Comprehending Engineers - Take One
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, " What's with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word
with him." [dramatic pause]
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather
slow, aren't they?"
The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
firefighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we
always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer
for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer thought for a second and said, "Why can't these guys play
at night?"
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Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were asked to review this
mathematical problem. In a high school gym, all the girls in the class
were lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall.
Then, every ten seconds, they walked toward each other until they were
half the previous distance apart. The mathematician, physicist, and engineer
were asked, " When will the girls and boys meet?" The mathematician
said, "Never." The physicist said, " In an infinite amount of time." The
engineer said, "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough for all
practical purposes."
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Comprehending Engineers - Take Three
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he
happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a
seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their
multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone
else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called
on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying
the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small " x" in chalk on
a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, This is where
your problem is" . The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly
again.
The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his
service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer
responded briefly: One chalk mark $1 Knowing where to put it $49,999. It was paid
in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
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Comprehending Engineers - Take Four
The Top 10 Things Engineering School Didn't Teach
There are at least 10 types of capacitors.
Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work.
Not everything works according to the specs in the data book.
Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except
the complex math, which you will never use.
Always try to fix the hardware with software.
Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class and a late afternoon lab
every day for the rest of your life.
Overtime pay? What overtime pay?
Managers, not engineers, rule the world.
If you like junk food, caffeine and all-nighters, go into software.
Dilbert is a documentary.
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Comprehending Engineers - Take Five
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
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Comprehending Engineers - Take Six
The graduate with a Science degree asks, " Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, " How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, " How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, " Do you want fries with that?"
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Comprehending Engineers - Take Seven
Engineers think that equations approximate the real world.
Scientists think that the real world approximates equations.
Mathematicians are unable to make the connection...
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Comprehending Engineers - Take Eight
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems many
thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a
toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
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Comprehending Engineers - Take Nine
A priest, a lawyer and an engineer are about to be guillotined. The
priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope and nothing happens. He
declares that he's been saved by divine intervention, so he's let go.
The lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the
blade. He claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime and he is set
free too.
They grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine, he
looks up at the release mechanism and says, " Wait a minute, I see your
problem......"
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Comprehending Engineers - Take Ten
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress,
because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, " I like
both."
"Both?" the architect and artist asked. " Yeah" said the engineer. "
If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending
time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work
done."
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Comprehending Engineers - Take Eleven
An engineering student was walking across campus when another engineer
rides up on a shiny new motorcycle. " Where did you get such a rockin'
bike?" asked the first. The second engineer replied " Well, I was
walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up
on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes
and said 'Take what you want.'" The second engineer nodded approvingly "
Good choice! The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
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Comprehending Engineers - Take Twelve
A PESSIMIST sees a glass that's half empty
An OPTIMIST sees a glass that's half full
AN ENGINEER sees a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be
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