Duo did indeed talk a lot with Hilde as they window shopped through the colony. However, he talked about the missions he had been on, skipping over how he had gotten depressed and the fact that he tried to self-detonate, and told her that there was a new Sniper Suit they needed the plans for in order to upgrade their suits. Heero was a little unnerved at exactly how much he confided in Hilde, but Duo didn't lie and he obviously treated Hilde like a little sister.
The conversation remained light and on what had been going on since they last saw each other. Heero started thinking that Duo would never confess what happened when they reached a small oudoor café and sat down for luch. Heero calmly sat down at another table, pulling his hat down to cover his face.
"Hilde," Duo said seriously. "There's something I want to talk to you about."
Jackpot.
"Before you do," Hilde interupted, "there's something I want to say." Duo raised an eyebrow. Hilde reached out and put her hand on his. "I'm sure that some of the other guys have been teasing you about how you lived with me for a while. But I want to say that those were some of the best times in my life. I love you dearly. You're like the big brother I never had growing up. So I think that you can safely tell your friends that I'm your little sister, not girlfriend." Duo and Heero faulted for a moment before regaining composure.
"Hilde," Duo said quietly. Then he put on his smiled again. Damn it. "I've always seen you as my little sister, and I'm proud to have one like you."
"Phew," Hilde said. "I'm glad that's out of the way. For a while I thought you might be interested in me."
"As a sister sure, but nothing else."
"Good. Now what did you want to mention?" Duo looked away.
"It's nothing important." Damn it damn it damn it!
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah." He smiled at her again and got up. "So let's go have some fun!"
Heero sighed, left an big tip, and followed them into the crowd. They walked all over the city, seeing sights and talking small talk again. The went by all the stores, visited a museum, and walked through every market they could find. Finally, they walked to a more residential district, taking a leisurely stroll and passing houses and churches.
At one point, Duo stopped dead in his tracks, letting Hilde go on. Heero ducked into an alley. The braided American was staring at a building across the street. It was a large brick structure with children playing in the front yard. It was an orphanage.
"Duo? Hey Duo!" Hilde apparently noticed that Duo wasn't by her side anymore. She jogged back to him. Duo just stared across the street in chilling silence. "Duo? Duo what's wrong? Talk to me? Duo? Duo!"
Duo turned and took off running down the street. "Duo!" Heero jumped out of the alley and followed, surprised that the black clad youth was actually pulling away from him. Something caught his eye on the pavement as he followed Duo back into the crowded streets of a market place. Small little circles darker than the rest o the pavement. He was crying. Heero cursed under his breath and turned a corner just in time to see Duo duck down an alley. He skidded to a halt in front of the alley and stared. No sign of Duo whatsoever. Nothing. He ran down the alley to the other street and looked around. No braid in sight. He went back through the alley, examining everything. No clues at all. Duo had just vanished.
"Heero?" He turned and saw Hilde, very out of breath coming towards him. "Heero, where's Duo? What happened back there?"
"I don't know." The only place that he could think of where Duo would go was back to his room for that scythe. It was a slim chance, but he had nothing else to go on. He took of running again.
"Heero!"
Once back at the base, Heero ignored everyone staring at him and went straight for Duo's room. Nothing was out of place. Duo hadn't been there since that morning. Cursing vehemently, Heero kicked the wall.
"That baka!!" Wu Fei happened to be walking by.
"What's wrong?"
"That idiot ran away. There's no trace of him at all."
"He what??" Heero ran down the corridor again. He needed to talk to Quatre.

Heero burst into Quatre's room. "Quatre!" The blond Arabian in question was snuggled deep under his covers, fast asleep and Trowa had a chair pulled up by the bed, reading a book.
Seeing Heero enter the room, Trowa stood up and put his finger to his mouth. "Shhh, Quatre just fell asleep an hour ago."
"He'd had all day to sleep-"
"But he hasn't. He's been too worried about Duo. I had one of the medics give him something to sleep."
"I need to talk to him now. Duo's gone."
"What?"
"Hmm?" That came from the bed. Quatre sat up groggily and blinked at Heero. "What about Duo? Did Hilde-san help?"
"Duo ran away. I have no idea where he is," Heero stated. "He talked to you the most, do you know where he might have gone?"
Quatre rubbed his eye. "No I don't know. Hilde-san's place, maybe, but Hilde-san is here, so maybe not, ah, I don't know," Quatre mumbled, forcing sleep from his head. Shaking his blond locks he looked to Heero. "The only place I can think of is Hilde-san's home, but with Hilde-san here, he might think that as the first place we look."
"Damn that baka," Heero muttered. "Quatre? How does Duo feel about children?"
Quatre thought a moment, gathering his thoughts through his sleepy haze. "He loves kids. He wants some when he grows up. He loves playing with them and stuff like that."
That wasn't much help. "What about orphanages? How does he feel about those?"
"Touchy subject, if I recall," Quatre said, stiffling a yawn. Bingo. Heero finally had something that could be the source of what was bugging Duo. "Um, he grew up in one I believe, but he never really wanted to talk about it. Why?"
"He was in front of an orphanage when he bolted."
"So we've no idea where he is or where he's going," Trowa summed it up. Everyone nodded glumly. "Then there's nothing really we can do but wait until he comes back. He won't leave Deathscythe by itself, so he'll have to come back for it eventually." At least, that's what Heero hoped would happen

The next few weeks dragged by. No word came from Duo. The pilots tried to look for Duo in possible places, but to no avail. Whereever Duo was hiding himself, he was doing a damn good job of making sure no one knew where. Weeks became months. Heero and Wu Fei went out to try to get the plans again. They failed again. Another week went by. Wu Fei and Trowa went out, but failed as well. Quatre was finally up on his feet again, wearing only an eyepatch to make sure his eye healed properly. Oddly enough, it was Hilde who retrieved the plans needed for their Gundam upgrades. It had been two months, and still no sign of Duo anywhere. The doctors where informed but didn't know where Duo was. Dr. G had found him on the streets, and didn't know where he grew up. Quatre was now fully healed and their Gundams upgraded to deal with the Sniper Suit that gave them so much trouble.
Heero started to believe that Duo had succeeded in a suicide attempt. They were probably never going to see him again. Damn it, why couldn't he have seen this coming sooner? Why couldn't he have helped that annoying braided maniac? Why couldn't he have done something?
Heero let out a long sigh as he walked down the hallway. As he walked by Duo's room, he noticed something odd. The door was slightly ajar. Pulling out his gun, Heero slowly edged the door open. In the mirror across from him, he saw the braided youth that had been AWOL for the past two and a half months. And that braided idiot had detached his scythe from its staff and had it swinging on a rope over his wrist.
Putting away his gun, Heero slowly opened the door all the way. He walked over in front of Duo and gave him a long stare. Duo's eyese were very different. Normally bright, cheerful, smiling eyes were now dead, lifeless, blank, and cold. The scythe continued to swing like a pendulum, back and forth, about a finger width above his bare wrist. Heero reached out and grabbed the scythe in mid swing, letting it dig deeply into his fingers. He didn't do a thing.
"Yuy? Maxwell???" Wu Fei came into the room, cutting the silence that weighed heavily down upon them. Duo let his hand drop to his side, not showing any reaction to Heero's blood which fell in a fairly steady stream onto his wrist and leg. "Yuy, you'd better get down to the infirmary," Wu Fei said quietly. He pulled the scythe out of Heero's hand. "If you don't treat that quickly, you'll loose functioning of that hand." Heero ignored Wu Fei and continued to stare into those dull lifeless eyes.
"Fine, if you're going to be that way about it, Yuy, I'll get the medics myself." Going out into the hall, Wu Fei ordered a medic brought immediately. Then he went about bandaging Heero's hand himself. The Japanese pilot continued to stare at Duo. The young Ameirican never moved or responded to anything going on around him.
"Wu Fei, we heard a medic was nee-Duo?" Quatre and Trowa came in, Duo oblivious to all of it. Heero continued to stare. Trowa went over to help Wu Fei bandage Heero while Quatre sat down by Duo.
"Duo, you've had us all very worried about you." Silence. "Are you alright?" Silence. "Where have you been?" Silence. "Please, talk to us Duo." Silence. By now a medic had come in and properly taken care of Heero's hand. Heero continued to stare at Duo.
"Quatre," Trowa said. "I think that these two should be left alone." Quatre looked over to the other pilot, who gave a reassuring nod.
"All right. I'll go make them some herbal tea. That might help." The three pilots left, giving Heero and Duo some privacy.
"Alright, Duo," Heero started, continuing to stare at him. "You once came to me for compassion. I'll give you compassion, if I know what's going on. Talk. To. Me."
Duo remained unmoving. Silence fell upon the room again. Finally, Duo spoke up. "Where it all began."
"Fine. Come on then." Heero grabbed Duo with his good hand and floated down the hall. Within a few minutes they were at Heero's room. As a precaustionary mesure, Heero disabled the camera in his room to make sure this was indeed private.
"Alright Duo. We're alone and where this all started. Talk."
Duo continued to stare into nothingness with his dull blank eyes. "I am no longer Duo Maxwell." Oh great, now what? "I am Shinigami, the God fo Death. Duo had evolved, or perhaps a better word is devolved, into me."
Wonderful. This was some sort of split personality thing like with Une. So what was it about orphanages that caused all this? [Authors Note: No, we have never seen Episode Zero, so please bear with us for inaccuracies.]
"When Duo was a child, as I'm sure you must know by now, he was an orphan," Duo, or rather Shinigami started. "The orphanage he stayed at had a strict, but understanding headmaster. His name was Father Maxwell." Maxwell? Was that where he got his name? "Duo was a bright and cheerful kid who loved to get into mischief. He saw Fr Maxwell as a real father, and not just a priest. Fr Maxwell often played with him, helped him in his studies; it was all around a good healthy friendship between the two. One Sunday, little Duo decided it would be fun to play a prank on Fr Maxwell. So, he set up a bucket of water on a door held slightly ajar." Heero saw where this was going. "Fr Maxwell was getting ready to say Mass and as he walked out the door, he was promptly duncked in cold ice water. He had to say the entire Mass dripping wet. Duo found it hilarious. Fr Maxwell did not. The result was Duo being spanked and sent down to the basement to await further punishment." Duo's eyes remained dead and lifeless.
"That was when it happened." It was damn eery how Duo never moved as he talked and his dead eyes seemed locked onto nothingness "While Duo was down in the basement, it being long into the night, he heard voices above him. Fr Maxwell was arguing with someone. The one line that was clear and burned itself into his mind was Fr Maxwell shouting, 'Soliders of Oz are not welcomed in the House of God!' After that, Duo heard a bang and several of the nuns screaming. Duo looked up, trying to see through the floorboards. He could see nothing, but a drop of something fell on his nose. Rubbing it with his finger, he looked at it in the dim lighting. It was red. Duo looked up again and immediately went for the window."
"Window?" Heero asked. It was weird, listening to Duo talk about himself in the third person, but the story was fairly compelling, and he instinctively knew how it ended.
"Yes, the window," Duo replied. "In the basement, they had small windows, all of them locked. But with one of them, Duo had discovered that you could take away the glass and squeeze through. He knew that he was getting to big for that escape, but he was compelled to try. He somehow managed to get through the window and he ran into the orphanage. Fr Maxwell and all the sisters were in an ocean of blood. Above him, he could hear the other children screaming. They had been locked in their rooms for the night and were frightend by the shots. Duo went over to Fr Maxwell. Father, who was dead, looked up at him with angry accusing eyes. Duo thought, and still thinks those eyes were meant for him." Heero was beginning to see where a lot of this depression was stemming from. But why would something of the past affect him now?
"He cried there for a long time, holding Fr Maxwell to him. He doesn't remember how, but at one point he looked up to see he was surrounded by flames and the children screaming upstairs weren't frightned by shots any more. They were frightened by the prospect of dying. Duo reacted on instinct. He grabbed the golden cross that Fr Maxwell always worn and ran out of the house, hearing the screams behind him." Heero wagered that the cross that Duo wore was the one he had taken from Father Maxwell. Slowly, pieces of Duo's personality where coming together.
"From that point on, Duo lived on the streets. Having little, he made a promise never to cut his hair again, to remind himself of where he had come from. He became probably the best theif on all the colony, and his steath is legendary among the thieves and cut throats of L2. Then Dr. G found him. When given the opportunity to destroy Oz, Duo lept for it and volunteered for Deathscythe. One day, after a very successful simulation, Duo came out and the doctor said 'You're quiet the little God of Death, aren't you?' He liked the name Shinigami and started down the path that made him what he is today. Me."
Heero stared at Duo. A lot of Duo's little quirks now made a hell of a lot more scense than before. Duo had always been rebellious, so by continually playing pranks on Wu Fei and the rest of them, the braided American was daring fate to repeat what had happened so long ago. The braid, the cross, the minsister garb, they were all there to remind the black clad Shinigami of the guilt he carried in his heart. Duo was a far more complex person than he let on.
"So," Heero said. "How does what happened, ten years ago affect you today?"
"Very astute. You're going to make me relive it again aren't you?"
"I can't give compassion unless I know the whole story."
Duo let out a long sigh, his eyes still cold and dull. "Duo was on a mission just before the five of us got together again. He was to destroy a facitity in a nearby colony. He succeeded in his mission, but he did not get out unscathed." Heero raised an eyebrow. By 'unscathed' did he mean his Gundam, or himself? "It was a minor battle by Duo's standarts, but they were in a densely populated part of the colony, so Duo thought it best to stay on the ground and keep the enemy from firing on the colonists." A very wise descision. "Unfortunately, the evacuation didn't go fast enough. Duo was hit from behind and went crashing forward. Onto an orphanage. His viewscreens were filled with images of of the children underneath him getting crushed by a 7 ton Gundam."
"And that's when you started questioning yourself."
"That was when Duo became Shinigami. That's when Duo became me." Not quite split personality, but damn close. Duo honestly thought of himself as the God of Death now. How was Heero supposed to bring him back to reality? "So tell me, Heero. You want to give me compassion. But as the God of Death, don't I have the right to preform my 'godly' right upon myself?"
"Shinigami," Heero started. How could he give compassion? Better question, how would Quatre do it? Quatre, like Duo, liked to tell stories about himself or his family. What the hell. Heero had a story that would shame Duo's as far as guilt was concerned. "Shinigami, I know what it's like to wake up in the morning and feel quilty about things you have done."
"Yeah right," Duo muttered. "You, Mr. Perfect Solider? Gimme a break."
"Do you want compassion or not?"
"How can you give me compassion? You don't even have any feelings!" Was it Heero's imagination, or did he see a spark of life in those dead eyes for an instant. He pondered that in the back of his mind as he told his story.
"I know damn well what it's like to feel guilty. I was trained by Dr J, as you know, but he had to train me twice."
"Twice?"
"Twice. After my first bout of training, I went out on a mission. I was watching my target in a fairly deserted section of my colony. It was getting late, so not many people were out. I was completely focused on my target, but my eyes caught other things that happened around me. One of those things was a little girl. She was about five years old. She was chasing a little puppy when she went by me, and she was holding a small teddy bear. Her hair was long, curly, and very red which complimented her bright green eyes. She had a small round face, covered in freckles. I ignored her. I went about my mission. The mission was a success, but not without a cost. The area the girl was in got blasted."
"Oh Heero."
"I ran over there and found her teddy bear on a pile of rubble. I started to dig down until I found her mutilated corpse. Blood smeared all over her white blouse and matted down her lifeless hair. Her back was almost snapped in half and one of her legs was twisted in a way it wasn't supposed to go. To add the icing to the cake, she was protecting the little puppy she was chasing."
Duo looked over to Heero, eyes still blank and dull. "I'm sorry, Heero. I had no idea. What did you do?"
"I went back to Dr J and told him to retrain me."
"Did it work?"
"No. I still see her in my dreams sometimes." Heero was amazed at exactly how much he was telling to Duo. He had just opened a wound that he had kept closed ever since it happened. He was the first to admit that he he felt extremely guilty over what had happened. But somehow, sharing this story with Duo, and listening to his as well made the guilt seem smaller. Was this why Quatre talked so much about what happened on his missions? Was this why Trowa only really talked with the small Arab? What an amazing thing.
"So what do I do?"
Heero paused, choosing his words carefully. "Get angry."
"What?"
"Get angry. Get angry at Oz for destroying your home in the orphanage. Get angry at the enemy for making you fall onto the other orphanage.
"Tshe, easy for you to say."
"You got angry before, when you claimed your Gundam. Get angry again."
"But what will it do if it was my fault?"
"Baka! What happened was not your fault! Don't you think if Father Maxwell was posted at another church of orphanage, he wouldn't have preached? It was what he preached that got him in trouble in the first place."
"But if I..Duo hadn't gotten Fr Maxwell angry, he might have peacable talked to those soliders."
"Like that would have mattered to Oz. You know how theye were back then. They came to kill Fr Maxwell and everyone in the orphanage. You were lucky you survived."
"Shut up!" Duo yelled, a sparkle returning to his eyes briefly. "It's all my fault! They all died because of me! I didn't try to save them; I just ran away."
"You did what you had to in order to take revenge on Oz. If you tried to save the other children, you all probably would have died."
"And what about the orphanage I crushed, huh?" Duo shouted. There was a small sparkle again. "I should have taken that fight outside of the Colony! I should have destroyed the enemy more quickly. I should have done something!" The spark disappeared, returning his eyes to the dull voids they were.
"I don't recall you saying that you aimed a gun at the orphanage. You just fell on it because someone else pushed you. You did what you could in the heat of battle. Mistakes are made. I still feel poorly for killing Marshall Noventa."
Duo let out a long sigh. "You've given me a lot to think about, Heero," he said quietly. "I'd like to be alone for a while."
"Fine, but you're staying here until I'm sure you won't try suicide again."
"Whatever."

The next few weeks saw a large improvement in Duo. His eyes remained dull and lifeless, but his actions were slowly getting back to normal. He was talking again, and, to Wu Fei's discomfort, playing pranks again. Heero was still a little worried though. Though his behavior was almost back to normal, Duo's eyes still told how troubled they were. His worrys increased when he was told that he was to go on a mission with Quatre and Duo with their newly upgraded Gundams.
Heero put on his gloves, grabbed his helmet and floated up. As he passed Deathscythe, he noticed that Trowa was talking to Duo. He couldn't help but listen as he passed by.
"…condition Quatre was in last time?" Trowa was saying.
"Yeah, I remember," Duo replied. It really bugged Heero how lifeless those eyes remained.
"Good. Then it won't happen again, will it." It was a command, not a question.
"Does it matter what I say?" Duo retorted.
"Just don't let that happen." Trowa floated away and Duo closed his hatch. Sitting down in Wing Zero, Heero watched the Heavyarms pilot float over to Quatre.
"Quatre, stay away from Duo on this mission."
"Trowa, you know I can't do that."
"You saw what happened last time."
"But he's my friend. I have to help him if he's in trouble."
"Quatre, you tried to help him last time, and to be frank, you failed. You remember how long it took you to recover. Stay away from Duo."
"I can't make any promises, Trowa." Quatre gave that winning smile. "But I can tell you, Duo's heart is not the same as it was back then."
"Oh?" Trowa replied. Heero listened more closely.
"Hai. It's not open yet, but that scar that was there is healing. Whatever Heero did helped. He may not be 100% normal again, but he's on his way."
"Just be careful."
"I always am, Trowa." Trowa gave a small smile and went back to the door where Wu Fei was watching. Shutting his hatch, Quatre gave the signal for everyone to go.

[Authoress's note: Deathscythe is the one from the second half of the series. The one with those…those…bat wings? that go up and down? Understand what I mean?]

Duo's dull eyes flicked back from one screen to another, analyzing the situation as best he could. The battle was going alright, but they were inside a colony, and he had to make sure that no more colonists were going to get killed. The modifications the docs made were good as well. Their Gundams had a new armor that was 10 times as strong but also much lighter, lending the Gundams more agility. Instead of 7 tons to move around, they only had 6 with the new armor. So when they got hit, no damage was done from that Sniper Suit. It still rocked them, but no damage. The new sensors that were installed also helped, alerting them to the Sniper Suit before it had a chance to aim. And their weapons could now fire at the same distance as the Sniper. This was awesome.
Duo watched his footing and took down another enemy in one blow. It was good to be back in the cockpit again. His suicidal bout was behind him and he didn't have to worry any more. He was fine and back to his old self, right?
Looking at his sensors again, he saw an incoming shot headed for him! He didn't have time to dodge! It nailed him hard in the back, sending him forward. Looking down, he saw a church was just letting out its parishoners. Children were playing in front of the church as their parents were told where to go from the battlezone. He was going to crush them!
Duo didn't think, but reacted. He brought down his batwings [???] and watched them dig deep into the ground, making colonists scream and children cry. The end result was Deathscythe in a push up with his wings. Everyone was saved.
He almost did it again. He almost killed the people he wanted to defend! He almost did it this time! But what about next time? What if he actually killed children again next time? Should he be around for a next time? Should he let something like this happen again? All of Duo's doubts and suicidal thoughts came crushing back down on him.

Heero sliced through another enemy.
"Heero!" Quatre's face came up on the screen. "The colonists aren't fully evacuated yet." Damn. "I'm going to see if I can hel-" Quatre gasped sharply.
"Quatre?" The small Arab clutched his heart, getting very short on breath. He hunched forward, sweat already froming on his paled brow. His blue eyes were wide and frightful as he tried to swallow down as much air as possible.
"Quatre? What's wrong?"
"D-duo.." Quatre whispered. "Heart….in the abyss….must choose…life…or.." Quatre could't finish, but he didn't need to. Heero knew the situation. He put Duo's image on the screen.
"Duo!" Duo was staring at him in shock, his dull eyes twitching. "Get angry. Get angry at Oz for destroying your home in the orphanage. Get angry at the enemy for making you fall onto the other orphanage. Get angry at whatever just happened. Get angry!"
Duo gave no response. He just sat there. Nothing happened. Heero heard a ragged gasp from Quatre and put the blond back on the screen. Quatre was no curled into a ball, shaking violently. His white skin soaked in sweat, matting his golden locks.
"Look out assholes!" Was that Duo?? Heero put Duo back on the screen. The braided Shinegami had his head back and was laughing maniacly. "Look out, because Shinigami is going to make you pay for your sins! Wahoo!!" Duo looked to the viewscreen.
Heero gasped. Duo's eyes that had been dull, lifeless, cold, and blank for so long were back to their normal selves. His eyes had sparkle, life, warmth, sharpness, laughter, smiles, spirt, everthing that they were before and then some. Those violet eyes were beautiful like that.
"Heero," the pilot said seriously. "I want to thank you. Domo arigatoo, for showing me where to go. For telling me what to do. For giving me compassion. Thank you for being such a good friend."
Heero grunted, not used to such a compliment. "Doo itashimeshite." Duo, now back to his old self, went back to fighting, so Heero put Quatre on the screen. Though still visibly shaken, the small pilot looked better than before.
"You choose your words well," Quatre sais quietly. "He choose life and his heart is now open again, brighter than ever."
"Um. Good. Let's finish this mission."

The End