Tear-Drop Catcher
by
Hikari
Chapter Two
Its so hard to breathe
You do know why dont you?
Its because Im drowning myself
Those who do not have a heart- therefore have no story
Small hands groping about my chest- I sense myself falling into a tempest of panic. I had no heart. My eyes moving back to the doll, she cocks her head to the side curiously. Maybe mockingly. Either way, there is a void within me that would be impossible to find in any normal person Was I so forsaken?
I have a heart That response came out unsure- quaky in tone and almost self-assuring.
Then where is your blood? Any being would have bled to death by now
How would you know?! I cry, more pearls tracking their way down my chilled cheeks. You are the one without eyes!
The doll is silent. Moving her false hand away from my tresses, she speaks more eerily than ever. I shudder at the sight of her. Hard body, hard face. No eyes, but long black lashes bursting out of her retracted lids. Even worse, the voice that matched her appearance. It didnt cackle like a witch- nor giggle like a child She sounded empty. An empty woman inside a doll
I do not need eyes to see the truth. Real vision may blind you- if you can call it vision A pause. It would be a waste of time for me to tell you a story You do not have the heart to remember it
You are lying to me
No. There are no lies- only misconceptions
That in itself is a lie.
Then theres no truth
But how can that be?
If you know how history came to be Youll understand
There is a hole in my body, and I walk around as though it wasnt there. Walking upside down as always Im isolated where I am No one can reach me. The air runs thin and scarce- by now I have gotten used to it. Still why am I here? Why am I so different?
The doll I spoke to- she appeared out of nothingness. To me- everything is a mystery and I am too afraid to touch. If I do so- will I hurt it? Break it? I suppose it doesnt matter. Not too many things reach where I am. Too far- too distant. The young girl chained to the evil depths of storm and winter. Invisible chains Im not even sure as to why I must don them. I know nothing of myself
A bubble rises from the supposedly happy world below. The translucent sphere drifts towards me. I can easily see a reflection of the lands that hang over my head or rather the lands which I hover over wrong-side up. Gingerly, I reach for it- tips of my fingers quite aching to feel the foreign taste of simple bliss. I gently tap the bubble- it pops.
The liquid that composed it showered over the world below exaggeratedly. Drops of rainbow dew hailed towards the earth. Frantically, I wave my hands about to catch a few. No. Im upside down. The drops slip past my grasp as I extend my arms upwards in vein to seize just one bit of rainbow. Nothing.
Atmosphere darkening, tears which were welling at my eyes are held back and swallowed thickly. I destroyed something so wonderful without trying Why?
Its because you have no heart
Turning around, I see the horrific doll from before. A hand clasps over my kimono- half out of fear, the other out of bewilderment.
Her jaw clanked down. Without one, you dont belong in the world below you You are forever trapped here because you do not exist. You have no heart, and so no story. With no story- you will not be remembered.
Then why was I created? It takes great effort to keep the threatening tears from spurting out of the corners of my lids. I cant I just cant hold it in I begin to weep.
Creation is the matter of will All the same, you can be alive and be very much dead- as well as dead and very much alive. To be alive- one must know your story. However, you have no heart to unlock that story. You are here, secluded, because it is your destiny
You are a doll! You are the one with no heart!!
Furiously, she spins her head around and around so rapidly and so revoltingly that I feel the excessive need to vomit. On her last rotation, her head straightened while staring blankly, yet maliciously right at me. I gasp- covering my mouth with my palms in reaction to what I am seeing. This doll no longer had tight brown curls-, they became my shade of hair- minty. The contours of her face and complexion altered to match my own. This doll she is ME!!!
Do you see? This is a looking glass The person on the other side is you
No. Its not the same. Everything on the other side is flipped. She is not me
So you believe in Alice in Wonderland?
Theres no Wonderland Just the mirror
Go into the mirror Yukina If you want to see the truth
Gazing into my reflection, I see not myself, but a mannequin version of me. I take my eyes away. That is not the truth I have a body
The body of a doll She elaborated bluntly. Touch the mirror Yukina It will not break because it is YOUR mirror and YOUR mirror alone. Go into it
What good will that do me? Im not sure if this doll can sense it- but fear riveted throughout. And so, I feel my knees beginning to buckle against my will. This is a mirror. You cant go into solid object. Thats as far as logic takes me Whatever logic there is So I AM naïve
If you go inside, you will go inside yourself. Whether or not it will be worth anything- I dont know Still, if you decide to do such a thing- remember that you will be caged in there
That is no different from how everything is now Was this courage speaking for me? I have nothing to lose then
Outstretching my hand- I find that my fingers actually dip into the glass instead of meeting solid surface. The glass makes ripples at my stroke- like water, only no splashes or anything of that sort. Finally, I have one whole hand in, and the mirror is compelled to pull me inside. I wail loudly before the desolate place I knew disappeared from sight.
Youre in your own wonderland now Welcome to your nightmares Yukina
How do you feel when you lie in bed at night?
Like Im on top, looking down on the ceiling
Heavily, I land onto the ground. Blinking surprised, Im no longer in the position I was in before entering the mirror. The environment was eye-level to me. I can walk as everyone else Right-side up Now what is happening? It is even darker than in the room I had first met the doll This is the inside of me? But there is nothing This is the truth? Nothing ?
Nothing isnt nothing because it is something
A new voice echoed in this space, my head and eyes darting from angle to angle to find the owner. So there is something here There is something within myself
Who who is there? Abruptly, smooth hairs- silky, rub against my face. I had to shut my eyes in order to keep them from hurting me. Once the hairs whipped off- I reopened my eyes to find a fox sitting before me. He was a beautiful fox- fur glistening even in this obscurity, eyes as golden as the sun and fur as silver as the sparkles of water down a creek Beautiful
I am a friend. The fox that watches and knows everything Standing on all fours, he pads around me- as if examining my figure from this kneeling poise.
You have no heart
I wince at that remark.
A girl with no heart is not a being, but a doll. The fox licks my hand. Lift your palm What do you see?
Obeying, I do as he says. Falling backwards, I scream. I had the hand of a mannequin. No fingers, but one thumb- completely immobile and lacking the warmth of life. I look to the fox.
What am I to you little girl? My lips are quivering together uncontrollably.
Am I a fox? Is that what you see? Little girl, dont trust your eyes for then you will believe anything. Such naiveté is dangerous to you
He sits on his haunches, long coat growing back into his flesh, eyes widening and long snout lining with scales. Changing forms- he asks me a new question. Now what do you see?
I see Water is surfacing, spilling out of my sockets and blurring my vision yet again. I squint to make-out the figure before me. I see.. a dragon
How many dragons are there ?
Bowing my head down, green hair brushing along my neck- I squeeze my eyes. I see one.
Are you sure?
I glance up. Two of them.
I see two.
Are you sure?
Four.
I see four.
How do you know?
Eight.
Eight.
Numbers are nothing. That you should know. A number is a nothing that is a something of use
Grasping my head tightly with both hands- I shake it form side to side. I dont understand a word you are saying
Hot steamy breath bounces off the skin over my face. The dragons are not there anymore- nor the fox. A new creature lay in front of me. Long necked, with an equally long tail. Irises as jewely as sapphires. Two large legs of a hawk, and bat wings. Face of a snake to go with the neck. No arms, but a torso of a lion. It raises its neck to tower over me with superiority.
What are you ?
I am the most beautiful creature of this world
You are not lovely You are hideous! You are a monster!
And what is a monster to you? A monster is nothing, but it is something with a purpose
This things drawling was becoming one of a broken record. Now I feel more determined than ever. Then what good are you?!
He hisses his black tongue through his scaled lips before answering. You are the one that created me- therefore you are the one who should know. Eating dolls is what I do, but since you are my creator, I cannot destroy you without the cost of destroying myself.
But I do not remember creating you
I exist because o you You HAVE made me, yet you dont remember. You dont NEED to remember because you have made me at an unconscious level. So long as your unconscious state of mind remains unconscious- I will be here forever
I stand myself, and back to where the other side of the looking glass had been. It is no longer there, I AM caged. The sound of bars soaring up from the non-existent grounding begins to ensue. One by one, substantial bars arise- surrounding this nightmare and me together.
There is a cage because it is YOUR cage. It belongs to you like your dolls body. You have no heart, so you have no key to unlock this imprisonment.
The bars fully enclose us, but it seems as though they are spinning around. Faster and faster they go- the paradox of a carousel We are bathed in white light
The horses on a carousel are fake- theyre not real
If they are not real What are they?
They are horses with no heart. A creature with no heart is either an insect or a
HELP!!! I scream and scream, whipping my body to set myself free from being strapped too tightly onto this carrousel. Up and down Up and down- on this horse with no being whatsoever.
Poor girl Is this your world? Gazing back, there is a man behind on a black marble horse. Its eyes conveyed insanity as its mouth bore open to pride its angry teeth- a statue poised for anger, legs frozen in movement of a war-like gallop. The man was lean and carried an air of trepidation about him. His eyes had no glow- no pupils. Only deep brown spheres with nothing within. His hair too- was self-effacing. Blond strands drooped down from his thin skull- filled with weight as well as despair.
Who ? The merry-go-round whirls faster, my own locks flying behind me in dense tides. We are going too fast Im about to blackout
I was created by you You may not remember, but you are my creator
So when ? The carrousel jerks for another revolution. Air blows at us fiercely- I cannot even open my eyes to see what is happening. Then, I turn to the mirrors mounted at the center. I see myself A doll in a kimono, tied onto a lifeless horse
What is a dream?
His gentle voice pulls me out of a daze. Before I can reply, he continues to speak.
Is a dream real? Or is the world a dream? What separates the two? Could it be that they coincide with one another to validify that there is a sun AND a moon? For what reason is there a backstage mentality which exists within each and every individual?
I I Im just a little girl who doesnt I dont know Pearls seep through, departing from my lashes and gliding behind.
You dont know because your heart isnt there Are you a doll?
Again, I look to the mirrors.
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