love every time you aproach me on the stage... I burn every time you hold me... To feel you so near... and so far away at the same time... Today I decided what I'll do with my love. Today I decided how to finish with it... I'll go feel somewhere far away from you. "Mana. I leave the band... I want to work alone. Malice Mizer doesn't give me what I want... (you don't give me) what I need..." "YOU WHAT?!" "I'm leaving the band..." Hate... fear... that's what you eyes are showing me.. Feel it Mana! Feel it inside as I do! "No! You're not going to do it!! You have a contract that you can't break! You're bonded to the band!!" "You can't do anything to change it... " Liar! Liar! Liar! He can do everything! You know he can change you mind! "Why?" Oh Mana... Please... Don't look at me with that face... Please... "It's the first time I see you feeling something... But we all know You're a cold whore without feelings. So don't try to make me feel bad with that false pitiful face!! We both know that you can't feel anything!!" "That's not true..." "It isn't? No... of course it isn't. You can feel... Feel the fear of knowing that you're losing your dream... Your dear band without a singer... What are you going to do litle poor Mana? Is the french doll breaking?" "You're a bastard!! You are the damned bitch without heart!!" "Whatever you want my dear... whatever you want..." And I just left him there... Hurt, broken... maybe feeling what I've been feeling all that years... Endless hurt in never ending pain... It was the first time I saw him showing his humanity... And what did I do with it? I've been cruel. I've got my revenge. I've made him pay for all the years of hurt I've had... I've punished him knowing that he's innocent... Isn't it always like this? Doesn't innocents always pay for the others faults? I've been so cruel... Why? Why have I tossed all the garbage on you? You, the person I love more than anything... And I've hurt you... I'm so sorry Mana. I'm so sorry... It's all my fault! Firedreamer just tryed to help me! Blame me. Not her! ~·Minako·~ |