Mother was crying when Daddy drove away. It was worse when someone from the local hospital called and the police came by, both saying that there had been an accident.

Sophia was just a little nervous. Okay, she was a lot nervous. She really did not want to lose her Daddy, but Mother said that she had to be strong and to remember Daddy was a strong man too.

Sophia wanted to cry, as she swung her feet and tried to rub out the hospital smell from out of her nose, but she knew that she shouldn’t. Mother didn’t have to tell her to not cry. Brave people did not cry, and her Daddy never cried either.

Her uncle was angry. She didn’t know who he was angry at, but it was never a good thing to see him mad.

Daddy was still asleep, but at least he wasn’t at the hospital now. Mother said that he was hurt really bad and bumped his head, but at least he wakes up every once in a while. She said this with tears still in her eyes. She said that she’s still crying because Daddy’s still with them.

But, why would Daddy leave anyway?

Daddy’s friend visited. He wasn’t angry like Sophia’s uncle, and he wasn’t crying hysterically like her mother. He just looked sad, as if he forgot to smile a long time ago and had no reason to start now.

He stayed with Daddy and Sophia while her mother and uncle went off. They said they wanted to go out, so they went to see a show and have dinner.

Daddy’s friend stayed by Daddy’s bedside for almost the entire time and they talked. Sophia didn’t understand what they were talking about, though. Whatever language they were using, it sound harsh, like English, but not quite. They obviously didn’t want Sophia to listen in, so she wandered off to play.

Mother always told her to not go into the attic, but she never listened, and she hasn’t gotten her comeuppance yet.

Up in the attic was where Daddy kept all his stuff. In the dusty boxes upstairs were all sorts of fun things that Daddy owned.

Sophia coughed as she wiped away a thick layer of dust off a box she hasn’t look in yet and opened it. Inside, there were papers, just like in that one box were she found a small collection of nuts and bolts, and a lot of notebooks.

Curious, she pulled out the books and squinted to make out what was written on the first page.

[I can’t believe I’m getting married. I don’t know if I should be happy, though. It’s as if I’m missing out on something.]

Sophia had smiled to herself as she read Daddy’s description of her mother when they first met. They obviously didn’t like each other too much, but then they got married, and they had her. They must have liked each other a lot.

[I’m so nervous though. I mean, how could a poor chump such as myself lucked out so much? It’s really unbelievable.]

Mother and Uncle came back late at night, so Sophia didn’t see them till the morning. Daddy’s friend stayed the night as well, and Daddy must be feeling better because when she came downstairs, she spotted him on the couch.

“Hi sweetheart,” Daddy said as he waved her closer.

“Hi, Daddy,” she squealed as she crawled up on his lap and sat down.

“Sweetheart, can explain to me why your play clothes were so dirty yesterday?” he asked in a soft voice, his hand stroking her short brown hair. “You weren’t upstairs in the attic when I was talking to Heero, were you?”

“Daddy, why would I be upstairs? You always told me not to go up there.”

Daddy gave her a bit of a smile. “And I hope you listened. It’s dangerous up there.”

Sophia didn’t have to go to the attic anymore. She was able to get all of Daddy’s notebooks into her room so that she can read them there.

[I love him. I can’t say this enough, because, frankly, I know I’ll never have the chance to say this to his face. I already have a child on the way. And I do love her.

But, I will never be able to love my wife as much as I love him.

And I’m too much a coward to leave my unborn child behind.]

She had to look up a few words. Not a lot, because she was a big girl now, but sometimes Daddy got fancy.

One thing was true: Daddy didn’t love Mother. He was in love with a guy, and because the notebook was written such a long time ago, she wasn’t sure if Daddy still loved the guy…

Mother and Daddy have been fighting again. From the sound of it, Mother didn’t want Daddy’s friend to stay and help him. She said that he was fine now, and that he didn’t need someone to take care of him and Sophia while Mother went to work.

But then Daddy said that Mother was jealous. That she didn’t want to believe anything that he said since as long as he could remember and that she was seeing something in nothing.

They yelled at each other for over an hour, she knew because she couldn’t hear two of her favorite shows over their voices. Daddy’s friend sat next to her, looking sadder than usual, and his hands were palms up on his knees.

Sophia didn’t want them to fight.

Daddy’s friend left the next day, and Daddy looked even sadder than his friend did when he and Mother were fighting. Sophia tried to cheer him up, and they played a couple games of ‘Uno’, but Daddy was just too sad and said that they should take a nap.

They fell asleep, but when Sophia woke up, she saw that her Daddy’s cheeks and pillow and ears were wet.

Sophia stared at the pancakes her Daddy made.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

She looked up from her breakfast, neither smiling nor frowning. “Am I old enough, Daddy?”

Daddy smiled, confused. “Old enough for what, sweetheart?”

“For you to run away with the boy you like?” She felt her eyes fill with pity tears, but she was strong. She wasn’t a baby like her Mother who cried over everything.

Daddy’s smile disappeared. “What do you mean…?”

“I was reading your old notebooks… Now that I’m old enough, you’re going to leave with him, right?” She lowered her head and bit her lip, angry with herself because now that she mentioned it, she wanted to take it back.

“Sophia,” Duo cooed as he knelt next to her and wrapped his arms around her. “I’m not going to leave you. Why would you think that in the first place?”

“Well,” she started, her voice hiccupping as she tried not to cry, “you and Mother are always fighting, and your notebooks say you don’t love her anyway…”

“Sophia, whatever happens, I’m not leaving you and I will never stop being your father, understand?”

Sophia sniffled and nodded her head against her Daddy’s arm.

“Good.” He kissed the top of her head and stroked her short dark hair. “Now, let’s eat, okay?”

Sophia nodded again and started to cut her pancake with her fork through the sheen of tears still in her eyes.

Not one tear fell.

~~~end

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