This is a spamfic/fanfic that I regularly post to the 'alt.fan.utena' 
newsgroup. It has a lot of in-jokes and subtle references to the 
'TV-Style' series. But anyway, this is a parody based on the Utena movie and the 
original spamfic. Those curious should check deja.com for Being Anthy, 
or ask, and I'll send the chapters over the ML.

Yes, it was inspired by SFaE. Why do you ask? ^_^;;;

Enjoy, please. And comment on it, dammit! Remember, line-by-line 
comments, Onsenmark style, are your friends. ^_^ And if it sucks, TELL ME 
IMMEDIATELY SO I CAN REMEDY IT BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!

Those unfamiliar with 'Being Anthy' should check with it on Deja. It 
may or may not be worth the search, but some people like it, so I'm gonna keep  doing it.

Note there may be spoilers for the movie. Spoilers in a spamfic? I 
know. The end is near. Beware... beware... beware!

OK. Enjoy, please. The Adolescence Mokushiroku Edition of the comedy
fanspamfic, Being Anthy Himemiya... *drumroll please...*

"Under the signs of love, courage, and hope, a Revolution will fail. 
But if it is called by the Darkness..."

Shoujo Kakkumei Utena
"Being Anthy Himemiya"

ADOLESCENCE MOKUSHIROKU EDITION
"Me, Myself, and Anthy" Part I


    [Scene: Black Rose Elevator. Mamiyanthy is seen pouting, screaming 
at
unseen voices.]

    Mamiyanthy: Dammit... it's not fair... NOT FAIR! This is a sellout 
I say, 
a
sellout! The entire 'Being Anthy' theme is absent from this movie... 
it's 
going
by brand name... brand name! They slap the name of 'Being Anthy' on 
something,
and everyone shuns it like it was 'Being Anthy'! Dammit...

Creepy voice: Deeper... go deeper...

    Mamiyanthy: And...and... and you see, I have a think for 
cross-dressing. I
really like it. A lot.

    Mikage: I understand. I suppose we have no choice but to go in the 
back
room and dress each other in sexy lingerie.

    Mamiyanthy: Lucky! ^_^

[Suddenly, Mamiyanthy is whisked away by a sudden plot device.]    

    Mikage: Damn.

[Scene: A bunch of blackboards with rose crests on them shift about and 
do
strange things. After a while, they vanish, and Tenjou Utena sits at 
her desk.
Shinohora Wakabanthy appears, and starts talking to her.]

    Wakabanthy: How do you like our school?!?!?!?!?!

Utena: If there are girls like you around, I think I'll enjoy it.

    [For no apparent reason, Wakabanthy jumps on Utena. The two fall 
out a
window, where Juri and Miki are fencing.]

[Scene: The Shadow Radio Wall. E-Ko and F-Ko sit over a table.]

    E-Ko: Hiiiiiii, MINNA!

F-Ko: We're the new Ohtori Radio Superstars, 

E-Ko/F-Ko: E-ko and F-ko!

    E-ko: Now, you may wonder why, even though we're radio stars, we're 
still
behind a shadow wall.

    F-ko: It's because we've got lots and lots of talent to do it all!

[The men in Sailormoon fukus all begin to snicker rudely.]

    E-ko: And for those wondering what happened to those wonderfully 
talented
Shadowgirls, A-ko and B-ko...

    F-ko: We turned them into cars and drove them away!

E-ko: F-ko no baka! Don't spoil plot elements!

F-ko: But I was just cleverly foreshadowing them... *whines*

E-ko: It's a perfectly wonderful and happy away. Go glomp your best 
friends!
^_^

F-ko: But there's a chance of cross-dressing bishounen running around, 
and
scattered showers as well.

E-ko: But I just said it was sunny...

F-ko: I don't care! I'm miserable, dammit! It's raining, and storming, 
and...

E-Ko: Got dumped by your cross-dressing boyfriend?

F-ko: I never had a chance...

E-Ko: Well, outta time, so remember, as you chew on your tin can and 
draw
pictures of bizarre phallic appearing anime mascots on your 
cross-dressing 
dead
boyfriend's back, check to be making sure if he'll be flirting with his
ex-girlfriend's bride while he's supposed to be in class tomorrow! 

F-ko: o.0;;;

Miki: I knew I'd lose, seeing how I'd never won before, but...
Juri: Playing that horrid repetition of notes and sounds suits you much 
better.

    Wakabanthy: That's our Juri-sama, but everyone calls her the 
Prince. She
drives me all the time... *Wakabanthy begins to mutter ecchi things.*

   Utena: *Ahem*

    Wakabanthy: And that's Miki. He's being stalked by his obsessive 
little
sister. She's always  stalking him and hurting his girlfriends. That's 
why he
doesn't have a girlfriend. She also likes to trim his eyebrows while 
nude.

    Utena: That's... 

    [Utena catches a glimpse of Touga in a red-and-white Rose Bride 
outfit
watching her from a window. The Sunlit Garden plays quietly in the 
background.]

    Utena: It's... it's him.

    [Utena jumps on Wakabanthy's head, and bounces up to the window. 
Wakabanthy
is carried away by a sudden plot twist. ]

    Utena: Touga! Touga! Touga!

[Utena runs past Suzuki, Yamada, and Tanaka, who are currently involved 
in an
exciting game of twister whilst wearing Togas.]

    Utena: Tooouuugggaaaa! TOUGA!

[As Utena runs down the hallway, Touga vanishes around the corner. She 
turns
the corner, and he poses coolly at the next. She keeps going, and he 
vanishes
about the next. Random events occur as Utena goes down the twisty 
hallway, but
she persistently keeps going towards Touga.]

    Utena: Touga! Touugaaa!!

Touga: Yes?

    Utena: What the HELL are you wearing?!!!!

[Utena turns and walks away.]

    Touga: But it's kawaiii... 

[As Utena walks away, flowers begin talking to her, and one of them 
gives her 
a
Rose Signet.]

Utena: This is...

Utena: Oh well, I better take a walk for no apparent reason.

[Scene: Utena wanders up to the top of the Duel Arena for no apparent 
reason.
She does not notice the height, or the fact that there is absolutely 
nothing 
up
there to see. She carries her Rose Signet in her hand for no apparent 
reason.]

    Utena: My, my, I'm pretty far up.

[On the far end of the platform, Anthy appears. Of course, nobody 
noticed her
presence, but she's there. and has been there, watering roses.]

    Anthy: You're... stepping on the flowers.
    Utena: No I'm not.

    Anthy: Yes, you are! This whole arena is made up of flowers... you 
have no
right to step on them! I water them, day and night, harvest them, and 
stab 
them
into the chests of you idiot duelists and----

    Utena: You're stepping on them.

    [Saionji enters, wearing a Sailor Chibimoon fuku and carrying 
around a
sword for no apparent reason.]

    Saionji: You're... stepping on the flowers. And you're close to 
Anthy.
Nobody's allowed to be close to her! She's mine, and mine alone! Come 
here
Anthy. Oh yes, Anthy, your hair tastes so good. What, oh...

    Utena: Eh?

    Saionji: That ring... you're a Duelist?

    Utena: What is this? What does this ring mean?

    Saionji: You're up here, trampling my flowers, the heart and soul 
of my
Bride and myself, and you don't even know what that ring means?!

    Utena: No. A flower gave it to me.

    Saionji: Well, actually, I don't know what it means either. All I 
know is
that it gives me a good excuse to kick everyone's ass and chew on my 
beautiful
Bride's hair.

    Utena: You know you're stepping on the flowers, right?

    Saionji: I'm Saionji. I can do whatever I want. Now anyway, pull 
out your
sword, I'm going to duel you.

    Utena: I didn't bring one.

    Saionji: Too bad....... 

    Utena: But wait! What's this? Could it be that someone left a broom 
just
sitting about for me to use?!

    [Utena kicks the ground, sending a cluster of flowers in the air. 
Anthy 
and
Saionji give her very angry glares. No broom pops up.]

    Utena: Damn. I'm screwed, aren't I?

Saionji: Gekigan-SWORDO!

    [Bells begin to toll.]

"I hear the Dark  Ages within my head
Scholars in abstract,
I hear the Dark Ages within my head
Someone else's Thoughts
I hear the Dark Ages within my head
The Annoying Street Prophet
I hear the Dark Ages within my head
The Goat's Tin Can."

    [Suddenly, Anthy becomes Wakabanthy, to the notice of nobody.]

Wakabanthy: Go! Go! Go! Faito faito faito! Hai hai! Faito! Faito! Go 
go!

Utena: Wakaba... that means...

[Utena scans the ground, and runs over to a suspiciously clumped group 
of
roses. She rips them all out of the ground, to the horror of Anthy.]

Saionji: LET'S... GEKIGA-IN!!!

"Akio, Touga
Such wonderful pleasures,
The Car, baby, the Car!"

Anthy: NO!

[Utena pulls out a shining golden footlocker and throws it at Saionji.]

Saionji: Oof!

[Anthy once more becomes Wakabanthy as the box breaks open upon impact 
with
Saionji, a la Super Smash Brothers, and assorted items fall to the 
ground.]

Utena: This is...

"Rationalization, Defilation
The incomplete history lesson because I cut class to swordfight
The Carbonated alcohol flask Machine"

Wakabanthy: No...

[Utena digs through Wakaba's Secret Stash of Sweets until she finds 
it...]

Wakabanthy: That's mine! ^_^ Mine mine mine mine mine... ^_^

Utena: The Great Big Pixi Stick of Wakaba is mine now!

"The eternal miracle Juri doesn't believe in,
The eternal god I annoy,
Ah, neverending  voices from the Dark Ages,
Be quiet in me!"

[Utena charges towards Saionji, beating at his brooch with her big 
stick.]

Saionji: Now, prepare yourself!

Utena: That's a very cheasy old school RPG cliche... ooh!

    [Saionji slashes Utena's shirt open, revealing her great talent.]

"Plague rats eating me inside
Ah, Be quiet,
Neverending voices from the Middle Ages!"

Saionji: FAN SERVICE! 

    Utena: Saionji no ecchi.... SHI'NEEEEEEEE!!!!!

"In my eyes,
In a few of my hands,
In my blood and breath,
In my mind,
In my ears,
Everywhere...
Ah, be quiet.
It's annoying."

[Utena hurls herself at Saionji, her Pixi Stick gripped tightly. He 
slashes it
in half. Wakabanthy's eyes fill with tears.]

    Wakabanthy: I... I don't like you anymore!

[Wakabanthy becomes Mamiyanthy, who stands around, smirking and looking 
cool
and evil.]

"Be quiet!"

Mamiyanthy: Heh. 

[Mamiyanthy tosses a MYSTERY OBJECT into the arena, which Utena catches 
and
points at Saionji.]

Utena: You... you aren't very nice! I'm going to get you for that, 
because 
that
was MEAN!

"Of all the long haired scantily clad men in the Car that time!
That room! That Car! Those clothes! (Or lack thereof)"

    [Utena jumps on Saionji, beating him over the head with a Kodocha 
hammer.
He yells as each thump smacks him over the head. He raises his Gekigan 
Sword,
but it's knocked away by a painful thump from the hammer.] 

    Saionji: This means... I'm going to have to us... 'It'

Utena: 'It'?

    Saionji: Yes... 'It'.

Mamiyanthy: This is really dramatic.

"I hear the Dark Ages within my head
Madness and Stupidity
I hear the Dark Ages within my head."

    Saionji: GEKIGAN -- PIIIIINNKKKK SUUGGGAAA HEEAAART ATTACKK!

    Wakabanthy: U-Ten-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

[Wakabanthy glomps Utena, sending the two flying over the cliff. For no
apparent reason, Wakabanthy becomes Anthy as they fly through the air, 
with 
the
greatest of ease!]

"The Science of Therapy,
I hear the Dark Ages within my head." 

   Utena: We're falling.

    Anthy: Then... let's.... kiss?
    Utena: Why?


"The Underrated Art of Macaroni Sculptures,
I hear the Dark Ages within my head."

[Utena and Anthy envelope each other with a passionate kiss.]

    Dub Voiceover: We're cousins... we have to save the world from 
meanies!

[Utena's outfit suddenly becomes a Duelist uniform, and her hair 
suddenly 
grows
from nowhere.]

Utena: What just happened?

"An aural/psychal Annoyance,
I hear the Dark Ages within my head."

[Anthy is now wearing the Rose Bride uniform. Anthy leans back, and a 
sword
pops out of her chest. Utena walks over and yanks it out.]

Anthy / Utena: THE POWER TO REVOLUTIONIZE THE WORLD!!!

    Utena: This is all surreal and cool and all, but we're still 
falling.

[Somehow, Utena lands on Anthy's dress and flies at Saionji, slashing 
his
brooch and rose of his chest. His Chibimoon uniform flies off, and he 
falls in
his schoolgirl uniform. His eyes look wide and bloodshot.]

    Saionji: Need... sleep...

"Make them stop talking,
I hear the Dark Ages within my head!"

[Bells toll as Utena dramatically stands facing the right.]

    Utena: This is really dramatic.
Mamiyanthy: *smirks*

    [The scene dramatically fades out.]

Anthy: Dammit... the fighting wrecked the whole damn garden. What the 
hell is
with these idiots? If they want somewhere to fight, why don't they make 
a big
SILVER arena? But nooo... 'Anthy, take care of roses and fill this 
whole area
with them' DAMN this pisses me off!

[Scene: A random bedroom covered in stained and dirty sheets. A silent 
call of
'baa' is heard while the Sunlit garden is playing quietly in the 
background.
Arisugawa Juri is being suffocated under these sheets, unknown to 
everyone
else, while Takatsuki Shiori is painting Touga's toenails. Yes, he's 
still
wearing his Rose Bride uniform, and yes, the Sunlit Garden IS playing 
quietly
in the background. The sheets move as Juri struggles to free herself. 
Akio is
doing a voiceover.]

Akio: Why did the Rose Bride lock the Prince in the White Padded Room? 
That's
easy. He seduced her every night... and he really wasn't a prince at 
all.
Actually, he was so *hot* and *dirty* that he was covered in flies, so 
she was
forced to cover him in make-up day in and day out so he could go off 
and 
seduce
all the princesses of the world.  So, when the villagers found out, 
they
stormed the castle, and ran her over with a million lawnmowers of hate. 
The
Rose Bride got really mad and yanked a sword out of her chest and beat 
them 
all
down after that.

    Shiori: Your hair is so shiny and silky and pretty.

Touga: Yes... I'm pretty sexy, aren't I?

    Shiori: Let's hurt Juri.

Touga: Why?

    Shiori: Because I don't like her. Let's go try to cause her as much 
pain 
as
possible!

Akio: Hey, aren't you all listening to me?

Touga: You know, I was sold as a child.

Shiori: I used to be a naked cabbage fairy.

Touga: My father liked my hair long.

Shiori: I once had a prince.

Touga: My foster father and I went to the End of the World a few times.

Shiori: I know. I was flying around with all my naked cabbage fairy 
friends
watching you.

Touga: We shagged rotten! Yeah baby, yeah!

[Scene: Miki's room. He and Kozue bathe together. Kozue is trimming is
eyebrows.]

    Miki: You know, Kozue, we can't go to the End of the World anymore.

Kozue: Why not?! WHY?! WHY?!

    Miki: And since you burned our 'Garden' down, we can't go there 
either.

Kozue: Traitor!

    [Kozue pulls out a gunblade and presses it to Miki's throat, water 
flooding
the bathroom. Touga's chick looks cute nearby.]

OnsenMark: o.0;;;

    [Scene: Utena's bedroom. She is getting ready to go to bed.]

Utena: La la la, things today were strange. Oh well, I think I'll sleep 
now.

[Someone knocks on the door.]

    Utena: Who is it?

Anthy: It's me, Anthy Himemiya!

    [Utena opens the door.]

Wakabanthy: U-TEN-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

[Wakabanthy glomps Utena, sending her flying towards the bed.]

Mamiyanthy: I suppose I have no choice but to 'revolutionize your 
world'.

Utena: You're sick! What do you think you're doing?

Mamiyanthy: Isn't it obvious? The way before us has been prepared.

Utena: NO!

[Utena pushes Mamiyanthy as hard as she possibly can. The bishounen 
alternate
personality of her Bride crashed into the wall.]

Anthy: Is this... you're boyfriend?

[Anthy gestures to a picture of Touga decked out in the fairytale 
'Princess'
outfit posing with 'Prince' Utena.]

Utena: ...

Anthy: You know, you have lots of cute outfits.

[Anthy holds an outfit up to Utena, pushing it against her 
suggestively.]

Utena: Ecchi!

Anthy: But Touga's are much cuter.

Utena: Get out! Get out! Get out!

Anthy: You don't like me... *pouts*

Utena: GET OUT!

[Utena grabs Anthy and throws her out of the room, slamming the door 
shut and
locking it.]

    Utena: What a weird girl.

[Scene: Miki and Juri are walking through a big, dark, and creepy 
garage.]

Juri: The End of the World lies before us if we keep going down this 
path.

Miki: Then why do we want to go?

Juri: You don't want to go to the End of the World with me?

[Dios drives by on a carousel, sipping a cool, refreshing glass of Red 
Wine
with a kiddy-juice straw.]

Juri: Who's that?

Miki: No idea. He looks really weird, though.

Juri: What's with that tacky outfit, anyway?

Miki: That horse is sexy.

[ Kozue's lawnmower goes by on a lift, as Touga's cute little 
ducky/chick is
seen lying bloody on the ground.]

Juri: Too bad you're not.

Miki: What?!

Juri: Even though we're alone, in the dark, halfway on the road to the 
End of
the World, there is no way in hell you're sexy!

Miki: But you like girls... and I'm a real girly guy! 

[Scene: Ohtori Academy  Movie Akio is sticking a paperclip up his nose, 
trying
to sneeze.]

Akio: They think I'm a dork on-camera, wait till I'm of----

Oh. Right. To be continued...

[Disco lights begin to go as a music video begins to play.]

If you see a faded sign by the side of the road that says
15 miles to the... Love Shack! Love Shack yeah
I'm headin' down the Atlanta highway, lookin' for the love getaway
Heading for the love getaway, love getaway,
I got me a car, it's as big as a whale and we're headin' on down
To the Love Shack
I got me a Chrysler, it seats about 20
So hurry up and bring your jukebox money

The Love Shack is a little old place where we can get together
Love Shack baby, Love Shack bay-bee.
Love baby, that's where it's at, Ooo love baby, that's where it's at 

Sign says.. Woo... stay away fools, 'cause love rules at the Love 
Shack!
Well it's set way back in the middle of a field,
Just a funky old shack and I gotta get back 

Glitter on the mattress
Glitter on the highway
Glitter on the front porch
Glitter on the hallway 

The Love Shack is a little old place where we can get together
Love Shack baby! Love Shack, that's where it's at!
Huggin' and a kissin', dancin' and a lovin', wearin' next to nothing
Cause it's hot as an oven
The whole shack shimmies! The whole shack shimmies when everybody's
Movin' around and around and around!
Everybody's movin', everybody's groovin' baby!
Folks linin' up outside just to get down
Everybody's movin', everybody's groovin' baby
Funky little shack! Funky little shack! 

Hop in my Chrysler, it's as big as a whale and it's about to set sail!
I got me a car, it seats about 20
So hurry up and bring your jukebox money. 

Bang bang bang on the door baby! Knock a little louder baby!
Bang bang bang on the door baby! I can't hear you
Your what?.... Tin roof, rusted! 

Love Shack, baby Love Shack!
Love baby, that's where it's at
Huggin' and a kissin', dancin' and a lovin' at the love shack

[TV Akio, Musical Akio, Movie Akio, Eldrick Tobin and his two twin red 
haired schoolgirls are dancing to the song, while Touga's corpse shags Chuchu 
rotten in the backseat. Shiori chews a rusty tin roof.]

Shiori: Juri... must suffer.

Akio: Bang bang... on the door, BABY!

Yes, 'Love Shack' DOES replace Toki Ni Aiwa. No translation ANYWHERE. 
v.v;;

~wonky