Head back home...
It was odd, elementary school. That was where I first met her. Oh, you know who I mean, Mariemaia Kushrenada.
Yeah, I think it’s weird that I went to school with her, too. When I first met her, all that I could think of is who the hell gave her such a stupid name. (Like I should talk, though.) It was like someone, her mom maybe, liked both the name ‘Marie’ and ‘Maya’ and thought that, hey, both names are cool on their own, so they’ll be uber-great together!
Idiot…
Poor girl got called ‘Mayo’ by everyone in elementary school, which was really sad since that girl tried to take over the world only a few years before. Little kids never care about that, though, do they?
Not that me and Ralph were any difference when it came to names.
Oh, my name is Pandy. Yeah, it’s short for something, and no, I’m not telling you what it is, okay! Oh, and Ralph’s my best friend… Red a very close second, of course… Her real name is Ralphina, which really sucks, doesn’t it? Her mom had a great sense of humor, I’m sure.
Yeah, we went to elementary school together, the three of us and instantly we became friends. Red somehow always got in trouble with the other kids (she had that ‘I’m better than you’ act down years ago) and somehow me and Ralph always came to the rescue.
We became a crew back then. She was sort of the leader while we became the muscle. We didn’t do bad things. That would be completely impossible for us in that school. That school, all the kids of the rich and powerful went to. Red was the daughter of a general, for god’s sake, and her foster mom was in charge of Preventers or something.
(Actually, I really don’t know how me and Ralph got in this school. My dad was some pilot that got shot while Ralph’s granddaddy was some businessman.)
Anyway, we moved onto middle school together… well, almost. Ralph was a year ahead of Red and I so she moved up first. The next year we joined her, and the crew lived on through another year.
It’s really odd that we were so close, I swear. Physically we were so different! Brunette and olive-skinned, I was an early bloomer: had my curves by the time I was 10, and boy, they were curves. Boys will look at me and I knew that they all thought I was a 10, if you know what I mean. I was measured once in high school for a uniform, and it turned out that I was 36-24-34, with a height of 5’10”. Not completely the ideal, but you get the idea.
Ralph was the complete opposite. Her name never fitted. Blonde and petite, she didn’t get her first period till freshman year of high school. If I was the boys’ wet dream, she was their idea of a perfect girlfriend. Some people even said she was a spitting image of her uncle (and I’ve seen the pictures of him around her age, so I can tell you they weren’t too far off on that idea).
Red found the middle. She hit puberty around seventh grade, and with that bright red hair and nice body that was a mix of Ralph’s and mine, she was almost perfect.
We were, as one boy told me in high school, the perfect buffet. “You could pick the boobs, the blonde, or the bitch.”
Of course, I never saw Red as a bitch. She did develop that reputation late in middle school, after hanging out too much with her cousin Dotty, as she liked calling her. I always thought the Dorothy girl was a manipulative bitch, personally, but Red liked her.
High school was strange in its own way. It was like elementary school, only a bit older age-wise. It was still filled with spoiled brats that had nothing better to do than to get wasted and irritate us. Sometimes it was about our names (‘Mayo’ went out of style back in sixth grade, but ‘Lollipop’ stuck way too quickly. Of course, Ralph was ‘Ralph’… and as for me… well, Pandy IS short for something.) Yet, because we were all older then, new forms of teasing and insulting was in order.
That was when the ‘gay’ taunts started. “Those girls, they always hang out with each other. You’d think they’re together or something.”
I pounded more noses in for Ralph and Red’s sakes than Ralph and I had together in elementary school.
I still was the muscle. I was physically capable of kicking anybody’s ass by then, even that of a Gundam pilot, although Red and Ralph could fight if they had too.
Ralph was the reasonable side to our triangle. She had the sense she inherited from her granddaddy and was capable of coming up with strategies that I could never dream of.
Red was the brains still. She had the charisma and intelligence to make anyone do anything, just like her dad. Wouldn’t be surprised if she was capable of taking over the world again when she’s older…
Soon, it was time to graduate. Ralph, of course, was the first to go. She went off to a university somewhere in Asia for business. Red and I wished her all the luck in the world, and the colonies too. Pretty soon Ralphina Corinthia Winner will be in the family business as well.
Red and I graduate the next year, and if there were tears the year before when Ralph left, then you can imagine would terrible it was for us to be separated from each other.
I couldn’t see straight the entire time because my eyes were so waterlogged. Red was in a similar situation.
“You’ll write, won’t you Pandy?” Red had asked me after the ceremony, hugging me so hard that more tears came out.
I promised her, of course. When you’re in politics, you need friends, and who’s a better friend than one would had seen you naked and drunk off your horse and doesn’t hold it against you?
And, boy, was she a drinker…
I got some letters today, after I came home from work. Oh, I never told you. I work in the Preventers under Red’s foster mom’s supervision. Looks like my amazing body was good for something other than making men drool and stomping assholes into the ground.
(Actually, that’s why I joined the Preventers in the first place. There are no armies to join anymore, really. And maybe I WAS like Daddy and Granddaddy. I needed to fight to feel good.)
Anyway, most of the letters were bills or junk mail. I can tell. Nothing fun comes with the use of my whole name. Somehow, Une knows that, so whenever she’s really pissed at me, she calls me by my whole name. ‘Pandora Barton Lauyrelson’ she would scream on the top of her lungs, causing people around me to snicker, as if I couldn’t kick them all in the shins on the way to Une’s office. At least I know they snicker because I somehow always get in trouble.
Who’s sick idea was it to call me Pandora, anyway? Granddad’s?
Well, among all those bills and ‘Publisher’s Clearing House’ envelops, I saw ‘Pandy’ and instantly I smiled.
No matter how rough work was, or how much my superiors irritated me to no end (I would personally take on that long-haired freak with the braid any day for all the shit he puts me through, but he gets as much hassle from Une… and his boyfriend is pretty creepy for a Gundam pilot, to boot, at least compared to Ralph’s uncle, who’s the nicest guy… so his ass-whooping is a far-off dream…), a letter addressed to ‘Pandy’ cheers me up immediately.
So, I must leave you off here, pal. Ralphie, Red, and I had to catch up, and, well, this is Private.
Oh, and don’t tell Maxwell I want a piece of his ass. He and his boyfriend may take it the wrong way.
Now for some hot chocolate, a bubble bath, and some oldies. Umm… Ice-T’s ‘Cop Killer’ sounds good… it’s nice and mellow…
~~~~~End
It was a nice, crisp fall day when Mariemaia and I saw each other. She was taking some time off at that internship of hers in the foreign ministry to see her foster mother, so, as an extra treat for her (and for me, of course), I bribed a day off from Une and took her out on a date.
(Stop looking at me that way. Under NO circumstances will I be seeing my cousin THAT way… Perverts…)
I took her first to a restaurant in the downtown district and we had some really spicy Malaysian food. Never mind that the mango chicken reminded me of Red’s hair. It was exactly the same shade…
She, of course, looks as elegant as always. She trimmed her hair back once more, but the page boy look actually did more for her face than the long hair I always have would had. Even in the khakis and white blouse she was wearing today, her day off, she looked important. Special. The charisma oozes from her like sweat oozes off others.
She made a bit of a face when she tasted the hot pot she ordered. It wasn’t the heat, but the spice that caught her completely off-guard. Maybe I should have warned her.
“So,” she began as she blew some air on a spoonful of broth, “how did you get off work so easily?”
I waved a hand. “Oh, I only told Une that if I wasn’t in the office, there’d be less of a chance of me getting pissed at Maxwell… God, is that guy annoying…” I lifted up my tiny cup of tea and took a sip. Ah, nice and cool…
“I don’t know,” she commented, taking up her own cup of tea. “From your letters, I would think you have a crush on him…” She looked at me over the rim of the cup, expectantly.
Well, she did get a reaction. At the mere thought, I almost choked/spat out the tea in my mouth. My face was on fire. “WHAT!”
Truth be told, I didn’t start that nonsense with Maxwell. All I knew about him when I joined the P was that he was one of those Gundam pilots from when Ralph, Red, and me were kids… well, maybe just Ralph and me, Red always was too mature for her age.
He’s only, what, ten years younger than me, but he already helped save the world… twice. And considering how low I am in the P ladder, I really didn’t think I’ll meet him or any of the other pilots working for Une.
Just my luck that I’m a Barton, huh. Because my family was really, really involved in that last little fight, I had to be watched or something. (Wonderful. They trust Red, but not me? Assholes… And it's not like my dear old family invited me to their happy family gatherings and shit. They scorn me for some fuck-up reason, but, you know what? I don't care. I'm doing just fine without dealing with what's left of the Barton Foundation. Ever since I was little, I was the forgotten little girl, and that's suit me just fucking fine...)
But, of course, the higher-ups in Preventers thought it’d be a GREAT idea if I work right underneath some of the great war heroes… Chang and Po in particular. Nothing too heavy, just supplementary paper work and research. Errands. Getting lunch. Making coffee.
I didn’t mind. They had a great training facility in the basement, where I got to spar with lots of nice people. Almost developed a reputation for fairness and sportsmanship, despite the fact that I can come off as a ball-breaker (the guys’ phrase, not mine).
Like I said, almost…
It was a really nice afternoon when it happened. It seemed that someone with a stupid ass sense of humor timed his prank on Chang wrong. He primed the bucket over the door of Chang’s office perfectly. Po was off on the other side of the world checking out a lead, and no one but Chang would be passing through that door… and no one but he would fall victim to the prank…
Yeah right.
Well, as you can probably guess, I was the victim.
No, it wasn’t water.
And it wasn’t pig’s blood.
It wasn’t glue or slime either.
It was cake batter.
Devil’s Food Cake Batter.
The bastard covered me in wet flour.
I was so fucking pissed off… at the gooey feel of the batter on my head… of the stupidity of the prank… that I wasn’t even thinking straight.
But I guess that’s a good thing. If I WERE thinking straight, I would have put a bullet in the culprit’s head.
Instead I stood there, stock-still. The bastard had to be somewhere nearby, waiting to see if someone fell for his trick. Somewhere I heard laughter and my skin pricked and shook with anger.
I turned around, ignoring the wet goo falling onto my shoulders, and practically sniffed out the laughter.
Not twenty feet away from me, standing somewhere in the middle of the corridor, stood a man in a P jacket, his face flushed from laughter before he saw who exactly he splashed.
Now, do I look like Chang to you! Of course not, but you really can’t tell us apart in these uniforms, can you?
His face quickly shuttered from humor to concern to apologetic, very much like the shuttering of a camera, as he approached me. His hands were open, revealing that he had no weapon, no ill intentions.
He spoke, but I wasn’t listening as I stalked towards him, closing the gap, with my fists were at ready at my sides.
I hooked him at mid-apology. Hard on the jaw. I couldn’t stand his talking… the humiliation… the mutilation of my hair.
Before he could respond, I hit him again on the other side of his face and his stomach.
He cuddled his stomach for a moment while I stood there in the hallway, waiting… my body still shaking in anger.
“Nice punch,” he whispered harshly, lifting his eyes at me. That grin was really getting on my nerves.
He launched himself at me… in an attempt to hit me or restrain me, I don’t know and I didn’t care. The asshole had more pain to deal with if I had any say in it.
I caught his hands as they made their way towards me and squeezed them tight. He pushed against my hands while I held my ground. He clenched his teeth as his hands competed with mine.
I headbutted him and shoved him away in that spilt second of hesitation on his part. I inhaled deeply and was instantly drowned in the sugary scent of cake batter. The heat of rage hit me again just a bucket of cold water was dumped on my head.
That’s right. A bucket of cold water.
I blinked and shivered. Behind me, my superior snorted. “Stop acting so irrationally, both of you.”
The heat of anger bubbled again inside me, but a quick swat against my head popped it just as quickly. “Keep on your toes, Barton,” Chang reprimanded as he lifted my assailant up by his long hair.
Long hair?
“You owe the girl an apology Maxwell.”
Maxwell? What?
“That’s what I was tryin' to do when she hit me.”
Great. Not only did I hit a superior in the hallway… I hit one of those goddamned Gundam pilots…
I got the yelling of my life that day from Une, but it wasn’t as bad as the one Maxwell got for playing such a stupid ass prank in the first place.
Don’t know if it's punishment or retribution, but he and his boyfriend became my new supervisors. All the shit I used to do for Po and Chang, I now did for the asshole and Mr. Cranky.
God damn fucking shit.
And now Red thinks I have a crush on Braid Boy… um, Man.
At least I got a new uniform and my hair back to normal, compliments of Maxwell's punishment.
“You wouldn’t get so riled up if it wasn’t true, would you, Pandy?”
“OK Red. You USED to be a friend. We were cool. We were close. Now, you’re out of my will, cousin.” I shot her what I hoped was an ugly look. “Traitor.”
“Oh, and speaking of wills, did Grandma contact you?”
“What about?” Old hag never once talked to me straight in the eye. Always past the shoulders, or she would stare at my forehead. Bitch.
“I think you’ll be receiving what’s left of the Barton Foundation as soon as she dies.”
“What? Why? I didn’t even know there was anything left. Just a bunch of people with the last name 'Barton'.”
“What do you think got you through those stupid schools back then? It was Grandma all along, using the Barton money… or what’s left of it.” Red looked a little annoyed. She somehow always knew when I was thinking 'ill thoughts' about the Bartons. Listen to me, the 'Bartons'... like they're not family.
But she could have gotten everything she wanted from them. She felt the need of thanks much more than I ever could. She almost got the world from the deal.
Sorry, cuz', but I don't feel the same way.
“Really? And here I thought it was my hard-on inducing good looks and wonderful grades…” I said with a slight flip in my voice, hoping she won't catch the malice against 'the family'.
“Or your brutal ego…”
We finished the lunch (with me paying the check, of course. I may act like a prick, but I KNOW how to treat a lady, and it’s not by shoving myself into any hole she happened to have.) The air was colder and the sun stood in the western skies. We entered the flow of pedestrian traffic and slowly made our way to a nearby theater.
~~~~~End
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