He lit his cigarette and took a drag. The moonlight chilled his skin, but he paid it no mind. The girl who had lain next to him had murmured nothings against his bare flesh, whispering her post-sex praises and promises as they took up temporary lodgings in his backseat. To him those words meant nothing, were nothing.

He was obliged to drive her back home, but she insisted to be let off at a friend’s house instead. Since her parents were dead, she still lived with her younger brother, who did not approve of consensual sex with strangers. Luckily, her friend’s grandfather was both marginally deaf and uncaring of what his granddaughter and her friends do upstairs with the fellows they bring home. It was safer to leave her there.

He sat on the hood of his car, his buttocks feeling the hot engine cool in the quiet summer night. The cigarette rested between his lips, slowly burning itself into ash. Above him, the stars shined persistently, twinkling and winking down upon him. His hard eyes watched them as his heart twisted inside his chest. The stars laughed at him as they all remembered that night, as he remembered one of the last beautiful things in his wretched life.

‘Eternal… right, Heero?’

‘… Of course…’

It was a cool night, that time so long ago. Their bodies generated enough warmth for the both of them. Above their private patch of grass, the stars sang, reciting the words of love and wishes passed up to them for all eternity by countless others. Nearby, the car stood guard and played silent watcher of their sinful happiness, of their depraved contentment.

Heero watched his lover sigh underneath him, his lips parted slightly as his eyes looked at the sparkling sky above. His eyes closed for a moment, allowing himself to savor the soothing emotions, the apparent foreboding within him before opening them again.

‘What’s wrong?’ Heero asked, a bit alarmed by his lover’s motions. Heero was so used to the cuddling and the murmurs his lover would treat him to after the sex, but his reserved movements unnerved his dark-haired mate. His silence held some resignation, as if he expected everything to go wrong from now on. There was never any doubt as to what they were doing had to be hidden, that people would easily condemn them, that people would be willing to cast more than a few stones at them. Now, however, Heero’s lover looked at the sky with half-opened eyes, sleepily trying to read their hidden signs, their hidden warnings.

He shifted his body on the grass, becoming aware of the blades as they minutely stirred against his skin. ‘Heero?’ he whispered, his voice the softest tenor.

‘Yes?’ Heero whispered back, his own voice slightly nasal and sandpaper-rough.

He turned his head to look at Heero, his half-closed eyes shimmering in the darkness. ‘Are you afraid?’

‘As long as I have you, I can never be afraid… You and I… we’re…’

‘Eternal…’ he finished the sentence, closing his eyes once more. ‘Right, Heero?’ He moved his body closer to Heero’s and wrapped his arms around him.

Heero kissed those soft lips offered to him. ‘… Of course…’ He closed his own eyes, never thinking of leaving the large field. They had slept there together countless of times already, which did nothing to explain the strange way his lover was acting that night. The reservation, the uncharacteristic lack of energy, the unexpected silence… As Heero pulled his lover closer to his heart, he forgot the change in his lover’s attitude and slept soundly.

That was one of the last blissful moments he had before the world went to hell.

And now the stars mocked him as they continued to whisper those forgotten but always repeated words of love and forever. The stars sang their words back down to Heero, their crystalline voices filled with sarcasm.

/ All lovers say the same. All lovers fail. /
/ All lovers are the same. All lovers fail. /
/ We always hear the same. All lovers fail. /
/ ‘I love you. I’ll never leave you.’ All lovers fail. /
/ You think your love was different? All lovers fail. /
/ You think you’ll stay the same? Your love will fail. /
/ You think we hear your pleas of love and forever? We really don’t care. /
/ Love is a game of fools. All lovers have failed. /
/ And so have you… Tell us, did you think we care? /

The early morning sun found him at work. He had found a small room to rent a couple of nights after driving into the small, no-name town, as well as a decent job as a short-order cook at the diner right across the street from where he currently called his ‘mailing address’. The pay was fair, and each week, he still had enough to keep somewhere safe for the next time he would have to pick up and move on.

Considering how often that happens, that will occur within the next three months, if he was lucky.

Even as a modern-day nomad, he was as predictable as the length of an hour.

He scrambled the eggs and got the toast ready. He worked in the morning as well as the afternoon until the manager was able to hire someone to take the morning shift in Heero’s place. His landlady was right about the diner desperately needing help. Only a man of steel would be able to withstand all the pressure, the heat, the occasionally stench, and the obnoxious management there.

Outside his boxed kitchen, he was able to hear the opening melody of some rock tune and the voice of the waitress as she commanded him to make three sunny-side-ups with scrapple on the side. Heero grimaced at the heavy meal, complete with toast and home fries, but he did not respond. He began cracking the eggs instead.

It was always too loud in the diner. Too much laughter that always distracted him. Too many whispers behind his back that he needed to hear but couldn’t. Too many things that reminded Heero of ‘him’ were there, taunting him, hurting him as he flipped burgers and sliced lettuce. The happiness of others always brought him the worse pain, much more pain than the stars on a clear, cool night.

“Goodnight, Heero!” called out one of the waitresses as he walked out the door that night, a pretty one with blue-black hair and pale skin. He couldn’t remember her name. He didn’t remember most people’s names. The one name he did remember caused him too much pain to even say out loud most days.

He nodded his response and kept walking, crossing the street to his rented room.

The deputy sheriff drove down the dark back roads, deep within his midnight routine. See if there’s any trouble. Check out any disturbances. Stay on alert no matter what time of day it was. The stars above and the headlights of his patrol car shone the way on the dirt roads. On both sides were grass fields and thick woods full of pine and maple.

It was by chance that he spotted a lone car in the middle of one of those open fields. The black finish of the vehicle reflected the faint starlight. Parking his car a few yards away, he grabbed his flashlight and walked the rest of the distance between himself and the black convertible. There was only one guy in town that owned such an incredible machine.

His battery-operated light shone on the sleeping boys, their naked bodies intertwined in post-sex rapture. He was barely able to contain his shock and his voice as he quickly recognized the boys’ faces.

He raced back to the patrol car, fully intending to call the sheriff and insist that he came down to the field to see the boys himself.

A man should have a right to know if his robust offspring was a homosexual.

“What is the meaning of this?” Lowe screamed, unable to control his anger. Across from his desk sat his son, his only son, his pride and joy for almost two decades, and his shame for the past few hours. Heero glared at the older man, not answering the enflamed Lowe as he, in his fury, swept off all the paperwork on his desk to the floor. “What were you doing out there, Yuy!?!”

“What does it matter to you?” His hard eyes shone with rage, but he stayed superficially calm.

“Damn it, I’m your goddamned father, that’s why?” Clenching his fists at his sides, he could barely contain the urge of slapping Heero’s face with a heavy fist.

“Since when?” Heero clenched the armrests of the hard-backed wooden chair, barely containing the urge the smash the older man’s face in.

“What are you, some kind of pervert? What are you, a faggot?” His anger turned his face red, his eyes narrowed.

Heero’s eyes narrowed in return. “Don’t call me that.” His voice, low and seeped in warning, was filled with the same anger.

“What, a fag? A queer? Because that’s what you are!”

“Stop it.”

“What are you gonna do, fag? Flay me to death?”

Those final words barely fell from his lips when Heero struck, swinging hard and fast and striking the leering chin. He struck a second time, and a third, before one of the deputies rushed into the office.

“Sheriff Lowe!” cried out the young deputy as he pulled the enraged Heero off his stepfather. “Heero, what are you doing?”

“I am going to kill you,” Heero said, holding on tight to the bruised, but conscious, and still enraged, Lowe.

“I’d like to see you try, you queer bastard!”

With one good yank, and the help of a few other deputies, the officer was finally able to get the two feuding relations apart.

“Get out of here, Heero,” a sympathetic deputy said as he led the irate Yuy out of Sheriff Lowe’s office. “Go cool off somewhere.”

“Where is he?” he asked softly, though his anger was still evident in his sandpaper-rough voice.

“He’s talking to Father. If you want, you can wait for him in the hallway, alright?”

Heero nodded his gratitude. He was more than certain that the young deputy, Alex he was certain his name was, had heard from his fellow officers how the two boys had ended up in the sheriff’s office. He was thankful to some unknown force that there was at least one person acting kindly towards him.

He sat outside one of the interrogation rooms; the one that Alex motioned held within it his handsome lover and the father. If the wait and the taunting glares were the price to pay to see his lover in good condition, then he was willing to pay as much as he needed.

“Hey, Heero! It’s me, Catherine. We had a good time last night, didn’t we?” She laughed softly before continuing. “Anyway, how about you and me get together again? Maybe tomorrow night, or something? Anyway, call me okay? My number is -”

Heero stopped the message on the answering machine and continued on to the next. There were no other messages. He deleted the message from the girl last night without hesitation. Soon enough, her name would be forgotten as well. Even his name doesn’t matter anymore, not after the blissful times.

Heero unwrapped his dinner, a couple of hamburgers in need of heating and seasoning. The meat and some rice will be his meal. He had learned early in his exile that eating his small income away was bad. He was certain that he will lose his job soon enough, either from arguing with a short-tempered customer or from the consistent stealing of foodstuffs.

He ate his dinner. The only noise in the entire room came from his utensils as they scraped and tapped the ceramic bowl.

“Please, tell me why.”

“Why what?”

Heero listened to the two voices inside. One was soft, warm, hurt. The other was calm, tenor, a bit playful, but just as hurt.

“Padre… I can’t help but love him…”

“But, my son, it’s a sin! Can’t you see that?”

“I know that, but…”

A moment of silence passed as the pair thought.

“How long has this been going on?” The elder voice sounded resigned, pained.

“Longer than I can remember…” His lover’s voice was soft as well.

“You know you’re my heart, Duo.”

“I know…”

“And I will not condemn you.”

“Thank you, Father.”

There was a brief moment.

“Just remember that I will always be here for you.”

“I will.”

The door opened and out came out his lover, no, beloved. His eyes shimmered with happiness as he spotted Heero sitting next to the door.

“Heero! You’ve been waitin’ for me?” Beside him appeared the solemn figure of Father Maxwell. The elder man gave Heero a curt, but compassionate nod.

“Hn.”

He smiled at Heero, the bright, loving smile that gave him such blinding pleasure. No matter how bad the day can be, there was always that bright grin to dispel his gloom.

And, to this day, that smile could make the worse memories all the brighter, and on the worse days of his worthless life, that smile, that mischievous, loving shimmer of violet made those days the most blissful.

“What’s this?” she said, tracing a finger on his tattoo. It was a rather elaborate form of flesh adornment, with red and black ribbons fluttering around the center figure.

He said nothing and only looked up at the stars.

/ All lovers swear the same. All lovers fail. /

“What does it stand for?” she whispered against his tattoo, committing a sacrilege as she kissed the sacred form. He scowled at her actions, but she didn’t see.

“The past,” he said, the only words he had said all night.

/ You think you’ll always remember? All lovers fail. /

She traced the outline of the tattoo. “But, why a 2?”

He said nothing once more.

/You think that we care? We never cared. /

She wrapped her arms around him. “Make love to me…” she whispered, her breath hot against his ear. Her hands moved slowly across his chest, trying to convince him physically.

It took little to sway him.

/ You promise eternal love. All lovers failed. /

“Duo, let’s leave this town.”

He looked at him and blinked. “Now?”

Heero kissed his forehead. They were alone in Duo’s room, the only room the boy had known for years. He had been with Father Maxwell for as long as he could remember, and had only known the rectory as his home. “Yes. Why not?”

“Well…”

“Duo, there is nothing here for me anymore. I want you to come with me.”

“But where will we go?”

“I don’t know, somewhere.” Heero’s voice was full of enthusiasm, his hard eyes bright with uncharacteristic fervor. “I know that together, we’ll find someplace worth living in. You’re the only reason worth living for, now…”

“Heero, I…”

“Duo…”

“I can’t leave here, Heero.” He looked down at his hands, unable to meet the loving fervor in his lover’s eyes. “Father Maxwell… I can’t just leave him here alone… You know that hardly anyone comes to the masses anymore. It’s practically just me and him going through the ritual without an audience, like we’re practicing or something…”

“But you’ve always said that you don’t care about…”

“This isn’t about what I think about God, but about Father Maxwell. I just can’t go.”

“Duo, please come with me. I won’t want to stay in this town anymore. Odin… he… and with my mother dead…”

He wrapped his arms around Heero and pulled him close. Together, they laid down on his bed, the jersey cotton blankets soft against their exposed flesh.

“Heero…” he whispered as he brushed his lover’s bangs away from his face. His blue-violet eyes shimmered with strange moisture.

“We are eternal, Duo,” Heero whispered.

“I can’t go with you. But I will always love you.” His shimmering eyes closed. His lips held a ghost of a smile. He sighed. “My love is eternal…”

/ All lovers say the same. What made you think you won’t fail? /

He lit a cigarette as he watched the sun set behind that no-name town. Just another town, just another disappointment. The open road stretched out before him and his black convertible as another town beckoned him.

Thousands of miles, and a few years, had been lain between himself and his beloved. He fully intended to lay thousands, and a handful, more. He wondered only briefly if he had moved on, if he became a priest, as Father Maxwell wished from the start, but Heero was no longer a part of his life anymore.

Thousands of miles and a few years had been lain between him and his peace of mind, his only happiness. The cigarette dangled between his lips, lips that haven’t tasted purity in such a long time. Lips that will never taste purity again.

He started the engine and started on his way. One more worthless town was at his back; another worthless town lay before him.

Above him, the stars sang their whispered phrases, the words of countless lovers said over and over again.

/ You promised something eternal. All lovers fail. /
/ Where’s the promise now? You have truly failed. /
/ Do you hear us? All lovers have failed. /
/ Now answer this. Did you think we care? /

~~~~~end~~~~~

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