Part Seven Talk, Talk, Talk

The next few days were very quiet for the most part. Both Gourry and Amelia closed themselves to everyone, leaving conversation very straight forward and no chance of humor. They finally stopped at a large inn in a moderately sized town. It was expensive, but Lina paid without argument. Once upstairs, everyone went their separate ways. Xellos and Fillia went to Xellos' room to talk strategy, as they almost always did now. Sirus followed Amelia to her room to try futily to comfort her. Gourry just went for a walk, Lina went downstairs for some food (that at least had not changed), and Zel went to the spring to bath and clear his head.

As he soaked, the hot water relaxing his muscles for the first time in days-considering he was forced to walk on his hind legs passing off as a crippled human-he pondered the somewhat crazy events of his life in the last weeks. Suddenly, without warning, much less his approval, he'd been thrown together with his old comrades and forced to fight another Mazoku player. He'd found out just how much Rezo had put into his chimeric form, including different phases and a Program Rezo that bothered him to no end, and he'd broken the heart of one of his dearest friends. Now Copy Rezo was back, to make life even harder for him. Zel wasn't sure how much more of this he could take.

>You can take much more than you realize.<

Bull. My life is spiraling down to nothing and you come in with the commentary? You're no better than Kotowa.

>What do you want, Zelgadiss? In your heart of hearts?<

I thought you knew everything about me?

>I do. But I want you to say it aloud. Or whatever.<

Fine. What I really really REALLY want at this moment is for you to leave me alone. It's bad enough when Copy Rezo and Kotowa are inside my head and pulling me this way and that and manipulating me and making my life more miserable than it is. The last thing I need is ANOTHER version of Rezo to ruin my life.

>Is that what you really think of me? Surely you understand that I'm here not only for Rezo's best interest, but for yours as well.<

I'll believe that when you leave me alone.

>Done. If you're going to be such a pain about it. Now that I'm activated, I can't shut down completely, but I can stay out of phase one. Once you elevate to higher phases, however, I have to make an appearance. And as a bonus, I'll leave you alone tonight until morning.<

That's to good to be true.

>There is on condition. I request one hour of free control of you're body.<

I'll tell you when.

>As long as you don't wait for months or something, I'll agree to It.<

Fine. Whatever.

Zelgadiss heard a slight buzzing sound in his head, and then there was silence. Program Rezo was gone. "Rezo? Are you really gone?" Zelgadiss thought he was kidding, but he was really gone. Zel couldn't help but smile, even laugh. He was free! Well, temporarily anyway. He could live with it.

The chimera soaked a little more, relishing the silence in his mind, and then stepped out, wanting to share his news with someone. He found Lina stretched out on a sofa by the fire with a large meal on the coffee table in front of her. She glanced up when he approached.

"You sure look happy," she said sourly. "That makes one of us I guess."

Zel frowned, remembering how bad the situation still was.

"Sorry," he said clumsily.

Lina sat up and stretched lazily. "No big deal. We need some uplifting spirits nowadays." She patted the cushions next to her, offering him a seat. Zel took it and stared at the fire, suddenly totally clueless as to what to say.

"So, what's up?"

"Nothing really," Zel lied. "Just wanted to talk. And you seem to be the only one left for intelligent conversation."

"That's fine. What'd you want to talk about?"

"I don't know. Anything, I guess."

There was a long pause. Zel considered any number f subjects to bring up. But he threw them out just as quickly, each one sounding either lame, bookish, arrogant, or just plain wrong.

It was Lina who broke the silence.

"I don't think you've ever told me where you're from."

"Nowhere," he answered automatically.

*WHACK*

"Damnit, it you want to talk stop being to damn vague, damnit!"

"You already said that."

*WHACK*

"Fine," Zel said softly. He'd never told anyone his past. It was painful even to think about it. He took a deep breath.

"Okay, where I'm from isn't really a good question to ask. The most accurate answer I can give is from the streets. My mother died in childbirth. The midwife raised. But she was elderly. She died when I was five and I was suddenly very alone. I did everything I could; I sold, begged, stole, anything to get by. But I was never really very good at it. I had no skill to build upon and the older orphans or what have you were always more powerful. They had it very easy if they decided to pick on me or even beat me."

"Oh Zel," Lina whispered. "I didn't know."

Zelgadiss waved his hand. "It doesn't stop there. I wish it did. When I was around ten, I was sleeping in an alley. It was winter, and boxes weren't very warm. Anyway, I was awakened by some very loud people. Considering the time of night, I knew they were drunks; so I decided to investigate, hoping I could perhaps steal something from them. There were three of them. The took one look at me and started to laugh. They thought they might have some fun with me. So two of them held me down as the third, apparently the leader, took two bottles of whatever they were drinking and poured it down my throat.

"I was sick for three days after that. A month later I was walking through a market when I saw one of the drunks. I didn't think. I just reacted. I raced up to him and jumped him. A knife came from somewhere, and he was pretty cut up by the time the authorities pulled me off him. I found out that night that he'd died of his wounds.

"Whatever city it was, there was no such thing and children's court. I was sent to jail for six years. Prison is just an organized version of street life, and I faired there about as well as I did in the streets. There were a lot of fights in the mess hall. During one fight I saw an old merc about to get is, but I stepped in the way and took the beating for him.

"He took me under his wing after that. He gave me a bamboo sword and started to teach me. He was a hard master, high in expectation and low on patience. But it was my first real focus in my life, so I was grateful to him. The next four years were pretty quiet. One day we were sparing with sticks when the old man made a mistake. My bamboo went to his throat. The next day he died.

"I was released at seventeen. When they gave back my belongings, I had somehow earned a sword. The note with it said 'You deserve this. Astral Vine'."

"Your sword?"

"Hai. It wasn't long before I joined a merc group. The initiations were rough, but I learned fast. I slowly got better, but I never earned their respect. I was always on assignment to pick up the bodies after a raid. I was sick from it for a while, but I got used to it. One day I came across a woman and a man dressed in red standing among the bodies. The man was healing a merc who by all rights should have been dead. He was the first person who was obviously more powerful than me, but he was benevolent.

"I ran to him and begged him to teach me, to let me be his servant, his pupil, anything. He asked for my name. When I said my name was Greywers, he stiffened a little, but said nothing."

"Rezo."

Zelgadiss nodded. "Rezo took me under his wing and started teaching me Shamanism. He gave me probably the only gift I'm still grateful for. He taught me how to read."

"You mean… you couldn't read before the age seventeen??"

"Hai."

"But you know so much!"

"Imagine this. A blind man teaches you the purpose of words. How they're used and what they mean. It's like a door is opened, and an endless ocean lays before you. Everything is suddenly there to be understood. Any question can be answered, so long as you know where to look. I spent all my free time in the library. Knowledge brought me a wealth of power. My training almost doubled in speed, as things seemed suddenly much easier with the new understanding to it. But it wasn't enough. It's never enough. One morning I was practicing in the woods when Rezo asked me if I wanted power. After eighteen years of weakness, the answer was obvious. I said yes. I've been a monster since then."

"Oh my. Zel."

"Rezo had betrayed me. He was the only person who was ever benevolent to me, and he betrayed me."

"Well, that explains why you never trusted anyone."

"Not true. I trust you, Gourry, Amelia, and Fillia with no problem. I've watched you. I know I can trust you. Sirus rubs me wrong. He doesn't even believe that I was human. And Xellos, well."

"You rang?" Xellos said as he appeared next to Lina on the sofa. "So I can have dinner with you? Why thank you!"

"You're having dinner without me?" Fillia stated as she sat down next to Xellos.

"FOOD!!" Gourry plopped down.

"Thank you for treating us," Amelia said as she took a seat. "Come on Sirus-san!"

"My thanks, your Highness," he said sitting down. With no more room on the sofa, Zel fell to the floor.

"I'm going to bed," he said sourly. He shifted to his hind legs and did a fair job of keeping his balance as he went up the stairs. Once in his room, he threw of his cloak and dropped down to all fours, pacing. [Remember, he is stuck in Phase X.] Things were not going as he'd have preferred them. But then again, when did his life ever go right? There was a soft knock on his door.

"Who is it?" he barked.

"Lina." Zel padded over to the door and opened it. Once Lina was in, he shut the door and asked why she was here.

"To finish our conversation." Lina sat down on a stool near Zel's bed while Zel sat on his haunches by her side.

"Fine."

"How?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"How did you still turn out a good person?"

"I'm sorry, Lina, but I don't understand."

"After all that crap that happened to you as a child, how did you become a good person? Most people would have just buckled and turned to hate. Why didn't you?"

"I am hardly pure."

"But you are a good person. Nee-Chan once said 'The only ones who can come from hell are strong ones or evil ones.' I'd hardly call you evil."

Zel thought for a moment. After all his life of being weak, Lina was saying he was strong. It didn't sit right with him. "No, Lina. I'm not strong. When we first met, I knew I could trust you to get what I wanted. I wasn't strong then."

"But now?" He looked up to her to find her staring at him.

"Almost all of you are my friends. You give me strength. If I have to borrow strength, then I'm not very strong."

"Most of us? Not all of us?"

"I don't trust Sirus or Xellos. And you.." Zel's voice trailed off. Somehow, their faces seemed a lot closer than they were before.

"And me?" Lina whispered.

"As I chimera, I can't have certain feelings. They'd only cause pain."

"What sort of feelings?" Lina replied, leaning in closer.

"Feelings like this," he whispered. He leaned closer and ever so gently graced Lina's lips with his own. Lina started to return the kiss, passionately. Zelgadiss pulled away. "That's exactly why I can't have those feelings. I'll hurt someone in the long run."

"How?" Lina demanded angrily. "How could admitting how you feel for someone hurt them?"

"I've already crushed Amelia!" Zel responded loudly. "Don't let me crush you too!" Lina got up and went over to the door.

"This isn't over, Zel. I'll go now, but we still have much to discuss." She slammed the door. Zelgadiss sighed, hopped onto his bed and curled up. He should have known better. His life was doomed from the beginning. With these thoughts, he fell into a fitful sleep.

Xellos shot up from his bed roll in a cold sweat. They had left town the previous evening and they had made camp. Xellos shook his head, trying to forget the dream. It was awful. He didn't even want to think about it.

Xellos tried to concentrate on calming down, but it didn't work. Emotions were running through him at an incredible speed and he didn't have any idea on how to sort through them. He was a Mazoku. Yet now, feelings, fears, hopes, anything a human felt was crushing down on him. Xellos could not understand how humans could put up with it. As a Mazoku, he had cold logic to guide him in anything he did. However, since Drrael had turned him human, he found he was confused. Confused was new to him to begin with, but he was also trying to understand exactly what all these feelings were. They seemed to stifle him and release him all at the same time. Xellos found that it was harder and harder to keep up his cheerful demeanor when he felt the exact opposite. He found it harder and harder to say "Sore wa himitsu desu," because he suddenly had an understanding of how people felt when he said that.

Xellos shook his head again, trying to clear his mind. He looked around the fire to see everyone was sound asleep. That surprised him. Zelgadiss was supposed to be on watch, since he didn't need sleep in his upper phases, but he was curled up by the fire, wings wrapped around him and his ears twitching.

"Why are you awake, Xellos," Zel said, raising his head from his fore paws.

"I thought you were on watch."

"I am." Xellos gave him a skeptical look. "My eyes are very sharp. I can see an insect moving out in the forest at this time of night, but even if I don't need sleep, my eyes do need rest. Besides, I have other senses. I can smell someone coming a mile away and my ears can hear a heartbeat from a mile and a half. I'll know if someone's coming. Now back to my original question. Why are you awake, Xellos?"

Xellos sighed. There was no point in hiding. Human emotions told him to be truthful. "I had a nightmare."

"Oh?"

"I saw Drrael, covered in blood. He systematically killed Fillia, Amelia, and Lina. You, the others, myself, we all watching in horror. You and the others had a look of anguish, anger, and fear, hatred that I rarely see on anyone. Then, I could see that same look of fear on my own face." Xellos shuddered. "I've never been so scared of the future before. Drrael is powerful; I don't know if we can beat him."

"A Mazoku? Afraid?" Zel snickered briefly. "Who would have thought."

"I'm human now, Zelgadiss," Xellos said coldly. "Which is more than I can say for you at the moment." Zelgadiss glared at him, eyes narrowing.

"Touché." They fell into a bleak silence, broken only by the crackling fire that Xellos fed. They stayed like that for a while. Xellos felt extremely awkward, not knowing what to say. It was Zelgadiss who finally spoke.

"Maybe it's a good thing that you've become human."

"Oh?" Xellos said, watching the fire dance.

"Now you understand humans better. There is no need for you to create fear to feed yourselves. You need only look for it."

"I never created fear for food."

"Then would you mind explaining, 'Sore wa himitsu desu' to me? If that didn't give you enough emotions to feed on, then what did?"

"I did that for manipulations, not food. Though people doubt it, Mazoku only feed to exist. We have no emotions, so we can't get pleasure for making people suffer. I never intentionally hurt someone in order to get a meal. I could always find a good deal of pain elsewhere to satisfy my needs." There was another awkward silence. Xellos decided it was his turn to break it.

"What about you, Zelgadiss? What do you fear?"

"Ha. You'd get a great meal from me if you were still a Mazoku. I'm living my fear. Program Rezo told me of the original Rezo's plans for me. Since Shabranigdo would be resurrected to open his eyes, he was going to use Zanaffar to beat him. However, I was his back up if it didn't work. He would control me and force me to kill Shabranigdo, then anyone else who stood in his way. Now I've become the monster he created. I fear everything." Xellos felt a certain amount of sympathy. His Master would always control him. Right now he feared everything because all of these feelings were new to him. All but one, which he pushed away as he glanced at Fillia.

"We're more alike than either of us would care to admit, Zelgadiss."

"Shh," Zel said harshly. His ears twitched and he silently jumped up to all four.

"What is it?" Xellos whispered.

"I smell Kotowa, 100 Lesser Demons. You stay here." Zelgadiss ran into the night. Xellos tried to stop him, but knew he could do nothing. He remained by the fire, straining to hear something. Straining to see anything. Something or anything to tell him what was going on. Is this worry? Am I worried about Zelgadiss, whom I always tease? Xellos realized that was exactly what he was feeling. He felt kinship, companionship, worry, fear for an ally, and a myriad of other things he couldn't identify. Damn it, how do humans manage all these emotions?! The silence seemed perpetual, save only for the crackling of the fire. The blackness of the night was never ending beyond their small camp. What if Zelgadiss finally met his match? What if 100 Lesser Demons were too much for him? What if they lost their only person who could lead them to Drrael? What if…Xellos felt a small breeze. It wasn't a natural breeze. Glancing up, he saw Zelgadiss glide in overhead, going towards a small stream nearby. Xellos followed him.

Reaching the stream, Xellos watched Zelgadiss gently land into the stream. Though the light from the fire was dim this far away, Xellos saw something on Zel's snout, tail, legs and hands. It was the smell that gave it away.

"Blood?" he whispered. "Are you okay?" Zelgadiss started to wash the blood away.

"Sorry I took so long," Zel said quietly. "That took longer than I expected."

"Where did all that blood come from?" Xellos demanded. "I was worr-" his voice trailed off.

Zelgadiss' face darkened. "Rezo still had the last laugh. I told you his plans for me. In order for me to be a match for Shabranigdo or Zanaffar, he made my upper phases more savage. Particularly this phase, which I'm stuck in until I can kill Copy Rezo." Zel's face darkened even more as he finished washing the blood away. He stepped out of the stream and dropped to all fours again.

Xellos was amazed that Zel was so angry. They walked back to the camp in silence, but Xellos' mind was racing. How could Zelgadiss be so angry at the world, but still be so calm when handling things that happen to him? A human emotion answered his question. He is strong. Tell him that. Xellos started to question himself, but all emotions guided him to do it. He sat down on his bedroll.

"You know, Zelgadiss," he said "You are a very strong young man."

"Forgive me if I disagree," Zel said, sitting on his haunches. "I was weak when I allowed Rezo to do this to me. I was weak when I allowed Program Rezo to control me. I am weak."

"But you can fight." Xellos was amazed that the words were coming out of his lips. Did emotions always guide humans with such clarity? "You can fight Zelgadiss. You fight your anger to do the right thing in a situation. You can fight Rezo, Copy Rezo, and Program Rezo, anyone who tries to control you. You can fight your fears and you can fight yourself if you don't like something you've done. You're strong Zelgadiss, which is more than I can say for myself." Did he really say that last line? Was he really weak?

"What do you mean, you can't fight?" Zelgadiss probed. Xellos glanced at Fillia and felt a tear roll down his cheek. Damn it, how do humans control their emotions? Once more the words came from him. He didn't want to say them, but they came out anyway.

"You can fight Zelgadiss, and you can defend yourself. In my current state, I can't do anything. As a Mazoku, I could manipulate energy and people to do what I wanted. As a human, I don't want to manipulate people because I know how they will feel and I don't want them to feel it. I can't use magic. The only magic I know are high level spells that I could cast because I had talismans or Mazoku power to back me up. Now I'm reduced to the few spells I learned in case of an emergency. These spells can't help me protect.." Xellos' voice disappeared. Some sort of human instinct brought his knees up to his chest. He looked over to Fillia again as another tear slid down his cheek. "You're strong Zelgadiss. Stronger than you could even know." Wiping the tears from his eyes, he looked over to Zelgadiss. Zel's face had softened. Though he still had a feral look, his face somehow looked like it understood.

A small spell appeared in Zel's hand. "You shouldn't be thinking about these things now," he whispered. "Focus on Drrael. Sleep." Zel released the spell and Xellos suddenly felt very tired. A small fear came of the nightmare returning, but somehow, he knew it wouldn't. The last thing he saw was Zelgadiss, curling up by Lina, with one wing protectively covering her. Perhaps he really does understand… The emotions inside of him finally were put to rest, as he fell asleep.
Go to Part Eight-Mazu Slave