NARRATIVE OF PROJECT A-KO 12 THE NEXT GENERATION COMIC
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COMIC
NO. 8
PROJECT A-KO 12 THE NEXT GENERATION: PREQUEL !
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INTRODUCTORY SONG (I'm sure you know the tune..."feel free
to clap along...")
There's a story
Of a lovely lady (?)
Who was bringing up five wild Cygnan girls,
Each of them had hair of green, like their mother
But Hikaru's liked girls?
And here's a story
Of a man whose billions
Were the answer to this lonely soldier's prayers,
The only problem was
His angry daughter
Who made sure she gave the aliens nightmares.
So this burned-out alky captain grabbed this fellow
And we knew that it was much more than a hunch
That this group should somehow be a family --
That's the way we formed THE DAITOKUJI BUNCH!
************************************************************
*****************************************************
AFTER OUR MUSICAL INTERLUDE, ON TO THE STORY ---- !
Shot of Director-General Aysheia Lisia Napolipolita-
Daitokuji (Captain ND, for short) and her half-Earthling
kids. They are streaking across the Graviton City sky in
her Napolipolita-Daitokuji Limited Edition Skyscooter, AKA
"Harley Hyperdrive" (yes, they ARE wearing their seat
belts...). The girls are all used to their Ma's daredevil
piloting maneuvers by now and are just enjoying the ride.
Mitsuko (shouting above the wind blast): MAAAAA --- DID OUR
ALIEN SISTERS HAVE A HARD TIME ADJUSTING TO EARTH, YEARS
AGO??
Cap: WHAT AN INTERESTING QUESTION, MITSUKO.
Kazushi: Oh boy! A story!
----------
Cap: "As you remember, I was Captain of the Egota spaceship
which searched for sixteen years to find C-Ko, our lost
princess. Of course, after the gunfight on the bridge ---
the ship ---UH --
crashed.
D (as of old, wearing her battle bikini and with her eyes
crossed): Uh Captain. I think you accidentally
machinegunned the controls to the self-destruct...
Cko: A-Ko! Let's forget this spaceship and go get an ice
cream!
Bko (in her Akagiyama 23 power biosuit): I'll rescue you, C-
Ko!!!
A-Ko gives her SUCH a look. Captain, in the meantime, is
going into seizures from alcohol withdrawal.
Cap: AARGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'VE RUN OUT OF
BOOZE!!!!!
----------
Cap: Then we converted the wrecked ship into the "SPACESHIP
HOTEL" ---
Shot of the Egota, skewered neatly on the remains of the
Second Class Egota's spire/Earth Defense Force Command
Center, featured on a billboard advertisement. Superimposed
over it is the photo of a lovely Cygnan carrying a tray of
drinks - "VISIT THE ALIEN SHIP AND EXPERIENCE SERVICE THAT'S
OUT OF THIS WORLD!"
----------
Cap: --which was, after a few attempts, totally destroyed by
the Earthlings.
Shot of the exploding and burning ship. Captain is sailing
through the air upside down, screaming "GREAAAT MOTHER!
NOT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!
----------
Shot of Captain staggering down an alley along the
waterfront.
Cap: And I got very depressed and drank too much. But then
D and your daddy helped me get a job.
----------
Mitsuko: And didn't you fight and defeat the man who killed
Grandmother, and save our Princess, Ma?
Cap: I most certainly did...and your sister Alia became a
hero, too.
Shot of Captain and General Tokuro in their final
swordfight, with Cadet Alia Napolipolita running onto the
scene.
----------
Cap: Then I got married at last --
Shot of Hikaru and she, still in the Akagiyama 23 power
biosuit/Cygnan captain's uniform, smooching.
Hikaru: Great Mother!
----------
Cap: --a ceremony solemnized by the Rock of the Century.
Captain holds up her hand and wiggles her fingers, to draw
attention to the 23-carat "little token of affection" on
her finger.
Cap: Eat your hearts out, stupid wimpy Earth women.
----------
Cap: Of course, B-Ko was none too pleased with the idea of
sharing the Daitokuji Family Fortune.
Shot of B-Ko spying on the couple.
Hikaru: I've had my lawyers prepare the adoption papers
already.
Bko: He's GOT to be kidding!!
----------
Cap: We did have a -- uhh -- "period of adjustment" --
Shot of Captain and B-Ko clothes-shopping. Captain has tried
on a gorgeous gown, which she obviously loves [and can
afford to buy too, I might add...she could buy the
manufacturer too if she was so inclined, and the building
itself, and the real estate management holding company which
owns it, and....excuse me, I digress...].
Cap: Oooh B-Ko-san. Do you like this on me?
Bko (thinking): I'd like you better in a body bag, you
burned-out alien COW.
----------
Cap: So let me tell you girls how the aliens invaded the
Daitokuji Mansion!!
----------
Caption: "Taking a little vacation is easy -- if you own
Tahiti..."
Captain and Hikaru are in their swimsuits, sitting on discs
which float in the air. The table too is a floating disc.
Hikaru had already figured out some time ago that if he
couldn't get his hands on the alien technology, he should at
least get his hands on an alien.
Cap (drinking a Daitokuji Cola): Hikaru-Sama. While I'm
waiting for my girls to be transported here from Alpha
Cygni, I'd like to develop an anti-gravity grid that we
could use instead of individual ship components -- you know,
kind of like a tennis racquet extending across the
stratosphere...? [N.B. Cap's pretty sharp since she dried
out...]
Hikaru (to himself): I wish I understood a tenth of what
she's talking about. The alien supertechnology is beyond the
wildest dreams of Earth physicists and it's all mine, mine,
MINE!!
(Aloud) Anything you want, Aysha.
Cap (to herself, referring to the floating discs): Hope he
likes this cute little antigravity table and chair set I
designed just for our getaway!
----------
Shot of their outside whirlpool, which is surrounded by
exotic tropical foliage and replenished constantly by a sky-
blue waterfall. [And could you DIE? Could you just flop
down on the ground and DIE??]
Cap: And just THINK about the strategic implications, Hikaru-
Sama!! Not to MENTION the commercial ones...all I need is
a prototype vehicle and a beam projection system and I am
PSYCHED on this Hikaru-Sama yak yak yak yak --
Hikaru is in the water, holding a drink but not looking too
relaxed.
Hikaru (to himself): I'm airsick from that lousy patio set.
Cap: You'll love it. A whole new technology, just for my
sweetie......
----------
Caption: "Back in Graviton City, the planning begins."
Shot of Captain in a business suit. You can almost see the
wheels turning.
Cap: My crowning achievement would have been bringing the
Princess back to Alpha Cygni -- kind of botched THAT one --
but wouldn't my girls be proud of me if I ended war on this
planet
by ringing the whole shooting match with FORCE FIELDS --?
Napolipolita, you are SO clever, hee hee!
She throws her blueprints (in Cygnan duplix code, so
competitors or co-workers can't steal them) under her arm
and bombs down the hall. Mind you, she is nearly six feet
tall and is also wearing four-inch spike heels. She loves
intimidating the other NDFG directors, who deeply resent
her, and this is just another way to rub their faces in her
overall superiority.
.
Cap (to herself): What a great track record of
accomplishments! Protection against intergalactic and
domestic attack for Mother Earth, AAAAAND a new baby for
Mother ME! Eat my dust, stuffy male Earthling nasty
executives HA HA HA HA.....
The Directors of Development and Commerce scrutinize this
green-headed dynamo as she strides by, humming a song (it
is an Beta Lyraean love ballad, so they can't really tell
how horribly out of tune she is).
D Director: She has NO idea of the value of money.
C Director: Unfortunately for us, she doesn't have to.
Please dear Lord, don't let her start SINGING --- !!!!
----------
Captain is holding a meeting. The conference table is
surrounded by corporate heavies. A flip-chart stands next to
her at the head of the table.
Cap: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Napolipolita-Daitokuji
Financial Group, we have the honor of embarking on a new
project.
Exec #1: Great!
Exec #2: Sounds terrific to me.
D Director (snotty): SWELL.
C Director (likewise): Money down a rathole.
She swoops over to the flip-chart, in her best dramatic
manner.
Cap: The plan is to cloak this planet in an interlocking
grid which is impenetrable by every known terrestrial and
extraterrestrial offensive weapon. It will be extended
across the sky by means of a specially-designed ship....
D Director (to himself): Sort of like a spider-web. How
CYGNAN....
---------
After the meeting breaks up, the two directors rush into an
office to start conspiring against Captain's game plan.
D Director: THE END OF WAR AS WE KNOW IT!!!! What about our
BILLION DOLLARS in MILITARY CONTRACTS???? Well, NO
WAY!!!!!!!!!!!
----------
Caption: "But later..."
Shot of Hikaru walking away from the Director of Commerce
and Captain (who is Director of Strategic Planning, if you
recall). He hasn't thought through the implications of
what she just proposed. He just wants to make her happy and
earn billions.
Hikaru: Just make sure the young lady has everything she
needs...
C Director (obsequious as hell): OH YES SIR!!!
Captain radiates adoration.
----------
Caption: "Captain takes her prototype ship on a test run
several months later..."
The ship streaks through the sky over the testing range. It
is similar to a Cygnan Omni, but shows definite Earth
influences.
Cap (piloting, of course): Central Control -- I'm ashamed to
admit that I'm feeling a bit --- pukey --
UURRRRPPPPP!!!!
At least she isn't sick from drinking, right? Soon she is
back at the controls, flipping various switches and trying
to encourage everything to run properly.
Cap (to the ship...you know, like you talk to plants...?)
COME ON SWEETIE HONEYBUNCH DOLLFACE COME ON COME ON COME ON
COME ON OOOHHH YOU'RE SOOOOO GOOD YOU'RE THE BEST PIECE OF
MACHINERY EVER CRAFTED BY THE HANDS OF WOMEN
COME ON COME ON COME ON BABY KICK IT KICK IT KICK IT OOH
SUCH LOVELY HARDWARE KICK IT KICK IT........
Her reverie is interrupted by a hideous noise, followed by a
catastrophic explosion.
Cap: OH GREAT MOTHER NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
((BWAAP!))
She is flung backward into the air and plummets straight
down.
Cap: I hate this.
(Still falling..) Sigh. What will I say to Hikaru-Sama?
Finally, her chute, bearing the NDFG logo, opens with a loud
"FWAP."
Cap: At least SOMETHING works....
----------
She hits the ground, shucks off the parachute, and runs over
to the blazing wreckage.
Cap: Yikes! Not much left to analyze!
----------
Caption: "Later --"
She is back in her business attire and is standing in front
of Hikaru's office. She enters, chewing her nails, and sits
down.
Cap: Uh. Sweetie. We had a little setback.
Hikaru (with great foreboding): ------! HOW "LITTLE"?
D Director (spying): He'll send her home to knit booties for
sure!
C Director (ditto): I don't think alien soldiers knit.
Cap (after taking a deep breath): Well...hehehehehehehhhh...
It seems we uh, lost the prototype...kaboom and sayonara heh
heh...
Hikaru flings himself backward in his chair, choking.
Hikaru: UGGGGG ECCHHHHH AKKKK GASP --
Captain has slipped behind his chair and has put her arms
around him. The woman is no fool.
Cap (tickling his ear): You aren't MAD, ARE you?
Hikaru (still in shock): TWENTY-THREE MILLION
DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cap (grabbing him even tighter): OH SWEETIE I JUST KNEW
YOU'D UNDERSTAND!
----------
Caption: "Later..."
She bops out of his office, a big smile on her face.
Hikaru (calling after her): Don't worry about a thing,
Ayshalita...I'll just bribe the shareholders!!!
Cap: Heh. Well. Now for the postmortem on what's left of
my beautiful ship.
D Director (behind her, to himself): WILL WE NEVER BE RID
OF THIS AMAZON??????
----------
She is sorting through charred machinery, picking various
pieces of hardware out of the mess with her long green-
painted nails (which also serve dual purpose as offensive
weapons ---)
Cap: What in the name of the Great Mother is THIS?? (She
picks up a plug and examines the cord running from it)
!!!!!! SOME IDIOT HOTWIRED MY LATERAL CIRCUITS TO THE
SYNCHRONIC MODULATORS!!!! Now who on my crew would have
been dumb enough to do THAT?
(Suddenly, light dawns on Marble Head! She flings her
Cygnan shades across the room, where they shatter) GAAH!!
CORPORATE SABOTAGE!!!!!!
She and her fingernails race out the room; she plans to use
the latter on somebody's face. Then, she remembers to do it
the EARTHLING WAY ---
----------
Caption:"Captain calls a no-regrets-accepted meeting of the
top execs of the NDFG..."
She enters the room. Her shadow falls over the Directors of
Development and Commerce, whose expressions turn to horror
when they see the look in her eyes. Hikaru, standing by the
windows, is happy to see her.
Cap (clenching and unclenching her fists slowly): HELLO
BOYS.
Without a word, the Directors sprint past her out the door
and down the corridor. She pounds after them in hot pursuit.
D Director: Holy GOD!!!
C Director: THE WOMAN IS PSYCHOTIC!!!!!
Cap (shrieking): OHHHHHHHHH BOYS.........................!
Hikaru (hearing the fracas and sticking his head out of his
office): Ayshalita --?
She turns a sharp corner on a dime (even in heels!) and
prepares to leap on them. The men, however, stumbled coming
around that same corner, and now know in their hearts that
they are lost.
Cap: YOU'RE DOGMEAT!!!
Hikaru (realizing that she's at it again): Dollface...?
C Director: I JUST HATE GETTING POUNDED BY THE BOSS'S
WIFE!!!!
----------
She now has the executives cornered in an empty conference
room.
Cap: YOU EARTHLING SCUMBAGS REALLY TAKE THE CAKE, YOU KNOW,
TRYING TO EMBARRASS ME IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY IN THE COMPANY
INCLUDING HIKARU AND I SWEAR IF I EVER SEE YOUR FACES
ANYWHERE NEAR MY DEPARTMENT AGAIN I'LL KICK YOUR SORRY ASSES
FROM HERE TO THE ORBIT OF NEPTUNE AND I REALLY DON'T
APPRECIATE YOUR INSENSITIVITY I'VE SPENT THE ENTIRE WEEK
PUKING AND I'M HAVING A BAD HAIR MONTH AND MY VARICOSE VEINS
ARE KICKING UP AND BY THE WAY AS LONG AS I'M AT IT AND
HIKARU YOU'D BETTER LISTEN TO THIS BABE THERE'S WAY TOO MUCH
TESTOSTERONE SLOSHING AROUND THIS CORPORATION LATELY AND I'M
REALLY SICK AND TIRED OF IT ALL HAVE YOU GOT THAT STRAIGHT?
Hikaru, livid, turns to his Director of Development, who is
trying to stave off cardiac arrest himself.
Hikaru: You WHAT?
D Director (now without hope of redemption): So much for
male bonding...
Captain grabs him by the lapel and hauls him to his feet
with one hand. She sticks a fist in his face.
Cap (This girl knows her corporate protocol): There's your
twenty-three million, Hikaru-Sama.
May I suggest a demotion?
Hikaru (smiling and walking away): HANDLE IT FOR ME,
DIRECTOR OF STRATEGIC PLANNING.
Captain boots the Director of Development across the room
while humming a tune -- a Thessalonikan drinking song this
time, and badly hummed at that.
Cap: Thank YOU very MUCH.
C Director (scrabbling to get away from her): I'D BETTER GET
A DECENT SEVERANCE PACKAGE!
Cap (taking just a moment to catch her breath): It's not
nice to fool Mother Napolipolita!
She flies across the conference room table at the Director
of Development, who once again is trying to escape.
Cap (claws extended): YOU'LL BE SHINING MY SHOES, PAL!
D Director (frantic by now): Mr. Daitokuji Sir CALL HER
OFF!!!
She whips around and gut-punches the Director of Commerce,
who is also trying to flee.
Cap (screaming): I'LL TEACH YOU TO MESS WITH ME YOU SACK OF
SPACEDUNG!
She is becoming tired but has enough energy to hurl both of
them out of the room and into the corridor, where they
collide with the hapless copier repairman.
Cap: SURRENDER YOUR KEYS TO THE EXECUTIVE WASHROOM!
(I always get into fistfights in these comics, you ever
notice?)
----------
Caption: "Later..."
Hikaru is back at his desk. Captain is standing beside him,
flexing her biceps and feeling like a million bucks (that's
a PUN hyuk hyuk).
Cap: Kid's still got it.
Hikaru (agitated, trying to pull her by the left leg): NOW
WILL YOU TAKE A NAP???????
She hugs him on her way out.
Hikaru: And you'll have pleasant dreams. Your daughters will
be here soon.
----------
Caption: "The following month, the Cygnan vessel bearing the
Commander and the Napolipolita girls makes its final
approach."
Shot of the ship going into Earth orbit.
Caption: "Alia -- the oldest -- is at the Cygnicity Space
Academy, but on board we have Alana, age 10; Atina, age 7,
Arisa, age 6, and Akana, age 3....and Commander Itisia
Maldekai at the helm."
These little girls have been carefully tended during the
long trip. They have no concept of what this Earth is like,
but if it is their mother's home, they are sure to love it
dearly.
----------
Announcer: This is Yukiko Kado, DNA News Japan, speaking to
you from the Graviton City Spaceport, where an alien landing
with a very special cargo has occurred."
Yukiko has to do a long-shot because NDFG security officers
(led by D) have barred the media from the inside, where
Captain waits to see her children.
----------
The little girls run down a corridor and then down a long
flight of steps. They are shrieking her name in Cygnan.
Cap (already crying): Great Mother. I can't breathe.
She falls to her knees as Arisa runs to her and collapses in
her arms. Unbelieving, she hugs her little green-headed mite
and sobs.
Arisa (elated): I found you first!
Next, Atina runs toward her. She curls herself into
Captain's lap and weaves her fingers through her hair.
Cap: Sweet Atina --
Alana, the prettiest of the girls, is the last of the group
to find her. Captain kisses her face and holds her for a
long while.
Cap: My beautiful Alana. I thought I would never see you
again.
She realizes that Akana has not arrived. She is momentarily
terrified that the child has somehow been lost.
Cap: Where is my baby?
A handsome alien with a long braid and large shades
approaches, carrying Akana in his arms.
Cap (whispering): Great Mother. It's Alie Tuzoia.
Alie: Don't worry, Ayshalita. I have not come to stay. I
only wished to escort Akana to you, and obtained permission
from your Commander to make the trip.
Hikaru (offstage): Hmmm. Old boyfriend. Fabulous.
Alie: I am sorry to hear of all of your misfortunes. Go to
your mother, little one.
Cap: Alie..
Alie presses his palms together and bows to her in the
Anathasian manner.
Alie: Farewell. I hope you are happy in this life you have
chosen.
Hikaru (under his breath, but just barely): So get a move
on, Space Cadet.
Hikaru slips behind Aysha, who is still kneeling on the
hangar floor kissing her baby.
Cap (looking up, as happy as he's ever seen her): Go ahead
and meet your daughters, Hikaru-Sama.
Atina, Arisa, and Alana approach him hesitantly. However,
their smiles show that they are not afraid.
Alana: Are you our new father?
Atina: He looks very cute.
Hikaru is nearly speechless as he notes the resemblance
between mother and daughters.
Hikaru: They're each so beautiful. Do you think they'll
like me?
He tentatively steps forward and kneels down. The girls run
over to him. They haven't seen very many males in their
lifetimes; Alana pats his lavender hair curiously. Arisa and
Atina engage in a shoving contest to see who gets her arms
around his neck first.
Hikaru: (I suppose they do!)
Arisa: ME FIRST!
Cap: Girls, meet your sister B-Ko.
B-Ko very hesitantly steps forward, wearing one of her Jane
Austen pinafore dresses. She has dreaded this day for quite
a while, and has been scrutinizing them mercilessly since
they came into view.
Bko (to herself): Like, I'm too excited to BEAR it. They're
skinny and homely. They look like boys, like their weirdo
mother. Well -- I promised Alia I'd try to like them.
Little Arisa races over and throws her arms around her neck.
There is no joy in B-Ko's face.
Arisa: We love our beautiful Earth sister! (I was first...)
Bko (thinking): Miserable brats.
----------
A-Ko, C-Ko, and their friends have finally been allowed in
by D's security officers. Captain gathers the children
around her and motions them toward C-Ko. Akana is gripping
her around the neck tightly, making it a little hard to get
the words out, but she manages.
Cap (bowing): My dear Princess. May I present my children to
you? Alana..Atina..Arisa. This is our lost Princess.
The little girls are awestruck. It is for this almost-
mythical person that they suffered the loss of their mother
for most of their short lives. C-Ko squeals, delighted that
they are miniature versions of her devoted friend Captain.
----------
Commander Maldekai and her crew have now disembarked. Some
of the Cygnans are scoping out the men working in other
parts of the building. Some are even following them. [Hey,
it gets lonely in deep space ----]
Commander (a sly dog, if you recall from the first comic):
Ah. Earthman Daitokuji. SO glad to see you again.
Daitokuji (cordially): Commander.
She shrugs her cape back..it IS rather warm in the hangar...
Captain glares at her former commanding officer and walks
over to where D is standing.
Cap: Hm. The old 'pull back the cloak' routine. I know THAT
trick. As if he'd be interested in THAT old bat, D-Ko.
D: We're not soldiers any more. You can kick her butt so
hard she'll look like a hunchback, my Captain....
Aysha is halfway thinking about it when C-Ko, holding Akana,
bounces over to B-Ko.
She is thrilled by the instant love they have bestowed on
her, and is happy to reciprocate.
Cko: B-Ko!!! Aren't they CUTE????
Bko: NO.
Atina has had the chance to get a good look at her mother,
and walks over to pat her belly.
Atina: Not again, Ma.
----------
Alana has also had the chance to get a good look at
wonderhunk Kei Yuki. She follows the example set by the
adult Cygnans and sidles over to him.
Alana: Hi there.
Kei (turning): Oh?
Alana (batting her eyes): You are very cute, Earth mister.
Kei has no idea how to react to this little green-headed
teenybopper who stands grinning at him. He is saved from the
effort of figuring it out, because B-Ko -- already upset by
the day's events and by the attention these aliens are
receiving from her own father -- has spotted her.
Bko (with an ungodly shriek): IS SHE OUT OF HER MIND???????
Alana whirls around to face her "beautiful Earth sister."
She is sorry that the bloom is apparently off the rose, but
she HAS been in military school for the past seven years and
is nobody's fool.
Bko (now the center of attention...good thing the press
isn't here!): HEY. HE'S MINE.
Hikaru (shocked): Aysha!!!! She's only ten!!!!
Cap (shrugging): Cygnan sap flows early.
Kei is clueless and just stands there being handsome.
Alana (waving her fists): I CLAIM HIM IN THE NAME OF THE
GREAT MOTHER.
Suddenly, B-Ko whips off the pinafore dress...
Bko: OKAY THEN, COOKIE....YOU ASKED FOR IT....BIOSUIT!!!
She vaults into the air towards Alana. Unfortunately for B-
Ko, the costume does not have the desired effect on the
Cygnan girls, who are now pointing and howling with
laughter.
Akana: What that?
Cap (so angry at B-Ko she is almost in tears): What is her
PROBLEM?
Alana (pointing): Funny Earth-girl strength costume! AH HAH
HA HA HA HA!
Atina: HA HA! What a big butt!
Hikaru: OH FOR GOD'S SAKE, B-KO!!!!!!
----------
Closeup shot of Captain's face, teeth bared.
Cap: LEAVE MY BABY ALONE.
Closeup shot of Hikaru's face, looking stern.
Hikaru: Now girls, stop that squabbling at once.
Closeup shot of D's face. She is rolling her eyes behind her
Cygnan shades.
D: The honeymoon period on this whole arrangement only
lasted twenty minutes! (sigh)
----------
By this time, B-Ko has grabbed Alana by the throat.
Bko: GIVE HIM UP!!!
A-Ko runs forward to throw in her two cents.
Ako: HOLD IT, B-KO! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK HE'S YOURS?
Alana: ECCCHHHHHHH!
This whole chain of events has upset C-Ko terribly. She
loves her friend Captain, and she loves these little mites
who practically worship her. You would think her discomfort
would cause B-Ko to stop, but she is too busy throttling the
little Cygnan to notice.
Cko (just so she will notice):
BWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Keisama, believing that discretion is the better part of
valor, tries to flee even though he has an opportunity to
impress C-Ko.
----------
Captain can stand no more. Kei sees her coming, drops on
the floor, and covers his head.
She vaults over him, ready to drop-kick B-Ko into the
Pacific.
Cap: OKAY KID!!!! You're BUSTED!!!!
Cko (you know the drill): WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BOO
HOOOOOOOOO
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH STOP YOUR FIGHTING
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW----
This is terrible news for Captain, who is holding B-Ko,
biosuit and all, over her head.
Bko: PUT ME DOWN, YOU ALIEN PSYCHO!
Cap (her biceps bulging as well as her belly): Oh poop. A
direct Royal Command.
----------
The fight breaks up. Hikaru shakes his head, wondering why
the women in his life love combat so dearly. Both B-Ko and
Alana stand over Kei, who is prostrate on the linoleum.
Kei: Can I come up now?
Bko (disgusted): KEI, YOU STINK!
Alana (disgusted): KAKAMATANDIS!
----------
Caption: "The landing falls short of being a bridge to
intergalactic cooperation and understanding."
Commander Maldekai, who has kept her eye on Hikaru the whole
time, saunters past Captain.
Commander (smirking, barely able to contain herself):
Perhaps this "relationship" with the Earth man and his child
is a mistake for you, Sister.
Cap: Kiss off, Sister.
Commander: Stupid --- tying herself down to that old man.
It's a big galaxy out there, Aysheia my girl --- However, if
she discards him while I am here, I will see for myself what
the attraction is.
Captain is right behind her, making faces (a useful Earth
behavior) ---
Cap: NASTY OLD BAG YOU STINK DROP DEAD GET OFF MY PLANET
Meanwhile, Hikaru and Alie Tuzoia are staring each other
down.
Hikaru (to himself): Weren't you just LEAVING, Flyboy? (MINE
MINE MINE MINE MINE------)
Alie (to himself): Sigh...Relax, Earthling. I preferred her
drunk.
Bko (limping away): SOMEBODY CALL THE BAD VIBES POLICE!
----------
Caption: "As always, the media is intensely interested in
what Captain Napolipolita-Daitokuji has to say about the
children's arrival..."
Captain holds a press conference the next day. The girls
shriek with laughter at the reporters' stunned and
unbelieving reactions to her comments.
Cap: WELL, I'M THRILLED THAT WE'RE ALL TOGETHER AGAIN BUT
PERSONALLY I CAN THINK OF BETTER PLACES IN THE GALAXY TO
HAVE BROUGHT THEM TO LIVE I MEAN THIS PRIMITIVE BALL OF ROCK
IS OK BUT NO PLACE TO RAISE GIRLS THIS PLACE
OFFERS WOMEN NO CHANCE FOR SERIOUS ADVANCEMENT EXCEPT MAYBE
FOR ME
OF COURSE I DID BLOW AWAY EARTH'S SPACESTATION AND CRASHED
ONTO YOUR CITY AND THEN BAGGED MYSELF A BILLIONAIRE I MEAN I
CERTAINLY GOT YOUR ATTENTION.... (Now off on a tangent...)
IN FACT WHAT THIS PLANET REALLY NEEDS IS A GOOD OLD-
FASHIONED GENDER WAR...THERE'S NO BETTER EQUALIZER BETWEEN
THE SEXES THAN A GOOD BLASTER...WHICH LEADS ME TO MENTION
FOR YOUR FEMALE VIEWERS MY LATEST INVENTION WHICH WILL BE
AVAILABLE SOON I HAVE PERSONALLY DESIGNED JUST FOR YOU EARTH
LADIES MY NAPOLIPOLITA-DAITOKUJI
HEAVY-DUTY ANTI-ASSAULT AND HARRASSMENT PULSEGUN WHICH WILL
FIT NEATLY AND CONVENIENTLY IN YOUR PURSE OR POCKET.....
News Director (pulling his cameraman away and elbowing his
way through the reporters): I DON'T CARE IF SHE IS WORTH
$460 MILLION! SHUT THAT CRAZY ALIEN BROAD UP----
----------
Caption: "The girls experience the movies."
A-Ko and C-Ko have treated the Cygnans to a Ranma 1/2 movie
(B-Ko is there too, but refused to help pay for their
tickets). On the screen, Shampoo is knocking the living crap
out of Ranma, who is trying to defend himself.
Alana (loudly, out of the audience): LOOK! AMAZON GIRL IS
HITTING THE BOY!
Voice: SHHHHHHHHH!!!
Another Voice: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
The Cygnans excitedly spring to their feet and begin
punching the air.
Alana (to Shampoo): KICK HIS KAKAMATANDIS BUTT!
Atina (swinging a fist): VICTORY IS YOURS!
Arisa (jumping up and down in her seat): BYE BYE STUPID BOY
FIGHTER!
Bko: I'LL KILL THEM!!!
Voice: WILL YOU SHUT THE HELL UP?
Kei: Hmm?
Voice: DO YOU MIND?
Voice: SHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Voice: FEET OFFA THE SEATS!
----------
After the movie, everyone walks to the limo. The Earthlings
are shellshocked; the Cygnans are pumped.
Alana (loudly): I swear by the Great Mother that was the
BEST "movie" I've ever SEEN!
Atina: It was the ONLY "movie" you've ever seen, Sister
Alana.
Arisa: Whew! I'm exhausted!
Ako (a devilish gleam in her eye): I'm GLAD they annoy B-Ko.
Bko (almost foaming at the mouth in rage and embarrassment):
DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD!!!!!!!
Cko (NOBODY insults her little fan club): Awww take it
easy, B-Ko! They're my kind of people!
----------
Caption: "The aliens experience shopping --"
Back in the Ako3 boutique! The geometric-haired salesclerk
(who some believe to be Cygnan herself) has been helping the
girls look less..uh, alien. Alana, her extremely long hair
punked out to the max, is thrilled with the cheongsam blouse
she has just tried on.
Alana: EARTHGIRL!
C-Ko, who is holding Arisa this time, smiles.
Arisa: This is fun, my Princess!
Salesclerk: You look really cute. How about some earrings?
Bko (being a bitch again..duhh): Hope nobody thinks I'M
paying for this spree.
----------
Caption (continued): "....and eating...."
The Cygnans walk away from an ice cream stand, learning how
to eat their cones before they melt.
----------
Caption (concluded): "....and going into shock!"
The girls are looking at their new home for the zillionth
time, beyond impressed.
Alana: WE LIVE HERE!
Arisa (prayerfully): Great Mother!
Cap: Hikaru-Sama, luxury is unknown in our culture. All of
our money is spent on military defense. [N.B. There's a lot
of guys out there in space who would LOVE to take over an
all-woman planet....]
----------
Caption: "Ah..the comforts of home!"
The girls are all piled into the big bed with their parents.
Akana is in her mother's arms. Arisa sleeps with her arm as
far around her Ma's waist as it will permit. Alana sleeps
on Captain's feet. Atina has fallen asleep next to Hikaru.
Hikaru (smiling): Guess I'd better get used to more people
in this house!
Unbeknownst to any of them, B-Ko stews in her room,
comforting herself with revenge fantasies.
----------
Caption: "The next day brings a visit to Ma and Daddy's
office..."
The Daitokujis and their executives sit around a round
conference table. The children are making themselves right
at home. Arisa has her arms and legs wrapped around Hikaru.
Arisa (singing): LOVE MY
DADDYDADDYDADDYDADDYDADDYDADDYDADDYDADDY ----
Executive (hesitating): Uh..Mr. Daitokuji, sir...should I
continue?
Hikaru (nonplussed): By all means.
Atina is scooting on her tummy across the smooth polished
tabletop in order to get to the plate of pastries at the
center. Alana has found the Director of Development, and is
vigorously pounding his arm repeatedly with her right fist.
Alana: You were mean to my mama, Earth pig!!!
D Director (not amused): getthehelloutofherelittlegirl OUR
SECOND QUARTER EARNINGS
REFLECTED aowwWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!
Executive: Aysha. They're absolutely adorable.
Cap (to whom Akana is clinging): I hope the one currently
in production will be as lively.
----------
Caption: (continued) "--not to mention sister B-Ko's
bedroom."
Arisa and Akana are peeking out from B-Ko's underwear
drawer. Atina, with a bra on her head like animal ears,
frowns as B-Ko barrels into the room.
Bko: GET OUT OF HERE YOU ALIEN BRATS!!!!!
Cap (shaking her finger): Now girls you must learn to
respect other people's boundaries.
----------
Caption: "Of course, a visit to B-Ko's Graviton City Girls'
High School home room is a necessity."
Shot of the girls in the class of Ayumi Sensei, who is
chatting with Captain in the foreground.
B-Ko is bitching to Ine about the aliens.
Ine (egging her on): Just think....they'll be wearing our
school uniform, Miss B-Ko.....
B-Ko (glaring at them, her arms crossed): I could just
SMACK them. They're SO annoying.
C-Ko is charging around the room giving Arisa a horsie ride.
Arisa: I love my beautiful lost Princess!
Alana and Atina look directly in front of them and see a
pair of huge, sturdy legs -- like the trunks of the fabled
Sequoias -- in knee socks. They look up and see Mari, who
begins to growl at them. Instead of being frightened, the
girls are thrilled.
Atina: Look, Alana! A HOMEGIRL!!
Alana: And what part of the Lepton Kingdom are you from,
Mari?
Mari: GRRRRRR????????
Ayumi Sensei: Oh yes Captain I remember you the last time I
saw you you were stumbling around in our school courtyard
and then you passed out in the rosebushes oops said the
wrong thing tee hee!
Cap: ?
----------
Caption: "The Cygnan ship heads home..."
Hikaru and Captain see the crew off, standing with their
arms around each other.
Hikaru: Whew.
Cap (to herself): Relax, Hikaru-Sama. He looked better to me
when I was...uh...wrecked.
Commander Maldekai has struck out with Daitokuji but can
still hit on Alie Tuzoia.
She does so.
Commander: This Earth monogamy is tiresome. Want to make
the trip home more interesting?
Alie (knowing which side his bread is buttered on, to
himself): Sigh...Cygnans.
----------
Caption: "One member of the Daitokuji clan feels left out,
however..."
Closeup shot of B-Ko the following afternoon, standing by
Hikaru and watching him pack for a business trip.
Bko: Father Dear -- let's talk about how I feel about
watching you lavish attention and love on
"daughters" who aren't even yours, shall we --?
Hikaru has been dreading this confrontation, and is no mood
for trifling. He throws a stack of papers into his
briefcase.
Bko: Leaving again? That's all I've ever seen of you -- your
back.
Hikaru (already feeling guilty): Enough, B-Ko. I have
important business.
Bko (starting to cry): More important than me? I'm your real
little girl!
I tried to make you love me, but you wouldn't let me. (She
stands in his way and jabs her finger in front of his face)
It's not my fault Mother died!!!!
Hikaru stops in his tracks. His memory balloon shows his
first wife.
Hikaru: I know that. She left us far too early. Every time I
look at you...I see her face.
He sits down, and tries to fashion some sort of explanation
so that B-Ko will understand.
Hikaru: I steeled my heart, and grew hard. Aysha grew hard
too, as loved ones abandoned her.
We were both lost, in a way...she in her booze --
Memory balloon of Captain and her crew, boozing it up with
assorted male humanoids in the "cocktail lounge" of some
distant starbase.
Hikaru: -- and me in my fortune.
Memory balloon of Hikaru ripping up a handful of papers and
flinging them across the room, while his shocked staff looks
on. He is screaming, "I WANT THAT COMPANY! I don't care
how many people are ruined! NAPALM !!!!!"
Hikaru: When our paths crossed, both of us knew we had to
change.
Memory balloon of a miserable Captain in detox, while Hikaru
encourages her into seeing it through.
Hikaru: And it wasn't until then that I realized how I'd
neglected you.
Memory balloon of Hikaru with his head on his fist, deep in
remorse.
Hikaru: I'm so sorry I hurt you. Please forgive me.
Bko, for the first time since childhood, has the chance to
just stand there and be held by her dad.
----------
Caption: "B-Ko isn't the only daughter being asked for
forgiveness."
Shot of Captain and the girls.
Cap: Precious ones. Since coming to Earth, my only goal was
to go home. Our last parting was so painful, and it was all
my fault.
----------
Memory balloon of Commander Maldekai giving Captain a real
chewing-out.
Commander: Captain. We have lavished time and attention on
your mission. It seems, however, that you have spent more
time getting drunk than finding the lost Princess. Your
mission has been a total failure. We are most displeased.
To complete it, we feel that you should have no further
distractions.
Captain turns away, knowing what's coming.
Commander: Therefore, you and your crew will not be allowed
to return home unless your ship carries the Princess.
Captain is dismissed, and heads down the corridor, her cape
billowing behind her.
Cap (to herself): I have disgraced my mother's name. My
failure will cause my children and crew to suffer. Suicide
is out of the question, because of the girls. My shame
suffocates me. I need a drink...
A few hours later, she lies on her bed, nearly comatose.
Atina: I can't wake up Ma!
Alana (wiping her streaming eyes): So what else is new,
Atina.
The next morning, still half drunk, she holds her baby Akana
for a long time.
Cap (sobbing and knowing that she will never return):
Goodbye little one.
----------
Cap: I would give my soul to have been a good mother. All
those years, lost...
Alana breaks into her mother's stream of recollection with
an observation of her own.
Alana: But I tried to become a brave soldier, like you...
Alana's memories show her and a fellow student at the Space
Academy, loaded down with weapons and preparing to take part
in some war games. This girl is obviously not her friend.
Student: Your mother was shipped off because the Commander
didn't have the courage to execute her. The Princess is long
dead. You'll never see her again.
Alana (whirling around): Silence, Elekai! She'll be back.
----------
Both are back in the present moment now.
Alana: We were always proud of you. You devoted your whole
life to finding the Princess, and you did it. And thank you
for being sober, Ma.
Cap (smoothing the child's green hair): You girls are a gift
from the Great Mother.
----------
Caption: "As the girls' first few months on Earth pass by,
things get a little boring..."
Shot of Alana and Atina sitting on their bed, looking out
the window at the night sky.
Alana: Our Earth sister is a poo-face. She hates all of us.
Atina: I can't sleep.
Alana goes over to her closet and pulls out a small crate.
From it, she lifts a furry animal with a long tufted tail.
The creature is small enough to sit in the palm of her hand.
Alana: Look who I brought from home.
Atina (thrilled): Katinky! How did you sneak her past EDF
Quarantine?
Alana (with an evil smile): Wonder how Miss Snot-Nose B-Ko
would like this cute little matinkas as a PET?
----------
Caption: "It's not easy to sneak down a corridor in a
mansion..."
Shot of the girls in silhouette, tippytoeing past the potted
plants and sneaking into B-Ko's bedroom. They place the
matinkas at the foot of the bed, under the covers.
Alana: Pleasant dreams, dopey Earth sister.
----------
Caption: "Later that evening, B-Ko turns in."
She is wearing a pair of pajamas decorated with the DFG logo
(it is an old pair; the new ones have the NDFG logo but B-Ko
refuses to wear anything with THAT on it).
Bko (to herself): Ahh. Eight whole hours without those
Lepton losers.
As she drifts into sleep and rolls over, her feet poke the
sleeping matinkas, causing it to growl.
Suddenly, B-Ko shoots upright in bed, her eyes huge.
----------
Shot of B-Ko, arms waving frantically, racing down the
corridor to her father's room. The matinkas is trailing
her.
Bko (a wail like a fire whistle):
DADEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
As she pounds past the girls' room, Alana and Atina peek out
at her.
Alana (hysterical): There she goes, right on schedule!!!!
Voices are coming out of the parental bedroom.
Hikaru: MY GOD!! B-KO?????
Cap: HIKARU! GREAT MOTHER!!
----------
B-Ko bursts into their darkened room
Bko (her arms pinwheeling):
EYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!
Hikaru's face is a study in shock. Captain kneels upright
and grabs her hair with both hands.
Cap (thinking): WHAT HAVE MY GIRLS DONE NOW!!!!
B-Ko, who by now has grabbed the creature by the tail,
swings it in her face.
Bko (beyond irate): OKAY CAPTAIN WEIRDO WHAT DO YOU CALL
THIS??????
Captain, who has slipped back under the covers, puts her
finger in her mouth, the picture of innocence.
Cap: Uh. A matinkas?
Bko: DAMN THING BIT ME !!!!!!!
Hikaru turns to her as B-Ko clings to him.
Hikaru: You wouldn't know anything ABOUT this, would you,
my angel????????
----------
Shot of Captain tearing down the hall after Alana and Atina,
who have scattered and run.
Cap (shrieking in Cygnan): I DON'T NEED THIS AGGRAVATION AT
ONE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING!!!!!! oof
----------
"The next morning --"
Captain and Hikaru are heading to a meeting. She looks like
something the cat dragged in.
Cap: Ugghh. I'm exhausted. And I've got that proposal to
push through.
Hikaru: They'll LOVE it. I'll SEE to it.
----------
She is making her presentation in front of Hikaru and the
directors.
Cap: The idea is to use this new power source instead of
fossil fuel, water, and nuclear methodologies...
D Director (his face in his hands, to himself): BLAH BLAH
BLAH. MORE CYGNAN BULL BLEEP.
C Director (also to himself): I only kept this job because I
threatened to file assault charges against that brood sow.
----------
Caption: "Some people just never learn, do they?"
C Director (now standing): As Director of Commerce, it is my
opinion that such a venture would not only be ill-advised,
but foolhardy.
Hikaru frowns, then remembers those criminal charges.
D Director: I second that. What your division needs,
Captain, is an entirely new direction.
I'd like to take this opportunity to present MY proposal --
Cap (still standing at the head of the table): What IS this?
A tag team?? (To herself) What was I saying about a gender
war? If these bums want to see some hormonal pyrotechnics,
LET ME PROVIDE THEM. This is going to be GREAT --
She now stands at full attention. Considering her size, this
is difficult but she is not deterred.
She smiles a smile to chill the blood, and peers over the
tops of her Cygnan shades at the two executives. Hikaru is
already preparing to dive under the table.
Cap: What ----- did ------ you ----- say-----?
Hikaru (covering his eyes): Haven't these bozos figured it
out yet? No frontal assaults on Napolipolita!!
Suddenly, she leaps across an adjacent chair and makes a
beeline for the Director of Development. Mind you, this is
quite a sight!
Cap (shrieking): KAKAMATANDIS PIG-DOG!!!!!!
D Director: I'm going to sue Daitokuji for every cent he
possesses!!!!!
The Director of Commerce is currently out of range, but
still running.
Hikaru (waving his hands, frantically): Ayshalita!!! Don't
make any more work for our lawyers, love!
Cap: GIVE ME THAT PROPOSAL!!! Okay okay okay Hikaru give me
a break --
----------
Shot of Captain, flinging the proposal binder across the
room, where it drops right into the wastebasket.
Cap: She SHOOTS!! She SCORES!! AND THE CROWD GOES
WILD!!!!!!!
D Director: Guess she didn't like my proposal.
The Director of Commerce looks on in terror. Hikaru cracks
up. Captain bounds across the room and grabs him in a big
hug.
Cap: See, sweetie??? I didn't pound anyone despite my
expertise in hand-to-hand combat...
oooh my back
She falls silent. Everyone stares at her.
Cap (so suddenly everyone jumps):
EEEEEEEEYIKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I kind of forgot what this
feels like.
The men scatter like wounded rhinos.
Cap (crosseyed): Men really HATE to be around at a time like
this. They're all secretly terrified that you'll just drop
the kid at their wingtips. (She looks up and notes that
Hikaru is running right along with them) DAITOKUJI!!!! ONE
MORE STEP AND YOU'RE TOAST!!!!
Hikaru's only childbirth experience to this point was to
visit his first wife in the hospital after the event. He
skids to a stop. [Can you believe it? This guy is already
saturated with sweat, and HE'S not even the one in
labor..WHAT A WUSSY..!!]
Hikaru: I'm sorry, Ayshalita. I panicked. Lost my head. (to
himself now) OMIGOD OMIGOD OMIGOD I'M GOING TO BE SICK!!!
Cap (philosophically, ruminating over the Earthling male
mystique): Guess all these exuded pheromones make Earth men
go crazy...
Suddenly, a well-dressed young woman enters the room.
Junco: C'mon, Mrs. D ---
She goes over to Captain and begins gently easing her toward
the door.
Junco: Now JUST RELAX and come this way.....everything has
been meticulously planned for this exact moment!! A
specially-equipped MedEvac helicopter awaits you, where it
will airlift you to the new Napolipolita-Daitokuji wing of
the Graviton City Hospital, where a team of 27 doctors stand
by to deliver Planet Earth's first fully-documented Alien-
Earthling baby......
Cap (stunned): THE HELL YOU SAY.
She stops and sighs heavily.
Cap: Earth women are SUCH wimps. Forget it. My girls and a
couple of Cygnan pals will help me.
Junco (distraught): BUT IT'S ALL ARRANGED ! This was my
FIRST major project here since I got my business
administration degree!
Captain smiles and pats her on the shoulder.
Cap: Don't worry. I'll get you a promotion for all your
efforts. I just want to go home... (puts her arm around
Hikaru and heads for the door)...and don't need a bunch of
doctors poking me once I get there.
Company Physician (who has just arrived): And where does
Mama think she's going?
Junco: Sorry, Doc.
----------
They are back at the mansion.
Cap (authoritatively) This is no place for men. This won't
take long, Hikaru-Sama.
Hikaru (weak with relief, to himself): THANK YOU GREAT
MOTHER!!!!!!
Captain is an old hand at this routine, and she summons her
reinforcements. She reaches out and pats B-Ko's face as she
walks toward the other room.
Cap: Come and help me, girls...
Bko: You've GOT to be kidding, Captain Weirdo....
----------
Shot of the door. Hikaru is on the other side, kneeling on
all fours on the polished wood floor,
weeping.
Hikaru: GAH
Cap (from the other side): EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
UNGHH!!! OOOOH!
Bko (ditto): OH MY GOD THIS IS SO DISGUSTING -----
Alana (ditto): Shut up, B-Ko.
----------
Suddenly, Captain and her entourage burst through the door.
She is holding a nice little girl (which is no surprise, as
Cygnans always have girls).
Cap: PERFECT!
Akana: But I'M the baby.
D: Not a bad job at all, my Captain!
Bko (looking as if she was just poleaxed):
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeew.
----------
Caption: "Cygnan superiority shines forth!"
Hikaru holds the new baby, who is swaddled in a handmade
cotton gown with gold dollar-signs embroidered on it.
Cap: Two hours, seventeen minutes. Told you it wouldn't be
long.
Junco (back in business!): Get ready for the press
conference. Clean up Mrs. D for the photo shoot...how about
that nice designer dress?
Cko (in the background, with B-Ko): B-KO!! ARE YOU ALL
RIGHT?
Bko (staggering): BLEAAGHHHHHHH!
----------
Shot of a slightly weak-kneed Captain at a podium festooned
with the NDFG logo. She is holding the baby. She just LOVES
those cameras...
Cap: Thank you all for coming...you'll want to know her name-
-- Shiiko, after my Princess -- Rubia -- after my
grandmother -- Napolipolita-Daitokuji.
Reporter #1: What a mouthful!
Reporter #2: Isn't that nice.
Cko (hysterical): OHHHHH A-KO!!!! SHE NAMED HER AFTER
MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
----------
The press conference is now over. News anchorwomanYukiko
Kado trails the family as they sneak out the back way.
Hikaru: Enough with the publicity --
Yukiko: And here we have Miss B-Ko Daitokuji. Can you tell
us how you feel about living with all these new family
members?
Bko (pissed): HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL ABOUT A STEPMOTHER
WITH BIGGER MUSCLES THAN MY FATHER? (not to mention all
those brats all we need is one more...)
Captain is determined to show the women of Planet Earth what
a Cygnan can do.
Cap: Well. I suppose I could take a nap...
(overhears B-Ko)
(under her breath) I could just slap that kid silly!
----------
Captain is holding up the Mainchi Daily News the following
morning at breakfast. The headline reads: "BILLION DOLLAR
BABY/Alien-Earthling child reported 'just fine'."
Cap: Hikaru-Sama! We made banner headlines!
Bko: Why didn't you have the baby on TV?
Alana: Shut up, B-Ko.
----------
Caption: "At a cocktail party at Earth Defense Force
Headquarters a few weeks later..."
Hikaru and Aysha are chatting with Colonel Yashida and Mr.
Director Zuma. Yashida is giving Captain a rather dirty
look.
Yashida: Sorry, Captain. You can't convince me that it was
necessary to destroy our space station.
Cap: Don't come crying to me, Colonel. The captain of your
ship violated what I believe you Earthlings call the "rules
of engagement." He never bothered to see whether we were
friend or foe -- he simply ordered a full-scale assault. So
I hit him back. Stupid man.
Mr. Director (not that anyone is listening to him): How
embarrassing. Our air force wiped out by girls.
Yashida (always on his guard against this woman): He was a
fine captain!
Cap: Granted. But I'm still here and he's not.
Yashida: Granted. (Tough lady!)
Mr. Director (to Yashida): Quit baiting her and ask her for
help. (She's SCARY!)
Yashida (snarling, despite his best efforts): CAN WE ASK YOU
A FAVOR?
Cap (snarling and in his face): KISS MY AFTERBURNER,
SWEETHEART!
Hikaru (chortling; she is always full of surprises...) Isn't
she a corker?
Yashida (serious now): Some sort of massive upheaval within
the core of the Planet Pluto is occurring as we speak.
Cap: YOUR POINT?
Shot of a massive explosion in space.
Yashida: Our calculations show that once it explodes....
Shot of multiple explosions.
....the other planets in our solar system will shatter in a
chain reaction.
Captain looks at him over the top of her shades.
Cap: Okay, okay. I'll bail you out. But as a civilian, it
will be impossible for me to command effectively.
Yashida immediately looks horrified. He takes Mr. Director
off to a corner to discuss the matter.
Yashida: Sir?
Mr. Director: I don't know. She's a -- well, a foreigner.
Skinny broad also blew up my air defense.
Cap: C'mon boys. That's ancient history.
Yashida returns, his hands gripped behind his back.
Cap: I'm waiting.
Yashida: Fine. Welcome aboard, Captain.
Captain is elated and waves her fists in front of her.
Cap: Since I'm just starting out at Earth's Central Astro
Agency, I think that the rank of Colonel would be
appropriate.
Mr. Director screams like a child. Yashida looks like he'd
really prefer to throttle her than give her such a title.
Yashida: HEY!!!! THAT'S MY RANK!!!!!!!
Cap (referring to the Egota): WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU
COMMANDED 12,000 TROOPS, LARRY?
She takes Hikaru's arm and saunters out the door, wearing
her Mona Lisa smile. Hikaru is desperately trying to
suppress braying laughter until they get out of the
soldiers' earshot.
Cap: Now I don't have to put up with any more corporate bull
bleep.
Hikaru: Finessed THAT one, babe.
Cap (into action): I need a uniform. Have to feed the baby.
----------
Caption: "The next day..."
Aysha is trying on a Central Astro Agency uniform. Her girls
look on. Akana wears a Sailor Moon t-shirt.
Cap (tugging the jacket across her chest): I should have
known there are no high-ranking women in the Central Astro
Agency!! This is no uniform for an officer!!
She picks up the phone.
Cap: Better give my dressmaker a jingle. (Connects) Kasumi.
Can you whip me up a uniform, fast?
--------
Later, Kasumi and Captain stand before her mirror. The
uniform is the one that becomes standard female wear for
the agency..white tunic over grey pants; gold buttons and
epaulets; black belt and boots.
Cap: Better.
Kasumi: Perfect.
Captain races into the study and turns on the Daitokuji-
brand computer.
Cap: Sigh! What a primitive database. My 6-year-old could
program this.
(Taps away) Let's talk to my old buddy Commander Maldekai -
- wrinkled mummy.
The Commander's face appears. She is beaming, which is
uncharacteristic of her.
Commander: What do you want, Captain?
Cap: Anyone in this quadrant? I need to borrow a couple of
geoengineers.
Commander (actually sweet): Why sure. All in the spirit of
cooperation.
Cap (to herself): SHE seems happy....???
Commander Maldekai steps out of view of the computer cam and
gets back in a clench with Alie Tuzoia, which she was
enjoying before she was interrupted. As far as she is
concerned, the conversation with the Captain is over.
Commander: My little Anathasian cutie pie!!!!
Alie (to himself): Sigh! Cygnans!
Cap: Napolipolita-Daitokuji signing off. I have to feed the
baby.
----------
Caption: "Later...."
Captain is viewing a computer screen. Captain Marita, an
Egota captain who happened to be within range of Jupiter
Station, watches. Several of her geoengineers also stand by.
Geoengineer #1: So...seismic disturbance in the ninth planet
from the star?
Cap: I thought you could do a cold-shot. Freeze the interior
and settle things down.
Geoengineer #2: Piece of cake.
----------
Shot of the Egota delivering the necessary blast.
Geoengineer #1: So how did Napolipolita end up cohabiting
with an Earth male?
Geoengineer #2: Must have been brain damage from all that
boozing. Nice shot, Captain Marita!
----------
There is jubilation at the Earth Defense Force Headquarters.
Without thinking it through, Yashida has grabbed Captain
around the waist and has swung her around the room.
Yashida (delighted): CAPTAIN!! Er, COLONEL!!! OUR SENSORS
DETECT NO FURTHER DISTURBANCES ON PLUTO!!!!
(We've got to keep this quiet...no need to alarm our
citizens...)
Cap (struggling to get away before she barfs): AKKKKK!!
LET ME GO, YASHIDA!
HAVE TO FEED THE BABY!!!!
On her way out the door, she turns to him, a crafty smile on
her face.
Cap: Just make sure I get a nice big office -- a guy
secretary -- a year's supply of Peanut
M&Ms -- and a playpen. Deal?
Yashida: Sigh.
----------
Caption: "Back at the Napolipolita-Daitokuji mansion..."
Captain bursts in the front door, cranked.
Cap: ALANA!!! MAMA SAVED THE SOLAR SYSTEM!!!!
Alana (always proud of her): Way to be, MAAAAAA!
Hikaru (across the room, with his back to the door): She
WHAT?
Captain sees him and joyfully sprints across the room,
grabbing him with such momentum that he is nearly knocked
over.
(( WHOMP!!))
Hikaru: OOF!
Cap: NOT BAD FOR MY FIRST DAY ON THE JOB, HIKARU-SAMA!!!
NOW AREN'T YOU HAPPY THAT YOU DIDN'T MARRY A SNOOTY EARTH
'SOCIETY LADY'???????
Arisa: I sure love Earth.
Bko: Your mother is such a COW.
Alana: Eat spacedung and die.
Atina: Wonder if B-Ko would like a cute little matinkas for
her very own????
----------
Caption: "Later that evening..."
Captain stands holding baby Shiiko. She wears a very punk
Cygnan 'do tonight.
Hikaru comes over to her and hands her a box.
Hikaru: Ayshalita. I meant to give you this on Shiiko's
birthday.
Cap (expecting more diamonds (ho hum!), to herself): Oh
goody. More carbonite.
Caption: "Well, it IS nice..."
Hikaru: It's an extremely rare ten-carat champagne diamond
on a platinum chain.
Cap: I am quite sure that you are the best husband in the
galaxy, Hikaru-Sama...
----------
Caption: "As a professional courtesy, Captain Marita
transports oldest daughter Alia home for a visit."
Alia enters, carrying a large catlike animal with a ridge of
fur from the top of its head down to its tail.
Bko (glad to see her pal): You're right, Alia. Your sisters
ARE obnoxious.
Alia: You'll wish you were in deep space, like me....
(To everyone) I brought all of you a present I picked up on
my travels.
Atina: Ooh nice kitty kitty kitty...
Arisa: You're been on Earth too long, sister. That's a ura.
(Petting the creature) Too bad she's too bad to hide in
Sister B-Ko's bed...
----------
"Back to the Present..."
Captain and the children have now landed. They disembark and
head for the limo.
Cap (wrapping it up): So, young ladies, ten years and five
more daughters later, that's where it stands.
----------
Caption: "The Napolipolita-Daitokuji Family -- Together at
Last!"
Shot of the entire group.
Akana (now a teenager): Hey guess what. Boys DON'T have
cooties.
Shiiko (thrilled) That baby in the story was ME!
Azia: Want to see if we can make all the clocks run
backwards?
Aria: Sure. Why not.
Kazushi: Haven't sucked my thumb for quite a long time now.
Suddenly, Thessalonikan hunkmeister General Atola makes a
surprise appearance,
and makes goo-goo eyes at Captain.
Atola: Just dropped in to say hello to my lovely precious
Ayshalita----
Alana: Father. MUST you gatecrash?
Akiko: Grampa.
Bko: Yeah, Atola. Take Dad's wife...PLEASE!!!!!!
Cap (hugging Hikaru): And thank YOU, Hikaru-Sama, for your
gift!! You KNOW how I love MUSIC and I PROMISE not to SING.
Imagine -- my very own symphony orchestra!
Hikaru: You're welcome Aysha AND WHO IN THE DEVIL LET HIM IN
????????
------------------------------------------------------------
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THE END
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