X/1999 fanfiction. Standard disclaimers apply.

Not Even In Death

By Watari Yutaka (watariyutaka@edsamail.com.ph)

Kamui opened his eyes to a stark, white scene. It was as though he was suspended in limbo, walking onto a three-dimensional blank canvas. He sighed wearily. This was not the first time he'd had this dream. It had first manifested itself the day Subaru disappeared after the battle on Rainbow Bridge. It was almost as if his mind had become empty....

The way Subaru's heart had become when he unintentionally killed the Sakurazukamori.

The only person ever to capture the heart of the thirteenth head of the Sumeragi clan.

The leader of the Seals closed his eyes and willed his mind to focus. When he'd first had this dream, he was almost certain that he would go out of his mind if he didn't see anything, or hear anything soon. His efforts to wield the elements of this particular dream had left him exhausted and in a foul mood when he finally woke up the next morning. But as the dream occurred more and more often, he'd become used to molding it into anything he wished. This time was no exception.

In his mind's eye, he envisioned the park where he, Kotori and the old Fuuma played in when they were children. He saw the stands of trees, vaguely at first, but the vision slowly came into focus - down to the veins of the leaves. Kamui focused on the ground next, smiling a little as he felt his feet sink just a bit into the grass. Gradually, the scene began to solidify, become more natural - flowers growing in scattered patches, birds nesting in the trees, a brook meandering lazily through banks dotted with daisies and wildflowers as early morning sunlight sparkled upon its waters.... As soon as the vision was complete, he began working on the sounds - birds chirping, the brook's laughing waters, the sound the passing wind made as it disturbed the overhanging branches. The final steps to make the vision real were the smells of the flowers and the dew on the grass, the feel of the cool wind and the warm sunlight on his skin. For Kamui, manipulating his dream in this way was both

tiring and intoxicating. He reveled in the amount of control he'd managed to develop over his dreams.

Opening his eyes, he marveled at the perfection of his work until he saw something that he hadn't created just beyond the farthest column of trees.

An ancient Sakura Tree standing alone, majestically, in the middle of a twilight clearing.

"Subaru...," Kamui breathed as he sprinted towards the Tree. He knew that Seishirou's death meant that Subaru was now the Sakurazukamori.

Such was the tragic and violent history surrounding the majestic Sakura.

As soon as Kamui entered the clearing, the serene forest he'd created melted away, sealing him inside the dream/maboroshi. Just as he'd expected, he found someone waiting for him, leaning against the ancient trunk. A genuine smile lit up his solemn features as he ran towards the figure, but he froze in his tracks as he recognized the man.

Seishirou Sakurazuka.

"It can't be," Kamui whispered, shaking his head. "You're dead."

"So nice of you to remember," Seishirou replied as he gave Kamui a smile, sending chills running down the boy's spine. "But somehow, I just can't seem to bring myself to leave this world until I've had a chance to talk to you... regarding a certain onmyouji."

Kamui nodded, keeping his guard. He'd never expected to see or hear the former Sakurazukamori this close. His eyes were no longer mismatched, but two piercing orbs of molten gold. Yet, his manner was no longer menacing. He was relaxed and so... unlike the man they'd fought. "What about Subaru-san?"

"I have a favor to ask of you," Seishirou said as he walked closer to the Seal stopping only when he was an arm's reach away. "I want you to watch over Subaru."

"Such a strange request from someone who branded him for death." Kamui's voiced dripped with sarcasm. "You do know how distraught he was when you died at Rainbow Bridge, right?"

"That, unfortunately, was something that could not be avoided." Seishirou chuckled at the undisguised fury in the youth's voice. "You know, if you weren't so hot-headed and angry with the world, you'd be exactly like Subaru when he was your age." Images of a flustered Subaru trying to block out Hokuto's matchmaking chatter flashed through his mind eliciting a melancholic smile. "If Hokuto-chan were alive, you'd have become her latest living mannequin."

Kamui gave him a puzzled look. "Hokuto-chan?"

"Subaru's twin sister."

"The one you killed."

"Precisely."

"You sure have a funny way of reminiscing."

Seishirou shook his head in exasperation. There was no way Kamui could ever understand the unique interactions between him, Hokuto, and Subaru. But that was not why he'd gone to the trouble of invading Kamui's dream. "I know that you care a lot for Subaru, which is why I came to you in the first place." Giving Kamui a wistful smile, he continued, "don't let my death overcome him. The tie that binds the both of you together is loss. You lost Kotori and Fuuma to your destiny, just as he'd lost Hokuto and me to his. Just as he'd saved you from yourself when Kotori died, save him from whatever anguish he may feel because of my death."

Silence.

Kamui was lost in his thoughts. He still did not trust this man, dead or alive. But when he thought about it, he had a point. But just how did he know all about what had happened between him and Subaru?

"You know what he said to me just before I died?"

Kamui snapped out of his musings and looked at him, noting that there was something almost like a tear forming out of the corner of his eyes.

"That he'd wanted to die by my hand," Seishirou said. "That even if I should forget about his death soon after, at least I would have been the one to end his life. There're several ironies in that." He lifted his right hand and began to count them off. "One, I was the one who was dying. Two, in my death, he had inherited the title of Sakurazukamori, and three...," he lowered his hand and balled it into a fist. "There was no way I could ever forget him."

"I don't understand," Kamui said as he shook his head and met Seishirou's gaze. "Why are you telling me all this? Why do you even care? Aren't you supposed to be a heartless killer?"

"People go through a lot of masks in a lifetime, Kamui," Seishirou said as Sakura blossoms began to swirl in the air and formed what looked like two oval portals.

In one, Kamui saw a younger Seishirou laughing with a teenage Subaru and a girl who must've been Subaru's sister. In the other, he saw Seishirou, the Sakurazukamori, killing a mesmerized woman with a single penetrating blow through the heart. Kamui knew that both beings were Seishirou, but it didn't seem possible for this man to have been anything other than the Sakurazukamori. Still, in the first portal, he could almost see the love Subaru and Hokuto had for this man. The first to die of the chosen warriors. "Which of these two is the real you?"

"Neither," he replied to Kamui's surprise, "yet both." A wave of his hand sent the two portals swirling together, the image blurring until they became a portrait of Seishirou, half of which showed him as the congenial veterinarian, the other half as the Sakurazukamori. "There are always sides of people which will be unknown to you. Some aspect of their life that, try as you might, you cannot comprehend. Just as I cannot comprehend why you seek to change our Kamui back to your friend, I cannot hope to convince you that there exists a part of me that Subaru so treasured that he would be willing to die if it means that he could touch that part of me again." With a gesture of dismissal, the blooms dispersed and were swept away by the wind. "I am Seishirou Sakurazuka the Sakurazukamori," he replied. "Borne to a destiny I could not escape. Such is my fate."

An understanding began to dawn on Kamui then, awakened by the truth of Seishirou's words. Just as a master jeweler cuts a diamond, destiny also molds a child into a person of unbelievable complexity. At that moment, Kamui couldn't help but admire Seishirou for his insight and his patience in trying to explain all of this to him. <Did you see this side of him? Was this the person you fell in love with, Subaru-san?> Kamui thought as he hugged himself, feeling the wind pick up strength. He had so many things to ask the former Angel and he was visibly alarmed when he saw the Sakura engulf Seishirou in a frenzied dance.

"If he should die while fulfilling his duty as a Seal...," Seishirou said as his form began to fade. "I am hoping that we'll have a chance to start over in the afterlife." Sakura swirled around Seishirou's arm as he extended his hand to Kamui. "Promise me this, Kamui."

"I promise." He barely felt the warmth of the man's hand in his as he finally disappeared in an explosion of Sakura blossoms.

***

Warm sunlight streamed in from the window as Kamui opened his eyes. Groggily, he got off the bed and began stretching. Upon opening the window, the sounds of Yuzuriha playing with her new puppy spirit under the warm Saturday sun filtered in, dispelling the gloom.

Leaning against the open window he mouthed some words, barely audible from the bubbling laughter coming from the courtyard.

Come home, Subaru-san.

He would keep his promise.

----- Owari -----

original © June 2001 by Watari Yutaka