Ohayo! Or good afternoon, evening, or whatever you prefer. This
story will try to address a curiousity of mine and hopefully shed
some light onto a subject that really didn't need it, but hell, I'm
bored, so why not?
The question is: what if Haruka was a guy? I know, I know, that's
one of the few things that *isn't* under debate. But really, think
about it. How would fanfiction as we know it have changed because of
a boyish girl actually being a boy?
So, for the sake of this essay/story/ranting, let's say Haruka is
a male.
Haruka: Now wait just a minute there, Beans! Just because Naoko
made a few cryptic remarks in the manga doesn't mean that you can go
off making me into a guy!
Michiru: Hush now, Haruka, you agreed to help her with her story.
And you are her patron muse. Besides, it's only for a story's time,
after all.
Haruka: But, Michiru, I *like* being gender inspecific.
Michiru: And I love you for being so, but give the Bean a
chance here.
Ahahaha I forgot to mention that Haruka and Michiru
insisted upon helping me with this. They'll be tossing in their
comments along with mine.
As I was saying, what if Haruka was actually a guy? There are some
scenes that immediately pop into my mind that wouldn't have been
possible if she was a 'he.' (In the most un-Ranma-ish of
fashions..)
-----
From: 'Love me Again' by Jackie Chiang
[Haruka:] "I know _that_. But I don't understand why she
[Michiru] keeps changing moods."
"Time of the month?" Pluto's tone was amused.
"Nah, she's always the second week of the month," Haruka said
absently, tapping her finger on the window sill. "Same as me."
Pluto made a choking sound.
"Something wrong?"
"God, Uranus, you sound so much like an insensitive _guy_ when you
say that!"
Haruka glared into the darkness angrily. "Guys don't have
periods."
[later on...]
"Face it, Uranus, you're more of a guy than you'll admit."
"I can prove otherwise."
-----
Haruka: See?! I was having to defend my womanhood from Pluto. She
of all people should have been supporting me in my time of crisis
instead of cracking jokes.
Michiru: Ara, Haruka, how *do* you manage not to show the...
signs... of your cycle?
Haruka: Easily, act as though it's always my time of the month,
and people will never know the difference.
Ahem! I didn't need that bit of advice. But it
certainly does explain a lot.
Haruka: Could you possibly find a more *embarrasing* example to
start with?
I could have gone looking for something from Oscar... anyhow...
The question of Haruka's cycle also comes up in 'Distant.'
-----
From: 'Distant' by Greenbeans
She blanched slightly. "Er-, no, no problems with my new home.
Everything is fine. It's just, um, my time of the month. That's all,
my time of the month. I'll get over it soon." She smiled at him
lopsidedly. "Well, I've got a race to win," she said jauntily before
walking off.
"Haruka," he [Yamagata] called to her back. "You're lying
to me!"
"I know." She waved at him before putting her helmet on and
getting into her car.
"Silly girl," he worked on putting his tools away. "We had your
time of the month figured out years ago. It's marked on the calendar
of my office if you never noticed."
She probably had and changed it somehow just to be difficult. Evil
child. Having a female on the team, even a masculine one, has been
interesting. He would have never figured on it happening. Upon
reflection, he decided that he enjoyed it. Haruka made life an
adventure no matter where she was.
-----
Haruka: Do you two have some sort of fascination with my menstral
cycle or what? Is nothing sacred to you?! Next you'll be having me in
a dress!
Michiru: Don't give her ideas, Haruka...
Ah yes, Haruka's discomfort in woman's clothing (which is really
only a problem in the anime since Haruka does wear dresses in the
manga).
Haruka: Nice tangent there, Beans.
Certainly having Haruka wearing a tux in fanfics would be more the
norm if she were a male. On those rare (or not so rare, you mean
spirited fic writers ;) occassions when Haruka must don the clothing
that society has deemed fit, the tux would no longer work. (Unless
she was going to be like one of those icky transsexual senshi wannabe
Starlights).
Michiru: Ara, it looks like Beans will be tied up with legal
matters for a while. Shall we continue the story without her?
Haruka: Might as well since she seems dedicated to making me into
a guy.
-----
From: 'Awakening 2' by Tim Nolan
This close relationship was not missed by the other students. It
only took a few months for the ugly rumors to start. The fact that
Haruka refused to wear the girls uniform due to years of wearing boys
clothing didn't help the matter. They were quickly shunned by many of
the other students.
The fact was that they didn't mind. They had each other.
-----
Haruka: The boy's uniforms are more comfortable than the girl's,
'nuff said.
Michiru: But don't you want to show off those sexy legs?
Haruka: I'd rather watch than be watched.
-----
From: 'Pain: The Lovers' by Jon Carp
She [Haruka] wasn't dead. When they [Setsuna and
Terrae] walked in, she turned to look at them, a huge smile on
her face. A large pile of stuff lay beside her, Michiru's violin
conspicuously on top. "Setsuna! Terrae! I'm glad you're here!" Her
voice was abnormally high-pitched. And there was something else
strange about her. She was wearing...a dress.
She noticed them staring. "Oh, look at this," she said, and turned
around so they could see the back. "I did some shopping, and this is
what I found. Great, isn't it? Ha ha ha!" They both noticed the
laugh, and the lunacy in it. It had been far too big and easy.
"It was hard finding something that fit me, I wish I wasn't so
big, but I thought this was really cute!"
Her guests glanced at each other. "Sure," said Terrae. "Real
cute."
"Isn't it? What do you think, Setsuna?" She looked at her friend
hopefully, but Setsuna couldn't think of anything to say.
"What's the matter with her?"
Terrae rubbed her hands together nervously.
"She's...um...suprised."
Haruka looked confused. "Why is she suprised?"
Terrae thought for a second before answering. "Uh...you're
not...well...dressed like a man, for one thing."
Haruka looked even more confused. "Dressed like a...why would I be
dressed like a man? I don't...oh wait. I used to do that, didn't I? A
long time ago." She laughed again. "But why would you think I still
do?"
-----
Haruka: Oh great! Pull Carp into this. Beans really *does* have it
out for me.
Michiru: It's all right, Haruka, everyone is entitled
to going insane every once in a while. Jackie Chiang's done it to
me... Carp's done it to you, it's fair.
Haruka: Why did she pull that scene up anyways?
Michiru: I think it had to do with that 'Snap, I'm a woman now'
effect. I doubt the shock value could have been more if you were
actually a guy.
Haruka: Thanks for the support, love...
-----
From: 'Senshi Kurai' by Jackie Chiang
"Hey, odango atama!" a cheerful voice said from behind them. Usagi
felt one of her ponytails being yanked. The four girls spun around to
see Haruka, Michiru, and Hotaru standing there, wearing the
distinctive uniforms of the Juuban High School. All three were
wearing dresses, Haruka looking uncomfortable in hers. Other than
that, she and her friends were obviously enjoying the Inner Senshi's
shock.
-----
Haruka: Hahaha! Thank you, Jackie! See? I don't *always* wear
guys' clothing, even if the females' is uncomfortable.
Michiru: I noticed that you were teasing Usagi again in that
scene.
Haruka: I've always enjoyed teasing that girl.
Michiru: So we've noticed.
Haruka: Michiru, bumpkin, sweetheart, lovely, don't tell me that
you're jealous of my flirting occasionally.
Michiru: Yes, I am, but you are a woman and that deters most. But
if you were a man, I'd have to be much more protective of
you.
Besides, Usagi has Mamoru, and we all *know* how that relationship
is going to work out. I don't have to worry
about your flirting with her.
-----
From: 'The End of the Beginning' by Tim Nolan
She [Usagi] was about to explain when Haruka suddenly and
quickly kissed her. That brought her to a complete, surprised stop as
the other woman pulled back with that infuriating grin back on her
face, the same one she used when she was teasing someone she actually
liked.
Despite her best efforts, Usagi knew that her face was looking
like someone hit the reset switch on her brain right now. That had
happened the other two times Haruka had done this to her. While she
had seemingly been joking at those two times, she had learned enough
about the woman over the last three years to understand one very
important thing about her. She only did things like this to people
that she really cared for.
Haruka still did flirt with the girls who continued to fall for
'him' when they didn't realize just what she was at first. There was
a point that she wouldn't go past, however. She might string them
along for a little bit, but she never let it go for too long in order
to assure that nobody was seriously hurt.
-----
Michiru: You never told me that you
*kissed* her.
Haruka: Ow! Michiru, love bunny, sweetie, I had a reason! Go read
the fic, you'll see.
Michiru: And you won't even kiss me in public...
Haruka: If I kiss Usagi, everyone *knows* that I'm teasing her. If
I kiss you, they'll think there is more between us.
Michiru: Are you saying there isn't?
Haruka: Yes, er... NO... er... Looking like a guy and
*being* a guy are two different things. People know that I'm a girl,
and they'd think it weird if I kissed you.
Michiru: So kissing me is weird now?
Haruka: No! Oh, forget it, I'm going to lose no
matter what...
-----
From: 'Pain: The Lovers' by Jon Carp
All the old embarressment, all the fears and the frustrations,
gone forever. They started kissing in public, laughing in the face of
all who would disapprove.
-----
Haruka: I think I could get to liking that aspect of being a
guy.
Michiru: So, if you were a guy, you would kiss me in public all
the time?
Haruka: Er... Not all the time, I would have to carry on in the
story occasionally, unless it was a lemon, then I could kiss you all
I wanted...
Augh, those Starlight lovers are vicious when they have the mind
to be. So, where are we? Ah, I see. I've brought some
more fics with me.
Haruka: Wonderful, you found more things to pick
on me with.
Yep, let's start with those times that you were decidedly gender
inspecific.
-----
From: 'Awakening 2' by Tim Nolan
Michiru had smiled at the confusion around her. The girls hadn't
spent the time she had in studying the human body. That may have
looked like a boy initially, but that 'boy' was a girl. She went in
and quickly changed and ran to the track. The newcomer was jogging
around the track while getting ready for the class. She stretched
briefly and ran over and caught up to
her.
" Did you enjoy that?" she teased the other with a smile. "
They're having a fit back there because they think you're a boy."
" I never said I was." The voice startled Michiru. No wonder they
were so upset. Her voice was deep enough to pass as a man. The other
girl continued as they jogged around a turn. " How could you tell so
easily if they were fooled by it?"
Michiru smiled again. " I'm an artist. I've studied people. At
first, you look like a boy with your height, short hair and deeper
voice. When you're wearing that, I can tell that you are a girl due
to the shape of your body. If you had been wearing normal clothes, I
don't think I could know the difference."
-----
Haruka: Ha! I didn't try to be inspecific, the girls were blind
and couldn't tell a guy from a girl.
Michiru: Not all the girls...
Haruka: Of course not, but you're
smarter than the average giggling school girl.
All right, what about those times that you didn't want to be a
girl?
Haruka: Erk, don't you even pull Nolan out...
Michiru: Too late, she's already hit Ctrl+V.
-----
From: 'Awakening 2' by Tim Nolan
" Even if she is as good as the others, we can't have a girl out
there. Women haven't raced here before in Japan. This isn't the
States. They won't go for it."
This made her mad. This was her chance and she wasn't going to let
this little VP of public relations who was just out of school ruin it
for her. She lifted up her braid in one hand and a knife from a tool
tray in the other.
" Who's a girl?" she growled at him while cutting through her
braid in one savage stroke. " I'm Haruka Ten'ou, the newest member of
the team. There's no way they can tell I'm not a man in this suit and
my now short hair isn't a giveaway. I'm tall enough to pass as a guy
and my voice is deep enough. If we don't say anything, they'll simply
think I'm a rookie who the team just hired. I'm racing here. Now, get
out of my way."
-----
Haruka: Now that wasn't fair! I wanted to race and that runt in a
suit was going to stomp on my dreams! You understand how our culture
is. I could only race if I was a man in appearance.
So you did it *just* so you could race? There were no other
motives behind it?
Haruka: Of course! You can't hold the way I was made against
me.
Michiru: I'm sure she could find a way...
I'm sure I could find a way as well.
-----
From: 'Pooh's Bedtime Stories, Log 4: EricaandShelly' by
Jackie Chiang, Greenbeans, et al.
Erica goes to relieve herself. Shelley baps Erica on the head.
Erica: "Owww ;_;"
Shelley: "I keep tellin' ya to SIT like normal people! That
standing crap doesn't work, ya keep missing."
Erica: ;_; "I'm sorry... I keep on hoping that one day it will...
If I keep on practicing."
-----
Haruka:
Michiru: Now there's a story that should have
never been told...
Haruka: I want to know what they were on when they wrote it.
Michiru: They misnamed us on purpose, ripped off at least eight
other stories, and had inuendos around every corner. Quite a piece of
work.
Haruka: Kami-sama, not another scene from it...
-----
From: 'Pooh's Bedtime Stories, Log 4: EricaandShelly' by
Jackie Chiang, Greenbeans, et al.
Shelley: "Why don'tcha just... grow a couple of parts, Erica?
Y'know... We're in Sailor Moon world where anything can happen. Just
wish upon a star or something,"
Erica forces Serena to grant her wish. Erica makes out with
Shelley. Shelley makes out with Eric.
Shelley: "So... what'dya wish for?"
Erica: "You should know."
Shelley: "The parts, right? I mean, it's impossible to have a kid
without the right equipment."
Erica: "Yep. Like how they look on me?"
Shelley: "Yeah, those and the breasts go pretty damn well
together."
Erica: "Not that I had a lot of chest to begin with."
Shelley: "No, you had looots of talent."
-----
Haruka: I-will-get-you-for-that.
Michiru: You deserve that, you know...
That was a nice
rip-off of a line in the prologue to 'The End of the Beginning.'
Haruka: I deny having anything to do with that twisted story! That
wasn't a fair one to use since the authors were *trying* to make us
look bad.
Fine, we'll drop the angle of you wanting to be a man. (And
anything that authors may have been having you do to accomplish
that.) There are plenty of other people who want you to be one.
-----
From: 'The Kaioh family comes for a visit? An unexpected
revelation.'
by Ilana Tavan
"I [Haruka] tried to beat up your [Michiru's]
mother? I don't believe it. What really happened?"
"After you grabbed her, she realized the error of her ways. She
says she'd never seen any man defend his girlfriend the way you did,
and that your devotion must have come from somewhere. That somewhere,
she decided, was her daughter's charm and good looks, which had
bewitched you, and made you desire me so much that you wanted to
become a man. This explains the cross-dressing and male mannerisms in
your speech. There we have it. Keiko was in hysterics. She thinks the
whole thing is some cosmic joke or comic book."
"I want to become a man? That's some rationalization your mother
has created for herself."
"As long as she's not threatening to kill either of us and leaves
us it peace, it's fine with me. She can think anything she
wants."
"She won't bring up the operation, will she?"
"I told her it was too expensive for you right now."
"And she offered to finance it?"
"How did you guess?"
-----
The operation being a sex change one.
Haruka: This has gone far enough, Beans! I agreed to play the part
of guy for this rant of yours, but then you pull
out this. I AM A WOMAN!!!
Haruka: As I said in that Lovers' Park episode of the S season:
'The show's over.'
Michiru: Sorry, Beans, you'll have to conclude this on your own...
and I wouldn't expect your patron muse to be helping you with your
fics anytime soon.
I guess there is the best example of why Haruka couldn't be a guy.
---
I hope this pointless rant has done nothing, offended no one, and
that my patron muse will forgive me sometime within the
next year.
All fics used in this were without the authors' permission (please
don't hurt me). All characters were used without permission (please
don't hurt me).
My e-mail address (for some much deserved flaming) is
gbeans@kfalls.net (please don't hurt me).
Greenbeans
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