Hotohori didn’t know at all that inside his private life, my eyes were always over him. Watching every movement. Burning my mind and my heart. How ingenious if he thinks he’s protected... but who am I to dare to think about what’s going on in his mind?
He’s down in the garden now. He loves music... the wind blows, messing his marvelous hair... And all the flowers are falling from the threes, to kiss his hair, or to make a carpet for him to pass.
Hotohori dances... He is really dancing... closed eyes, wind blowing somewhat strong, white flowers floating around him... Oh, boy... I wish to cry...
I wish to die, I wish I could have him in my arms just once, just for one night. Just to make him see... how I care, how I love him.
;He’s smiling... but I know the wind is drying his tears away. So, dancing in the wind, that’s the way he spends his loneliness times?
My god, the scene is so perfect. But still I feel so sorry because he suffers inside, he can’t see me and I don’t dare to make him see...
Dance, Hotohori-Sama, dance...
He burns into fever... why, my God?? Why can’t be me in his place? Here I am, sitting by his side, holding his pale hand... late of the night... But I won’t sleep and leave him here... His pale hand, so warm, no; so HOT. And his face... he is perfect, astonishing, amazing, and marvelous. No one can be so perfect. I wish this lips, once, oh just for one night, to ease my hunger and all the pain. My pain, but above all – his pain.
He whispers... he raves with the fever... he is saying... her name. HER NAME!!!
Sometimes I hate her, why he had to suffer because of her? I hate you, Miaka...
Say my name, Hotohori – Sama... because I’ll be there for you.
"Nuriko..."
I jumped. To the chair for the edge of his bed. I need to touch him, I need... how soft is his hair, how delightful, I... I love you...
"N... Nuriko...!"
"I’m here, Hotohori – Sama..."
"It can’t be real. She can’t be in love with him..."
"I only wish the pain you fell couldn’t be so strong..."
Please tell me I’m not seeing you cry. I can tolerate everyone else’s tears, except yours. Please if you have to cry, cry in joy and hate... don’t kill me with this deep pain of yours. Don’t do this to me. Look around, I love you. I can dry your tears, Hotohori – Sama...
"Thanks for drying my eyes. To touch my hair, to take my hand."
Shall I say ‘my pleasure’?
"Don’t ever mention that..."
"Nuriko..."
"Yes, Hotohori – Sama..."
"Don’t cry for me."
Am... Am I crying???
"I know what you feel for me, Nuriko... I wish I could feel the same."
Me too. Should I tell him?
"..."
"Tell me, Nuriko..."
He is so weak, so fragile. I wish to hold him in my arms...
"...What could you do..."
I can change the paradise into hell if I could bring you a joy smile again, I...
"...To ease my pain, my loneliness?"
Seems fever is getting higher... I hold him for the shoulders and press him against the bed. He groans. I may be hurting him but I don’t care, he is burning into fever and won’t remember anyway. I wish to tell or I’ll explode inside.
"I could kill Miaka and Tamahone, I could torture Miaka until she marries you, but I know it won’t bring you any happiness. I could kill you and leave you free of this damned life you’ve been living, but it won’t satisfy my selfish proposes of having you close to me, even only under my eyes but far from my arms. I could give my life for you and fight against the heaven and the hell just to be back into some girl’s body, and marry you and love you forever the way you deserve... Looks like the hardest, but for me will be easy to find a girl’s body and let her ready for my return of the world of the Death."
Now I’m pulling him against my chest. Never thought one day I could see him so fragile. Miaka said, in her world, depression and sadness are cause of suicide. Suicide!!! Never!! I won’t him to do that, I prefer to die.
He groans, laid his hands on my chest, a vague protest.
"I may die if it will make you happy, I will."
I’m holding him... oh the way he smells!! Like... roses, almost a female scent, but in this male body... I’m somewhere into the desire and the anger. I love you but I hate to love you; I love to love you and I love to hate you. I wish you but I can’t, I won’t...
"Ohhh... stop..."
I’m kissing his lips, I’m going crazy... he won’t remember anyway...
"Nuriko... Please... "
No, I’m sorry...
"Please Nuriko..."
Who cares about dungeons?
"Promise me, please..."
Now I’m really into his eyes. If he remembers... I’m f...
"Hai, Hotohori – Sama..."
"You will make me happy one day..."
What, for sure!
"Even if I have to die for it"
"Give me your word"
Steps on the hall. I leave him slowly back in the bed.
"Give me your word, Nuriko..."
Fever gets higher. Depression kills. Sadness kills. Don’t die, Hotohori – Sama...
"For God, give me your word!!"
The doctor gets in.
"Why he’s so exited? Oh my, he is burning!"
"Nuriko please..."
"You better leave, Nuriko..."
"Please, Nuriko..."
"Yes, Hotohori – Sama, I give you my word."
Immediately he calmed down. As a strong medicine.
"I’ll sleep better now, Nuriko. Thank you."
The doctor smiled.
This morning he was better and wanted to see me.
"Come in, Nuriko..."
"Hai, Hotohori – Sama..."
He is there, sitting on the bed, the covers over his legs and belly, his pale face, his sexy voice and his messy hair. A bit sweaty, but still smelling as roses.
All his room has his scent of roses, or when he walks in the palace’s hall we can smell his sweet fragrance, we can feel his presence. Smile to me... Fill my heart with joy...
"Thank you."
I know I am smiling.
"...I’m happy to see you better."
"Please... don’t forget..."
"Forget what, Hotohori – Sama?"
"The promise you made, yesterday..."
I froze... he smiles, blushing a bit.
"...Sealed with a kiss."
I am blushing now. He remembers, he’s not angry. I know why I love you, Hotohori... you’re so YOU.
"I won’t forget it."
The doctor is back, I have to leave.
Yes, my Emperor, dance... The wind blows your hair away... Dance in the gardens, dance with the flowers, dance with the wind. Dance everyday, my love, my Emperor... dance to me, dance while I give my life turning the physical pain into deep pleasure to come back to you... In this another life.
Dance, Hotohori, dance with the wind...
The End Obs: This story is based in what I read in fan fics / synopses of FY. Actually I never watched any of the episodes... But I live so much things in common with Hotohori, and I know what kind of love I’ve been dreaming of...
Thanks to the master Miko for all her kindness and support – and teachings too...
Thanks to Yoshika for always be there for me...Thanks to my Danny to his huge patience and tenderness – I love you – And to Blindy – I’m all yours...
And thanks to Hotohori for existing and being so inspiring!! Giullia
March 13th, 1998