COMIC NO. 5
PROJECT A-KO 9 THE NEXT GENERATION - "Cygnans We have Heard
on High" or "God Rest Ye Merry Aliens" (okay, okay, this is
a Christmas story, and if it's not Christmas right now,
just deal with it or pretend. Now stop bothering me; I'm
trying to tell a story here....)
--------
Caption: "It's the Holidays, and what a good reason to see
old friends again."
Sitting around a restaurant table are A-Ko, B-Ko, Captain,
D, and Mari. A-Ko hates B-Ko.
B-Ko hates A-Ko. B-Ko hates Captain. Captain hates Mari.
Mari hates Captain. D likes everybody. Ho ho ho.
Ako: Isn't this fun, B-Ko?
Bko (to herself -- it IS Christmas): You still stink.
Captain (looking at Mari's outfit, thinking): Mari, honey,
did you fish that dress out of a Goodwill receptacle?
D (beaming): I'm SO happy to have made Mari and my Captain
FRIENDS again!
Mari (looking at Captain's little black dress, which shows
off her formidable figure to full advantage): She's always
falling out of her clothes. Tsk. Daitokuji sure got stuck
with THAT scarecrow.
----------
The check has arrived, and Captain snatches it up.
Cap: HERE -- LET ME GET THIS.
Bko: Throwing around my father's money again.
Ako: Shut up, B-Ko. She's just being nice.
D: My Captain is so generous!
Mari (hideously): Show-off. (Aloud) I CAN PAY FOR MY OWN
LUNCH, THANK YOU.
Shot of Captain. She is not amused.
Cap: FINE. ((Too bad you didn't choke on it...))
Mari: Wait a minute, let me finish before we leave.
Shot of the women looking on in horror as Mari begins
flinging vast quantities of food into her mouth -- with
chopsticks, yet. Ears of corn, pork chops, whole apples,
and slices of bread fly through the air, narrowly missing D,
who is popeyed with awe.
Cap: Just keep your hands and feet away from her mouth.
Bko: Ick.
Ako: If she finishes her lunch, I'll lose mine!
----------
Shot of the exterior of the restaurant. D is running behind
Captain, who might as well have blue flames shooting out of
her ears.
D: Captain -- I'm sorry Mari was so rude.
Cap (stomping away, her heels clacking loudly): IT'S OKAY
WITH ME, D ---- PAYING FOR ALL THE FOOD SHE SHOVED DOWN HER
PIGGY GULLET WOULD HAVE TAPPED OUT THE ENTIRE DAITOKUJI
FORTUNE ANYWAY.
B-Ko and A-Ko watch from a distance.
Bko: I think I'd better steer clear of her this afternoon.
Ako: If I were you, I'd move out.
D: (Sigh!) All my reconciliation work down the drain!!
----------
Caption: "And it's back to the mansion ---"
Shot of Captain racing down the front hallway, a baby under
each arm. Kazushi, Shiiko, and Mitsuko trail her in close
formation. Hikaru also tries to get her attention, but she
is too distracted.
Kazushi: Mama!! No suck thumb all day!!
Shiiko: Mama!! Daddy read us Christmas stories!!
Mitsuko: Mama!! Santy Claus is coming!!
Hikaru: Uh, Aysha...baby....sweetie....dollface.....(oh,
forget it).
Cap (still running): HAVE TO FEED THESE POOR BABIES AND
THEN GO INTO WORK FOR A WHILE AND THEN COME HOME TO PLAN
THAT CHRISTMAS PARTY AND OH YEAH CHECK TO SEE IF THE GIRLS
CLEANED UP THE BEDROOM ---
Babies (waving their arms, delighted): EEEEEEEEE!!!!
----------
Caption; "And later...(whew!)..."
Captain is now in her uniform. Hikaru has her around the
neck in a bear hug. Shiiko is trying to get her mother's
attention, as is everyone else, to no avail.
Cap (looking at her hand): DAMN. Snapped a nail right OFF.
OW.
Hikaru: (Let me kiss it and make it all better....!)
Shiiko: MAMA! MAMA!!!!
Mitsuko (dancing and singing): SANTY CLAUS, SANTY CLAUS, OH
HOW I LOVE SANTY CLAUS......
Kazushi (whose thumb is in her mouth): Ooops. Forgot.
--------
Shot of Captain galloping up the stairs, the twins now
safely esconced in a backpack.
Cap: Got to check the girls' room see ya sweetie
Babies (waving their arms): EEEEEEEE!!!
Hikaru, dejected, sits in his chair with his chin on his
hand.
Hikaru: Coal in HER Christmas stocking.
----------
Shot of Captain entering the girls' room. It is completely
trashed. She shrieks and grabs her hair with both hands.
The babies look around in alarm. Atina, Akana, and Arisa
scatter, screaming.
Captain: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGGGGHHHHH YOU HAVE GOT TO BE
KIDDING ME!!!!!!
Akana (figuring it out first): Oh no! We forgot to clean
the room!!
Their mother, an awe-inspiring six-foot figure in jackboots,
a military uniform, and babies hanging onto her, begins her
lecture.
Cap (all in one breath): WHAT A MESS IN HERE! GREAT
MOTHER!!! There's a LOT to do for the Holidays and you
AREN'T helping matters by lying around like COWS letting the
servants clean up the piles of wreckage you leave you
wouldn't be able to get away with that on a military ship,
believe you ME, and AND, MISS ARISA, if I could beg a moment
of your precious time even though you hardly show your face
around here any more you're always out with that boyfriend
of yours not that I have anything against Earth men you
understand but REALLY sweetie I'm so tired with running this
house and the military defenses of this pitiful chunk of
intergalactic rock I could drop right here on the floor but
of course I'd have to look for half an hour to find a space
not covered by dirty clothes and soda cans and AKANA, missy,
there's a pulse rifle AND CARTRIDGES in here and all I need
is for one of the little ones to load up and blow herself
into the next galaxy and you KNOW how that bothers me ARISA
don't give me that look or you're really going to GET IT by
the way when I was YOUR age I was a fighter pilot on an
Egota starship and ......
Arisa (to herself, for obvious reasons): When YOU were OUR
age you'd already had a kid and had been court-martialed
once for drunkenness......
Akana (hands over her ears, grimacing): YIKES!! It's hard
enough to get into the holiday mood with Ms. Military-
Industrial over there going ballistic!!! Guess I'm not
really her little baby any more...stupid Earth brats!!!!!!
Mitsuko (tickling the babies): Coocha coocha.
----------
Caption: "A pall falls over the bedroom of the Napolipolita-
Daitokuji girls (well, one of a whole ton of bedrooms,
anyway)..."
Atina: Ma's all cranked up about her annual Christmas party
for the kids, and Dad's become obsessed with his new hobby,
astronomy.
Arisa: I don't understand these Earthlings. Why look at
the stars when you can cruise them?
Akana (grinning): Dad's chicken. I think Ma's piloting
skills did him in a long time ago.
----------
Shot of Hikaru, smiling broadly and wearing his fur-trimmed
smoking jacket. Captain is jouncing baby Azia up and down,
playing nosie with her.
Hikaru: Ayshalita -- come out and see my new telescope...
----------
Shot of the mansion acreage. The mountains are in the
background. In the foreground, right next to the former
Egota's Temple of Cybele, stands a massive round radio
telescope. It dwarfs even the Temple in size. Captain is
flabbergasted, but to spare Hikaru's feelings, says nothing.
Hikaru (proudly, his arm around her): This part is the
steerable antenna. It's bigger and more expensive than
anything they have at Palomar, Goldstone Mojave, or Kitt
Peak!!! Of course, the landscaping isn't completed....
Cap (silent): Dear Great Mother. It looks like a miniature
golf course out here.
----------
Caption: "The family prepares for the Holidays, each in his
or her own way..."
Shot of Captain, lying on her back lifting weights. A burly
young man stands over her. She is clearly miserable.
Jock (officiously holding a clipboard): The advantage of
having a personal trainer, Mrs. Daitokuji, is that you can
shape up on your own schedule. Come on, push it, push
it....no more baby weight by New Year's Eve!
Cap (to herself): Cardiac arrest by New Year's Eve. (Looks
down at her middle-aged bod in a leotard) Sigh. WHO am I
KIDDING......????
----------
Akana stands with hands facing outward in front of her,
praying in front of a lit candle. She murmurs in Cygnan.
Akana: Please Great Mother let me get an AK-10 pulse rifle
with a repeat-action rocket launcher
for Christmas please please please
----------
Shot of Arisa, Atina, and little Kazushi in the dress shop
depicted in Cinderella Rhapsody. The clerk with the
geometric haircut is having a wonderful time waiting on
these rich teenagers.
Saleslady: The Earth "Swinging Sixties" look is very
popular this year...that outfit is REALLY cute...(( I LOVE
THESE GIRLS!!!! ))
Arisa (wearing a mini-outfit and boots) I'll take it.. and
those other ones too...(pointing to a huge pile).
Atina (wearing a black leather mini with black tights and
white go-go boots): I LOVE them! I love them ALL!
Kazushi (sucking her thumb): Love them all.
----------
Shot of Hikaru on the phone, shouting in his imperious way
at whatever poor soul is on the other end of the line.
Hikaru: Can you get me the Astronomy Department at MIT? No,
not to TALK to, you idiot!
To BUY!!!!!
----------
Caption: "Two old friends meet for lunch and the topic
is...."
Cap (sitting at a restaurant table): MARI??? I still want
to smack her in the head.
D: Captain...she really isn't such bad sort. I love you
both... won't you try to mend fences with her?
Cap (waving a clenched fist): Only for you, D. But I swear
on the Great Mother that if she ticks me off, I'll punch her
out.
D (eyeing Captain's fistful of giant rings): GREAT. ((Are
those diamonds or brass knuckles..?))
----------
D and Hideo visit Mari and make the same pitch.
Mari: I CAN'T STAND THAT ALIEN BABY-MACHINE HEAD
CASE!!!!!!!
D: Aw, come on, Mari. She had a hard life for a long time.
Give her a chance, and if she calls, don't growl at her...
Hideo: Won't kill you, Mari.
Mari: Well -- okay. Only for you, D....
--------
Shot of Captain at the mansion, sitting in a chair and
talking on the phone.
Cap: Mari? Aysheia. Listen, we're having a Christmas
party for the children next Friday. Yes, over here at seven
o'clock. I plan to be there and let me assure YOU that
everyone will have a wonderful time...no time travel, no 911
calls.....and of COURSE my girls would be CRUSHED if Little
Rose wasn't there.....
Atina, Arisa, and Akana, betrayed, scream loudly.
----------
Caption: "Meanwhile, Hikaru Daitokuji continues his
stargazing..."
Shot of Hikaru at his massive telescope, punching up data on
his computer.
Hikaru: Aysha. Take a look at this.
Cap (looks at the monitor) Is it anything interesting?
Hikaru: I don't understand why this particular point of
light is so much bigger than it was last night...
Captain is already running out the door.
----------
Caption: "At Earth Defense Force Headquarters..."
Captain, Yashida, and his girlfriend, all in casual clothes,
listen to a technician who is viewing a screen.
Tech: Terrible news, Ma'am. This asteroid is a big one and
it'll hit us dead center!
Cap: Hope they don't name it after Hikaru.
----------
Caption: "And the world reacts with shock.."
Shot of newspapers containing headlines such as "Asteroid
Heading toward Earth -- Collision
Possible"; "Artist's conception"; "Millions flee area to
take refuge in hills"; and "Looting, fires reported as
world reacts to Armageddon..."
----------
Caption: "Meanwhile, at Earth Defense Force Headquarters
again.."
Commander Yashida is obviously trying to butter up Captain.
Yashida: Our scientists tell me that Earth nukes will
probably shatter it. We need a clean hit, and the best
weapon is the Cygnan beam cannon...
Cap (grimacing): Uh, oh. Here it comes.
Yashida: You're the only one cockpit-qualified to take up a
Cygnan fighter. I want YOU to be the one to push the
button.
Cap (to herself): And a merry Christmas to you, too, Honey
Bunch.
----------
Shot of Hikaru, shrieking.
Hikaru: THEY WANT YOU TO DO WHAT???????
Cap (rolling her eyes): Why do Earth men get so hysterical?
Hikaru (out of his mind): THAT WOMAN IS CERTIFIABLE !!!
While Hikaru continues to rant, Captain stands, flexing her
biceps. Kazushi gazes at her in wonder.
Cap: I'll do it...because I'm a SOLDIER --- that means they
pay me to put my life on the line --- to stretch the outer
edge of the envelope --- to BOLDLY GO WHERE NO ONE HAS GONE
BEFORE.....
Atina: Oh no..Ma's in her Cygnan warrior mode. Something is
SERIOUSLY wrong...
Arisa: I just heard her tell Dad that she's going to take
out the asteroid with a Heraklion 16 fighter.
Akana (grinning devilishly): Does this mean she's canceling
that stupid Christmas party?
----------
Hikaru (grabbing Captain desperately): DON'T LEAVE
ME......(with all these KIDS!!!)
Cap: Hikaru. Get a grip.
The girls are looking on.
B-ko: Am I missing something?
Arisa: Ma's going to destroy the asteroid.
Akana: She can borrow my pulse rifle..
Mitsuko: Daddy's funny....
----------
Hikaru has gone off to worry. Captain is making
preparations for her mission.
Cap: Okay. Hmm. Total war. Hmm. Get psyched. (My ma would
be proud of me...)
Shot of her going through some boxes. Shiiko and Mitsuko
are "helping".
Cap: Let's dig out my lucky Cygnan uniform! (Finds the
top) Yikes!!! It's more motheaten than I am! (How can
moths eat a steel-plated bustier...??) And let's face
facts, lady...you couldn't fit into this garb anyhow.
Shiiko (giggling, pointing at the bustier): Bra hee hee
Mitsuko (giggling): Hee hee
----------
Shot of Captain wearing a headset.
Cap: According to my calculations, one beam cannon won't
cut it. Hope Alia is within com distance...
--------
Shot of the bridge of the Commander's Egota. Alia is sitting
in her chair, looking remarkably like her mother did in days
of yore.
Tech: Commander...your mother is on the com.
Alia: Put her on the monitor.
Cap: Hi sweetie. I could use some help.
Alia: Sure, Ma. Love your hair.
----------
Shot of a tearful farewell scene. Captain is kneeling on the
floor; her girls surround her, sobbing.
Even the twins have set up a howl. Hikaru is standing off
in a corner.
Cap: See you soon, sweet babies.
Hikaru tries to pull her back.
Cap: Let me go before I lose my nerve.
----------
Shot of an announcer with a "SPECIAL BULLETIN" logo on a TV
screen. On the screen we see Commander Yashida speaking from
a podium. Behind him stands Captain and some other
officers.
Announcer: This is Mendo Takahashi with a special report
from DNA News Japan. Earth Defense Force Commander Lawrence
Yashida has just announced at an emergency press conference
that the EDF has devised a plan to meet the asteroid head-
on. Alpha Cygnan beam cannons will be used to vaporize the
two-mile-long rock. Central Astro Agency Director-General
Aysheia Napolipolita-Daitokuji (gasp) will pilot a Cygnan
Heraklion ....
----------
Shot of the girls in their bedroom, looking out the window
at the night sky.
Arisa: Ma.
----------
Shot of the Heraklion in space.
Cap: Here goes nothing.
----------
Shot of the Heraklion within visual range of the asteroid,
which is streaking toward planet Earth.
Cygnan tech (from the Egota): Stand by. Tracking
trajectory.
----------
Shot of Captain close-up. The asteroid is reflected in her
shades.
----------
Shot of the Egota bridge.
Alia: Do it.
----------
Shot of space. The Heraklion and Egota both trigger their
beam cannon blasts on the asteroid, vaporizing it.
((ZZZZZZZZZZT))
----------
Shot of the Graviton City night sky. Everyone is watching
the explosion, including Ayumi-Shirasaka Sensei.
Watcher #1: Fantastic!
Watcher #2: We're saved!
Watcher #3: This even beats reading Arthur C. Clarke!
Cap (over com): Thanks, sweetie. Love you.
Alia (over com): No problem, Ma. We love vaporizing
things. Let's go home, girls.
Ayumi (puzzled): Now, I know for a FACT that today isn't a
festival.....
Cap: Ah. I love it so.
----------
Shot of Santa in his sleigh, led by reindeer. A flange
projecting from the Heraklion bumps into the stacks of
presents loaded in the back.
Santa: WATCH IT YOU CRAZY BROAD!!!
Cap: SAME TO YOU FATSO!!!!
----------
Shot of the Napolipolita-Daitokuji family watching the
landing. They see the full moon and something else in the
sky.
Akana: Ma almost creamed Santa! COOL!!
Mitsuko (in distress): DADDY!!! MAMA'S KILLING SANTY CLAUS
!!!!
----------
Captain strides into the EDF hangar, where hundreds of
cheering people are waiting. There is media up the kazoo.
She throws a liplock on Hikaru. Immediately, Mitsuko and
Shiiko go crazy.
Girls: THEY'RE KISSING!!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
!!!!!!!
They move toward the podium which has been set up for her.
If anyone loves the microphone more than Captain, it's
Hikaru. Of course, he wants to be in view of the cameras
and the international press coverage..as a consequence, if
he was standing any closer to Captain, he'd be behind her.
Cap (addressing the crowd): THANK you, THANK you. The
Central Astro Agency and Earth Defense Force did an
outstanding job but we should acknowledge the vital
contributions made by Commander Alia Napolipolita of the
Lepton Kingdom of Alpha Cygni (who is my baby girl)....
----------
Caption: "At the War College, where Alana prepares to go
home for the holidays..."
Alana, wearing a Cygnan jumpsuit and black boots with spike
heels, is watching the news coverage of her mother's
success. Behind her, sitting on the couch, is Seiji Satoru,
one of her classmates. He is, to quote the poet,
"hunkalicious"...
TV Announcer: People of Earth breathed a collective sigh of
relief when Sigma 218, the near-Earth asteroid which menaced
the planet, was vaporized tonight by CAA Director-General
Aysheia Napoloti --er, Neopolati---er, Naipolita--- uh,
Nekolyta--- uhhhh Nepolituh---ah, Notoleeka---- Oh hell.
Daitokuji.
Seiji (obviously in the throes of love): Alana -- is that
really your mother? You know, maybe I could meet her over
the holidays to express my appreciation and as long as I'm
over there, maybe you and I could go out...and by the way,
do you have any plans for New Year's Eve?
I know this club in Graviton City with the best band you
ever heard and maybe we could dance and have a great time
together...
Alana (to herself): Shut up, get over here, and kiss me,
you HUNK.
(aloud) Well, Seiji -- my Ma had to postpone her annual
Christmas party because she and my sister were busy saving
the world -- it's kind of like a kids' party but the adults
dress up and hang out. Why don't you drop by tomorrow
night...you know where the mansion is, right?
(To herself) Great Mother, he's SO cute.....
Seiji: I'll be there. Everybody in Japan knows where the
mansion is.
(To himself) God, she's SO cute.....
----------
Caption: "The party night arrives..."
Hikaru is straightening the bow tie on his tuxedo in front
of a mirror (another one of Hikaru's favorite places!).
Captain stands behind him, putting on a pair of massive
diamond earrings. Alana, who is beautifully dressed and has
a mistletoe wreath around her head, enters their dressing
room.
Alana: Ma. I invited this really cute guy from my school
named Seiji Satoru and I'd appreciate it
if you wouldn't do anything weird like get in a fistfight or
anything. Can I borrow your ten-carat
diamond solitaires?
Cap: I'll try real hard not to embarrass you, Alana. No.
----------
Hikaru and Aysha go down the hall to the party.
Alana (behind them): RATS!! Now I'll have to wear those
cheapo five-carat ones!!
Hikaru: Ayshalita....I hope you don't mind but I invited a
few more people to meet my girl.
Cap: Oh, who?
Hikaru: Uh, let's see...the President of the United States,
the Secretary-General of the United Nations, the....
Cap: Oh Great Mother, Hikaru. All I want is a bubble bath,
a two-pound bag of peanut M&Ms, and a week-long nap....
Hikaru: But you're an international heroine!
Cap: What did your ancient Romans say..."All glory is
fleeting..."
----------
Caption: "The grown-up party is going well..."
Shot of the mansion's ballroom. Hikaru and Captain are
working the room, greeting their guests.
A Christmas tree stands in one corner.
----------
Caption: "The kids' party, with Arisa, Atina, and Akana as
babysitters (always a mistake), is another story...!!"
The playroom is full of kids. Arisa is desperately trying
to hang onto Little Rose, whose arms and legs are awhirl.
Pennywise the Clown (from Stephen King's It) has gotten in
between some of the children and "Santa" [N.B. The
Daitokujis didn't mean to hire Pennywise. They just called
the Actors Guild and that's who they sent....]. Atina is on
her hands and knees, with Princess Asamalita on her back.
Akana is holding the twins. Shiiko, Mitsuko, and Kazushi
are huddled in a corner, shellshocked.
Rose: I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU
I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I
HATE HATE HATE HATE YOU YOU CRAZY ALIEN WACKO....
Arisa: The feeling is mutual, you Spawn of the Devil!
Santa: Ho Ho Ho Kiddies..come get your gifts...
Pennywise (menacing): HIYA KEI ---
Kei, Jr. is clinging to his sister Asami, screaming in fear.
Kei, Jr.: MOMMMMMIEEEEEEEEE!!!
Asamalita (astride Atina): GEEYAP HORSIE GO GO GO GO...
Atina (to herself): If you weren't my Princess I'd buck you
right through the window..
Akana (livid, holding the sleeping babies): AND WHAT DOES
AKANA GET FOR CHRISTMAS??? MORE EARTH BRATS !!!!!!!!
Shiiko, Mitsuko, and Kazushi all have their thumbs in their
mouths.
Shiiko: I know that this is a baby trick, but I can't help
it.
Mitsuko: Too bad there's a lock on the phone..
----------
Caption: "After 'Little Rose' escapes her alien captors, she
pays a visit to Akana's room."
Little Rose is busy going through Akana's dresser drawers.
She pulls out underwear by the handful and flings it across
the room. Finally, something catches her eye.
Rose: Ahhhhhh....something I can use!
----------
Shot of the ballroom, full of elegantly-dressed people.
Mari (worried): I wonder how my little darling is getting
along.
Yuji: Don't fret, Mari. I'm sure she's fine.
----------
Caption: "Suddenly ..."
Rose: EEEEEEEEEEEYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Rose dashes through the ballroom, knocking people flying,
packing a pulse rifle. To everyone's astonishment, she
shoulders the weapon and looks through the sights.
Rose: TAKE ME HOME OR SOMEBODY GETS IT!
Akana (from the crowd): Hey. That's mine.
----------
Mari rushes forward.
Mari: Give the nasty old gun to Mummy, Precious.
Rose: Well...okay.
Mari takes the weapon, then whirls around and picks Captain
out of the crowd.
Mari: NOW WHO WAS IT WHO LEFT A DANGEROUS WEAPON OUT FOR
LITTLE HANDS TO PICK UP --- WHO COULD BE SO STUPID -------
She approaches Captain ominously, flexing her pecs and
biceps. The seams on her dress
(decorated with a hideous daisy print) are already beginning
to pop.
Mari: NAPOLIPOLITA !!!! YOU AND YOUR WORTHLESS DAUGHTERS
ARE CRIMINALLY NEGLIGENT!!!!!!
Cap (to herself): oh no.
Captain begins to get steamed. Hikaru sees what's coming
and puts his arm around her, even though he knows it is the
functional equivalent of trying to stop a nuclear
detonation.
Cap (livid, baring teeth): AT LEAST MY DAUGHTERS DON'T LOOK
LIKE FULLBACKS!!!!
GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, YOU BEACHED WHALE!!!!!
Mari (beyond furious): THIS ISN'T EVEN YOUR HOUSE,
GOLDDIGGER!!!!
DAITOKUJI PICKED YOU OUT OF THE TRASH HEAP!!!!!
Hikaru (miffed): I did not.
Captain barrels over to Mari and gets right in her face.
Cap (courting death): TELL ME, MARI-CHAN.....DO YOU SHAVE
YOUR FACE AS WELL AS YOUR LEGS?
Hikaru: My God, Aysha.
Mari: ALL RIGHT!!!! YOU'RE MINCEMEAT !!!!!!!!!!
----------
Shot of Mari knocking Captain across the room.
((BAM!!))
Cap (still in flight): HEY -- THIS IS MY PARTY, YOU COW!!
Man Guest: Imagine...beating up the person who saved the
world.
Woman Guest: Well, I don't think that's very nice.
Seiji: Hey Alana...isn't that your mom?
Alana (watching her worst dream coming true): No.
Captain gets to her feet and delivers a side snap-kick,
connecting with Mari's large posterior.
Cap: I'm SICK of this! Cut the crap, Mari!
Mari: Oof!
Mari punches Captain in the jaw; she is propelled backward.
Cap: THIS is EMBARRASSING!
----------
Hikaru has picked her up off the floor and tries to press
her face in the crook of his neck and shoulder, hoping that
it will eliminate eye contact between the two combatants.
Mari stands next to Yuji, flexing her fingers. Alana and
Seiji are in the background.
Hikaru is desperate to stop the fight -- a public display of
rowdiness by his amazon wife is bad for the price of his
company's stock!
Hikaru (baring HIS teeth): HOW'D YOU LIKE A RAP SHEET,
MARI?
Cap: Why is my life like a three-ring circus?
Alana: I lied...that IS my mother.
Seiji: I think she's cool....just like her daughter.
Mari (disgustedly): AW, YOU WOOSIE !!!!
Yuji: I'm making an appointment with that therapist...do
you realize you started a brawl in front of the PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATES??? HONESTLY, Mari.....!
Cap (returning Hikaru's rather tight hug and trying to
smooth things over): HA HA HA HA HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO
HO HO HO It's all right everyone...enjoy yourselves...HA HA
HA
Hikaru: Why is my life like a three-ring circus?
The guests, puzzled, press forward.
Ako: This is like a zoo break!
Kei: Hmm?
Seiji (hugging Alana, who is wearing that mistletoe
wreath!): Did you know that when Earth girls wear mistletoe
they want a kiss?
Alana (to herself): Absolutely.
B-ko (looking at Seiji and Alana): Damn. Struck out again.
D (feeling guilty): I would have defended my Captain!
Kazushi (resigned; sucking her thumb): Ma!
Akana (livid): Little witch scratched my lovely pulse
rifle!!!!
----------
Seiji introduces himself.
Seiji: Mrs. Daitokuji -- I'm Seiji Satoru. Let me thank
you again for taking out that asteroid.
And may I compliment you on your beautiful daughters?
Alana (to herself): Ooh!
Cap (holding the twins, thinking): What a delightful young
man!
Akana (also to herself): Hmmm...if he goes to the War
College he knows how to use pulse rifles...
Arisa (also to herself): He's adorable, but not as adorable
as Akira.
----------
Caption: "Maybe it's the holiday season that allows order to
spring from chaos..."
Shot of the mansion living room, which is dominated by a
huge decorated Christmas tree.
The older daughters are necking with their boyfriends. The
younger ones are opening presents. Captain sits in Hikaru's
lap, swinging her legs and doing her Mona Lisa smile.
Hikaru: If this family gets any bigger, I'll have to build
a domed stadium.
B-ko (tired of having her holidays interrupted by this
unruly pack of aliens): You Cygnans really ARE disgusting.
Is that all you think about?
Atina (smiling): Are we a little jealous, B-Ko-San?
Akira: Merry Christmas, Arisa...
((Smooch!!))
Seiji (still harping about this mistletoe thing): You
understand that this is an Earth tradition....like, I HAVE
to....
Alana: Fine.
((Smooch!!))
Cap (to Hikaru): Kissy Kissy....
Hikaru: (Sigh...like mother, like daughters...)
((Smooch!!))
Shiiko and Mitsuko are dressed in their holiday velvet
outfits, and since everyone is kissing, they are hysterical.
Kazushi is unwrapping presents; her eyes are huge and her
arms are a blur.
Shiiko: HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE
Mitsuko: HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE ALANA'S KISSING A BOY HEE
HEE HEE HEE
Kazushi (to herself): I can't get this paper off fast
enough...!!
Hikaru watches as Captain unwraps her gift, which is in a
small box.
Cap (goggle-eyed): HIKARU-SAMA!!!!! THIS ISN'T THE HOPE
DIAMOND, IS IT---???
Hikaru (smiling broadly): Sure it is...the Smithsonian said
it was PRICELESS, and I told THEM that EVERYTHING has a
PRICE....
B-ko (ignoring her stepmother's delight and focusing on
Seiji): I'M REALLY SICK OF BEING PASSED OVER ! I let Kei
slip through my fingers (which wasn't a bad thing since he
turned out to be a bit of a dweeb.....) NEVER AGAIN. That
Seiji sure is hot. Hmmmmmm.
Akana has unwrapped her gift. She swings it to her shoulder.
Akana: An AK-10 with a rocket launcher! COOL!
B-Ko sidles up to Seiji, determined to rain on Alana's
parade.
B-ko (in her bitchiest tone): Hello, Seiji. Welcome to my
father's house.
Seijio (to himself): I didn't realize Alana was adopted.
Cap: Alana is SO happy. She just LOVES offensive weapons.
This is SO beautiful. I can't believe it's really mine.
Hikaru (to himself): And I used to think B-Ko was weird for
building mechas!!
(To Captain, still esconced on his lap): Glad you like your
little bauble, Ayshalita. You'll have to get a new dress
designed to show it off. The Daitokuji Diamond can make its
debut at the New Year's Party at my hotel.
Shot of Alana, doing a slow burn and gritting her teeth.
Alana: YOU DIE, B-KO !!!!!
----------
Caption: "B-Ko ought to know better than to anger a
Cygnan...but she doesn't!"
It is New Year's Eve, and the women are getting ready for
the party at the Daitokuji Gorgeous Hotel. Captain is in a
white gown with a floor-length cape with mink trim. She is
eyeing B-Ko and Alana with misgivings. The hairdresser,
manicurist, and seamstress are busy working on all of them
in the mansion's dressing room.
Alana (to herself):
KEEPYOURHANDSOFFKEEPYOURHANDSOFFKEEPYOURHANDSOFF
B-ko (to herself):
HE'SMINEHE'SMINEHE'SMINEHE'SMINEHE'SMINEHE'SMINEHE'SMINE
Cap: I have a very bad feeling about this.
----------
Caption: "The Daitokujis travel to the gala event..."
Shot of the stretch limo on the road.
Cap: Hikaru-Sama? Do we REALLY need six armed guards in
here? It's CROWDED.
Alana (thinking): DIE B-KO DIE B-KO DIE B-KO DIE B-KO DIE B-
KO DIE B-K0
Hikaru: We don't need you and that rock you're wearing
kidnaped.
B-ko (thinking): DIE ALANA DIE ALANA DIE ALANA DIE ALANA DIE
ALANA
----------
Captain swirls into the ballroom of her hotel in her very
best Alien Rich-Bitch style. The entire crowd turns to look
at her.
Guest #1: Incredible!
Guest #2: That's magnificent!
Guest #3: Priceless!
Guest #4: Awesome!
Guest #5: How does that androgynous airhead rate a present
like THAT?
Guest #6: Daitokuji must like 'em big and strong.
Cap: Ulp.
Hikaru and B-Ko come down the marble steps. Hikaru joins
Captain and waves to his guests.
B-Ko's eyes search out Seiji and Alana.
B-ko: Ah. There he is. Might as well not waste any more
time.
She tugs at her party dress and reveals her AKAGIYAMA 23
POWER BIOSUIT!!
B-ko: SEIJI SATORU! I CLAIM YOU FOR MY OWN!
Seiji (puzzled by this apparition): Excuse me?
Alana (loudly): B-KO...IF I HAD THUNDER-THIGHS LIKE YOURS,
I WOULDN'T WEAR AN OUTFIT LIKE THAT ON A BET......
Guest #4: Oh Gawd!
Guest #2: Har! Har!
Bko (on her high horse): Alana. What makes you think that
a hunk like Seiji would be interested in a horsey alien
amazon like YOU?
Alana: Because I'm one heck of a nice gal and a great
kisser...and I'm a LOT prettier than YOU!
Bko (spraying her shots wide and free, here...): WELL, YOU
SURE DIDN'T GET YOUR LOOKS FROM YOUR MOM, DID YOU??
Hikaru (shocked): You show some respect, B-Ko!!!
Cap (coming up on her from behind, trying desperately not to
throttle her): OKAY, THAT'S IT!!!
Captain doesn't have to worry about throttling her
stepdaughter, because Alana has had a dose of it. She grabs
B-Ko, biosuit and all, and holds her with one hand about
four feet off the ground.
Alana: LISTEN, YOU STUPID EARTH TWIT -- SEIJI WOULD RATHER
KISS A PIG THAN YOU! AND NEVER, EVER TALK BAD ABOUT THE MA
!!!
Bko: ECCCHHHHH!!
----------
Alana lets fly with a Cygnan twist punch.
((BOOM!!!))
Suddenly, B-Ko is flying through space...and not through the
use of her power biosuit, either.
Alana: AND DON'T EVEN THINK OF PULLING ANY OF THAT
AKAGIYAMA MISSILES CRAP ON ME EITHER, SWEETHEART!
Seiji (to himself): Oh wow..it's my favorite fantasy -- two
girls fighting over me!
(Looking at Alana) She's SO cool...
Alana (smugly): Whupped HER fat butt.
Without warning, B-Ko streaks through the air, aimed
straight at Alana.
Cap: LOOK OUT, ALANA!!!
B-ko: BANZAI !!!!!!
((THUNK!!!))
B-Ko has seized Alana by her knee-length hair and has flung
her into the air. The guests assemble to watch the fray.
Guest #1 (obviously male!): Hey. This isn't too bad!
Guest #2 (obviously female!) Wish I could do that!
Guest #3 (obviously male!) Fighting women -- my personal
favorite!!
Hikaru: Ayshalita...what IS it with you Cygnans?
Captain steps forward indignantly, pointing an accusing
finger at B-Ko. The Hope, er Daitokuji, Diamond winks and
sparkles in the light of the ballroom chandeliers.
Cap: HEY! JUST A MINUTE!! BIOSUIT!!! CHEAT! CHEAT!
Alana gets up off the floor and gets nose-to-nose with her
stepsister.
Alana: She's right, you creep!
B-ko (dramatically): Fine. We'll meet again! (which will be
soon since we both live in the same house...)
----------
The conductor instructs the orchestra to stop playing so
that he can make an announcement.
Conductor: HEY EVERYBODY!! IT'S MIDNIGHT!! HAPPY NEW
YEAR!!
All of the Cygnans (what did you expect) immediately seize
the men they're with and kiss them.
A-Ko is about to kiss Keisama.
Seiji and Alana (thinking): Is it possible to fall in love
on the first date?
Cap (thinking): You're an oldie but a goodie, Hikaru-Sama.
B-ko is defeated and knows it. She realizes that she looks
ridiculous in the biosuit, and prepares to leave the party
in disgrace.
B-ko (to herself): I'm such an idiot. There's no one who
could love me. All I know is that I'm tired of being
lonely.
Captain turns from Hikaru and looks at her. She would have
been very happy to be a mother to B-Ko, but had been
rejected by her too many times over the years.
Cap: Oh, B-Ko.
A handsome, dark-haired young man approaches her.
Kotaru: Excuse me, miss.
B-Ko looks up, surprised, her face wet with tears.
Kotaru: Pardon me. I'm Kotaru Watanabe. I was just
thinking that such a lovely lady shouldn't bring in the New
Year with tears. Would you like to dance?
B-Ko delightedly accepts. Captain takes this opportunity to
corner Alana, who is smirking at this new development.
Alana: That's good. Now she'll leave Seiji alone.
Cap: (And what's the story with this Seiji, my baby?)
----------
Shot of B-Ko's face as she dances. She is now slightly
smiling.
B-ko: Hmmmm....he's kind of cute.
----------
Shot of the ballroom. The dance floor is full of couples,
party balloons, and streamers.
Kotaru (to himself): Of course, she's filthy rich...but
then again, so am I...
B-ko (to herself): Oh yes indeedy. He is DEFINITELY cute.
A-ko (also dancing): This is nice, Keisama...a night
without the kids.
Ayumi-Shirasaka Sensei (to a friend): Ohhh yes we just love
married life tee hee hee
----------
Suddenly, the sound of exploding fireworks is heard.
Everyone runs over to the floor-to-ceiling windows.
Ayumi-Shirasaka Sensei: LOOK! IT'S THE FIREWORKS SHOW!
Shot of four couples, in silhouette, watching the display.
----------
Caption: "A New Year, your own hotel, the Hope -- er,
Daitokuji -- Diamond, and a ring of armed guards..... what
could be better?"
Captain, Alana, Seiji, B-Ko, Kotaru, and Hikaru look out
from the balcony of the Daitokuji Gorgeous Hotel. Of
course, they are surrounded by guards. Soldiers are
positioned on various adjacent roofs, ready to take down any
snipers. It looks like Hikaru called in a few favors with
Commander Yashida.....
----------
The group walks to the limo.
B-ko: So.....Father. You know this Watanabe fellow..?
Hikaru: Sure. He's a computer genius. He has his own
company in Tokyo.
Alana (thinking, with a nasty grin): Go for it, B-Ko honey.
Cap (thinking, with a nasty grin): Yeah..maybe you can get
married and get the hell out of the house....
----------
Once they arrive home, Captain turns to Hikaru in order to
give him one of her "announcements."
Cap (looking coy, shaking her finger): By the way, Hikaru-
Sama....I have a very SPECIAL New Year gift for you....
Hikaru freezes, his eyes bulging out of their sockets.
Hikaru (to himself): Dear God. Not another kid.
Cap (expansively): Your very own PLANET!
She leads him over to a massive videoscreen (gee, the
mansion has everything, doesn't it?) and sits him down in a
swivel chair.
Cap (dramatically): Observe on the screen...voila!
The ghostly image of a planet suspended in space appears on
the screen.
Cap (hugging Hikaru around the neck): Well...there's no
natural resources or indigenous life.
it's really just a ball of rock within the orbit of Tauka
Banesh (not our system, of course), but it's all yours!
Hikaru (delighted): Only an extraterrestrial would come up
with a gift idea like this!
B-ko (standing beside her father, frowning): Wonder how much
that cosmic turd set us back.
----------
Caption: "As the evening becomes the wee hours..."
Shot of the Cygnan girls in Akana's bedroom. All are in
their nighties, conversing. Akana is pretending to be
asleep.
Alana: (Yawn!) What a good time I had --- Ma's diamond
didn't get stolen, B-Ko danced with a guy who actually
didn't think she was a jackass, and she and I got into a
GREAT fistfight...but..best of all...I fell in LOVE!
Arisa (an old hand at this): I knew it!
Akana (muffled): Great. Now TWO of you will be mooning
around here and I'll want to slap you silly...(Yawn!)
----------
Caption: "It seems that everyone's holiday wishes came
true!"
Shot of the entire clan in the living room of the mansion,
the following morning. D has come for a visit, bringing
gifts. Captain is wearing an exact reproduction of her old
Cygnan uniform. She is thrilled, shaking her clenched fists
and strutting her stuff.
Hikaru: (sigh)
Shiiko: Is that what Mama used to look like?
Cap: D -- the Hope Diamond was great but this uniform is
AWESOME!!!!!
D (with a shrug, but thrilled that she is thrilled):
Captain ... I know how heartbroken you were that your old
one had self-destructed, so I had your dressmaker whip this
up.
Cap: Really takes me back to the OLD DAYS (to the extent I
can remember the old days...)!!!
Akana is checking out her gift...a Cygnan sword and shield.
Akana: You ARE going to teach me how to use this stuff,
aren't you, Auntie D?
Atina, Arisa, and Alana are in the foreground.
Atina: I don't think Ma remembers that Commander Maldekai
forced her to retire...
(To Arisa) Hey, hot shot...where's your engagement ring??
Arisa: Up your nose, Pigface. Next year.
Alana (her hair in one of those side-swept Cygnan 'dos): Who
knows? Maybe two of us will get
"engaged" next year...what a nice Earth custom!
----------
Akana is having a go with her sword and shield and is
sparring her way across the room, slashing the air.
Akana: DIE, KIRLIAN PIG!
D takes a bit of a risk and tells her Captain what she has
heard about the Hope Diamond.
D: Captain...I read that there's some sort of curse
associated with your new diamond..some sort of bad luck.
Cap (with the girls hanging onto her): Gee. Thanks for
sharing, D.
----------
Caption: "Later.."
Captain is in her Vic's nightie, with the diamond still
around her neck. She looks down upon it, frowning.
Cap (to herself): I'm sure that's just a story. There's
nothing to it.
Hikaru: Enjoy it tonight, Aysha. Tomorrow it goes into the
vault!
Cap (definitely to herself, uncomfortable with its size):
Stupid thing looks like a pieplate.
----------
Caption: "The fun begins the next day at work..."
Captain, in her CAA uniform, is facing Commander Yashida.
Their relationship is rivalrous and strained.
Unfortunately, he still feels threatened by the aliens and
still can't believe she married Daitokuji. Behind them is
the massive videoscreen; technicians are seated in front of
it, working at their computers.
Yashida: I really have no idea what appropriations are
going to look like this year but I think you can count on
getting that funding for the Earth Defense Shield system you
designed a long time ago. I pushed it with the brass
personally.
Captain has her arms crossed, and is clearly not impressed.
She really doesn't care what Yashida thinks of her; she
secretly knows that she could reduce his entire military
machine to powder if she wanted to.
Cap (to herself): ...and my hubby made a few phone calls.
Big deal, Tootsie.
The giant screen has ominously begun to creak during their
conversation. Suddenly, it lets go and begins to fall. The
two officers are directly in its path.
Tech (wildly, to Captain, forgetting himself): LOOK OUT,
SIR --- ER, MA'AM -- (ER, WHATEVER...)
The technicians scatter, but Captain's feet are momentarily
frozen.
Captain: (Sigh!) It's that 45.5 carat turd, I just know
it ---
Yashida (grabbing her): MOVE!!!!!
----------
There is a massive crash. After the dust settles, Yashida
is revealed, dripping sweat and eyes wide, still holding
Captain.
Cap (whacking him on the chest with the back of her hand):
Uh...yoo hoooo Larry...you can let go of me any time now....
----------
Caption: "And the hits just keep on coming!"
Captain is on her way to her limo when she is set upon by
two thugs.
Thug #1: GIVE US YOUR MONEY, LADY!
She simultaneously belts them both in their faces.
Cap: HOWZABOUT THIS INSTEAD, LOSER?
Thug #2: ((Lady..?))
----------
Later that night, she has the opportunity to relax on the
couch with Hikaru. She is still upset at the day's
disturbing events. Akana is still racing around the room
swinging her Cygnan sword. Kazushi is standing on her head
and rolling off the couch.
Akana: DIE, EARTH PIG!
Hikaru (nearly weeping): I absolutely cannot believe
it....!!! Napolipolita-Daitokuji Financial Group stock
dropped TEN POINTS today.....I HATE LOSING MILLIONS!!!
Captain (patting his chest and thinking): Okay, diamond,
out you go.
----------
Shot of Captain carrying Azia and Aria to bed. She has one
under each arm; this is great fun for all concerned.
Cap (to herself): But how to get rid of it without hurting
Hikaru's feelings? (To her babies) Come on, wigglies...
----------
Caption: "The next day, in a law office across Graviton
City..."
Mari is holding Rose, who is pulling her mother's hair and
otherwise "acting out".
Mari is weeping into a hanky and telling the lawyer her tale
of woe.
Mari (in her girlie voice, so she doesn't scare the living
hell out of him): Mr. Mori, my little girl has been
absolutely TRAUMATIZED by her hideous experiences at the
hands of those teenage hoodlums!! She has nightmares and
her behavior isn't what it should be. [N.B. Mari fails to
mention that Rose's behavior has been that way since
birth...] AND...their awful MOTHER had the nerve to
PHYSICALLY ASSAULT ME after I protested my baby's terrible
treatment!!!
Mori: Well, Mrs. Azawa, it sounds like you have an
excellent civil case for battery, negligence, and
intentional infliction of emotional distress. [Author's
note: Can't tell I'm a lawyer, can you?
Just watch THIS plot twist!!] What did you say the
defendant's...er, the mother's, name was?
Mari (spitting out the word): DAITOKUJI !!!!!
Mori (thinking): NOT the gal who saved the planet ---- !!!
Ohhh boy. Just my luck. Well, might as well shake the
Daitokuji money tree and see what flutters to the ground.
I'll call their law firm now.
----------
Receptionist: Good morning. Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe.
Mori: Ataru Yamaguchi, please.
----------
Yamaguchi (angry): WHAT a coincidence. Mrs. Daitokuji is
right here in my office on a corporate matter. Let me put
you on the speaker (you low-life ambulance chaser)!
Captain is sitting in a leather chair, wearing a mink coat
and shaking her fist.
Yamaguchi: Mori, you know very well that Mr. Daitokuji NEVER
settles lawsuits. He gets so many frivolous ones (like
yours) that forcing them to trial makes them go away.
Mori's voice floats from the squawk-box through the air.
Mori: Perhaps he'll make an EXCEPTION as THIS involves his
little Cygnan sweetie.....
you know, the former skid-row DRUNK with a history of
EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS.
I'm QUITE SURE he wouldn't want her glorious, heroic image
TARNISHED by a PUBLIC court case...(so there, you stuffed-
shirt shyster!)
----------
Caption: "A little while later..."
Hikaru has appeared on the scene. Captain is bawling in his
arms.
Hikaru (to the cowering Yamaguchi): WHAT AM I PAYING YOU
THAT BIG FAT RETAINER FOR?? EITHER THIS PROBLEM GOES AWAY
OR YOU DO !
Captain raises her head, showing a strange glint in her eye.
Cap: (Sniff..) I'm just very glad that a corporation is a
separate legal entity...
Hikaru (to himself): Uh oh... look at those wheels turning!
Poor Mari -- ha!
Yamaguchi: Why, Mrs. Daitokuji?
She grabs Hikaru by the arm and pulls him toward the office
door.
Cap (with a new confidence): Just set up that corporation
for me, Ataru, AND set up a settlement conference with Mari
and her lawyer -- thanks a lot -- come on, sweetie.....
She barrels down the hall in her mink, waving her fists and
laughing.
Cap: HA HA HA HA HA!! I'M SO CLEVER, AS B-KO SAYS!
Hikaru (left in her dust): Why is this making me nervous?
----------
Caption: "A few days and a few phone calls later..."
The two women and their lawyers are sitting around a
conference table.
Captain is smirking and rubbing her hands together.
Yamaguchi: In order to settle this matter for the sake of
convenience only, my client is willing to offer Mrs. Azawa a
number of shares in her new Daitokuji Financial Group
subsidiary, the Napolikuji Corporation.
Mari (loaded for bear): AND WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT
THAT...? DOES IT HAVE THE BOOZE FRANCHISE ON ALPHA CYGNI?
Captain instantly launches herself across the table, her
long iridescent-green fingernails ready to shred Mari's face
to ribbons.
Cap: YOU'RE GOING RIGHT THROUGH THE WALL, YOU COW!!
Mari: GRRRRRRR!!!
Mori: ASSAULT! ASSAULT!
Yamaguchi: Oh don't be ridiculous, man. Assaulting your
client is like tossing marshmallows at a tank......
Mari (egging her on): Want a DRINK, Captain...hee hee!
----------
Yamaguchi is sitting perfectly at ease, except he is holding
struggling Captain, glasses askew,
in the crook of his arm. She is determined to claw Mari's
eyes out.
Yamaguchi (grinning): AHHHH...LADIES, LADIES! SHALL WE
EXERCISE SOME RESTRAINT? Now. Mrs. Daitokuji has decided
for tax-planning purposes to convey ownership of the
fabulous DAITOKUJI DIAMOND to the new company! Of course,
the diamond itself will be on loan to the Graviton City
Museum...
Mari is thinking about all of the possibilities. Her face
is scary but wistful at the same time.
Mari (thinking): Imagine...me (er, Little Rose) part owner
of that wonderful gem....(sigh)..
Mori (to Mari): Are you willing to dispose of this matter
for 1,000 shares (less one-third for me, of course..) of the
Napolikuji Corporation?
Yamaguchi (clinching it): AND...my client will let your
client WEAR it, twice a year!
Mari stands up, jubilant: IT'S A DEAL!!!!
Cap (smugly, to herself): HA HA YOU GREEDY BARNYARD
EXHIBIT!
----------
Captain goes home and meets Hikaru in the foyer. She tells
him what happened.
Hikaru (irate): YOU DID WHAAAAT???
Cap: Don't be mad, sweetie. I settled that nasty lawsuit
and saved us MILLIONS in taxes...
Hikaru (sotto voce): ....saved.....MILLIONS.....?
But...Ayshalita...didn't you like your present?
(He gets all pitiful) I don't know...(sniff)...if I'll
(sniff)...ever get OVER it.....
Captain comes up behind him and puts her hands on his
drooping shoulders.
Cap: I LOVE it and I'll still get to wear it (now and
then).....(Suddenly inspired) Hey, Hikaru-Sama...let's ditch
the kids and go to Tahiti for a week! (Now tapping his nose
with her long, green-lacquered fingernail and whispering in
his ear) And BESIDES....you won't have to worry about that
shyster taking me apart in public OR somebody shooting me
through the head to get their hands on that pieplate, er,
DIAMOND....
Hikaru (in a state of bliss): This IS a rare treat! She
NEVER wants to leave the kids behind.....
She loops her arms around his neck and gazes in his
eyes...Hikaru isn't the only one in the house who can turn
on the charm.
Cap: ISN'T THIS JUST WONDERFUL??? Aren't you glad I DID all
this...? (And, to take the biscuit, the new subsidiary now
owns that unlucky chunk of carbon instead of me -- and Mari
owns part of the subsidiary -- and so does her slimeball
lawyer --! Happy New Year, Mari-chan!)
(To Hikaru) Come on, sweetie, let's take the jet.
----------
Shot of Arisa, Alana, and B-Ko heading out the Mansion's
front door later that evening. Atina is left behind, shaking
with hurt and anger. Their parents are off smooching in a
corner.
Arisa: GEE THANKS, ATINA. I'D HELP YOU BABYSIT, BUT I HAVE
A DATE....
Alana: So do I....
B-ko: And so do I.
Cap (still in a clench in the corner, speaking in one
breath): Now girls Mummy and Daddy will be at the Tahiti
Compound you know the number the nanny will take care of the
twins but I'm sure you can handle the other girls bye bye
see you in a week OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HOT DAMN FREE AT
LAST!
----------
Caption: "A few blissful days later..."
Captain and Hikaru are relaxing on the beach of their own
private island. She is talking to D on her remote phone.
D: Captain...greetings. Your kids are fine, but you wouldn't
BELIEVE what's happened HERE...
Mari's car was stolen last night, Rose flunked kindergarten,
and that lawyer of hers is in hot water with the Board of
Bar Overseers...the rumor is embezzlement of client
funds..!!
Cap (barely able to contain herself): Ooh. D. Isn't that
unfortunate.
(To herself) CRY ME A RIVER!!
----------
Caption: "Atina feels used and abused.."
Atina is sitting on the couch with little Kazushi.
Kazushi (not sure of Atina's mood): Mad at Kazushi?
Atina (hugging her): No, sweetie..I'm just sad because I'm
lonesome. Maybe I'll call some friends to come over.
----------
Shot of Atina opening the mansion's massive front doors.
Outside is a group of her friends, along with dozens and
dozens of other teenagers, most of them holding bottles of
booze.
Teen #1: Hi Atina!
Teen #2: Wow! This house is cool!
Teen #3: LET'S PARTY!
Teen #4: It's Bring Your Own Booze, right?
Atina (to herself): Gee...word must have gotten out. I
don't know half of these kids. Oh well..don't want to be
rude ---
----------
Within an hour the entire lower floor of the mansion is
filled with partying kids. There is plenty of alcohol and
loud, loud music!
Teen #5: HER FOLKS ARE AWAY!
Alana and Seiji enter the house.
Alana: Hey Atina...I didn't know we were having a party!
Atina: Neither did I.....
Alana: Let me call my War College pals...not to mention my
Cygnan friends...
Arisa and Akira have also just arrived and quickly scope out
the situation.
Akira: Arisa -- let's call some classmates!
Arisa: From BOTH high schools!
----------
About half an hour later, the front doors swing open, and a
horde of beautiful Cygnans make themselves at home.
Alana: Hi everybody come right on in...
Cygnan: We're here....now you can start the party!
Teen guy (shouting to his friends): Hey guys...the Cygnans
have landed! (Oh boy oh boy oh boy....)
----------
Caption: "Now for a flashback to yesterday, on lovely Tahiti-
-"
Hikaru and Captain are walking down the village road, taking
in the sights. Unfortunately, one is a young woman with
twins held in a basket lashed to her back.
Hikaru: Are you all right, Aysha?
Cap: TERRIFIC. COULDN'T BE BETTER (sniff) (sniff)
----------
Shot of the wild party scene back at the Napolipolita-
Daitokuji Mansion. Two Cygnans are fighting over a handsome
young man.
Man (his delight turning to a vague unease): Hey, girls,
take it easy!
There are similar activities taking place all over the room.
The Earth girls are not amused at having their dates
snatched by the Cygnans, whose minimal clothing and
glittering jewelry certainly catch male eyes. To make
matters even more unpredictable, most of them are drunk on
the same Cygnan popskull Captain used to chugalug.
Arisa (getting a little nervous): Uh...sis. Things are
getting a little crazy, don't you think?
Alana (solemn): It's always a bloodbath when Cygnans fight
Earth women for men...not to mention Cygnan versus Cygnan...
----------
Caption: "Unfortunately for the girls, the very night
before..."
Shot of the sleeping Daitokujis in their Tahitian getaway.
Cap: Sniff! Sniff!!! SNIFF!!!!!
Hikaru: Z-Z-Z-Z-Z Wha...what's the matter Aysha...?
She wails in his arms.
Cap: BOO HOO HOO I MISS MY BABIES
Hikaru: (Sigh..) So do I.
They walk out to the dark beach.
Cap: IT'S TOO QUIET I CAN'T STAND IT
Hikaru: We'll fly home tomorrow.
----------
Caption: "Meanwhile, back in good ol' Graviton City..."
The party has gotten completely out of hand. Drunken
Cygnans are grabbing young men right and left. Alana,
Seiji, Kotaru, and B-Ko are in the kitchen. A very drunk
couple -- an Earthling and a Cygnan -- stagger past.
Earth guy: ANYONE (HIC) FOR A DIP IN THE INDOOR POOL?
Cygnan (her eyes crossed): Grrrrrrreat Mother.....(HIC)
B-ko (in Kotaru's arms): These Cygnans certainly know how
to party...
Akira: Your parents would DIE if they saw this mess.
Arisa (smugly): They're not due home for two more days!
----------
Shot of --- you guessed it --- the limo pulling up to the
front door. Hikaru and Captain immediately notice the
broken windows and the young man puking in the rosebushes.
They walk into the house.
Daitokujis (their facial expressions make them look like
Demons from the Pit): YAAAAAAAH!
Everybody: GREAT MOTHER!!!!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!
As Aysha and Hikaru enter the foyer, dozens of teenagers
trip and fall over each other in their eagerness to get the
hell out of there. Even more are running, screaming. There
are empty bottles everywhere.
Cap (hands clenched in her hair, shrieking): LOOK AT ALL
THIS BOOZE!!!! WHAT WILL MY AA FRIENDS SAY....?
Hikaru (racing across the room, eyes wild and hair
disheveled, ready to snatch B-Ko by her hair):
B-KO!!! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS???
Bko (in a typical move, yes?): IT WAS -- THOSE --CYGNANS!!!
Alana (outraged, her fists clenched): RAT !!!!!
People are tripping, puking, and trying to get to the doors.
Arisa (running): GREAT MOTHER, SAVE ME FROM THIS AND I'LL
NEVER ASK YOU FOR ANOTHER THING AS LONG AS I LIVE!!
-----------
Captain and Hikaru chase the three girls down the corridor.
Cap (running): I HAVEN'T BEEN THIS MAD SINCE YOUR DAD SHOT
DOWN MY SPACESHIP!
Hikaru (running): aw sweetie that's ancient history COME
BACK HERE, B-KO!!!!!!
B-ko (running): ALANA, YOU SPACE SHOT!! THIS IS ALL YOUR
FAULT!!!!
Alana (running): KISS MY BUTT!!!
Arisa (running): EEEEEYAHHHH!!!!
----------
Captain is now focusing her pursuit on Alana. Unfortunately
for Alana, her mother's legs are slightly longer than hers.
Alana (running, Captain in hot pursuit only inches from her
extremely long hair): Ordinarily, outrunning your mama
isn't really a problem.... (Captain launches herself into
the air) ... unless, of course, your mama is turbo-charged
with high-test, white-hot Cygnan RAGE.....!!!!
Captain tackles "Daughter #2". However, she only holds her
by her earlobe and shakes her finger at her.
Cap (teeth bared): NAUGHTY.
Alana: Fortunately, her bark is far worse than her bite!
----------
The Napolipolita-Daitokuji children have isolated their
parents in the kitchen. Both are steaming mad. It's suck-up
time at the mansion!
Atina: We're really, really glad to see you. REALLY.
Bko: We'll have the servants clean up this mess right away
and pay for any damage from the pettty cash fund, Father
Dear...
Shiiko, Kazushi, and Mitsuko, who were put to bed hours ago
but hadn't slept a wink (no duuuuh) lovingly climb all over
their parents, happy that they are home at last.
Alana (kissing her mother's face): Just don't ground us.
Arisa enters the room, holding Aria and Azia. She knows
Captain's weak spots. The babies are squealing and
pinwheeling their arms with delight at the sight of their
parents.
Arisa: Just look here, Ma! Here's your wiggly babies!!
(ALANA SHUT UP)
----------
In the meantime, the last of the "guests" are straggling out
the front doors.
Alana: Uh...bye everyone.
Bedraggled Cygnan: Just delightful, Alana..
Teenage Boy (to his extremely drunk Cygnan companion): Her
mom scared me to death.
Drunken Cygnan (her hand over her mouth): Gonna barf.
Cygnan with Heavy Eyeshadow: I've been thrown out of WORSE
places in the galaxy...
Teenage Boy #2: I almost had a heart attack!!
Arisa is in Akira's arms. She is shaken but relieved.
Akira: Those babies saved us from certain death!! Good
move!!
Arisa: They sure did. Glad Ma didn't come after ME....
----------
Hikaru and Captain are in their twins' nursery. There is a
lovely hand-carved Victorian-type baby bed ready to receive
them. Its carvings include pictures of their parents in
ancient Greek garb, and pictures of Aria and Azia as
cherubs. Of course, Shiiko, Mitsuko, and Kazushi are also
vying for their parents' attention.
Cap (kissing her baby): Azialita. Time for bed.
Hikaru (holding Aria, who is being adorable): I think they
want to come with us...
Mitsuko: Can we come as well?
Shiiko: We were LONELY for you--
Kazushi (jumping up and down): I'm a baby too.
----------
Caption: "Happily, the storm clouds pass without a single
drop of rain..."
The Napolipolita-Daitokuji bed is certainly full to capacity
tonight. Parents and children are asleep; each has his or
her own dreams.
Hikaru: zzzzz$zzzzz
Cap: zzzzzzhappyzzzzz
Azia: zzzzzmilkzzzzzz
Shiiko: zzzzzmamazzzz
Kazushi: zzzzzthumbzzzzz
Mitsuko: zzzzmamazzzz
Aria: zzzzmilkzzzz
Standing beside them are B-Ko and Alana.
Bko: Whew! I'm sorry I had to blame the party on an alien
invasion. I'll make it up to you.
Alana (to herself): You may have landed a man but you still
stink.
----------
Shot of a cocktail party attended by Yashida, Yamaguchi,
Hikaru, and Captain ND.
Yashida: Glad to have you back, Aysha.
Yamaguchi: Mr. Daitokuji, she has a real knack for
corporate planning...you ought to send her to law school!
Cap (to Hikaru's amusement): Not a chance. I'm career
military...I prefer to be up front when I'm shafting
somebody!
----------
Shot of the mansion living room. As usual, it is loaded with
people. Captain is holding Kazushi on her hip and is talking
on the phone. She has granted yet another interview.
Cap: People magazine...? Hi....well. Since I spent my entire
life on spaceships, going up in the Heraklion was nothing
new. Yes, there was a danger from asteroid fragments..if
they had pierced my hull it would have been sayonara...
Hikaru is carrying the twins and contemplating his next move
as a retiree.
Hikaru: Maybe I should drop astronomy and take up chess.
D, Shiiko, and Mitsuko are sitting together in an
overstuffed chair. Shiiko is holding a doll (Barbie-size) of
her mother in her Central Astro Agency uniform; complete
right to the little Cygnan shades. Mitsuko is waving a book
with Captain's picture on the cover.
Shiiko: Thank you, Auntie D -- I love my new "Asteroid
Hunter" doll!
Mitsuko: Look -- a "Mama" coloring book!
D (to herself, her mind wandering): I hope Mari doesn't have
another auto accident.
Atina is also thinking.
Atina: If B-Ko can get a guy, so can I!
Akira and Arisa are having a conversation.
Akira: Let's get married right after graduation!
Arisa: Hmmm..
Seiji: Do you think your War College friends will forgive
you for getting thrown out of here the other night?
Alana (laughing): They'd better, if they want that all-
expenses-paid class trip to Tahiti this Spring!
Akana (wielding her scimitar): A good Cygnan sword is
better than a stupid BOY any day!!
----------
Caption: "And so we conclude the happy holiday season in
Graviton City with a nice ride in the Napolipolita-Daitokuji
Holly Wreath Special Limited Edition Nuclear-Powered
Sleigh!"
Shot of a sleighful of people about half a mile above the
Bay. Most are screaming. Captain is feeling her oats,
dressed in her new Cygnan uniform and wearing the Hope...er,
Daitokuji...
Diamond. Hikaru is hanging onto her waist, bug-eyed. Shiiko
and Mitsuko cling to her leg.
Cap: YEEEEEEHAAAAAAAA!!!!
Atina is holding Azia and Aria. She is hollering for her
mother to stop.
Babies (delighted): EEEEEEEEEE!
Hideo (to D): I told you that your friend was crazy!!!
D: SLOW DOWN, MY CAPTAIN! (She's crazy but she's my best
friend so shut up)
Kei (hanging onto A-Ko for dear life): BOO HOO!
Ako: (Will you just suck it up, Keisama.....)
Akira and Arisa are holding each other, screaming.
Mari (holding onto the shrieking "Little Rose"): I PROMISE
NEVER TO PUNCH YOU AGAIN!
Yashida (clinging to the back of the sleigh; his legs are
suspended in space): DIRECTOR-GENERAL ND!!!!!!!! I ORDER
YOU TO TAKE US DOWN!!!!!
Bko: With all of the lovely women on Earth to choose from,
my father had to pick a whacked-out
alien!!!!!
Kazushi (clinging to Captain's other leg):
MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Alana: MA!!! YOU'RE APPROACHING WARP SPEED!!!! Great
Mother pull the throttle!!!!!
Akana (enjoying every second of it): THIS IS GREAT!!!!!
------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------
-------
THE END (FOR
NOW!)
Wowee!!! Want to go to an all-female planet, where men are
considered an inferior subspecies?
Are you male or female? Gee, let me GUESS your
answer!....moving right along, in Project A-Ko
10 the Next Generation - "Carry Me Back to Alpha Cygni",
you'll get your chance! Captain builds a new ship and
transports the whole clan to her home planet. Will the men
survive the trip, let alone the hospitality? What secret
will D and Mari discover? Will Hikaru get yet another "very
special gift"? And why IS it that you can never really "go
home again"...???? Abandon hope, all ye who enter here!!
See you next time....
(
geocities.com/tokyo/dojo) (
geocities.com/tokyo)