COMIC NO. 6
**************************
PROJECT A-KO 10 THE NEXT GENERATION: "Carry Me Back to Alpha
Cygni"
[LEGAL DISCLAIMER: READ CAREFULLY FOR YOUR OWN PROTECTION:
ANY AND ALL ANTI-MALE SENTIMENTS OR OPINIONS, EXPRESS OR
IMPLIED, BY ANY PERSON, CULTURE, RACE, OR PLANETARY SYSTEM
SET FORTH HEREIN ARE STRICTLY THOSE OF THE MEMBERS OF SAID
CULTURE, RACE, OR PLANETARY SYSTEM. THE FACT THAT THE
AUTHOR AGREES WITH THEM IS BESIDE THE POINT.
(jk!)]
----------
Caption: "Heading the Central Astro Agency isn't as much fun
as it once was..."
Shot of Captain's -- er, Director-General ND's -- office.
The phones are ringing off the hook. Her "In" box is stacked
two feet high. Her "Out" box stands empty. Two male
officers are peering through the open door at the office's
irate occupant, who has just slammed her desk chair through
the wall.
Officer (to his coworker): Keep out of the Ol' Lady's way
today...
Cap: GET THESE PAPERS OFF MY DESK!!!! I HATE PAPERS!!!!!
AND ANSWER THAT PHONE!!!! I HATE PHONES!!!!!
----------
Captain and her aide are walking down the corridor. A black
cloud hangs over her head.
Aide: At 01100 you were going to have an inspection of the
new Raider assault plane, but I've been told that it's not
ready.
Cap (doing a slow burn): These inefficiencies are absurd.
Follow me to the hangar.
----------
[Author's Note: Actually, the plane looks nice, and is well-
drawn too, I might add.]
Cap (to the project's lead officer): What is the problem,
Lieutenant? Is this a piece of space junk?
Lieutenant: No, Director-General ND. It's just that we
keep having problems with the vertical stabilizers.
Captain crawls under the plane and sticks out her hand.
Cap: VERTICAL STABILIZERS ARE A PIECE OF CAKE. HAND ME
THAT SOCKET WRENCH.
(Witheringly) Once I FIX it, do you want me to FLY it for
you...? (Sigh) If you want something done right, you have
to do it yourself...
----------
Caption: "The day gets worse, rather than better..."
A subordinate passes Captain on her trip back to her office.
Officer: GOOD AFTERNOON SIR
(er..Ma'am)
Cap (who has had enough): WISE UP, SOLDIER!!!!!
----------
Shot of the front walk outside the Mansion's front doors.
Captain is walking from the limo.
Cap: Men stink (except, of course, for Hikaru...sigh...).
The children immediately stick to her like cockleburs on a
collie.
Cap: How are my girls? (To herself) Maybe I should take a
little trip. Tahiti? No. Aruba? No. How about home to
ALPHA CYGNI? Haven't been there since before I crash-landed
here years ago. Great Mother. Where do the milliseconds
go.
----------
Hikaru Daitokuji is sitting in his lounge chair, having a
drink. Kazushi is on his lap, sucking her thumb. Captain
comes up behind him and starts messing with his hair. He
immediately knows that one way or another, he's in for it.
Cap (cheerfully): HIKARU-SAMA...YOU'D LOVE TO TAKE A LITTLE
VACATION WITH ME, WOULDN'T YOU?
Hikaru (to himself - the man is no fool): oh no
Cap: A quick jaunt to Alpha Cygni would only take eight
months. B-Ko could hold down the fort for you.
Kazushi: Kazushi too?
Captain picks her up and plays nosie.
Cap: Yes, Baby. All of us will go.
Hikaru (resigned): Outgunned (sigh)...
Cap (really cranked up now): We'll also take our doctor,
tutor, nanny, maid, chef, and financial
consultant...naturally, I'll pilot the craft...
Hikaru (to himself, wincing): I'll puke for two light-years.
Cap (continuing): ...which is of COURSE of my OWN
DESIGN...The "Napolipolita-Daitokuji Fireflight Long-Range
Space Cruiser", otherwise known as "Ayshalisia".....
They walk into the family hangar, where a massive new craft
is being tested.
Hikaru: HOW MUCH DID THIS COST ME??
Captain grabs him around the waist, lifts him, and swings
him off the floor...
well, she IS a strong girl....
Cap: And it has ALL the comforts of home, Hikaru-Sama
(including yours truly...)!!
Hikaru: How could I possibly refuse such an offer...?
Kazushi (watching them): WHEEEEE!!!
Mitsuko and Shiiko have followed them into the hangar.
Shiiko: OH GOD MITSUKO I BET THEY START KISSING!!!!
Both: HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE !!!
----------
It is about two weeks later.
Caption: "It's time to go!"
Mari and D stand next to Captain and Kazushi. Also present
is Little Rose, who is already scheming.
Captain stands with her hands gripped in her hair. She is
wearing what one might call a hoochie-mama dress (slit up
the side in the Cygnan style; what did you expect?) and is
clearly upset that D has dragged Mari, her nemesis, onto
her very own home turf.
Mari (to Captain, snidely): OOOOOOOOOOOOO I LOOOOOOOOOOVE
your dress, Captain. It's SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO tasteful. (D --
why does your alky psycho baby-machine friend think she's
the height of fashion? I should have pounded her into the
pavement months ago.)
D (who loves Mari like a sister, but NOBODY insults her
Captain!): (It's the latest style. Leave her alone or I'll
paste you one, Mari, I mean it...)
Cap: WHO INVITED THAT COW???
D (who, as you remember, is Mari's sister-in-law):
Uh..Captain. I wanted my mother to meet all of my family.
It's okay, isn't it?
Little Rose (rubbing her hands together): I want to push ALL
of those neat buttons!
Kazushi (hiding behind Ma's legs and sticking out her
tongue): GO AWAY NASTY GIRL!
----------
Caption: "The voyagers include the Daitokujis, the Yukis,
the Azawas, and a few assorted boyfriends...."
Shot of Captain in her command chair, ready to fire it up.
Cap: EARTH DEFENSE FORCE, EAT MY COSMIC DUST!! Ohhhhh by
the way, Mari-Chan.
Beat me up and I'll blow your fat can into hyperspace, GOT
it? (Pushing ignition) Lift-off.
Atina, sweetie, give Daddy a barf-bag.
----------
Caption: "Being confined to a ship for several months DOES
pose hardships."
Shot of Atina (holding the twins) and Alana.
Atina: I want to go SHOPPING!!!!
Alana (philosophically): Look at it this way, sis... you
don't have to listen to B-Ko trying to boss you around.
----------
Shot of an angry Kazushi, thumb in mouth: I WANT MY OWN
BED.
----------
Shot of Captain and Hikaru, waking up in the "morning"...
Cap (smiling and stretching, wearing her Victoria's Cyber-
Secret nightshirt): AAAAHHH!! Another glorious day in
SPACE!! Just breathe that recycled air!! I've missed the
spartan lifestyle of a soldier..
Hikaru (looking at the hem of the bedclothes and gritting
his teeth): WHY AREN'T THESE SHEETS MONOGRAMMED??????
----------
Caption: "And of course space travel isn't exactly like
taking a Greyhound bus..."
Captain and D are looking out the front of the ship.
D: Captain!! We're moving into an asteroid belt!
Cap: Ooops.
Shot of the ship in space, surrounded by huge rocks.
Cap: Spin it 180 degrees, NOW!!
The change in trajectory has upset Hideo. Hikaru is sick to
his stomach (what a surprise!).
Hideo: SHOW A LITTLE MERCY, GIRLS!!!
Hikaru: GONNNNNA BARF!
Cap (her voice floating from the cockpit, sweetly): Oh,
Hikaru-Sama. Don't be such a baby.
----------
Caption: "But they manage to survive!"
Captain and D are happily co-piloting, just like in the old
days. Except this time, Kazushi is in her mother's lap,
sucking her thumb and gazing at her with adoration.
Cap: Bring it on down, D....
----------
Caption: "The 'Ayshalisia' lands for refueling at the Tauka
Banesh Spaceport.."
Shot of the same. Its captain and crew enter the main
building from the hanger.
Captain sees two Thessalonikans coming toward her, residents
of the same all-male planet ruled by C-Ko's husband Sokar.
One man has long shaggy dark hair. The other is obviously a
senior officer, with the Thessalonikan sunburst insignia on
his chest. He is seven feet tall, and his build puts Arnie
Schwartzenegger to shame. He wears a filigreed band across
his forehead and has slanted eyes, pointed ears, and waist-
length shaggy silver hair.
Caption: "And Captain runs into ---"
Cap: GREAT MOTHER, D!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S
ATOLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
----------
Caption: "Is Captain experiencing a blast from the past?"
Captain charges toward him. D tries to hold her back, but
fails.
Cap: I'M GOING TO KICK HIS LYING COWARDLY BUTT !!!!!!!!
She grabs him and spins him around.
Cap (wild): ATOLA!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU DIRTY ROTTEN
KAKAMATANDIS PIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[N.B. "Kakamatandis" is a Cygnan swear, used against
obnoxious men. We will not translate, this being a family
publication.]
Cap (in his face, big time!): REMEMBER ME, YOU SCUMBUCKET -
- THAT CUTE LITTLE CYGNAN PILOT WHO YOU DUMPED?????
Atola (totally stunned; to himself): Oh NO. NOT the one who
was drunk all the time!
Now what was her name?
Atola (making a bad guess): Uh...Halukai?
Cap: BOO HOO!! YOU PIG !!!!
----------
Alana hears the commotion and comes running into the room,
only to find her mother in tears, wailing loudly.
Alana: Ma, what is it?
She catches sight of the slanty-eyed lug in front of her.
Alana: ---!!!!!!--- HUH?
----------
They gaze at one another for a long, uncomfortable moment.
Alana (every bit the amazon her mother is) hauls back and
boots him across the room.
((BAM!))
Alana: DADDY!!!! You BUM!!!!!!!!
Atola (astounded, hitting the floor): She certainly kicks
like a Thessalonikan...
Alana joins her mother in crying. Atola, overwhelmed,
shrugs with his palms up.
Atola: I am truly sorry, young lady. Forgive me.
Alana: My name is Alana, if you care to know.
Atola (moving over to Captain): But it is to this young
lady that I owe the greatest apology.
The Thessalonikan general wraps his burly arms around her,
and removes her Cygnan shades. Atola: Of course I
remember Ayshalita, and how lovely I thought she was...
D stands comforting Alana, watching this whole scene.
Hikaru enters the room. His eyes bug out of his head in
shock.
Hikaru: WHO THE HELL IS THAT????????????????????????????
D: General Atola. Don't mix in this.
Hikaru: ATOLA? OH
SH*T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now that Atola's memory has been magically restored, he is
seeing how far he can get.
Cap (heartbroken at this unwelcome encounter): I loved you.
Why did you throw me away?
Hikaru's jaw begins to twitch.
D (to herself): Cut it out, Captain....
Captain and Atola are nearly nose-to-nose. This alien sweet-
talker makes Hikaru look
like a piker.
Atola: I was young and foolish. Will you be with me now?
Cap: No. I love an Earth man. You had your chance with me.
Hikaru is about to go into ballistic orbit.
Hikaru: That's enough!
D: (sigh)
He charges over to them in all his glory, shrieking curses
at Atola. No one on Planet Earth is more territorial than
Hikaru! Atola laughs, reaches down, hooks Hikaru under the
chin with two fingers, and suspends him about four feet in
the air.
Atola (to Captain): And what is THIS? Your little pet
Earthling?
Hikaru: UKK GAWK
Cap: Let him go, Atola.
Hikaru is beyond embarrassed. They go off to a corner so
that Hikaru can mend his tattered pride. Atola is puzzled
as to why anyone would be offended by a simple demonstration
of his superiority. He shrugs and crosses his arms.
Atola: It is too bad, Ayshalita. He is not much of a man.
Alana: And neither were you, Great General Atola, to
abandon a child.
Hikaru: (Aysha. I feel so old.)
Alana goes over and hugs Hikaru.
Atola: Alana. Please feel free to call me your father.
Alana: I already have a father, thank you.
Not getting anywhere with his newly-discovered daughter,
Atola gives Mom another shot.
Atola: Ayshalita. Stay with me...
Cap: Be well. Goodbye.
----------
They all board the ship. Both women are still crying.
D: Captain...refueling has been completed. Time to go.
----------
The ship is back in space.
D (at the control panel): Arisa. Come and learn this.
Cap (back under control now): Well, D. That's over with at
last.
D (who has listened to her rant about Atola for years):
(Finally.....)
Cap: Entering the Tauka Banesh system.
D: Won't be long now.
----------
Caption: "Finally - Alpha Cygni!"
Shot of a temple on a hill and two suns shining above it.
----------
The entire crew enters the hangar and is met by Princess C-
Ko. She is holding a daisy-embellished baby.
Cko (same punk 'do, same crown, same daisies...): A-KO!!! I
CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ALL CAME!!! BWWWAAAAH
HAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OOOOOOOOOOOOO --
A-Ko (looking good, with longer hair): C-Ko! Here we are at
last!
Kei (to himself): Can't believe I had a crush on that twit.
Asami: Oh, there's my friend Asamalita! I'd better call her
"princess" here...
Kazushi (pointing): Baby.
Captain and Hikaru are gathering up their brood.
Cko (although she is Cygnan, she still has Earth
sentiments): Great Mother! Can't believe she had MORE
kids....
----------
C-Ko is joined by her three older sisters. They look like
her but have a much more sophisticated look. They all wear
eyeliner by the ton, as is the Cygnan Way.
Cko: Here's my new little girl, Keisalita.
[Author's comment: notice how C-Ko has aped A-Ko by giving
her kids the same names as A-Ko's....?? DUUUUUH.]
Cko: And meet my sisters Kitzy, Seishina, and Nikalita (I
AM the FOURTH princess of the fifth queen..)
Captain and her four Cygnan daughters kneel in front of C-
Ko, who is now used to abject deference.
Cap (in one breath, as is her manner): OhhhHHHHHHH DEAR
PRINCESS. We are honored again to be in your royal presence
once again and how happy we are to be back on our home soil
and if it hadn't been for your imperial intervention when
the Commander was trying to arrest me for wrecking the ship
years ago I never would have ended up with Hikaru and never
would have had my little Shiiko, Mitsuko, Kazushi, Azia, and
Aria because I would have been DEAD because they would have
EXECUTED me thank you again for saving my life and ----
Cko: There, there, Captain. (To herself) Put a sock in it,
honey...
Captain holds baby Princess Keisalita, who is playfully
pulling her green hair. D steps forward with Hideo.
D (bowing to her beloved princess): PRINCESS! It's great
to be home...here, I'm known as Deesha Dakina instead of "D"
Azawa! It's been a long time...
Cko (gleefully): And have you told your hubby that we don't
have ANY MEN HERE??
----------
Caption: "The guys really DO feel like "odd men out"..."
Hikaru, Seiji, Kei, and Akira stand, surrounded by Cygnans
who are poking and prodding them.
Seiji: Please keep your (eeek!) hands to (woahhhh!)
yourself. Thank you.
Kei: Oh!
Hikaru (miffed): HAVEN'T THESE WOMEN (ooch!) EVER SEEN A
(owch!) GOOD-LOOKING GUY (HEYYYYYY!!!! WATCH IT, BABE!!!!)
BEFORE????
Cygnan (staring, disappointed): These specimens aren't as
cute as the Thessalonikans.
----------
Caption: "The women, on the other hand, fare much better."
Shot of all the women, now wearing Cygnan clothing which
definitely has a Greek influence.
All of Captain's girls are being tended by others, in
keeping with the centuries-old Lepton Kingdom proverb,
"Every Cygnan has a thousand mothers". Captain herself hugs
her oldest, Alia, who is in her commander's uniform and
happy to see her Ma. Arisa has put on a sparkling
lightweight dress with a long train.
Arisa: This will do to be married in.
Alana, decked with a gold headpiece and earrings, is holding
up a luminescent string of what appears to be beads.
Alana (gasps): Kirkassian Tenaka crystals -- !!!
----------
Caption: "The visit to Alpha Cygni reunites old friends from
school days.."
Arisa, Atina, Akana, and Little Rose enter a massive
building. An Egota glides slowly overhead.
Atina: I can't believe we're really back at the CygniCity
Space Academy!
Arisa: We spent a lot of time here while Ma was looking for
the Princess.
Akana (to Rose, who has actually begun to idolize her): I
was too little to go to school here, but I bet it's
cool.....!
Rose (finally discovering her own amazon destiny): Do they
have pulse rifles--?
They enter the building and look up at its smooth pink
crystalline walls. They see a hologram showing all past and
present Commanders. To the left is a sharp-faced Cygnan
with a ponytail. In the middle is our old friend from the
first comic, Itisia Maldekai. To the right is Alia.
Arisa: Look...there's our grandmother and Alia!
Atina: We've certainly left our mark.
A group of teenage Cygnans in daisy-embellished uniforms
approaches hesitantly.
Cygnan #1: Sisters...is that Arisa and Atina????
She runs across the room and grabs Arisa, spinning her
around.
Arisa: Kanzania!! It's been years!!!
Kanzania: You look like a regular Earth girl, Arisa!
She introduces the others to her old classmates.
Arisa: This is our little sister Akana and this, uh, is a
kid we know, Rose Azawa.
Rose gives Arisa a filthy look. Her braids twitch in anger.
Cygnan #2 (checking out their biceps): Why not put these
kids into the Academy's Special Forces program?
Kanzania: There are real possibilities here...
Both girls have lit up like the Fourth of July. Rose's
braids now stand straight up.
Akana: COOL!
----------
Caption: "Alpha Cygni's Lepton Kingdom is a fascinating
place..."
Captain is leading Hikaru around, showing him the sights.
Cap: Everybody looks terrific here. With the weaker gravity
field, you can always have big hair...and, no matter how
many miles you have on your chassis, nothing sags. Come
along, sweetie.
Captain, uplifted in spirit and otherwise, leads him over
to what appears to be a crystal garden.
Cap: Instead of plants, we have crystals. And, of course, we
have two suns so it's always nice and warm here..so none of
us wear a whole lot of clothes.
Several lovely Cygnans stroll by, staring at Hikaru and
laughing. They are quite astonishing.
Hikaru (to himself, of course): Goody!
Cap (no fool, after all): Don't trip over your tongue,
Hikaru-Sama.
More Cygnans walk by. One is holding a pair of twins.
Cap: We come in all shapes and sizes. We all wear tons of
eye makeup, we like to work out, fight, have babies, and, of
course, we're all females...
They walk over to a crowd of the most enormous women Hikaru
has ever seen. All of them are beautiful, though not
necessarily by Earth standards.
Cap: ...and some of us are really BIG females.
Mari and Yuji have also strolled over. The smaller of these
Cygnans are at least a foot taller than Mari.
Hikaru (sotto voce): ((Ayshalita!!! I can't believe the
size of these gals!!!))
Cap: Here, the bigger, the better. At nearly six feet tall,
I'm considered undersized -- a rather poor specimen,
actually.
The women have surrounded Mari and Yuji.
Big Cygnan #1: What a tacky dress.
Big Cygnan #2: Isn't HE a cute little thing.
Big Cygnan #3: IS THIS THE BEST EARTH CAN DO?
Mari (under her breath, looking up): You don't scare me.
Yuji gasps. He keeps his thoughts to himself -- he is not
suicidal.
Yuji: (( THIS IS BIG GIRL HEAVEN !!!!!))
----------
Caption: "Later that evening, a number of always-rowdy
Cygnan pilots, all Egota captains, have a reunion."
Captain is whooping it up with her old pals. Their uniforms
are similar to her old one. Of course, they have all glommed
onto the children and are busy mothering them.
Cygnan #1: What's your name, Little One?
Mitsuko (delighted at being held by this nice big lady):
Mitsuko.
Kazushi (loudly, not to be overlooked): PICK UP KAZUSHI.
Cygnan #2 (punching Captain on the arm): Remember how
rotten we were at the Academy?
Cygnan #3: I can't BELIEVE you quit drinking !!! We all
thought you'd never live past 30 --
(sidling up to her) -- and what's this about your settling
down with an -- EARTH MAN??? Great Mother, Aysha, how did
THAT happen?
She really doesn't mean it as a compliment, but Captain
prefers to take it as such.
Cap: Well...it's an unusual story..
----------
Memory balloon of herself doubled up on the ground amidst
the trash barrels in a Graviton City alley.
Cap: Earth was nothing but bad luck for me. I lost my ship
and then my business, then I was left stranded. All of my
Earth friends turned away from me. I couldn't stop
drinking.
Memory balloon of a dirty and sick Aysha going through D's
wallet. She has found her money and is preparing to take it.
D, crying, is pleading with her to stay home.
Cap: Only poor D was loyal to me. I didn't help the
situation much by drinking away the money she made. I guess
she went to our Princess for help...
Memory balloon of Hikaru shaking hands with a bedraggled
Captain, who is obviously feeling no pain. She is standing
as far away from him as she can.
Cap: Then this rich Earth man, who had disabled my ship,
said that he'd put me to work if I got sober. I didn't think
I could do it, but knew that I had to try because he had
defeated me.
Memory balloon of a weeping Captain in a hospital johnny,
sitting on the bed. Her hands cover her face. Hikaru sits
next to her (not too close!) waving his hand in emphasis to
accompany his pep talk.
Cap: In the hospital, when the craving for a drink tormented
me, he'd tell me about all the wonderful things I was going
to do for his company....
Cap: I didn't exactly fit into the Earth corporate mold....
Memory balloon of the Daitokuji Financial Group's Director
of Commerce, Director of Development, and Captain lined up
in front of Hikaru's desk.
Director of Commerce (to himself): Fresh out of detox. Lord
help us.
Director of Development (to himself): Is that a guy in
drag?
Cap (white-faced, to herself): I'm going to be sick.
Hikaru (to himself): She'll be great.
Memory balloon of her at work, thinking of her girls.
Cap: But I was willing to do anything to see my children
again.
Memory balloon of Aysha at her computer, with Hikaru sternly
looking on.
Cap: And so I started a new life working for Hikaru
Daitokuji. My memory came back, as well as my dignity. My
light-speed cruiser was the first in Earth history. I made
millions for him...
Memory balloon of Hikaru sweeping her out of the chair and
kissing her.
Cap: ...for which he was properly grateful.
----------
Cap (to her friends): And as you can see, I've doubled my
number since I saw you last.
Cygnan #3 (playing Cygnan oneupswomanship....): But Aysha.
That's only ten. I beat you by
three!
Cap: On Earth, if you have more than two kids, they sneer at
you. At me, they laugh.
Cygnan #3 (not quite getting the point): But you're Cygnan,
not Earther. You still have a duty to your Kingdom!
She strolls away, her cape flapping.
Cygnan #3: Good job SO far, my friend. They're lovely.
Cap: uhhhh
----------
Caption: "Later, at the Royal Palace..."
The entire crew is in the presence of the Queen and the
Princesses. Everyone, including the men, are in outfits
resembling those of ancient Earth times. Little Rose has
her hair in a Cygnan 'do and is watching Akana's every move,
wishing to be like her. At the moment, Akana is shouldering
a particularly nasty-looking weapon, much to Rose's
admiration.
Akana: DIE, KIRLIAN PIG!
Captain, dressed exotically in huge gold earhoops and two
bracelets on each arm, is pushing Hikaru toward the Queen.
Cap: (Smile big, sweetie...)
Hikaru (grinning like a fool): THANK YOU, YOUR HIGHNESS,
FOR THAT GENEROUS TRADE AGREEMENT....(To himself) God.
These imperial women are just as dumb as posts.
Queen: YOU'RE WELCOME WHAT WAS YOUR NAME AGAIN?
A-Ko is holding baby Keisalita and is talking to C-Ko. Asami
and Asamalita are chatting nearby.
Ako: Well...Kei just isn't what I expected. I mean, he's a
sweetheart and I love him but he kind
of -- hangs back.
Keisalita: Goo
Cko: But AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKO. I have the BEST kind of
husband...one who isn't here! I mean, Sokar is a doll too
but he's off ruling on Thessalonika. I can devote TONS of
time to my --- COOKING!!!!
Asamalita: (Mama's cooking is real caca-poopy!)
Asami: Hee hee!
Two of C-Ko's sisters are listening in. They have tried
their best to turn their long-lost little sister into a true
Cygnan, with limited success.
Kitzy: C-Ko's finally gotten the hang of it.
Nikalita: Did you see that dinky old man Captain
Napolipolita had the nerve to drag along with her? Great
Mother, Is she hard up or WHAT...??
Kitzy: Hey, I know! To commemorate little Keisalita's first
birthday next week, let's hold some games and have these
Earth boys prove just how puny they really are....
Nikalita: They'll beg us for mercy.
----------
Caption: "The following week..."
Shot of a large plain. Crystalline spires are seen in the
background, and two suns warm the participants in the Cygnan
Olympics [Ancient GREEK -- GET IT? GET IT? HUH?].
There is a large banner lettered in Cygnan over the women
athletes. Some of these contenders are big, some are not-
particularly-big, and some are immense by Earth standards.
All are flexing their fists and looking forward to kicking
some male Earth-butt. Of course, the Queen and her entire
family are front row center. The Earth men are off by
themselves, looking kind of pathetic. Captain is patting
Hikaru, who is first up, and is trying to boost his ego,
which under most circumstances doesn't need it.
Cap: Just stay relaxed but on your guard, sweetie.
----------
Queen: Let us begin the martial arts competition between
Hikaru Daitokuji (at least she remembered his name, or did
she have cue cards?) and Eloia Isalita.
A beautiful but very large young woman approaches and peers
down her nose at him.
Hikaru (immediately more threatened than he should be):
LISTEN, YOU MAY BE BIG
BUT I'M A BLACK BELT IN KARATE, TAI KWAN DO, AND PAI LUM
KUNG FU!
Isalita (sighing heavily): Soldier...if you had the bad
taste to drag this..MAN..along, the least you could have
done was TRAIN him properly.
Cap (nonplussed): That's just an old Cygnan psych-out,
Hikaru.
Isalita (rolling her eyes): You're not going to compete
with ME, you fool...you'll compete with my DAUGHTER!
A little girl of around eleven comes forward and curls her
arm around her mother's huge bicep.
Eloia: Target practice, Mama?
Hikaru laughs and turns to Aysha.
Hikaru: How bad can it be? This little girl looks like
Akana.
Cap: Now THERE'S a reason to worry right THERE.
The child backflips through the air with supreme confidence.
Eloia: WHEEEEE HERE I COME!
She immediately knocks Hikaru flying.
((BAM!!))
Hikaru (in mid-flight): .....oh no.....
Captain clenches her hands in her hair and sets up a wail.
The Cygnans whoop and punch the air.
Eloia flips him again, just for good measure.
Hikaru: AAAAIIIEEEEEE!!
Isalita: Oh good good girl!
Cap: Why did I ever decide to bring my family back here?
Alana: Dad really stinks up the place.
Eloia (after drop-kicking him halfway across the field):
Mama, may I play now?
----------
Shot of the two princesses. They are laughing so hard they
can barely get the words out.
Nikalita: NEXT UP -- EARTH 'MAN' KEI YUKI VERSUS WANAKY
KOTERIDIS IN THE WRESTLING COMPETITION KFFFFFFF HA HA HA HA
HA!!!!
While the grounds are being readied, Aysha leads Hikaru
away. Though disheveled, Hikaru is more embarrassed than
hurt. Nonetheless, he is milking it for every bit of
attention he can get from her. It is working just fine.
Cap: OhhhhhhHHHHHHHHH poor sweet baby kissy kissy
----------
Caption: "Keisama is a poor choice.."
Kei (adorable but a wussy): A-KO! I don't WANT to!
Ako: Oh puh-LEEZ.
Wanaky -- a hefty blonde -- flings herself in the air,
straight at Kei.
He begins to back away. He is a stand-up guy, but Wanaky IS
unnerving.
Kei: A-Ko my sweetheart!! Make her go AWAY!
Wanaky: WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING, CRYBABY?
Kei: Oog.
A-Ko gets in her face. Both women bare their teeth
viciously.
Ako: LEAVE HIM ALONE! HE'S A LOVER, NOT A FIGHTER!
Wanaky: IF YOU WERE ANY KIND OF REAL WOMAN, YOU WOULD HAVE
CAPTURED A MAN WHO WAS BOTH.....
Okay, well, that tore it. A-Ko picks up Wanaky and flings
her a good quarter-mile.
Ako: Good thing I left my armbands in the room.
Wanaky: CHEEEEAAAATER!!!
Kei (sniveling): WHAT KIND OF ROTTEN VACATION IS THIS?
Captain steps forward, disgusted. She is accompanied by
Kei's children.
Cap: AT LEAST HIKARU DIDN'T RUN AWAY CRYING!!!! Very poor
showing...(Kei is a knucklehead...)
Asami: I could have beaten that girl..
Kei Jr.: Daddy a weenie?
----------
Kitzy (cracking up): Announcing the footrace between Akira
Yuki and Hezilon Mikulai...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Hezilon is a willowy tall girl with long turquoise hair,
dressed in a flowing garment. She takes off at awesome
speed.
Hezi: I might as well be competing with my great-
grandmother...
Akira: HEY!
Arisa: Akira!! Get a move on!!
Akira is a good runner but no match for the Cygnan.
Akira: Uhhh... she kind of got a head start...
She skips through the air, enjoying herself immensely.
Hezi: Ten miles OK?
Akira: Gasp!!
She dances across the finish line a short while later.
Hezi: Ya-ho! I win!
Akira (literally on his last legs): I'm either going to
fall over or just die.
Cygnans: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Akira has in fact collapsed. Angry Arisa (who is, after all,
a born Cygnan) and Hezilon stand over him.
Hezi (waving a fist in outrage): AND YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF
WORTHY OF A CYGNAN?
Arisa: WUSSY!
While this is transpiring, Wanaky has found Kei and has
flung him through the air, just to show off for her pals.
Wanaky: Gotcha, Cutie!
Kei:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKO!!!!!!
----------
Sheishina: AND NOW FOR THE BOXING CONTEST BETWEEN SEIJI
SATORU AND --- OCALA TALUDIS!!!!!!
Caption: "OH BOY!!"
Ocala is bigger than the Grand Tetons. She is better than K-
2 and Everest stacked atop one another (Well, perhaps I
exaggerate...). She is also quite frightening-looking. She
is, in short, the Cygnans' version of the neutron bomb.
Ocala (to Seiji): Hiya honey.
Seiji nearly wets himself in terror.
Seiji: It's been great knowing you, Alana...(ulp!)
Alana: Now that's a BIIIIIIIIG GIRL!
Closeup of Ocala's eyes.
Ocala: And aren't you the little hunk.
She hurls herself through the air at him, head first.
Ocala: GOODBYE!!!
Seiji (pop-eyed with shock): Great Mother!
----------
Caption:"It seems that boxing isn't Seiji's cup of tea
either..."
Ocala (towering over the fleeing Seiji): WHAAAT??? AFRAID
OF A GIRL, EARTH WIMP?
Seiji: YOU BET!!
Alana: PACK IT IN, SEIJI!! RUN!!!!!!!
The Earth contingent watches the melee.
Alana (wincing and closing her eyes): Tell me when it's
over, Ma.
Cap (with only one eye open behind her Cygnan shades): EEE-
eeeeeeeeeeeeewww.
Arisa and Hikaru shudder. Kei trembles. A-Ko is disgusted.
Ako: KEISAMA, NOW JUST STOP THAT LOUSY SHIVERING!!
Ocala hauls off and slugs Seiji well into next week.
Ocala: Not much of a boxer, are you?
Seiji (in transit): MAMA!!!
----------
The Cygnans go wild, giving each other the Lepton equivalent
of high-fives and shaking their fists over their heads.
Alana (to Captain): She makes Mari look like a junior
petite!!!
This gives Captain an inspiration. She walks over to her
sister Cygnan with a suggestion.
Cap: Ocala, there's an Earth WOMAN here who'd like to fight
you. Let me introduce you.
(turning) OHHHHHH MARI-CHAN......
Mari: What does that baby-machine psycho want?
Ocala immediately charges over to Mari, who is at least
several feet shorter than she is.
Ocala: YOU DARE TO DEFY OCALA'S SUPERIORITY, YOU EARTH
WEAKLING????
Cap (behind her hand, to her family): This should be good.
Mari: Sigh. Let's rock....
Ocala immediately punches Mari in the jaw.
Mari: HEY!!! You're making me REAL MAD!
Akana and Little Rose arrive from the training hall and look
on in awe.
Akana: An Earth woman beating a CYGNAN???
Rose: Look Akana my mummy is pounding that big huge lady
SLUG 'ER MUMMY!!!
Shot of Ocala flying upside down through the air.
Mari: PICK ON SOMEONE YOUR OWN SIZE, YOU BUTTHEAD!
Ocala (to herself): That woman is CYGNAN!
----------
Mari whirls around to face Captain, who really should know
better by now.
Mari (thunderously):
CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPTAIN!!!!
Cap (waving her hands in front of her)
uh..uhhhh....uhhhhhhh
Mari: STIRRING THE POT AGAIN!
Captain immediately takes off in a sprint.
Cap: Bye Bye
Mari: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!
Yuji: Mari, stop that growling.
Hikaru: YUJI -- THEY'RE AT IT AGAIN!!!!!!!
----------
Caption: "Meanwhile, the girls continue their training at
the Space Academy..."
Their mothers (in a temporary truce for the girls' sake) and
Arisa's friends watch Akana and Rose work out.
Akana: EEEEYAAAAHH!!
Rose: Chip off the ol' block, Mummy?
Cygnan #1: Those little kids are fabulous.
Kanzania: The younger one has GOT to be Cygnan too....
Cygnan #2: Too bad they live on Earth!
Mari (thinking): My kid is better than her kid.
Cap (thinking): My kid is better than her kid.
----------
Caption: "And back in Graviton City..."
Closeup of B-Ko's crafty face.
Bko: EIGHT MONTHS free rein with the ENTIRE Daitokuji
Financial Group...AND...UNLIMITED
PEACE AND QUIET, like before the aliens invaded MY
home...it's DIVINE!!
B-Ko is sitting at her father's desk, dressed in a suit.
She addresses two DFG executives.
Well, NDFG executives, really....but B-Ko has prohibited
the use of that corporate name in her father's absence, just
to give herself a little treat.
Bko: Now, gentlemen...QUADRUPLE our production of mechas!!
I want to corner the market and get every dime of business
from the AMERICANS!
Executive (to himself): Did this girl get her Master of
Business Administration degree from a Cracker-Jack box?
----------
Caption: "D travels to the old home town, about 300 miles
from CygniCity..."
D and Mari enter a futuristic [duhhh] house.
D: You'll love my mother, Mari. I haven't been home in a
while.
An older, greyer version of D-Ko greets them. She hugs her
daughter.
Mama Dakina: Deesha! How's my BIG GIRL????
D: Mama!
They take seats in the living room.
D: Mama, meet my sister-in-law Mari.
Mama Dakina: Come closer, dear, so I can get a good look at
you...
Mari does, and WHOOOOPS! THE RESEMBLANCE IS UNCANNY....
Mama Dakina (to herself): !!!! Great Mother! That face! (to
Mari) Mari, may I ask -- how old are you? And were you
adopted?
D (kind of miffed): Mama, what kind of questions are those??
Mari: 26. Yes.
Closeup of Mama Dakina's happy face.
Mama Dakina: MY PRAYERS TO THE GREAT MOTHER HAVE BEEN
ANSWERED!
Deesha, this is your sister, who vanished with the little
princess when their spacecraft disappeared years ago!
All three have a happy reunion.
D: I always cared for Mari..now I know why!
----------
Shot of the post-Olympic festivities. The Cygnans, in their
long dresses, are doing some kind of circle-dance.
Kitzy: Those Earth girls are just hanging all over those
puny men!
Seishina: Like they'd die without them.
Nikalita: Yuck-o.
Cko: QUIT MAKING FUN OF MY FRIENDS !!
Keisalita: Goo.
----------
The Earth contingent is standing next to the dancers.
Arisa (to Akira): Traditionally, the only way for a man to
win the heart of a Cygnan is to defeat
her.....
Seiji (puzzled): Defeat her?
Hikaru (to himself): Hmmmmmmm.....like........
Cap hugs him.
Hikaru: ......SHOOTING DOWN HER SPACESHIP???????????
Cap (to herself): And it only took him all these years and
five kids to figure it out!!
----------
A group of Cygnans now surrounds handsome Seiji. It is
obvious what they have in mind.
Seiji (to himself, of course): These Cygnans sure are
friendly.
Alana (claws extended, flailing): HANDS OFF OR I'LL TEAR
YOUR HEARTS AND LIVERS OUT!!
----------
Hikaru and Captain now walk into an immense Temple. The
pillars are the forms of women who hold up the ceilings.
They enter the massive main hall to see the forty-foot-high
statue of a woman holding crossed swords over her head. Two
fires burn in front of it.
Cap: That's Cybele. The Great Mother.
Hikaru: It's magnificent.
A priestess, in a cowled gown, approaches.
Priestess (to Captain): You are to come with me. The Chief
Priestess wishes to see you.
They are led to her presence. She is extremely tall and is
surrounded by other priestesses.
She fixes Captain with her gaze.
Chief: Soldier. How dare you defile this sacred place by
bringing into it a specimen of a subspecies unworthy of our
attention.
Hikaru (to Captain): Real nice gal.
Chief (continuing what she has to say): You have already
disgraced your mother's name with your drunkenness and your
lack of military discipline. And now, to ally yourself with
a male is the final insult to your Cygnan sisters. (To the
soldiers, who have now entered behind the priestesses)
REMOVE HIM AT ONCE.
Cap (who has become far more Earther than she knew): DON'T
YOU INSULT MY SWEETIE, YOU PUFFED-UP COW!!!! (And, while
I'm at it, leave my mother OUT OF THIS!)
Caption: "OOOps..."
Immediately, the two are surrounded by soldiers, whose
sidearms are aimed at their heads.
Hikaru (turning but finding soldiers all around him):
TERRIFIC PEOPLE ON THIS PLANET, BABE...
Cap (doing the same thing): Sorry sweetie.
Caption: "Suddenly..."
D and Mari burst into the room, fists swinging. Mari wears
a Cygnan Greek-key headband, black bodystocking (try not to
think too hard about it, OK?), short hair, and armbands
(which appear to magically switch messages like a neon
message-board on Earth).
D: LET GO OF MY CAPTAIN !!!!
Mari: RELEASE THEM !!!
Armband: "Get out of my face"
Cap: Great Mother....MARI???????
Hikaru: Holy cats, she's gone Cygnan!!!
----------
Caption: "All vacations must come to an end!!"
D and Mari have succeeded in liberating the prisoners, and
all run up the hill behind the Temple, followed by an angry
crowd of Cygnans. Mari is temporarily blocking their
path..but remember that under Cygnan standards, Mari really
isn't that formidable.
Cap (stumbling in her high heels; Hikaru grabs her wrist):
Hikaru-Sama. Let's go home.
What do you say?
Hikaru: Meaning the mansion?
Cap: Yes. At long last, I've decided to become a nice Earth
lady.
Mari (angry at Hikaru): Good thing WE were at the Temple as
well --
----------
Caption: "Later.."
D and Captain are talking, while prepping the ship for
takeoff.
Cap: D-Ko. Only women of the Lepton Kingdom can wear the
armbands that Mari wore today.
D (exultantly): But CAPTAIN. Mari IS Cygnan. She's my
long-lost sister who crash-landed on Earth with Princess C-
Ko years ago...!!
Cap (holding the twins, to herself): Hmmm. Mari was always
a little too weird for Earth.
Caption: "Really, Reader...doesn't it make sense?"
Mari enters the room, a new woman. She is smiling broadly,
happy with her newly-found persona.
D: Yuji and Hideo were delighted to have married sisters...
Cap (wistfully): Aaaaah D. That's wonderful for you. I wish
I had a sister...
Mari (grinning): But you DO... (grabs her around the waist,
accidentally pinning her arms to her sides, and gives her a
big squeeze) ALL Cygnans are sisters!! Since we're kind of
related, I suppose that I shouldn't HATE you any more...this
is just WONDERFUL!!!
Cap: Ecccchhhhh!
D (beyond touched, holding Kazushi): Aww. Isn't that nice!!
Kazushi, isn't that NICE???
Kazushi (struggling to get to her): NO SQUISH MA!!
Cap (to herself; crosseyed): YEAH...MARI-CHAN...IT'S JUST
WONDERFUL TO BE YOUR 'PSYCHO NUTCASE ALKY BABY-MACHINE
SISTER' --- OW MY RIBCAGE!
Cap (now surrounded by her girls): PACK UP, EVERYBODY...I
have the feeling that we'd better make it quick, too....
----------
Caption: "Once on board the ship..."
Before the doors close, Hikaru peeks out and sees a large
contingent of Cygnan soldiers bearing down on them.
Hikaru: HIT IT, AYSHA! WE'VE GOT COMPANY!!
Mitsuko holds her hands to her head. Kazushi, long resigned
to chaos, crosses her eyes and sucks her thumb silently.
Cap: D, TAKE OVER. GIRLS, ARMAMENTS!! (Great Mother..and
these were my sisters-in-arms until I blew it at the
Temple...)
Alana: I can't believe our own people are turning against
us!
Akana is too young to remember Alpha Cygni, but she is happy
at the prospect of fighting
anyone.
Akana: COOOOOOOL!!!!!!
Kei: I hate gunplay!
Ako: Cut it out, Kei, you're embarrassing me.
Rose (to Kei): Kakamatandis!
----------
Caption: "It clearly doesn't pay to tick off your Cygnan
sisters..but Captain and the Kids push back..."
Shot of Captain and her girls making a run for the door,
armed to the teeth.
Cap: PROTECT THE MEN!! They don't know what they're
doing...
Alana: That's for sure.
Akana (clutching her best pulse rifle): I LIVE for this!
Arisa: So where's my dopey sister Atina anyway?
----------
Caption: "And so it comes to this................Cygnan
versus Cygnan."
Shot of one hell of a fight. Women, rifles, kicking,
screaming, ka-pows, etc. etc. etc.
A group of Cygnan reinforcements arrive.
Commander-of-the Guard: STUN THEM! Our mission is to
capture, not kill!!
Cap: LOOK OUT!
((BLAM))
Napolipolita-Daitokujis are flying through the air. These
Cygnans are serious about Temple defilement....Suddenly, to
everyone's shock, Kei crashes through!!!!!!!!!!!
Kei: This is terrible! They'll get hurt! (Shouting) STOP!
JUST STOP!!
All eyes are upon him.
Kei: EVERYONE HOLD YOUR FIRE!!!
Captain and her girls are picking themselves off the floor,
thinking that Kei-kun has flipped out.
Ako (her hands gripping her hair): Keisama....?
Kei (boldly): I THINK IT'S TIME FOR THE LEPTON KINGDOM TO
RETHINK ITS
EXCLUSIONARY POLICIES.
Soldiers: Why is this male slime interfering in a dispute
among Cygnans?
Kei: MEN ARE PEOPLE TOO.
Soldiers: WHO SAYS?
Captain has come across one of the soldiers' laser pistols
and points it.
Cap: BACK OFF MY KIDS. NOW. Commander-of-the-Guard, I am a
diplomat. Have you lost your mind??
Commander (coming forward): You knowingly desecrated the
Temple of the Great Mother.
Such an insult is intolerable.
Cap: I desecrated nothing. These Earth men love us. And,
unlike my Cygnan sisters, they have never turned their backs
on us.
D (stepping forward with Hideo in tow): Actually, peaceful
co-existence isn't too bad.
Mari also steps forward, but brandishing a massive fist.
Mari: IN FACT -- I STRONGLY RECOMMEND IT!
Armband: Back off
Commander: Captain. Your arguments contravene 2500 years of
Lepton tradition. But this one time, I will relent.
Cap (surrounded by her family): Unfortunately, so will I.
I am tired of your persecution and apologize once more for
all of my shortcomings. Please leave my ship.
----------
The soldiers leave. Akana puts her face against her mother's
chest. She is a brave soldier, but she is also a child.
Cap: I won't leave Earth again. And how is my little baby?
Akana: Tired, Ma.
Hikaru (holding the twins, and bristling with righteous
indignation): THE NERVE !!!! I'M AN IMPORTANT MAN -- !!!
Atina: Can't believe I slept through the fight of the
century!
Kei (smiling at his wife): Guess I did OK, huh?
Ako (dreamily): Wonderful.
----------
Caption: "The voyage to Earth begins.."
Shot of Captain and D in the cockpit, beaming at one
another and firing up the engines.
D: Relax, everyone. We'll have you home in two light-years!
Cap: Home, D...!
Shot of the ship shooting through the atmosphere and into
space.
Cap (from within): YAAAAAAAAAAA HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
D: My Captain certainly enjoys her work!
Hikaru: ECCCCCHHH!
Cap: Oh, HIKARU! Every time you fly???
----------
Caption: "About halfway home, the crew again stops at the
Tauka Banesh Spaceport for refueling."
Alana and Seiji (smirking): Ma...we'll see you in a while.
Hikaru (under his breath, to Captain): I CERTAINLY HOPE
THAT WE WON'T BE RUNNING INTO YOUR LITTLE "BUDDY" AGAIN.
Cap (under HER breath): I just love this.
----------
Captain and Akana are moving through the main lobby area.
All sorts of intergalactic humanoids and otherwise are
passing through. If you look hard, you can even see Chewy.
Cap: Now, Akana, I'm sure that you're hungry. How about some
nice Lemulan vasa crystals with the topping you like?
Akana (in her glory because for once she has her mother all
to herself): Sure, Ma.
Caption: "Now, what's this?"
Suddenly, a male voice calls from across the vast room:
"Aysheia!! Aysheia Napolipolita!"
Cap (genuinely puzzled, turning): Who knows me here?
A hunky humanoid with long shaggy brown hair in a braid (he
is of the Atola genre) comes up behind her and slips his
hands around her waist.
Alie Tuzoia: CAN THAT BE AYSHALITA? MY LITTLE CYGNAN
FLOWER??
Cap (shuddering, eyes huge): (((((great mother
no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!))))
Akana: HEY, MA! WHO'S THAT?
[We will run into Alie Tuzoia again later in the series.
Oddly enough, Akana looks just like him, but we won't go
into that. This IS a family publication.]
Without turning around, Captain shoves Akana along and gets
the hell out of there.
Akana: MA!! WHO WAS THAT?
Cap (still pushing her along): NOBODY. KEEP MOVING.
Alie, now in the background, waves goodbye to his old
starbase "buddy".
----------
A few minutes later, they have rejoined the family. Captain
immediately pounces upon Hikaru. He is kind of surprised,
considering they are in the middle of a crowded and busy
lobby.
Cap: ((Smooch!)) Hikaru-Sama...I missed you SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
MUCH!!!!!!
Hikaru (to himself): I was only gone for fifteen
minutes....!!???
Atina: Hey Akana..what brought THIS on...?
Akana (shrugging): It was weird. I don't understand.
Of course, Shiiko and Mitsuko are in hysterics.
Girls: THEY'RE KISSING HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE
!!!!!!!!
Captain now snaps alert and makes a dash for the exit,
leaving everyone in her dust.
Cap: Back to the ship! Hut! Hut! Hut!
Akana: (Where's Alana..?)
----------
Caption: "A special announcement, en route to Earth..."
Captain and Hikaru are relaxing. Arisa and Akira enter the
area, holding hands.
Arisa: Ma and Dad...I have a wonderful present for you...
Hikaru recognizes the phrase and immediately goes into
shock.
Hikaru: OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO!
Captain (to herself): Hey..isn't that MY line?
Arisa: WE'RE ENGAGED! (She shows her parents her ring)
Akira brought it from Earth to surprise me!
Cap (kissing her): I hope my sweet girl will be as happy
with her Earth man as I am with mine.
Alana enters and dramatically slinks over to Arisa and to
Atina, who also has just come in.
Alana (to Arisa): Think you're smart, don't you?
Arisa (smiling): What are you talking about, Pigface?
Atina: Hee hee hee you'll just DIE...
Seiji enters, and the pair approach Hikaru and Captain.
Hikaru is just now getting over the initial shock.
Alana (now dropping the H-Bomb): MA AND DAD...SEIJI AND I
WERE MARRIED AT TAUKA BANESH.
Seiji: We wanted to wait to tell you at a special party we
were going to throw back in Graviton City...
Hikaru: (( This is too much for me!))
Cap: ((and you didn't invite your parents??))
Arisa (doing a slow burn): Talk about oneupsmanship...or
oneupswomanship...or whatever...
Seiji (finishing his sentence): ...but we figured we'd tell
you now because of the BABY...
Hikaru:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!
Cap: Oh hurrah! Grandbabies!! (Yessss...) What a
wonderful surprise, sweetie...(and WHAT a COINCIDENCE..hee
hee...)
[N.B. Hikaru has not heard this last exchange]
Smile, Hikaru-Sama! We're going to be grandparents!!!!
(Relax Earth Boy...don't stroke out on me now..)
Captain leads her daughter out of the room, elated.
Cap: We'll still have that party OOOH I'M SO EXCITED don't
worry about Hikaru he's just on OVERLOAD...
Hikaru (to himself): My life is passing before my eyes..
Seiji (solicitously): Uh -- sir? Are you okay?
Arisa: She sure blew MY sorry butt out of the water!
Atina: Arisa...don't be a dork, okay...?
----------
Caption: "How romance got in the air of a spacecraft is
anybody's guess.."
It is a magical moment, and we have three couples kissing
(and thank the Great Mother that Shiiko and Mitsuko are
elsewhere at the moment...)
Cap: Ooh Hikaru-Sama!
Hikaru: Ssh
Seiji: Love these Lepton sweeties..
Alana: Isn't he the CUTEST THING?
Arisa: I'm SO glad we moved to Earth!
Akira: So what if she's stronger than me?
Akana: BLEEEAAAUGHHHH!!!! ALL THIS SMOOCHING IS GOING TO
MAKE ME BARF!
Rose: ME TOO ICKY ICKY ICKY
----------
Caption: "Earth appears in view several weeks later.."
Captain is at the controls. She is suspended in the air,
grounded only by her hands on the levers. D, Hikaru, Azia,
and Aria are at zero G.
Cap (delighted because she is in her element): HANG
ON...WE'RE COMING IN FAST!!!
Hikaru (upside down, with his hands over his mouth): MY
BABIES! UURRRRRPPPPP!!!
Aria (loving weightlessness): EEEEEE!
Azia (ditto): EEEEEE!
D (also upside down):
CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPTAIN!!!
Cap: EARTH FORCE COMMAND THIS IS DIRECTOR-GENERAL
NAPOLIPOLITA-DAITOKUJI REQUESTING CLEARANCE TO LAND MY
COORDINATES ARE 36.0 AND 16.7 PLEASE CLEAR PORT NUMBER 72 ON
A PRIORITY BASIS NO I AM NOT A GUY JUST DO AS I SAY
SOLDIER....
----------
Caption: "Ahh. Home sweet home!"
Hikaru is sitting in his favorite chair with Aysha in his
lap. The toddlers and Kazushi are playing nearby. The wall
is covered with Elvis photos, shelves holding those tacky
statues, and even one the King's platinum records.
Cap: Thank you, Hikaru-Sama, for buying the yacht and the
mansion in Kyoto for Alana and Seiji..
Hikaru (who has made peace with the idea of
grandparenthood): It's not every day that one becomes a
grandpa.
Cap (to herself): You're a honey even though you're not
seven feet tall with silver waist-length hair...
----------
Caption: "Later, Captain --er, Director-General-- and Atina
do a little research."
Both are in front of their Daitokuji computer monitor. On
the screen is a picture of the Parthenon.
Cap: Look, Atina. This temple looks like mine, but this is
Earth and was built in 447 B.C. --
Atina: And in Earth legend from the same time, there was a
race of warrior women......
The screen now shows two women, side by side on separate
panels. One is an ancient Greek wearing a long gown. The
other is a Cygnan wearing the same type of dress Captain
wore in Ako2.
Cap: And this ancient Earth costume looks like ours.
Atina: Ma...do you suppose that we really are Earth
women...?
Both (light dawning on Marble Head):
AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
----------
[Okay, dear Reader, HERE IT COMES.....]
Caption: "And if the shock of returning to home and business
after eight months wasn't enough for Hikaru Daitokuji..."
Cap: Hikaru-Sama...I have a wonderful present for you.....
Hikaru (screaming and fleeing the room):
NONONONONONONONONONONO!!!!!!!
----------
Caption: "It is some months later..."
Shot of a family scene. Alana and Captain are off in a
corner having hysterics.
Shiiko and Mitsuko are carrying their boombox, which is
blasting Aretha Franklin's "Respect". Akana is doing
swordplay in the other corner.
Hikaru, shaking and looking kind of pitiful, is holding a
cigar while Seiji lights it.
Cap (sotto voce, to Alana):
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Great Mother Alana Hikaru's
wearing his 1976 Elvis costume with the sequins and white
satin bellbottoms!!!!!!! HEE HEE HEE Help me to stop
laughing before I go into premature labor HA HA HA HA...
Alana (laughing into her hand): Whoops Ma I think my water
just broke HA HA HA HA HA...
[They love Hikaru, but not his taste in clothes...]
Akana (doing the Napolipolita sword-twist-over-the-head
move): EAT FLAMING DEATH, KIRLIAN PIG-DOG!!!!
Hikaru (the hand holding the cigar quivers a little): Ohh
boy kids kids kids kids in space kids in careers kids in the
cradle kids who are still buns in the oven well that's what
I get for taking up with a woman twelve years younger than
me and an alien too oh well bring 'em on I say why not I can
afford them Lord knows I'll just ship them all off to
Harvard Business School and give a subsidiary to each one of
them although if Mama has her way they'll all be armed and
dangerous and off on some asteroid blasting away at God
knows what I don't know what the deal is with these Cygnans
fertility-goddess worship and good-golly-whatall they're
probably worried that the race will die out because of all
those wars they're constantly waging out there in deep space
lovely women fascinating too but watch yourself son if you
know what I mean hmmm oh whatever.
Seiji (who dotes on his father-in-law): Yes sir.
Meanwhile B-Ko has entered the room. Perhaps she thinks that
pregnancy is catching, because she avoids Alana and Aysha.
However, she can't avoid Arisa, who sees that B-Ko is in a
snit and takes the opportunity to see if she can put in the
knife.
Bko (stepping right into it): It was SO quiet here when you
people were gone...now it's chaos.
You lousy aliens aren't happy unless you're reproducing like
a bunch of brown rabbits....
Arisa: Oh just SIT on it you poop. You're so jealous you
can barely contain yourself, especially since that cute
computer guy DUMPED YOUR SORRY BUTT for acting like a total
self-centered DORK.
Hey-y-y-y B-Ko...want to help me plan my WEDDING?
[Bull's eye! Hell of a shot!]
----------
Caption: "A visitor arrives.."
B-Ko, looking very pretty, sits on the couch next to a
handsome young soldier. Hikaru, Captain, Shiiko, and Kazushi
sit on a loveseat (how apropos!) while the fellow talks
about his career.
Hikaru (to himself): Commander Yashida's nephew seems like a
nice young man.
Yashida: And after I graduated from the War College, I began
my specialized training and now I'm ready for...
Bko (to herself): Never thought a military man would appeal
to me -- but-----hmmmmm....
Kazushi (being very good for the company, to herself): I
would never suck my thumb in front of strangers..
Cap (thinking): Maybe we'll get rid of her hot diggety damn!
----------
Caption: "A few weeks later.."
Captain and Alana are happily working on a large schematic.
Cap: Just look at this new synchronic deflector system I
designed...
Alana (her eyes crossing): Uhhhh Ma.
MA.
Ma.
MAAAAA....
MAMAMAMAMAMAMAMA!!!!!
Captain stands and wraps her arms around Alana.
Alana: Ma! It's time! ow
Cap (her eyes crossing): so it is ow
Seiji races into the room, hysterical. Hikaru is already
standing there, arms crossed and smoking a cigar.
Seiji: ALANA! DARLING!
Alana: OW
Cap: OW OW
Hikaru (nonplussed): Hmmm. A double-header. Well, son, it
appears to be zero hour. I suggest that we go get a drink.
Seiji (not believing what he just heard): HOW CAN YOU
POSSIBLY LEAVE AT A TIME LIKE THIS!!!!!!!
Hikaru (with his stogie between his teeth): Watch me.
----------
Caption: "Later -- "
We see a door, and hear two voices coming from behind it.
Cap: AN HOUR AND FORTY-TWO MINUTES!!!! YEEEEEEE
HAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Alana: TWO HOURS, FIFTY-ONE MINUTES! THIS was EASY!!!!!!!!!
Seiji (thrilled): Is it a girl?
Hikaru (rolling his eyes, to himself): Of COURSE it is,
dummy. This kid is DENSE.
A few minutes later, the women stagger out, triumphant.
Alana (starry-eyed, holding her baby): OH HOW ADORABLE OH
SEIJI I WANT A DOZEN YOU'RE SO SWEET LITTLE AKIKO OOH OOH
OOH!!!!
Cap (looking like someone ran her down with a mail train):
You're adorable too Athenia but baby you are the LAST ------
-
Seiji (flipping out): OH MY GOD!!!! DID YOU HEAR THAT?????
Hikaru (an old hand at this): What did I tell you. Just
wait until Zero Population Growth puts YOU on their hit
list...(Propping up Captain and holding the baby): DADDY'S
LITTLE TAX DEDUCTION !
Cap: I'm old old I'm too old old old
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Seiji, delighted, holds Akiko while Alana's friends pour
into the house.
Seiji: Am I doing this right?
Atina: Alana! How do you feel?
Alana: Great. Fabulous. It was so EASY.
Arisa: If it's as easy as all that, I won't mind at all...!
Akira (to himself, horrified): WHAT did she say?? I'm not
even out of high school!
Cygnan #1: Ooh little sweetheart!
Cygnan #2: Isn't she cute?
Cygnan #3: Nice work, Alana!
Captain is fading fast.
Cap: (Did someone put me through a hay baler??)
Hikaru: Akana, come take the baby quickly.
Akana (thinking): Earth brat...
----------
Akana holds the baby while her mother rests for a few
minutes. Instead of enjoying the child, she begins to cry.
Captain, with painful effort, gets up and comes over to her.
Cap (to Akana): (You're my little baby..)
Captain holds Akana for a while.
Cap: (Even when you're a grown woman, you'll still be my
little baby.)
----------
It is a few days later. Hikaru sits on the couch with all
seven of his daughters. Sitting next to his oldest is
Commander Yashida's nephew. In the background, Commander
Yashida himself talks to Captain.
Yashida (as if he is bestowing a great favor): Director-
General, I was sorry to hear that you renounced your Cygnan
citizenship and resigned as ambassador. But...good news!
I personally intervened on your behalf with the brass and
got you appointed ambassador to THESSALONIKA!
Cap (to herself): I'm dead.
Hikaru (steam is coming out of his ears; Kazushi is watching
it): WAIT A MINUTE!!! ISN'T THE THESSALONIKAN COMMANDER HER
LITTLE BUDDY ATOLA????????
Cap (stricken): Larry. I couldn't possibly.
Yashida (walking away): Of COURSE you can. You'll
reconsider once you're feeling better. Make it a personal
quest....
Mitsuko shifts her position and makes contact with B-Ko on
the couch. B-Ko gives her a shove with her elbow. As far as
she is concerned, she is the ONLY Daitokuji daughter in the
house.
Bko (not so loud that the nephew can hear it): Move over or
beat it, kid.
----------
Hikaru puts Azia and Aria in their Victorian-style carved
crib. He is very upset.
Hikaru: What a disaster! My daughter floods the market with
mechas, causing the price to plummet..then some shock-headed
gigantic alien ladykiller is going to be chasing my
Ayshalita across the galaxy at light-speed velocity!!
Go to sleep, babies.
Captain encounters him in the hallway and points her index
finger at his nose.
Cap: Don't you worry about a thing.
Hikaru stands in the hallway while Captain carries Athenia
down the hall.
Hikaru (thinking): Easier said than done, my dear.
Cap (thinking): Poor Hikaru-Sama is beside himself. I need
to nip this in the bud.
----------
Caption: "Some time later, the Thessalonikan ambassador and
General Atola pay a courtesy visit to Earth..."
Ambassador (a black-haired hunk): What an honor to meet one
of this planet's heroes!
Atola (at it again): And what an honor to look upon your
beauty once again.
Cap (rolling her eyes): Oh brother.
She turns to lead them down the hall to the CAA conference
room.
Atola: A private word if I may, Director-General...
Cap (baring her teeth, to herself): Thank the Great Mother
that Hikaru is at home watching the babies!
They go into an empty office. Atola closes the door and
pulls her to him.
Cap (recoiling): HEY DIMWIT. DIDN'T I SAY NO??????
Atola (who can't imagine such a thing): Don't tire yourself
out resisting my charms.
Cap: UHHHH ATOLA ---
He kisses her nose.
Cap: I ---
He kisses her cheek.
Cap: HAVE ---
He kisses her mouth. She shakes her fist.
Cap: ELEVEN
KIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!
Atola's eyes widen in shock. He runs out of the room
screaming, nearly knocking over the ambassador in the
process.
Atola:
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Cap (shaking her fists in front of her; triumphant): THAT
was EASY!!!!!
Ambassador (concerned): I hope that nothing has occurred to
damage the cordial relationship
enjoyed by Thessalonika and Earth...?
----------
Caption: "That evening, at a state reception..."
Hikaru is dancing with Captain. Atola and the ambassador can
be seen talking to a group of people in the background.
Atola looks over at her every few seconds, but stays put.
Hikaru: I can't believe it. Your little buddy Atola is
avoiding you like the plague!
Cap (gazing into his blue eyes): Sigh. Well, I told him
earlier today that you'd pound him if he put the moves on
me.....
Hikaru (his tranquility restored): That must be it! He's
scared!
----------
Caption: "Ms. Ayumi-Shirasaka supplies the fireworks for the
Trip Reunion picture.."
The entire group poses for a photo while fireworks explode
behind them. Both of the Daitokujis hold armloads of
children. Akana poses with her pulse rifle. Asami wears her
Project A-Ko
t-shirt. Alana holds Akiko. Mitsuko and Shiiko hold a large
sign which says "SURVIVORS OF TRIP TO ALPHA CYGNI" and is
decorated with daisies.
Cap (smiling, but only for the picture): HIKARU, IS THAT
SIGN A JOKE????
Hikaru: I'm afraid not, Ayshalita. Smile and say "MONEY"!!
Ayumi-Shirasaka Sensei: Hold that pose and take a pretty
picture !!!!
------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------
-------
THE END (FOR NOW!)
************************************************************
*************************************************
Now that you've been to the land where Women are Women and
Men are cannon fodder, hold onto your hat ... Atola's
coming back! In the next issue, the Thessalonikan
heartthrob has taken a walk down Memory Lane and has decided
that Aysha should be his again -- even though her heart
belongs to Daitokuji! To add to the fun, Arisa and Akira
tie the knot -- and guess who crashes the wedding? Sayonara
for now!
(
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