1:do you have a sore throat? (i do)

Not at this particular juncture, but my phat tonsils have been known to expand to the size of small balloons decorated with off-white pockets of pus from time to time. I have a uvula that lets me know it's alive now and again by becoming so inflamed you'd think it was a newly polished fire engine. That's why I tend to shy away from vocals and force the other Wadge dorki to strain their cords. I'm dumb, but I'm not stupid.

2:are you into star wars?

I keep as far from warfare between rival stars as I possibly can. I heard that celebrities Micky Rooney and Herve Villechaize got into a fist fight once and an innocent bystander was thwacked in the nuts by a stray upper-cut. That doesn't sound like something I'd find at all appealing. Into star wars? Not me, my friend.

3:are you gonna wait in line for days to get tickets for star wars?

Why the hell would I wait in line when I can beat up a damn glimpglod who has been there for the last two months and take their ticket ten minutes prior to the opening day showing? What the fuck are they gonna do? They're either pencil-neck-geeks with arms mocking muscles the thickness of binder twine or 300-pound-gomers decked out in greasy jogging pants, sporting the latest Grand Moff Tarkin temporary tattoo on their acne-scarred ingrown-hair-ridden forearms. Sweat pants are for people who actually exercise, you goddamn 'glods. I appreciate the fact that you took off the Spock ears out of respect for C3P0, but geezus christ. Maybe take things just a tad further and contemplate for a moment the fact that you will more than likely never ever be at the helm of an actual working spaceship, so instead of focusing all of your energy onto the pipe dream of sex with robots in other galaxies who can't turn you down because they were re-programmed to override the "Geek Alert" alarm function, aim for something else that will actually get you real chicks or dudes. Get into grindcore.

4:when did wadge start?

This monstrosity began in 1992 and has managed to go downhill from there.

5:are you into the band rush?

I'm Canadian, right? Geddy Lee's best work can be heard on the Bob and Doug Mackenzie LP "The Great White North." Take off. It's a beauty way to go.

6:as a canadian do you have an instinctual hatred of america?

Absolutely. The only things I don't hate about your lousy country are Three's Company, Terrorizer and Mr. T. Everyone and everything else can fuck off and jump into a pool of moldy death.

7:do you think world war 3's happening soon?

Evidence of this is at hand. I speak not of conflicts between countries, but of the fact that the cast members of Friends are still highly regarded as entertaining and lovable. I'm ready to lay down my life to fight against that. Won't you join me?

8:who's most bad ass: darth vader, darth sideous (emperor palpatine), or darth maul?

To accurately comment on the badness of their asses, I would have to have smell them. I choose to refrain from doing so. I had difficulty enough with James Earl Jones' breath.

9:what kind of guitar do you have?

I may or may not be in possession of a black BC Rich Bitch (AKA "The Death Bat"). It may or may not be the primary outlet for my fretboard gymnastics.

10:what do you think about the whole music/movies/videogames stuff getting blamed for kids killing eachother thing?

I think it's a typical response for those who need a scapegoat. It puts people more at ease to assume a song or video game is the root cause of influencing acts of violence rather than facing the fact that some kiddies out there are completely void of a conscience when it comes to slaughtering their classmates. This can't help but be fostered by absentee parents who think it's typical teen behavior for their little rug rats to build bombs in the garage and compile hit lists. When I was a lad, I got the smack brought down on me for making a crude crossbow and almost taking the neighbor girl's eye out. By today's standards, that would be seen as cutesy.

11:are you a mac? do you get laid alot? are you pimpin?

I'm proud to be pimpin'. No doubt. I get laid like nobody's business. My girlfriend thinks I'm the cat's meow. This music game has opened up many opportunities of an exxxtra curricular nature for me. I'm straight outta condom. Sheeeit mang, I'm all that. Yup, yup. No. I'm not. I lied.

12:does your drum machine get more chicks than you?

Unfortunately, yes. It gives up just what is needed to set the mood. Slow jams heavy on the kick drum for those quiet, intimate times. All-out freakified funk-diddily-unk for those "press my ride cymbal button harder, baby" moments. Blasting grindcore blurrisms for when the lady is in need of something much faster than the usual 4/4 mid-tempo pattern. It knows how to wang chung alright.

13:who's your favorite band?

I've got this really awesome rubber one that has held together many different items for at least 8 years and has yet to snap back and hurt me or break. It's green. That one is my favorite.

14:do you like graffiti?

I love graffiti. Some personal faves include:
-Doug was heare
-mary and tony togethur 4evur
-Ozzy rules!
-Donny loves Cindy
-FUCK OFF
-Judas Priest
-gimme head til i'm dead!

15:do you like porno?

Pornography is one of the finer things in life. When I grow up, I want to be a pornographer.

16:what's your favorite food?

Poached human heart sautéed in lemon grass and green curry, drizzled with brown sugar and scorched under a blue flame for six seconds served over a bed of brown rice with a side of red and yellow pickled peppers. Now that's good eatin'.

17:if you could do any type of split with anyone who/what would it be?

I'd do backflips over a split-open coconut that I shared with a Menehune.

18:what do you have planned?

I plan on eventually taking over the world and forcing everyone to rub the inside of my dog's leg.

19:what band really sucks?

I am not fond of the Barenaked Ladies.

20:who are your hommies?

Imaginary friends for the most part. There is this one really cool dwarf named "Two-Bit Freddie" who makes me laugh with his zany antics. He's always going "Hey Paul, check me out. I'm a fucking midget!" That always kills me.

thank you paul from wadge