A Vision of Escaflowne
by Minako
Harry Potter in all its splendor belongs to JK Rowling, and Tenkuu no
Escaflowne belongs to... someone else. I claim no right to their genius, just
to my insanity.
-------
(A Muggle television and a VCR are set up in the potions classroom.)
Draco: I can't believe I'm stuck in here with you lot.
Ron: Shut your face, Malfoy.
Snape: Quiet down everyone and watch the movie. (muttering) I can't believe
I'm stuck supervising this lot...
Hermione: Movie? But I thought this was a TV show made in Japan... an anime
in fact, and-
Snape: 10 points off the Gryffindor house for being an insufferable
know-it-all.
Draco: Yeah, you insufferable know-it-all!
Harry: ... It's starting.
-------
Draco: Oh gods, look at their noses, this is so pathetic... I'm leaving.
Snape: As much as it pains me to say this, you have to stay or you fail.
Draco (grumbling): Stupid rules... stupid school... stupid potions...
Snape (raises an eyebrow): ...
Draco (grumbling): Stupid rules... stupid school... wonderful potions...
amazing potions professor...
Snape (satisfied): Pay attention, one of you might actually learn something.
Hermione: But I was under the impression that this entire series was a work
of fiction...
Snape: That's another ten points off the Gryffindor House for your shameless
knowledge about everything.
Ron: Hey!
Snape: Make that fifteen. Don't talk back Weasley.
-------
Harry: Oh gods no, it's divination all over again...
Ron: I thought Professor Trelawney said that Tarot cards didn't work...
Harry: Maybe Hitomi has the "gift"
Ron and Harry (snicker): Yeah right.
Snape: Ten points off the Gryffindor House.
Ron: Why!?
Snape: For acting like you know what you're talking about, Tarot cards are
the most reliable means of seeing the future, and that Trelawney woman knows
nothing. And that's another five points for questioning my judgement.
Harry: Excuse me professor, but how did you know that? I didn't think you
studied divination...
Snape (starry-eyed expression): Divination was my passion, my love in life,
my everything...
Harry: I thought you wanted the defense against the dark arts job...
Snape (starry-eyed expression): No... just a chance to teach divination...
Harry: Well, why don't you? I'm sure they'd be happy to get rid of that quack
Trelawney...
Snape (looking like a hurt child): I have less gift than she does...
(snapping out of it) Stop asking so many bloody questions, ten more points
off the Gryffindor house, and it will be ten more for every time you so much
as *speak* during the rest of the movie, Potter.
Hermione: But it's a TV show...
Snape (glare): ...
Hermione: I said nothing.
-------
Draco: Someone kill the cat... please someone kill the cat...
Ron: As much as I hate to say it, I think I have to agree with Malfoy here...
Hermione: I think she's cute.
Harry (nods): ...
Draco: I knew it! You *are* a pervert Potter! Going after a cat like that!?
Harry (face fault): I'm not going after a cat!
Draco: Oh, really... I think you are... that tiny orange dress, her big
eyes... her cute ears...
Harry: If you think so much of her, why don't you go after her then, Malfoy?
Draco: Because her voice hurts my ears, and besides, she's a cat, and a
Muggle... she's a Muggle-cat!
Harry: How do you know she's a Muggle-
Snape: Mr Potter, you're down thirty points, do you care to shut up before
your house goes into the negatives?
Draco: Yeah, Potter.
(Meruru continues to squeak about her Van-sama)
Draco (desperately): Can we fastforward this... please...?
Hermione: Oh, give it up Malfoy, she's a secondary character, and she'll be
gone in a bit.
Draco: Hear that, Potter? Your girlfriend's leaving.
Harry (shakes his fist threateningly): ...
Draco (innocently): What's wrong, Potter, can't deny it? Well, I suppose the
first step is admitting you have a problem.
Ron (cluing into the conversation): Harry has a problem?
Draco: Are you blind Weasley? Haven't you noticed him drooling over the
cat-girl?
Ron: Ew, Harry, that's gross!
Harry: I AM NOT INTERESTED IN THE CAT GIRL! NOT ONLY IS SHE A CAT, BUT SHE'S
A CARTOON CHARACTER, GIVE IT UP!!
Snape: That's another ten gone.
(Hermione and Ron whisper conspirationally to each other for a moment, then
drag Draco over, and the three of them whisper conspirationally. All three
turn around, Ron and Hermione look apologetic, Draco has this look on his
face that says, "Oh, I'm gonna enjoy this, but I won't actually admit it.")
Hermione: Sorry about this Harry...
(Draco and Ron tackle Harry and hold him down on the floor while Hermione
puts duct tape over his mouth)
Harry: MMPH!!
Snape (raised eyebrow and slightly disdainful look): Wouldn't a silencing
charm have been a bit more effective?
Draco: Yeah, but this way we got to throw Harry on the floor and apply duct
tape.
Harry (horrified): MMPH!?
Draco: Oh, get your mind out of the gutter!
Snape (disgusted): Shut up, both of you, (shudders) and ten points from the
Gryffindor house for so much as thinking that, Potter.
-------
(Dilandau makes Van's life miserable and yells about burning things)
Draco:... I'm going to be *just* like him when I grow up...
Ron: I am so not surprised...
-------
(tape ends)
Snape: Finally, that's over. (turns on the lights)
(Hermione leans over and pulls the duct tape off of Harry's mouth)
Harry: OW!!!
Hermione: Sorry, Harry... but you lost our house more points in ten minutes
than I have in a year...
Ron: Yeah, sorry about that, Harry.
Harry: It's alright. I forgive both of you.
Draco: Let me out of here... they're being lovey and weird...
Harry (turning to Draco): You, on the other hand, I will not forgive...
ever... not for that duct tape comment... and I'm sending you the bill for my
therapy.
Hermione (thoughtfully): Well, they say you always fall for either your best
friend or your worst enemy... and I don't think Malfoy has any real
friends...
Draco: HEY!
Hermione (raised eyebrow): Who's your friend then?
Draco: ...
Hermione (smugly): Therefore, by process of elimination, Draco must be in
love with Harry (bright grin)
Snape: Ten points from the Gryffindor house for suggesting that Mr Malfoy has
so little taste, and an additional ten for coming up with such a ridiculous
theory.
Ron: I have to agree with Snape for the first time in my life, Hermione, that
theory was pretty far-fetched, though it would explain a lot...
Draco: I am not in love with Potter!
Hermione (shaking her head sadly): Denial is an ugly thing, Malfoy.
Harry (looking rather green): Can we *please* talk about something else...?
Snape: Yes, and somewhere else? Get out of my classroom... and I suppose I'll
see you next week at exactly four oh eight. Anyone who is either late or
early will lose fifty points for their house.
Ron: Even Malfoy?
Snape: ... No.
Ron (grumbling): Stupid biassed...
Snape: That's another ten points, Weasley, now all of you out of here!!
(The three cower for a moment, and then leave, Malfoy following.)
Snape (looking down at his tally sheet that says Gryffindor lost 130 points
in the course of two hours): Minerva's not going to like this...
-------
I actually don't hate Meruru, and I think Draco and Dilandau would get along
very well. Please excuse my gratuitous overuse of the ellipses. Despite the
implications of the ending, I doubt I'll actually write anymore of this. C&C
are welcome - daybreak_impression@yahoo.ca - kind crits are ok, but flames
make me cry.
(
geocities.com/tokyo/club) (
geocities.com/tokyo)