Title: Surrender to Me
Author: Alicia Blade
E-mail: Kammi22@sprintmail.com

Konnichi'wa minna-chan! Here's a short story I am, in actuality, kinda proud of. I hope you'll like it also! My dad bought the Pearl Jam CD single a couple weeks ago and I was listening to it and was like, "Ohmigosh, it would be PERFECT for a fanfic!" It is, of course, a first season romance, based on Usagi and Mamoru before they know they are the prince and princess. I hope you like it! Please tell me whatcha think!


Oh, and go visit Chibi-Usa's Bedtime Stories at:

http://www.50megs.com/sailorm/fanfic.htm

It is a beautiful fanfic site! Sailor M made my stories look so pretty, I was in shock when I went and looked at it! But she needs more fics, so authors, go send 'em in!!!!

Also, First Luv is MOVING to xoom! Lady S and I got pretty fed up with geocities. The site is still under construction, but at least now you'll be able to sign the guestbook!! So please go look at it, and if you did before, go again and sign away!!!

http://members.xoom.com/firstluv

A quick glossary:

Konnichi'wa = hello
Baka = idiot/stupid
Aishiteru = I love you
Odango Atama = dumpling head
Arigatou = Thank you
Domo = You're welcome

Now, enjoy!
"Jesus answered, 'Go and tell John what you have heard and seen. The blind are now able to see, and the lame can walk. People with leprosy are being healed, and the deaf can hear. The dead are raised to life, and the poor are hearing the good news. God will bless everyone who doesn't reject me because of what I do.'"

Matthew 11:4-6


Lay down your arms
And surrender to me
Lay down your arms
And love me peacefully
Use your arms for squeezing and pleasing
The one who loves you so

I was having problems concentrating. Though the battles in World War II interest me to no ends, the girl sitting three tables down catches my attention much more.
Her fingers clutched around a spoon as she stirred the ice cream sundae into a syrupy mush. Her pale blue eyes were glued to the dessert as she lifted a spoonful out, then tipped the spoon and watched it drizzle back to the large metal cup.
Her other hand supported her bored head as it lulled to the side. The elbow rested on the table so that her head wouldn't have to. Droopy bangs fell across her forehead. Pink lips were set in a straight line, not frowning, though certainly not smiling.
In all the days I've known her, not once had I ever seen the girl
so bored as to prolong the eating of a chocolate sundae.
I return my eyes to the textbook lying on the table below me, running the tip of the pen over the lines as I read them. I finish the column of small print and turn the page unconsciously as my eyes wander upward again.
She's staring out the window now, the spoon in her mouth as she licks off every last drop. Without removing her gaze from the bustle outside, she takes the spoon and moves it back to the bowl, digging up another scoop, before bringing it up to her lips again. She hesitates before engulfing it in her mouth.
Shaking my head, I look back down at my book. What could possibly be bothering her? I sigh, attempting to read the first paragraph. After I've done that, I pause, staring at the page blankly, and realize I didn't understand a word I just read. My eyes darted over it again, and nothing seemed familiar. Rolling my eyes, I wonder if I'd read it at all, or if my mind had been too occupied.
Slamming the book shut, I rub my temples with my forefinger. Why do I even bother concentrating when she's around? I look up to see that she is busy analyzing a bright red cherry, the bottom half-dripping with the remains of chocolate ice cream and whipped cream.
Sliding out of my booth, I tuck the book beneath an arm and walk steadily over to the girl, before sitting down on the red bench directly across from her. She devours the cherry, leaving a loose red stem, before dropping it into an empty metal bowl.
"Good morning, Odango Atama."
Her gorgeous blue eyes dart to mine, suddenly filled with an emotion not far from anger, the boredom wiped clean away.
"What do YOU want, baka?"
I raise an eyebrow at the coldness in her voice. Overtime, I've become quite used to that tone, though I never did like it much. Her voice can be so light and cheery, I've heard it before, yet it always turns sour when I'm in the picture.
"You looked lonely."
"Doesn't mean I want YOUR company."
Shrugging, I lean back, resting my elbows up on the back of the cushioned bench.
"Doesn't mean you didn't, either."
Glaring, she picks the spoon up from the table and drops it into the bowl with a loud clatter.
"Go away."
I smirk at her slightly, though I'm not sure she noticed. "You want me to buy you another sundae? You could waste another hour if you eat it at the same rate as the last."
"Knowing you, you'd have them poison it for me."
"Aw, now why would I want something bad to happen to you? You make my life interesting."
"And you make my life torture. Fair trade." she adds ironically. Sighing, I wonder how all of our conversations end so awfully, so quickly. It almost amazes me. I wonder why she can never wait to get away from me. I wonder why it hurts so much to see her sad or lonely. I wonder why my heart beats so abnormally fast when I think of her long golden hair, that I have never had the privilege to touch.
Her arms are folded across her chest now as she stares at me. Aw yes, the familiar test of who will look away first. I think she gets a kick out of these arguments sometimes. Who wins, who loses. I think the score is fairly even, on the outside. Personally, I do believe she's won every match. The weapons I throw at her are somewhat playful, I never mean to hurt her, and they are always contradicted easily, knocked carelessly away. She never did care about my opinion, anyway. But when she attacks me with the heartless words and cold stares, she's out for blood. And I have found that I have zero defenses against her. Every insult is like another knife cutting through the skin.
But she has yet to reach the heart.

There ain't no reason
For you to declare
For I am the one who loves you so

Our stares remained glued to the others eyes as a silence drifts over us. I attempt to keep my eyes emotionless, with some difficulty. Her gaze is like ice, no feeling there for me to see or hope for. Finally, I switch to conversation again. It tends to keep my thoughts off of other things, such as her soft lips.
"Do you need some cheering up? You don't seem your normal happy self today."
For a moment, she doesn't move, almost as if she's speculating on even answering the question, or if I wanted an answer.
"I'm fine," she concludes.
I raise my eyebrow flirtatiously. "Yes you are," I whisper.
For a brief moment, something flickers across her eyes, but disappears before I could really know or understand it. But whatever I just saw in that azure gaze set a fire on inside of me, making my heart turn around a few times, forced my thoughts a little lighter. I begin struggling to extinguish the flames before she knocks down the rest of my so-worked-for armor.
The battle wages on as our eyes search for weaknesses in the others'. I'm sure she noticed my faltering before, and now a small evil grin pulls at the corners of her lips.
"Hey Mamoru-kun! Usagi-chan!" says a cheerful voice from beside us. In a second, I see her eyes widen with a joyful surprise, and she surrenders the war, turning to look up at the arrived Motoki. I sigh, letting my eyes linger for another moment, before turning to my best friend.
"Konnichi'wa Motoki-san!" says Usagi cheerfully, any signs of her previous anger, boredom, or sadness erased. I groan inwardly, unheard of by anyone else. Her little crush on him is so sickeningly obvious. I don't understand it at all, the way she smiles and bats her eyes at him. How her voice becomes chipper, her body, giddy.
"Motoki-kun," I nod with a small smile at him. He grins, wiping his hands on his white apron.
"You all done with this, Usagi-chan?"
"Huh?" She looks down to see the metal bowl, empty save a spoon and cherry stem, then smiles happily and pushes it to the end of the table. "Yup, all done. Arigatou."
"Domo." He picks it up, before looking between the two of us, his brown eyes searching the circumstances. "Hey, what are you guys doing anyway?" he asks somewhat suspiciously.
"Odango looked sad," I tell him, before turning my eyes over to the girl and adding quite seriously, "I was attempting to change that."
She glares at me briefly before turning back to the blonde still standing. "Mamoru-san was teasing me again," she says, her voice pouting, though her gaze still filled with delight.
I roll my eyes. Sure I was, Usako, sure I was.
Without looking up at Motoki, I can feel him staring at me with disappointment. Does Usagi even realize that I wasn't trying to hurt her this time? No, everything I say to her is mean and awful. I could tell her she's as beautiful as a sunset and as sweet as chocolate and she would take it as an insult. Sighing, I don't even attempt to correct her statement. Let Motoki think all I ever want to do is torture the poor girl. Let them think what they want. It's better than if they were to know the truth.
Her voice still filled with excitement and cheerfulness, she asks, "Motoki-san, would you like to join us for some ice cream or something?" I don't fail to realize that she used the word 'us', but only ignore it when I realize how odd it would have sounded for her to say 'me', though I'm sure that's what she was thinking. Looking up at Motoki again, I see him smile with care in his eyes, the same care he holds in his eyes for his sister and me. Poor Usako, she doesn't realize he loves her like a friend. Or like a little sister. Not how he loves Reika, his girlfriend of three years. Not how I love her.
"I'd love to, Usagi-chan, but I have to get back to work. Thanks for the offer, though. I'll see you both later, alright?"
Usagi nods sadly, forcing a small smile on her lips.
"Ja ne, Motoki-kun. I'll see you later."
"Ja, Motoki-san!"
He walks off with her empty dessert. I watch as her gaze follows him, watching his every movement so longingly. Her eyes seem to become heavier, paler as he leaves, staring at him yearningly.

So forget the other boys
'Cause my love is real
Come off your battlefield

I clench my teeth and fists as she finally returns to the real world, anger and jealousy boiling through my every vein. If the girl wasn't so stubborn, so naive...
Her eyes return to mine, and the happiness vanishes. "Oh, are you still here?" she says hatefully. Gulping, I force my voice steady.
"Not for long." Picking up my book, I stand from the booth. I look down on her once to see a surprised look on her face, before it turns to stone again. "Have fun chasing after Motoki," I drawl, "'cause with your luck, fun is the ONLY thing you'll ever get out of that relationship." After watching the shock, confusion, then anger shine through her eyes, I turn and walk out of the cafe and arcade.

Lay down your arms
And surrender to me
Lay down your arms
And love me peacefully
Use your arms for squeezing and pleasing
That's the way it's got to be

Standing alone, silently on my balcony, staring out into the busy streets below, must be the most unnerving thing I have ever done. It used to be an activity to clear my thoughts, help me relax. But anymore, my mind refuses to let my thoughts clear. When I try to let it wander, drift in and out as subjects such as the beautiful sunset or the nice weather, it freezes and pulls back to the subject that pains my heart when I think of it. Or... when I think of her.
So Usako hates me. I knew that awhile ago, but it was understandable. I'd never tried to be extremely nice to her, but it's

not like I was ever a total jerk either, at least I haven't been lately. Sure in the beginning I was just plain mean, but for the past few weeks I have tried everything I know how to get her to notice the other side of me, but she never pays attention. I offer to buy her ice cream, to keep her company, and she shoots me down with insults and comments to break my heart in two. But I haven't let her, yet.
Every time I see her, I can't help but talk to her. I know that I will only get hurt in the process, but it's like a disease I can't control. Like... an addiction of sorts.
Usako hates me? She can go ahead. I can deal with the pain. But someday... someday...

The weapons you're using
Are hurting me bad
But someday you're gonna retreat

Turning, I walk into my apartment and slip on my shoes before heading out the door. I need to get my thoughts off of her.
Walking down the sidewalk, I keep my eyes glued on the ground, analyzing the shoes of those who walk by. It helps some. Raising my gaze, I can see the park come into view and head over to it, eager to smell roses, feel soft grass, hear the small stream beneath the bridge. Entering, I immediately turn to the familiar path I have walked down so many times. The dirt rises in small clouds beneath my feet as I walk along. I can see the orange sun shining through some trees to my right, and know that it is setting fast.
Treading over the wooden bridge crossing the stream, I stop to gaze over for a minute. The water splashes about below me in white ripples and clear blue waves. I fold my arms on the railing, closing my eyes. I must have stood there for longer than I thought, for when I opened my eyes again, the sun was kissing the horizon. A peaceful and content smile pulling at my lips, I turn and begin the journey home.
I stop when my eyes see a small body curled up and shaking beneath a large tree. Her back leans against it, her knees pulled up to her chest, with two golden buns of hair poking up from her almost entirely hidden head.
I shouldn't go talk to her. I should let her be. Mind my own business. Let it go for once.
But I know that would be impossible.
Gulping, I near the girl shakily, kneeling down before her. Two fingertips reach out to trace down one side of her face, and she jerks away, looking up at me, and my heart breaks at the sight of red cheeks and tears streaming down.
"Usagi-chan... what's wrong?" I ask, no need to hide the concern in my voice. She stares silently for a minute, before swiping at her eyes with a sleeve. "Go away, Mamoru-baka, I don't need to deal with you right now."
I almost consider taking her option, but know that I'm already tied into this. I was weeks ago. Her pain is my own. I sit down beside= her, with my back against the trunk.
"Hey, just pretend you're talking to Motoki, alright? Now what's wrong? Maybe I can help..."
Looking at her, I can see her jaw clench. "Motoki..." she whispers, to herself, before turning to face me again. She stands, staring at me icily. "You don't even deserve to utter his name! Sure, I'll just pretend I'm talking to a prince when in reality, I'm laying my heart out for his best friend, Scumbag!"
Rolling my eyes, I slam my head hard against the tree, then realize it hurt and vow silently not to do that again. "What IS it about him?! What on Earth do you see that gets you all... lovey-dovey and protective and... why is HE so special to you?!"
She crosses her arms over her chest. "Gee, I don't know, could it possibly be that he has this thing called a heart?!"
I stand next to her, softness taking over the previous anger in my voice. "I have a heart, Usagi-chan. But for some reason, you can't see it."

'Cause my love, baby,
Is the truest you ever had
I'm a soldier of love
That's hard to be

"Right, you have a heart of ice," she shoots back. I sigh, closing my eyes at the impending headache I can feel coming on. Why did I have to come over and talk to the girl? Why, oh why?! "Nice people, sweet people, people with HEARTS do not spend their free time insulting and teasing and mocking younger girls!"
I hear her turn to head home, but reach out and grab her arm, opening my eyes. She turns back to glare up at me.
"Wait!"
"Let go of me!"
Slowly, I loosen my grip and she pulls roughly away, knowing full well that I wasn't holding onto her tightly, I'm sure.
"Usagi-chan, I do NOT spend my free time trying to hurt you!"
"Oh, then you spend the time you should be doing other things?!"
I roll my eyes, before staring at her harshly. She has got to be the most stubborn, difficult girl I have ever known in my life.
"Look, I admit I was a complete jerk when we first met, but the last few weeks I have gone out of my way to try and be nice to you! I have done everything in my power to cheer you up, to make you smile, to... to be a FRIEND, and you haven't noticed any of it!"
"If you call being a friend..."
"Don't EVEN start!" I scream at her. She freezes mid-sentence, her jaw hanging open. I'd never done that to her before... Catching my breath, I start wringing my hands in front of my stomach. "If you would listen for a couple minutes before shooting out more comebacks, maybe we wouldn't have to fight all the time."
"Oh, so now you're saying all our arguments are MY fault?!"
"No, I'm saying I am trying to be the good guy and you won't let me! For goodness sakes, who do you think gets hurt more when we fight?! You? I don't think so! Every time you say you hate me, every time you look at me like I'm the scum of the Earth, I can feel my heart break. Do you have any idea what that is like? To know that anything I ever do to try and make things better between us will fail? It hurts Usagi, much more than I'm sure I have ever hurt you. I know you couldn't care less what I think of you, and besides, I never even truly insult you! Odango Atama, for example, how is that such an AWFUL nickname?!"
"I have asked you repeatedly not to call me that!"
"But why? Is there a reason, or do you just want to turn everything that comes out of my mouth into an insult?!"
"Everything that comes out of your mouth IS an insult!"
I force myself to calm down. This isn't helping anything. What am I doing? What am I trying to prove here?
"Usagi... I came over here to cheer up a beautiful girl who, believe it or not, I happen to care very much for. Now=85 was THAT an insult? Because it's the truth."
Her blue eyes stare at me for a minute, the anger turned to utter confusion. Taking a step closer to her, I attempt to grasp at the words I have to tell her... what I need to tell her.
"I know you hate me. I know that. But I... I don't hate you, I never could. If you want me to stay away from you, I can try. I don't promise I'll be able to, but I CAN try. And so, if I happen to never see you again..." I take a deep breath, this is my last chance. My only chance.
Craning my neck, I lower my lips gently upon hers, kissing her once, softly, tenderly. Pulling away inches from her shocked face, I whisper,
"It meant something to me," before turning and walking quickly out of the park, getting away from her as fast as I could.

Lay down your arms
And surrender to me
Lay down your arms
And love me peacefully

Let's see how many times you have to hit your head on the side of a building before you reach unconsciousness, shall we?
One!
Two!
Three! Okay, no more, no more... Owie, pain...
Sighing, I slide down the side of the building. I had tried to get myself home before breaking into tears, but simply couldn't. And so I found this alley and have taken my refuge, crying hard as sobs racked my body into gasping shudders.
Having sunken to my knees, I place my palms down on the cement below, my forehead resting against the cement wall. I bite my lip, wiping quickly at the tears before dropping my hand again.
"What was I thinking?" I whisper to myself. "What was I THINKING?!" That was a tad louder. "I'll stay away from you? I care about you? How can I care for you as much as I do and stay away from you?! Oh, Usako, don't you=85 can't you see? I don't want to fight with you. I never wanted to fight. I=85 I love you=85 Usako, I love you, why do you have to hate me? I could make you so happy. I could... I could treat you right, like a princess, I would... Why do you hate me? Usako... Usako..."

Use your arms to hold me tight
Baby, I don't wanna fight no more

"Why didn't you tell me?" asks a familiar, light voice. I gasp, my eyes flying open. Turning, I see Usagi standing at the entrance of the small alley. My eyes going wide, I jump to my feet, quickly wiping away any remains of the tears.
"You followed me? Why?"
"Why didn't you tell me, Mamoru-san?"
"Why didn't I tell you what?" I whisper, bracing myself against the wall so I wouldn't fall down. My knees felt like jell-o as I stood there, staring down on her, the previous tears still taking effect on my body.
"Usako? You love me?! What is this all about? You can't possibly love me! You don't hurt people you love!"
After a moment of staring at her in shock, anger filled me again. "My goodness woman, didn't you hear one word I just said?!"
"How dare you..." she paused, looking down for a minute, before turning her stare back to me. "How dare you pretend to say these things as if you actually mean them? How dare you kiss me, and then just leave?! What are you trying to do to me?!" Tears crawling down her cheeks, she turned on her heels and ran out of the dark alley.

Use your arms to hold me tight,
Baby, I don't wanna fight no more
Lay down your arms

That's when everything started spinning. My heart took over for my brain and the next thing I knew, I was running after her. The dark night had welcomed empty streets and for a long time all I could hear was my breathing and her footsteps on the street ahead. I don't know how she got so far ahead, maybe all that running to school made her extremely fast, but it was hard for me to catch up with her, and when I did, we were in the park again.
Finally, I was close enough so that I could reach out and grab her arm, which is what I did. She stopped and turned to face me, her breath ragged, her cheeks damp and red.
"Why are you following me?!" she screamed.
I didn't know what to do. I'd said everything I could, and still, nothing had changed. Shaking my head, I enveloped her in my arms, wrapping them tightly about her frail body. She struggled for a minute but stopped when I began talking.
"Because if I lose you now, I know I'll never have another chance!"
She is silent, just shaking her head into my jacket. "No, you can't... you can't feel this way=85 It's not fair!"
"Why? I don't understand, why are you so stubborn?!"

Baby, lay down your arms
Oh, lay down your arms
"Why won't you let me love you? Why do you always insist on fighting me?! Why do you WANT to push me away?!"
She sobbed loudly, her legs collapsing so that my arms were her only support.
"Because..." she whispered, and I struggled to hear her. "Because I love you too..."

'Cause my love, baby,
Is the truest you ever had
I'm a soldier of love
That's hard to be

"Wha...?" I stuttered. She couldn't have just said...
"Because since the day we met I have been trying everything possible to ignore what I feel for you!" she screamed, pushing herself out of my embrace. She clutched her arms around her waist, staring down at the ground. "I have tried so hard, so very hard to imagine I didn't care about you. To pretend you were nothing but a conceited jerk. I HAVE noticed that you are sweet and kind and... But I tried so hard not to, and now... now I'll never be able to imagine again. But... I DON'T WANT TO BE IN LOVE WITH YOU!" Her eyes darted up to mine, and I could see fear hidden in their depths. There was a silence as we stood there staring at each other.

The weapons you're using
Are hurting me bad
But someday you're gonna retreat

"That's... it? But... I don't understand. If you love me too... why...?"
"Because I'll get hurt! I know I will..." she whispered, diverting her gaze again. "I know you'll hurt me..."
I shake my head, taking a step toward her. My fingers trace up her arm and she shivers at the touch.
"Oh, Usako... I would never hurt you..."

Lay down your arms
And surrender to me
Lay down your arms
And love me peacefully

Slowly, I wrap my arms around her waist again. Her head collapses willingly to my chest as I begin running a hand through her hair. "I promise, Usako, I promise I will never hurt you, but... but... you're going to have to give me a chance... You're going to have to trust me..." I whisper. Her blue eyes raise up to look at mine and I feel a warmth pour over me, staring into their hopeful gaze. She sniffles a couple times, silently contemplating over things as I hold her close. After awhile, her eyes close.
"Oh, Mamoru-baka, why do you have to be so perfect?"
I chuckle lightly, happiness washing over me. Is this all a dream? I brush my lips over her forehead.
"More perfect than Motoki?"
She giggles, nodding. "He was a decoy... I only used him to keep my mind off of you..."
"Hm... and... will you be doing that anymore? 'Cause I do tend to get jealous quite easily, you know..."
Slapping me lightly in the chest, she says, "Of course not, baka!"
I grab her hand holding it in mine, and lower my face so that our noses brush against each other's. "That's another thing... are you always going to refer to me as baka?"
Giggling, she closes her eyes. "Actually... I was thinking, since you seem so serious about this... could... could I call you Mamo-chan?"
I look down on her. Her eyes are closed tightly, and she chews on her lower lip nervously. I laugh. "Only if I can call you Usako..."
She sighs happily and I kiss her again, longer than the last time, holding our lips together. Pulling apart, I whisper,
"Aishiteru, Usako."
"Aishiteru, Mamo-chan."
Everything seemed perfect as we held each other silently, with only the silver moon as a witness to our vows. And I knew there would be no more fighting.

Please, baby, lay down your arms.


The Soldier of Love
Original artist unknown, remade by Pearl Jam, 1999


Hope you liked! Tell me your thoughts on it!
Luv and God bless!
<3 Alicia