In the darkness between worlds, her eyes flickered
open. They were calling her again, tearing her out of her precious,
dreamless sleep. Their voices were as familiar as anything could be
to one who slept eternity away; they were almost the only thing she
ever had contact with, out there in the universe. They summoned her,
and she heard echoes of death in their wordless call. Her death, and
that of something else . . . whatever it was they were bringing her
forth to destroy.
*Damn you.*
And she was Awake.
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"The heart may freeze or it can burn
the pain will ease if I can learn
there is no future there is no past
I live this moment as my last."
--"Another Day"
from _Rent_ by Jonathan Larson
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Answering the Call"
a fanfic by Ysabet
original release date: August 13th,
1998
Her queen summoned her as the sun vanished and the
Earth began to rise on the horizon, a great blue and green orb that
reflected enough light to keep their part of the moon from ever being
truly dark. The princess answered at once, her usually light steps
heavy with dread. She kept her face composed as she traveled through
the palace, and dismissed her bodyguard when they reached the queen's
chambers. After he had vanished down the hallway, she looked out the
window for a minute. *Surely she won't begrudge me this
moment.*
The Earth had risen high in the little while it
had taken her to reach her destination, and now it hung in the night
sky, a world of legend that was close enough to touch, and yet denied
to her. All the worlds of the Silver Millennium were beyond her
reach, even the one whose name she carried, but the others were
worlds which answered only to the moon queen. Earth was an ally, not
a subject, and the two kingdoms regarded each other with wonder and a
trace of suspicion. The more 'advanced' of the terrans envied the
lunars their seemingly-magical abilities, and their access to the
heavens, while those who knew of the lunars' existence but not of
their mortality often saw them as some sort of deities. The lunars
often envied those who were earthbound because, despite the variety
of worlds they could travel to and live upon, the only one that was
completely naturally hospitable to humans was Earth, with its real
air and oceans.
The princess of Saturn envied them all. From the
age of four, this palace was all the world she had ever known. Now,
she suspected, it was time for it to be taken from her. She had lived
for almost seventeen years, little more than a heartbeat of her
potential lifespan . . . and yet it was more than she had been raised
to expect. While the daughters of the other Families learned their
duties and took oaths as sailor soldiers, traveling the solar system
and using their powers to the fullest, she had been forbidden to don
a sailor fuku, and forbidden to use her powers at all. That was her
duty. She was resigned to it, and understood it, but still . . . she
envied them.
She took a deep breath and, with a last longing
glance at the Earth, knocked on the door. When it opened, she walked
in with as little hesitation as possible, and bowed before her queen.
"Selenity."
"Saturn." The queen's voice was very soft as it
came out of the room's darkness. "Thank you for coming so
promptly."
Saturn looked around and wondered to herself what
the point in delaying would have been. As her eyes adjusted to the
dimness, she realized that she wasn't alone with her sovereign. The
three Outer soldiers were present as well--all of them!--leaving
Castles Charon, Triton, and Miranda empty. So it was true . . . it
was time. Her heart sank at this unspoken confirmation. She forced
her voice to remain steady as she nodded to the trio. "Uranus.
Neptune. Pluto."
"Princess Saturn," Uranus acknowledged her for the
three of them. The title stung. She should be a sailor soldier, like
them!
Selenity looked at the girl, her usually distant
eyes sad as they rested on her. She addressed the three soldiers
behind her without looking at them. "As you can see, she is near
Awakening."
Uranus nodded. "We'll have to look at her,
Selenity."
"Of course." The queen gestured for the leader of
these darker members of her court to approach. Saturn swallowed and
tried not to look nervous as the tall woman stood in front of her and
stared into her eyes.
"It's all right if you feel like appraising me
back, Saturn." Uranus' rich voice was gentle. Saturn blinked, saw
sincerity in the other's gaze, and looked back at her, studying this
woman who would have been her commander if she were allowed to--she
stopped that train of thought. She couldn't, and she knew why.
Instead, she silently absorbed what information she could.
Uranus had a _presence_ that threatened to
overwhelm her, centered in her bottomless eyes that changed color
while Saturn watched, always blue but shifting from gray-tinted to a
trace of green. Her hair was a pale white-gold that gleamed in the
dimness, framing a face set with determination. She turned away
abruptly, and Neptune silently appeared beside her. The ocean soldier
was all aquamarine as far as Saturn could see; her eyes, hair, and
uniform were all a virtually identical hue. The two women simply
looked at her for a long time, and Saturn noticed the way they stood,
so close to each other that it was difficult to ignore the fact that
they were sharing one sphere of 'personal space'. She remembered that
they were lovers, and more than that, soul-bound to each other. She
remembered that their mission involved spending most of their time
alone in their Castles, keeping a lonely vigil to protect the solar
system from invaders. Lovers who rarely had the chance to touch,
never mind make love. And yet they endured the separation, something
which would never be expected of any other soul-bound pair. Their
duty demanded it.
For a moment, Saturn was able to really _see_ the
almost physical pain the two were enduring as they scrutinized her,
so close to each other and unable to simply touch. She came very
close to flinching; only the thought of what she was expected to give
up prevented it.
Uranus' voice startled her. "Pluto, see what you
think." The pair stepped away, and the guardian of Time was before
her. Saturn stared. The other two were rarely seen, it was true, but
Pluto was a legend, the other sailor soldier who was essentially
condemned by her mission. Always alone, without even the comfort of a
loved one's voice to hold on to.
*But at least she's awake and aware,* came the
rebellious thought. *I won't even have that much.* She peered into
the older woman's face, wondering what she might see there. The red
eyes that studied her so coolly were empty, blank in a way that sent
chills up her spine. Was that what so much isolation did to a
person?
Pluto's examination was brief, almost cursory, and
she turned to Selenity. "It is definitely time, Majesty." There was
no resentment in her voice as she looked at the queen who had
assigned her to live outside of Time itself when she was only a
little girl, younger than Saturn was now. "The power is growing
beyond levels that can be controlled by simply keeping her from
transforming."
"As I thought." Selenity sighed audibly. "Saturn .
. . "
The princess looked at her impassively. "Yes,
Majesty?"
"You do understand why this has to be, don't you?"
For a moment their eyes met, and the queen's were so pained that
Saturn's control broke for a moment.
"Yes," she whispered.
"I'm sorry." Selenity turned away and walked to
the other side of the room, where she picked up a small box decorated
with the signs of the Families. She brought it to the princess and
opened it. Inside lay a single transformation wand.
Princess Saturn stared at it. It was what she
wanted most, and it essentially meant her death. She bit her lip, and
her eyes closed as tears welled up. "Selenity-sama . . . all I want
is to be a sailor soldier. It's in my blood. I'm not like the others,
who got their power by being the eldest daughter of their Family. The
magic chose my mother randomly from our Bloodline and I was born with
my sigil shining." Her eyes opened and she stared at her queen. "I'm
supposed to be a soldier." One tear tracked down her cheek. "I'm
supposed to use my power for you . . . and I can't . . . I have to be
locked up because of it." Another tear escaped. "I can't just be
killed . . . have to lie there asleep until something needs
destroying, and then I have to wake up and destroy it and die. I . .
. want to be a sailor soldier . . . any of them but who I have to
be."
Selenity was white. "I'm sorry," she repeated, as
if the words hurt. Maybe they did. Saturn knew that the queen hated
having to do this to her almost as she hated having it
done.
"I know. Just tell me . . . will I understand,
when I transform? I understand it a little, now, but I don't _feel_
as if I'm dangerous. Will I understand?" Dark violet eyes pleaded for
an answer.
The queen was silent; it was Uranus who responded.
"I'm the Sailor Uranus who Awakened you the last time, with Pluto,
with this Neptune's predecessor." She exchanged a haunted, longing
look with her partner. "I saw your eyes when you heard what you had
to do, and I was with you when you died, though you don't remember. I
hope you don't remember. My mother's sister, the Sailor Uranus before
me, was one of the ones who put you into that sleep I Awakened you
from." Her odd blue eyes looked into Saturn's. "And all I can tell
you is that she said you've always seemed to understand. And that I
hope I never have to Awaken you again. When you touch that wand,
you'll become one of my 'sisters', and I know it's easier for you to
sleep. I want this to be as easy for you as possible."
Saturn believed her. She closed her eyes again,
gathered all her courage, and looked at her queen. When she tried to
speak, her voice cracked; she tried again. "Selenity, queen of the
moon, I swear this oath to you: I, the Named princess of the planet
Saturn, true daughter of my Family, take on the powers of my Blood in
your service. I accept the duty before me, and swear to act as befits
a sailor soldier; protecting you, your Bloodline, and the worlds of
this solar system. I will fight to fulfill my mission at any cost to
myself, until the end of my life." She paused. "As the soldier of the
Family of Saturn, I accept that my duty is to sleep, unable to harm
anyone around me with my power, until such time as you summon me
through your Outer soldiers. I will be bound by them and I understand
that they will impart your will to me. When I answer their call, I
swear to lay down my life by destroying your enemies. Mine is the
power of death, the double-edged sword that spills my blood with
theirs. Mine is also the power of rebirth, and I accept that I will
be reborn and take up this mission again, once I have fulfilled it.
This is my oath to you."
She sensed the approval of the Outer soldiers, and
knew she'd covered everything she needed to. She reached out and took
the transformation wand out of the box. For the only time in this
incarnation, she called out, "Saturn Planet Power, make
up!"
The immediate response was the surge of energy
that surrounded her. It burned away the princess, and left only a
soldier behind. Ribbons of black light flared around her hand and
coalesced into a weapon that stood taller than she did. "The Silence
Glaive," she whispered, and realized that it was over. She was Sailor
Saturn. She didn't have to bow as she turned back to Selenity; the
power within her drove her to her knees. "Majesty . . . I am the
soldier of creation and destruction, of death and rebirth . . . and I
submit to your will."
The queen's fingers touched her face, and she felt
the sigil of her Blood blaze on her forehead. Their eyes met one more
time, and she saw the crescent on Selenity's brow gleaming in
answer.
Everything changed in the silence that filled the
room. The light in her queen's eyes guided her mind to the web that
connected all of the sailor soldiers. She felt the light of the four
Guardians of the Royal Family, felt them sense her presence. The rush
of sorrow from all four of them was startling; she'd seen them around
the palace all of her life, but hadn't realized how much they cared
for her. *We were afraid, Saturn.* She heard one of their voices in
her head. Mars? *Yes. We were afraid of losing you . . . you're our
sister, and the loss is a deep one.*
The contact faded; closer at hand, she felt the
three darker lights of the Outer soldiers. They were far more like
her, she realized, and much closer to her. Ironic, almost tragic,
that they must be the ones to seal her away. She looked at them with
her eyes and with the new inner awareness. Uranus and Neptune, always
together and nearly always apart. Pluto, as alone in her way as
Saturn would be. The weight of their responsibilities made hers feel
almost light, for a moment. At least she would be asleep, unaware.
Until they called her.
*Do you understand yet?* Neptune's voice, as clear
as if she'd spoken.
*No.*
A wave of sympathy, as strong as a tide on Earth
must be, washed over her. *Look inside. Find the names of your
attacks. See what they mean.*
She did so, found the words locked in her
subconscious, there to be called on. 'Silence Wall', a wall of
invisible force that could shield almost anything if she was strong
enough when she used it. And deeper still, she found it: the attack
for which she must sleep. 'Silence Glaive Surprise'. Just thinking
the words, the weapon in her hand trembled with a hunger that shocked
and pained her. There was nothing to describe the power she could
unleash with those words. All her life she had been told, made to
realize that with those words she could kill anything she chose, at
the cost of one life. Her own life. All her life she had been told .
. . but now she _understood_, at last. The weight of it made her
double over, and the tears fell.
"Do it," she choked out. She somehow felt
Neptune's hesitation as Pluto and Uranus stepped forward. In a
strange way, that gave her courage. She forced the tears to stop,
forced herself to stand. "Do it, Neptune. It has to be this
way."
The Sword appeared. The Mirror. But before she
summoned the Orb, Pluto looked at her and smiled, a wan smile that
held more pain than comfort. "Saturn. I have seen, in some futures
that may come to be, a time when you may be born free of this
curse."
Saturn smiled back, an equally unlikely smile.
"Don't give me hope, Pluto. I don't think I can bear hope. Just give
me sleep." She looked at them, looked for Selenity; the queen was
gone.
"She can't be here. It won't work if she's here."
Saturn nodded acknowledgment of Uranus' explanation.
"Make me a promise." They looked at her. "None of
us really knows what the future holds; even you, Pluto, can only tell
when something goes wrong and fix it after the fact. If I should ever
. . . wake up or be born uncontrolled, promise me that you'll take my
life before anything goes wrong with my power."
They looked uncomfortable, but Uranus nodded. "We
will. We take care of our own."
Saturn closed her eyes one last time. "Do
it."
She felt their Talismans come together over her,
and then the world fell out from under her. Or maybe she fell out of
it. She didn't know if they heard her when she said "I hope we never
see each other again. It's better that way."
Then she was Asleep.
END
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Comments of all kinds are always welcome. Please
write! (After September 1, please cc to both email addresses given
above as one of them may be changing then. That way you can be sure
to reach me.)
Thanks to my swarm of pre-readers (Chris Mitchell,
Dara North, ‘Greenbeans’, Helen Szeto, ‘k-chan’,
Kyanite, and Martin Sasinek) for their general help and suggestions,
catching some decidedly awkward bits, and swapping opinions on my
grammar via email, ICQ, and actual real-life discussions. (There was
essentially a 50- 50 split on some points.) ^_^ It was a lot of fun,
and I really appreciate the help.
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